Wonkette
Hey gents! Have you ever been hanging out with a dude friend and gone to sleep and then woken up with your sex organ in your dude friend’s mouth? Pretty freaky, right? Well, that is exactly what happened to this one guy who was hanging out with Glenn Murphy Jr., the former head of Indiana’s Clark County Republican Party and chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. So Glenn Murphy Jr.’s victim sued him, and now he has to go to prison for two years and then register as a sex offender forever.
Murphy was going to fight the charges until the prosecution said they could dig up three other men who said he’d pulled the old “whoops how did your dick end up in my mouth?” trick on them.
This is a sad day for sneaky oral sex perverts everywhere.
Ex-Clark GOP official pleads guilty in sex case [Louisville Courier-Journal]
Why is Murphy fighting this? Plenty of chances in prison or so I’ve heard. Hell, they won’t mind either!
Where he’s going, he won’t even have to wait for lights out to get his freak on.
Ah, GOP. Please don’t lose too badly this fall, or else we’d have to find some other source of hilarious gay WTFery.
The question is, did the plaintiff feign indignation pre- or post- explosion?
…well he will have plenty of dicks to suck in jail! Happy blowing my friend!!!
SuperRounder: ManchuCandidate: WoW, low hanging fruit?
Y’know, I’m not gay, but I’m a pretty heavy sleeper. If I was in this position (the prone one), I probably wouldn’t wake up until after my dream had a happy ending, in which case I probably wouldn’t have reported it. I wonder how many other of Murphy’s victims are out there unreported.
And isn’t this guy a Republican? You’d think college guys would be too old for him to molest.
AngryBlakGuy:
Isn’t that what Murphy’s interested in? Bahzing!
What’s this world coming to anyway? Can a man not enjoy another man’s dick in his mouth without scourn? Can a boy not be loved frequently by his elders, like our Spartan ancestors? It is a sad day when one man with an “alternative” hobby cannot practice it frequently and without recourse. Sad.
I think prison will be very welcoming for this fine example of a young man. How come for this stuff only ‘publicans only get caught? It must be a conspiracy. Or all those left wing judges Jimmy Carter packed the courts with.
Ah, a Republican.
However, I roomed with a woman many years ago who claimed to be unable to sleep unless her mouth was in that position. Not, I might stress, around *my* member, as she wasn’t my type and exhibited many warning signs that led me to avoid her. Also, it’d be rough if she also snored. However, be that as it may, it could be he’s just another victim of insomnius penis syndrome (aka cockus snorius malis) and can’t sleep otherwise. Sucks to be him, as ’twere. *cough*
So they’re sending him to prison for engaging in nonconsensual male-on-male sex?
ThreeFingersNeat:
“Y’know, I’m not gay, but I’m a pretty heavy sleeper.”
I think this is my favorite sentence. Ever.
That has got to suck…
I mean blow…
I mean…
*snickers*
…I think prison nurse better get the STOMACH PUMP ready!
See, republicans take the whole “dude, that guy is totally wasted and passed out, so let’s do something to him” game WAY too far.
Why, oh why, does it ALWAYS drift into teh gayz-ness with these guys? Oh wait, nevermind, there’s also 13-year-olds and farm animals too.
Suppose we blasted all politicians into space. Would the SETI project find even one of them?
ManchuCandidate: …well played sir, well played indeed.
shortsshortsshorts: I think he was a Wonkette troll following your timeless advice to “munch on a member.”
But hey, let’s get real. It’s happened to all of us. Slip. Fall. Dick-in-mouth. Whoops! How awkward do you suppose that moment was? “Whoa! Dude! Sorry, I thought that was MY dick. My bad man.”
He puts the ‘dick’ in Republican.
Scarab:
He’s taking a train….uh, I mean, he’s being railroaded.
Scarab: You’d think he hit the jackpot, right? But no — first, prisoners are already disenfranchised; and second, he’ll never move up to blowing whole cities, like Michael Brown did. Sad, really.
SecertAgentA: win!
-”You know, Glenn, last night I had the CRAZIEST dream!”
-”Oh?”
-”Yeah! I was back at camp with my old Baptist preacher! It was SO vivid!”
-”Shucks, that is the darndest thing!”
-”The weird thing is, why does my mouth taste like then too…..”
Murphy was also elected president of the Young Republicans National Federation. That’s like putting a shark in a tank full of raw meat… erm… yea, that.
No biggie: 2 years in the joint (with all the dick he can handle), then a few years working on campaigns for other pervs-er, republicans, and by 2020 he’ll be running a strong candidacy for the Senate.
KevoTron: True story:
Was at friends house after drunken debauchery. Passed out, woke up 2 hours later with guy standing over me, no pants, dick flapping in the air, on the bed I was crashed on.
I took a cab.
He was a staunch Republican also, so it goes.
“…Gone to sleep and then woken up with your sex organ in your dude-friend’s mouth?”
Or, as it’s referred to in my neck of the woods, Boy Scout camp.
Better send him a penis on a rope.
Prison is to good for this guy… yuk, yuk, yuk…
You KNOW this guy was a douchy LSN’er..
How much you want to bet the whole thing was actually consensual and then this fucktard homophobe is now screwing up this guy for political advantage? Did the blower learn NOTHING while being a young republican?
I think it would be cool if, at the Republican convention this summer, they put a police tape and “Megan’s Law” warning signs around the whole thing.
Personally, I think he should go to jail for being chairman of the Young Republican National Federation, but if all they can get him on is a little bit of surreptitious cocksucking, so be it.
By the way, who is the CURRENT head of the Young Republican National Federation? Whoever it is, I’d warn everybody about sleeping over at his house.
TGY: Nothing I like better than to have a woman fall asleep while giving me oral pleasure. Makes me feel like some kind of creepy superhero.
I could see how one’s mouth could slip when blowing up one of those inflatable mattresses. The last time my bike pump broke I was thinking the same thing: “Hey, this inflation nozzle tastes just like… hmm, what is it? Deffo college guy.”
AngryBlakGuy: Don’t be so hard on the guy. If your doctor told you to get more protien in your diet, what would YOU do?
KevoTron: Sure, it happens to all of us once, but four times? Even a republican would get suspicious.
‘who said he’d pulled the old “whoops how did your dick end up in my mouth?” trick on them’
This is infinitely preferable to the “how did his dick get in my mouth” trick
Gopherit v2.0: …the crazy thing is I use joke with my “ex” about giving her a “protein shake”. I think you know where this is going.
AzDownboy: Talk about being on the other side of the stick…
Back in the Air Force, we had a name for people who would drug or otherwise knock out other people and do stuff like this… the Ether Bunny.
Usually thought to be an urban legend, but occasionally, not: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/03/01/ap/national/mainD8NJ4B781.shtml
This sounds like something Jim Webb could use in a novel.
MoodProcessor: the proper protocol is to gush all over the sneaky person’s face then express shock and chagrin. Not sure if the same rules apply to the old, “How did my penis end up wedged to the hilt up your anus” situation.
Sleepovers are SUCH a etiquette landmine.
freakishlystrong: I am starting to sense a deep seeded hatred for LNS…
Gopherit v2.0: Practice makes perfect. I’m sure he’ll get plenty of it in prison.
AngryBlakGuy: It sounds like it’s headed toward someone admitting they don’t believe in tapping the back of their ex’s head. Bad form, man. Bad form.
shortsshortsshorts: If I were him, I’d be getting the dentures before I went in…..those prison dentists aren’t too talented.
When the guy woke up, did he at least have a $20 bill on his forehead?
SecertAgentA:What would make you think that? Wonketteers LOVE the LNS. So entertaining.
When are you going to dish for us? Are Tuesday Night Takedowns still plentiful? Do the LNSers still discuss the etiquette of fucking progressives as long as you never let them meet your family? Enquiring minds and all that.
If we make every Republican that had a dick in his mouth sign up as a sex offender, would we have enough computer power to handle that?
SuperRounder: …guilty as charged; now you know why she is my EX!
I do have to admit, though, that I consider it a very boring Friday night if I don’t wake up the next morning hung over with someone’s mouth around me.
He’s just won every woman’s heart in America.
How does that old GOP saying go?
“If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for one day. If you rabbit-blow a guy in his sleep….”
Help me out here-
Gopherit v2.0:
Well Tuesday although plentiful have started to spill over into Thursday nights…List of parties are available if anyone wants specifics…
And yes, as a former roommate of one of the infamous LNS’ers of 2007-2008 I will say that you can still sleep in certain beds to get ahead. Now though it is apparently a coveted position to be the hottest ass on LNS (personally saw a 2 week spat over who was the top ten hottest women). Its quite serious to be declared F’able on this site they are like freakin alley cats with no class, I mean ass.
Never mind education or employment, it all boils down to flip cup and booty calls. But then again, is that anything new?
No, you guys have got it all wrong. He’s just burnishing his credentials to be president of the American University of Iraq.
econdave: Best. Story. Ever.
I bet Dubya wil pardon him as he departs the White House (where a black man will be living) and they will be seen together on the streets of Manhattan holding hands. How sweet.
How will it feel to be the Louisville Slug and know that you’re guilty, but R. Kelly is innocent? (Well, “not guilty,” anyway)
As a lay Otolaryngologist, Glenn was merely conducting a free tonsil exam. And people moan about the cost of fucking medical care in this country! I wish that they would shut yaps. Gawd.
By the bye, will Glenn still be be able to work with the McAncient campaign?
PS: To the so-called victim: It might have been worse, you miserable whiner. Murph could have been pursuing nocturnal proctology instead.
This is why it is so damn much fun to work in Clark County Indiana.
(and BTW, this is so, so, less creepy than the ‘free mustache rides’ for Prez Bush that I heard last year.)
The current rave thing among the free ranging politicos here is ‘hooker tipping.’
Because; really, who cares except the random pimp.
Both sides are getting into this fun sport which brings peanut butter and chocolate together.
Just like the old days.
Stories like this always remind me of that scene in Last Exit to Brooklyn where Harry Black, the closeted union strike leader, is rejected by his transsexual girlfriend because he can’t embezzle more funds to buy her stuff after the strike ends, so in desperation, he tries to lure a little boy into a vacant lot and blow him. Good times!
damn I don’t think opera 9.5 will let me comment on here.
Whenever SKS starts text with “Hey, Gents”, you just know it’s
going to involve errant penis puffing, dark sneak love action, or
rampant republican man-boy love. You can take that to the bank.
Icecycle:
What, like “Cow Tipping”? You distract them with a $50 while your buddies sneak up behind them and push them over onto their bouncee, bouncee silicone bits?
Cow tipping makes more sense.
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Why isn’t he just head of the Log Cabin Republicans Youth League?
Zhu Bajie
Sara K. Smith,
After watching the HBO hit, OZ, I’m sure that Glenn Murphy Jr. will not only be able to find his oral needs met, but his anal needs as well…like it or not.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark