Wonkette
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Barack Obama’s campaign team has the right idea when it comes to combating “smears” from his nefarious opponents! We’ve no business offering suggestions to the people who vanquished Team Clinton, but perhaps that Web page could have been even better if it featured whimsical drawings that illustrate the smear-truth dichotomy. That’s right, we’re talking about cartoons! Check ‘em out, after the jump.
Smear: Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter somehow created a baby with her lesbian partner, thereby bringing shame to the conservative Cheney family.
Truth: In fact, Mary Cheney is just continuing a long family history of same-sex reproduction. As you can see in this chart, Vice President Cheney was actually born of two fathers. At least Mary Cheney’s partner is normal-looking, unlike Dick Cheney’s freakish mutant Dad #2.
Smear: Millions of feminist Hillary supporters are abandoning the Democratic Party because of the unconscionable way that their chosen candidate was treated by the media and the Democratic establishment.
Truth: Millions of ladies can’t get enough of the incredibly handsome John McCain and his patented wooing style! Two wives can’t be wrong! Form an orderly line, girls!
Smear: Americans will choose their next president after the two major candidates’ political philosophies are revealed during the course of honest campaigning and respectful debate.
Truth: Americans will choose their next president based on taste, after the two major candidates are killed, cooked, and served to the voters. Is the country ready for a gourmet president? Or will they pick the greasy comfort of McCainburgers?
Smear: John McCain’s Obama-Jimmy Carter joke was, like all good humor, carefully crafted by a committee that extensively studied what target demographics found amusing, then deployed at precisely the correct moment during an interview so that it looked casual and spontaneous.
Truth: John McCain ripped it off from this political cartoon, where it also wasn’t funny.
Smear: NAFTA is an insidious plot by one-worlders to destroy American industry and create a North American Union controlled by the powerful and unresponsive to democratic change.
Truth: NAFTA is apparently some kind of excuse to run down Mexicans in comical hats with an enormous corn-steamroller? And then, of course, comes the cornholing.
Smear: Your Comics Curmudgeon is leaving Wonkette forever!
Truth: Your Comics Curmudgeon is going on vacation and will not have to look at terrible political cartoons, at least for a little while. See you in July, suckers!
McCain does equal McDs. No meat in either burger. Or was that, uh, what that old lady once said to Raygun. Where’s the somethirgerother?
McCain, will you please draw/commission/burn/drool on a comic of the prophet Mohammed just so we can get on with our lives?
given carter’s modern status as neu-saint, does mccain really want to perpetuate that comparison?
You run the mexicans down with the cornroller you get CORN TORTILLAS.
Dick Cheney’s freakish mutant Dad #1.
Fixed.
sackbagley: Yes, he does, because many bitters still remember Carter as an ineffectual president. Unlike Bush, who had way too much effect on the country. Carter turned out to be a way better ex-prez than he was a prez (imio).
Apparently that NAFTA cartoon was from Mexico? Does ANYONE like NAFTA then? I’m lost…
ManchuCandidate: That cartoon does scare me a little, though. I fear that a large percentage of voters would bypass a good quality, well crafted meal for all-you-can-eat at the Sizzler, primarily because they have soft-serve ice cream.
ManchuCandidate: Though I’m sure he doens’t gum any of their food. Might irritate the bowel. Cougar McCain WILL take him out for a frosty (on Sat. nights) if he’s good.
Truth: Your Comics Curmudgeon is going on vacation and will not have to look at terrible political cartoons, at least for a little while. See you in July, suckers!
Aw man, Josh. Why don’t you have UncleWhatsisname fill in for you here, like he does on the Curmudgeon site? OK, that’s another McD’s vs. Gourmet situation. But we still gotta eat.
That reminds me. I need a vacation. Take me with you, Josh! I’m quiet and don’t mind being leashed and put in a cage.
Josh, will you still be doing the regular funny papers for us devoted readers, or will you let Uncle Lumpy sit in the big chair until July?
sackbagley: McCain doesn’t seem to realize that in order to have unfond memories of Carter, the voter would have to be over 45. He thinks he’s reaching out to the youth. That’s what comes of being your own reference point.
Clearly, the NAFTA one is encouraging us to grind up immigrants to make ethanol.
Does getting a hummer from another guy, while hitting a crack pipe, mean that you’re “gay”?
I don’t think it’s a cut and dried case.
Barry_O_Rock_Smoka: Seriously. I fucking hate ethanol (except to drink). Just sayin’.
McCain’s whole campaign is 20 years behind, at least. Hell, he’s past his sell-by date, himself. So, McCain says Obama is going to fight for human rights, build homes for poor people and win the Nobel Peace Prize? Like Carter did? I guess that might be interesting, as opposed to searching out target rich countries to test our toys on. Works for me.
The silver platter vs. Happy Meal is easily the best cartoon Josh has ever put in this column.
pattycake: Uncle Lumpy takes over on joshreads on Monday. My vacation shall be free of whimsical drawings of all types!
Josh Fruhlinger: You are going to come back with a SUITCASE full of terrible Italian papers full of terrible “something is wrong here” political cartoons.
Josh Fruhlinger: Ya just HAD to work in “cornholing” didn’t ya?
everybody’s laughing and riding and cornholing - except Buster!
Barry_O_Rock_Smoka:
No. You can always claim to be a victim. And when it happens again, claim that you’re trapped in a codependent cycle of victimhood. Remember, it’s never your fault. That’s the American Way.
Return soon, dear Mr. Fruhlinger. I do so enjoy your whimsical etchings.
Have a great “vacation”, Josh. But pace yourself; we all know how gueling those training camps can be.
Josh: Please remember the SPF 30 on your asscrack if you’re going to wear that man-thong on the beach!
Josh Fruhlinger: Comics Curmudgeon: The only man in America with more vacation days that Dubya.
shortsshortsshorts: It would be awesome if it yielded a substantial net gain in energy instead of just being a pork barrel clusterfuck aimed at mollifying farm states. Plus, it gives the sharper folks on the right ammo against the idea of the governemnt subsidizing any kind of environmentally friendly evolution in technology.
pattycake: I’m good either way, but if the CC site is not updated regularly, I will weep many sad, elitist tears.
Mo MoDo: What about Gary Trudeau? Is Doonsbury ever coming back?
“What about Gary Trudeau? Is Doonsbury ever coming back?”
The Office of the Prime Minister of Canada regrets to inform you that all Doonesbury characters were brutally murdered by Zonker, who later committed suicide by throwing a football through his own head. It is not yet clear whether Zonker’s lapse from pacifism constitutes a new world record, though the CFL has accepted his last moment as the legend stuff is made of.