Wonkette
You should check out this video at John McCain’s website called “McCain Cribs,” which tours the Straight Talk Express. The name is a play off of the unpopular teevee program MTV Cribs, where unpaid robots tour various rappers’ houses and garages to check out their mad wheelz. Well, just like that show, “McCain Cribs” features a cyborg rap song in the background. [John McCain]
HOT WHEELS
‘McCain Cribs’ Tours The Straight Talk Express
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12:30 PM
on Fri June 13 2008
By
Jim Newell
1969 Views
Perfectly logical. Those who wear diapers can be found in cribs.
I know living off your wife’s inheritance and Social Security must be a very difficult thing, but I’d rather see Barry’s plane.
Where does he keep the giant costco size bottles of Geritol and Metamucil???
I’m at work, but if there’s footage of McCain pointing at a bed and saying, “This is where the magic happens, friends”, I will donate $2.54 to his campaign. I promise.
“For an undisclosed price” from an undisclosed cabal of the military-industrial elite…
…whats next “Pimp My Tour Bus”?
Hmmmm…fully equipped with young stowaway boys…
This is where the magic happens!
I just read today’s Peggy column, where she suggests the McCain campaign build him a miniature podium. So correct, but still so funny. Maybe he can also bring out a 12″ Stonehenge model, and trample it like Spinal Tap.
That is a shitload of Coke! Walnuts must keep his insulin on the OTHER bus, or be on a constant sugar high to stay alive…
The young people who will vote for McSame, think LNS, do not watch MTV and IF they do happen to land on it, they definitely do not watch anything to do with Hip-Hop as they are mostly black people.
Please tell me they keep the starved, disfigured first wife chained up in the compartment underneath the bus like a slightly more ogreish version of The Gimp in “Pulp Fiction”
What about the other 8 or 9 cribs his Sugar Momma bought for him?
The Advance Man Dave or whatever is smokiin’ hot with body karate. Typical. He’s probably another repressed homosexual conservative one toilet stall and one wide stance away from his 15 minutes of fame. Coming to a city near you.
El Bombastico: God, you totally just made me realize that he’s Cotton from “King of The Hill.”
AngryBlakGuy: …CORRECTION: Pimp my Rascal!
http://www.daysmobility.co.uk/images/index-scooter-329leman.jpg
For Christ sake, all teh white people, and by this I mean YOU Fux News (”Baby Mama” indeed), quit trying to sound all dope and shit, you’re old, and white and you will never be crunk, got that?
What’s up with the way he closed out the tour?
I gave the guy the benefit of the doubt, you know.
“He might just look like a douche.”
Nope. He’s a douche, through and through.
RaptorAvatar: OMG.
http://www.iconarchive.com/icons/enos-layuk/king-of-the-hill/Cotton-Hill-128×128.png
http://hometown.aol.com/SazzyLilSmartAzz/john_mccain_miserable.gif
It’s UNCANNY.
Does Barry have a funky funkmobile, with an arrow to show where Mecca is?
Fine, but where does he donkey punch lobbyists? Hardly seems like there’s room in there for that.
What did we learn?
You can buy buses on ebay.
McCain staffers would rather hide with the luggage than work for this lost cause.
McCain buses are for manly men that don’t do no cooking.
Special lighting is needed to keep McCain from looking like a mummy.
McCain’s staffers are clueless and have no sense of humor - (you wouldn’t either if you were supporting this lost cause).
Horsepower and size are more important to Republicans than substance.
Where’s the gold-framed Scarface poster that must by FCC regulationss appear in every “crib” shown on MTV?
loudmouthredhead: You don’t want to just come out and tell everyone you’re pimping out your daughter for a bus.
AngryBlakGuy: Yeah, where were the spinners on the 22″s?
denniskempton: Pre-filming, he had just gone on the down-low (er, finding jeebus adventure) with that guy in the lower compartment (hence the thumb-sucking and the fetal position)
22″ rims? Golly gee, McCain sure is rollin’. He’s really “phat”.
Maybe he’ll get some denture grillz next. The “kids” would love that!
Laaaaaaame.
But what kind of offensive and defensive weapons systems does McKain Force One have?
They also never say that its a hybrid.
They’ve really done their research on what young encouragable voters like.
Why weren’t there any “oh, shit” old people handles in the shower? McCain’s gonna break a hip in there.
RaptorAvatar: That’s so Jane Eyre.
Oh, and loved the product placements.
He opens a mini fridge to reveal bottle after bottle of prune juice.
A wall-mounted lcd tv playing an episode of ‘Murder, She Wrote’.
A toilet with those ‘help me up’ handles mounted to the walls.
I assume all these things are on the Straight Talk Express.
Gopherit v2.0: Oh, see, I was thinking his eternal soul, or something melodramatic like that….but that works too.
What’s so fabtrabulous about a cave?
Did anyone else feel they could actually read that bus driver’s thoughts?
It runs on beer and old-man gas?
obfuscator: Also note we didn’t see a bathroom, and we weren’t shown the contents of all those drawers…*cough* depends *cough*
Is that Tone-Loc in the driver’s seat? Man, the royalties from “Funky Cold Medina” must’ve finally dried up.
loudmouthredhead: McCain’s eternal soul? Hhahaahaaahahahahahahahahah! That’s a good one.
obfuscator: And there is a hardwired LifeAlert (”I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”) panic button every 3 feet…
Scarab: …”Cracka-ass-cracka…”
mookworthjwilson:
A dish full of Werther’s Originals, an enevelope full of clipped coupons, Parade magazine, etc.
mookworthjwilson: “If this bitch calls me “Sambo” one more time, I’m gonna snap his cracka neck.”
larz: No one on the McCain campaign showers.
Microphones must record what happens and replay it later so McCain can be reminded of what happened 10 minutes ago.
McCain drinks lots of caffeine since, with his demanding schedule, he only gets one nap a day.
McCain is absolutely desperate to prove that he is not, in fact, 80 million years old.
I was wondering why the tour guide included this part: “This is where the senator sits and puts his elbow up. I don’t want to sit here and disrespect it, though.”
I think it means that he’s DEFINITELY already sat there naked for a bj from a local volunteer…
I love the following real quote by that ass clown host:
“We bought our first straight talk express on EBAY for an undisclosed amount”
What the fuck is wrong with telling us the price STRAIGHT UP — as in straight talk style?
Does the straight talk express have something to hide???
forgot my id: LOTS AND LOTS of dead lobbyist-hookers, for which the straight-talk express ALSO bought on EBAY for an undisclosed amount.
shortsshortsshorts: Yeah, judging from the one guy, that bus has storage space for at least a couple dozen dead hookers. Def. a republican bus.
shortsshortsshorts: I prefer live and feisty hookers myself, but whatever floats your boat…. unless McCain’s boat no longer floats that is….
I wonder if McCain has already joined Bob Dole and Rudy “9/11″ Giulliani in becoming the latest famous politician-come paid Viagara spokesperson?
That guy is such a fucking badass!
all the focus group generated appeal , all the carefully deliberated shots, pans, reflections and sound bites, and still!–they have a BRO to lift the engine cover?
4 shame.
Good thing the front of the bus is ready for “blogettes”!
I had no idea that, in addition to serving as a Senator, McCain was an unsuccessful rapper and/or Extreme! athlete.
what we see in this video is the bus driver being threatened…..’hope youll stick with us till november’….uh huh…
‘keep your mouth shut if you knows good for those two pretty teenage daughters of yours’…is more like it..
smell the fear…
Oh I get it - it’s a bus!
That bus driver looks a lot like McSame.
allikatz: Dude, I’m really ready for some blogettes. Tell you what. You send them over here and I’ll send McKain Force One some fresh Senate Pages.
OOoooooo……nice “intern”, dude! Turn around and show us some of that young Republican butt! How about we settle in to that cozy love seat and enjoy some Glenn Murphy Jr.action!?
Jim Newell,
Imagine the old-man-smell on that bus. It seems to me that Cindy is pretty smart for not giving his campaign a cent. A second wife with a good lawyer!
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark