Wonkette
According to people who think and look at books and “write papers” for a living, John McCain cannot possibly be elected President this November, on account of History. You see, History tells us all sorts of things about how the popularity of the incumbent party and the outgoing president influence people’s election choices. However, it ignores the most salient point: the voting proclivities of a bunch of old Jewish ladies in Palm Beach County. There’s hope yet for John McCain, except probably definitely not!
Barring yet another electoral college disaster or a conveniently timed sarin-gas attack that allows President Cheney to install himself as Permanent Dictator For Life, chances are our next president will be a Democrat. Here are some quotes from Professional Historians who know these things:
- “This should be an overwhelming Democratic victory. Republicans face what have always been insurmountable historical odds.”
- “McCain shouldn’t win it.”
- “It is one of the worst political environments for the party in power since World War II.”
So hurrah, McCain ‘08 in a landslide after a cow-porn AIDS baby liberal sex scandal plus a nuclear disaster send Obama plummeting in the polls.
Historians see little chance for McCain [Politico]
McCain laughs at such predictions, as he is older than recorded history.
Plus, the South seems to have electoral votes for some stupid reason.
McCain is hanging his fortunes on that big sale on truck nutz spurring the economy into a boom!
It always comes down to which candidate has the best divot tools.
Yes, of course I’m a good liberal and hate all right wingers like everybody else here, but I think we should pay attention when somebody on the other side of the fence says something that is actually lucid.
It was Bay Buchanan, who may or may not be the transvestite alter ego of her “brother” Pat, who said, as close as I can remember: “There’s only one candidate in this race. Obama will win or Obama will lose. If McCain wins, it’s only by default.”
I’m optimistic, but we can’t afford to be complacent.
I’m going to have to wait a little longer before I recognize this country’s new case of Presidential Jungle Fever. When the southern voters see him whip out his big black hope stick, they’re going to flip the fuck out.
I thought McCain was doomed because things that old that are still walking around are cursed.
Just wait until the pictures surface of the Santeria shrine Michelle kept in her high school locker.
The Repubs will happily cast themselves as the plucky underdog who will rise to beat the Big Black Empire. That illusion will last till they realize that in this particular case, that for the most part US America wants the underdog to die a painful death crushed to a pulp under the wheels of the Big Black Machine.
Just the stress from a having to actually campaign will cause him to have a big fucking stroke, leaving the GOP with a shaking, drooling mass that was once WALNUTS!.
Meh, historians are such wankers. They write biased books on civilizations thousands of years ago. Always an axe to grind, even though it’s made out of obsidian. :p
Just as Hari Seldon predicted. John McCain’s defeat will usher in the establishment of the Second Foundation.
my counterpoint to there reasoned statistical and historical
analysis is this:
mccain won’t win because he’s an mean, old, pasty, left-at-the-dog-
track-lookin’ elitist asshole whose ideas belong in the 19th
century. the evil part of the 19th century, with slavery and shit.
Historians don’t know enough about history beacuse there is no way McCain can lose.
Just check Nostradamus. It has been foretold here:
http://preeedict.blogspot.com/2008/03/nostradamus-knew-about-obama-and-mabus.html
And Friends, those of us in the know about gunbroker.com forums, are debating the merits of the Bible versus Nostradamus. (”I think we should be reading this stuff rather than the Bible.”)
http://forums.gunbroker.com/topic.asp?whichpage=1&TOPIC_ID=288539�
I’ll bet those historians are just doctoral students who haven’t earned their stripes yet
Relax people. Cunty McTrollop is one loose velcro Hush Puppy away from slipping on a wet floor in front of dozens of tv cameras. At that point, you can start working on your Barry Hussein Inaugural P.Diddy Mixtapes and begin plotting the installation of the worldwide caliphate.
TGY:
You know who I really hate? Revisionist historians. With their fancy revisionizing and whatnot!
/grabs pitchfork
McCain will officially lose the race when he loses his pants at one of the town hall debates. Obama will help McCain put his pants back on and thus win the respect of ‘old as dirt’ America.
…so what they are trying to say is John McCain is the “Giants” to Barry’s “Patriots”! Hell yeah this should be a landslide! Right?!?!
Botswana Meat Commission FC: I envision more of a Gary Bauer-esque falling-of-the-stage-while-making-pancakes last hurrah for one of Walnuts! hip joints. I bet he’d take the whole stage with him.
I think the header proves, the Jews really DO run everything in this country! Well, let’s just make it official then: Jon Stewart ‘08!
**I, for one, welcome our new kosher overlords.**
AngryBlakGuy:
No. 80/90s era (Bar) NFC vs 90s era (Walnuts) AFC.
Botswana Meat Commission FC:
That depends on the type. Some point out some juicy truths about our past that you won’t find in textbooks. For instance, look up the court documents on the Plymouth settlement. Puritans my ass!
Their sexual requirements were basically four limbs ( not necessarily human ) and a pulse, perhaps a compromise on the limbs. Funnier still are the fines levied for being caught. Good stuff.
I’m old enough to remember the last time a Senator from Arizona took on a Dem Senator for the Presidency. It didn’t turn out so well for the Repubs [sure do hope this formats properly]:
LBJ GOLDWATER
STATES 44 6
EL.COL. 486 52
VOTES 43 milion 27 million
% 61 39
Look to WALNUTS! to eclipse Goldwater in the EPIC FAIL HALL OF FAME.
Servo: Walnuts is still paying off that one fee for a “youthful indiscretion”…I think they wrote a book about the consequences of the whole affair…The Scarlet Letter?
AngryBlakGuy:
McCain is the 1985 Patriots.
Yeah, I’m not convinced. This is a country that elected W last go around, swung largely by a campaign that called Kerry’s Vietnam service into question, even though Georgie was mainlining coke in the cockpit of a stolen fighter jet after crashing it into a school bus full of dead hookers somewhere in Texas at the time ‘ol longface was getting shot at in the jungle. Hopey ain’t out of the woods yet.
Servo:
One of my favorite Dubya moments from the past eight hellish years was him denouncing “revisionist historians.”
Can’t wait till Barry pushed Wally’s angry button at the debates. Can’t wait till Wally Kirks out on him; all red-faced, hyperventilating and twitchy - veins popping out of his forehead, and foaming at the mouth.
That will be a thing of beauty.
Walter Sobchak: Oh come now. You make it sound like any retard who can point and change channels can vote in this country! Haha! ha….heh….oh, wait.
Can’t remember who, but when asked last week, who will likely win in
case of another homeland terroritst attack before November,
both pundits tripped over each other while spurting “McCAIN”!
As if on cue, and seemingly lost in Saturday’s news: the details regarding
A.Q. Khan’s sale of nuclear secrets to the rest of the fucking world as
evidenced on some Swiss guy’s laptop! I’m not suggesting a connection, just sayin’.
It’s getting harder to snark with new nightmares to process every day.
Botswana Meat Commission FC:
Probably because the truth conflicts with the Church Malls ( which are major GOP donors ) and their agenda.
loudmouthredhead: Worst part is: I LIVE in Palm Beach County (Martin, actually, but close enough, anyhow.) Those little old ladies that fucked us all in 2000? They may have doomed the whole country for everyone, but at least you don’t have to drive behind those bitches every day.
Servo: Servo: All hail President WALNUTS!!
http://www.lileks.com/bleats/archive/05/0305/0304art/pike.jpg
Walter Sobchak:
Both are legitimate reasons for having a 20mm gun mounted to your car.
Walter Sobchak:
You said exactly what I was going to say, you brilliant person, you.
Gopherit v2.0:
Jeeeeeezus!
I don’t know. I live in NC, which is a Southern state and traditionally more conservative (even when Dems win, historically, it’s by a close vote here). And yet, look at the state’s response in the primary…
So assuming votes don’t get lost, the cemetery residents don’t vote and the polling places aren’t conveniently overstaffed or understaffed by Bush’s daddy’s friends…
Walter Sobchak: Totally. The stupidity and self-destructive tendencies of the American people should never be underestimated.
I just located McSame’s Secret Plan: http://mrprepress.files.wordpress.com/2007/11/vortex-ed1.jpg
As a historian of science, I feel a burning need to weigh in on the debate. What most people don’t realize is that change in science usually comes not because the veracity and obviousness and awesomeness of a discovery overwhelms the shit out of the scientific establishment, but because the supporters of the old and outmoded paradigm eventually die out. Barry’s candidacy is a ort of accelerated paradigm shift: backed mostly by the young and the progressive, whereas McCain is backed by the old and the entrenched.
In other words, the key to Barry’s victory is that before November, some of his youthful supporters will turn eighteen, and some of McCain’s supporters will die from old age. And so on November the 5th, the holders of the new paradigm will celebrate with wine and hookers the fact that the Earth now *officially* goes around the Sun, while the old guard will sob into the vestments of their friendly neighborhood Inquisition and moan: “Tha-a-at’s not cha-a-ange we can belie-ee-eve in!..”
AxmxZ:
“Entrenched” couldn’t be a more accurate description. Well spoken.
what these historians don’t get is that john mccain is old enough to think of their “history” the same way we think of what we ate for lunch yesterday.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: ManchuCandidate: …WALNUTS! in his younger years
http://academic.scranton.edu/department/wml/images/1939A.JPG
For the fun of it, I’ll make some dollar bets that John McCain will be elected as the next president in November, 2008. Do people really think the country will vote for some inexperienced senator with just about zero experience in most areas needed to be the president? McCain will win, no doubt.
If there ever was a year when pollsters will need to be creative it is this year. Racism is very adept at hiding and evading detection and even definition… except when it comes down to pushing/pulling/chading the voting process. I hope the pollers have some exquisite ways of bringing out this information soon. Otherwise they will be a lot of crackers mouthing Demtard support and then acting like Davey Duke.
And also, btw, have we forgotten that Die-bold & the Swiss family Robberson will be ‘measuring’ this election again? Or will the MSM just enjoy the theater of teh campaign too much to bother?
thefrontpage: In 2000 the country voted for much less…kind of…I mean they didn’t really vote for him but he’s fucking president anyway…oh fuck it…All hail Walnuts…
AngryBlakGuy: Being that it was in Scranton, is that a young Hillary Clinton i see in the background taking some target practice with her grampa???
thefrontpage: Like what sort of “areas”? Getting shot down in a plane? Getting the shit beaten out of them? Trading up wives for newer and richer models? Fucking the taxpayers out of hundreds of millions of dollars along with his Savings&Loan buddies? Losing the rest of his integrity after getting his ass handed to him by the Republica machine in 2000 and 2004 and from that point on licking Bush’s ass and being respectively the 96.5/100, 100/101, and 94/101 most conservative senator? Actively advocating the Iraq invasion, where we will surely will be “welcomed as liberators”? Mismanaging their own campaign? Racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars of credit card debt despite an
astronomical income?
You know who’s got TONS of similar ‘proverbial’ experience? Dick Cheney. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a guy in Washington with a fatter resume. But at some point, one should really step back and realize that judgement is also sorta kinda important.
I don’t think they’re taking into account his stirring, inspirational speeches.
How many of those Palm Beachers that broke the 2000 election are still alive? Thanks to outstanding advances in medical technology McCain still has hope!
With Ray-gun we expected he’d get teh Alzeimers and eventually got it. With McSmiley it’s even closer. Otherwise why only one term? I don’t know why I haven’t heard about this. What’s the rationale? McOne-term: I’ll solve it all quickly. Or McOne-term: I’m really Speedy Gonzales. Or McOne-term: Band-aids for all problems and everyone! McOne-term: I don’t want to change things THAT much. McOne-term: I’m not into that much commitment.
DoctorCulturae: He already took back the one term thing. I guess he’s stocking up on fetuses to nosh on.
My mother, font of political wisdom, says she’s leaning towards McCain ’cause “he paid his dues in the prisons of Vietnam”. Alas, filial duty prevents me from snarking unmercifully, so I merely point out that being tortured doesn’t mean you should be president.
But that’s what Barry is up against.
Just watch. Walnuts will have a stroke close to the election, and Barbie McPillpusher will take over. The electorate will then push a massive sympathy vote, dooming Hopey to repeat Mike LaFontaine’s claim to fame: “Wha’ happened?” disconsolately into his Chardonnay. Never underestimate the electorate’s inexplicable cretinism. I still fear the crowd, that Hopey so astutely said turned to guns and religion in their despair, blaming Hopey - not the asshole who brought them their despair in the first place.
TGY: Pity - the surest way to get elected. Barry should organize himself a crippling car crash.
What does an historian do again?
AxmxZ: I’m sure McCain will do a political announcement on crutches and use Tiny Tim’s blessing, “God bless us, ever one!” And then he will senilely confuse that Tiny Tim with another and strum on his ukelele and play ‘Tiptoe Through the Tulips’.
These historians are clueless elites whiling away their time from ivory towers while they finish their Phd’s.
Don’t they know all this is pre-determined by both the Bible and Nostradamus and McCain will win? If you don’t trust me on this look it up its absolutely true - so it has been written and so it shall be done.
You’ll have to google ‘nostradamus mccain’ because for some reason my post with the links hasn’t been successful.
My favorites that come up in the first search page are at ‘preeedict’. There’s also an interesting debate on my other favorite site, the forums at ‘gunbroker. com’ one guy says “I think we should be reading this stuff rather than the Bible.”
Not sure if that is supposed to be snarky but I’m not about to start arguing with a guy who a) likes guns and b) has a signature line about what kind of dogs he likes.
shortsshortsshorts: Makes up lies about the past. Pundits have it easier, as they make up lies about the future.
shortsshortsshorts: Sit around the house in their underpants and freelance. :-/
TGY: Must be hard to have such a cunt for a mother.
I can’t believe you guys are all so negative. Don’t you listen to Rush, Hannity, and O’Reilly? EVERYONE wants a Republican president. McCain’s a shoo-in — Operation Chaos Part II will see to that. OC2 is more complex in that it invovles geting Charles Manson to agree that Obama was in on the Sharon Tate murders, and Sarah Jane Moore to say Obama gave her the .45 she pointed at Ford. But as a back-up, Rush is recruiting hundreds of 15 year-olds with babies to come forward and say that Obama is their baby daddy. I’m sure there’s more but the pedophile chat room Riush and them posted the plan in has been shut down by Comcast.
The only idiots predicting a Democratic win are the sheep-like MSM. And the pollsters. And Pollsters overseas. And everyone you know and even those you don’t. And South American aboriginies who have never seen Western civilization. McCain in a freakin’ landslide, ya’all
Vanity Smurf: Here is my goat. If you were trying to get it, now you have it! Congratulations and hurrah!
Truculent: ’twill be the Southern Strategy writ large.
DoctorCulturae: Did I mention these will be white teens?
Botswana Meat Commission FC:
Does that mean McCain loses 46 states to 3?
What’s the missing state?
Florida again?
Historians Agree McCain is Doomed
In other words: President McCain.