Here is a sad tune by D.C. resident Rachel Keller called “I Got Dumped For Obama,” and it’s steaming up the YouTubes at this very minute. She tells Politico‘s Anne Schroeder Mullins that it is based on real life: she was dating A Boy who spent all of his time volunteering for the Obama campaign, when she just wanted to kiss and watch movies and so forth. You know, “dates.” So they broke up and now he just jerks off to his neo-commie “Change” paintings all day, the end. [Shenanigans]
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{ 67 comments }
At least Walnuts! doesn’t make people ghey.
[re=14845]vicuna[/re]: if more men looked and sounded like McCain, I’d consider cleaning carpet, too.
Er, the real reason? Is that he was probably nailing some hot staffer on the campaign. Jesus Chris, is she that naiive? Campaigns are almost nonstop furtive and then not-so-furtive hooking up. It’s why I always tell my mopey single friends to volunteer on a political campaign. If you aren’t a troll and bath more than three times a week, you’re almost guaranteed to get some.
Meh… I don’t think it was Hopey. Methinks the tang train is a little more promising over there.
Either way, the Obama campaign is far better excuse for ditching a girl than the one I’ve been using, which is that I’m impotent.
Whatever. Obama brings in first-class talent like Scarlett Johanssen, not a bunch of Bitters. It doesn’t take Einstein to figure out what happened here.
Cute song! And I can relate; my boyfriend is gay for Obama too…th-th-that’s not change I can believe in.
You know the old routine: “It’s not you, it’s me?
Well, this guy looked into poor Rachel’s eyes, pointed to a picture of Hopey and said “It’s not you, it’s him.”
And because she’s as dumb as she is adorable, she chose to believe him.
When the truth is, Rachel, it’s you. Seriously.
I don’t know the problem. Maybe he wanted a chick who reads more than US Weekly and only scans NYT headlines. Maybe he wants a girl who can converse. Maybe you just don’t bathe often enough.
But, trust me: it’s you. Seriously.
Cute sweetie, but if you ever do get a day-job, don’t quit it.
Yeah right, she probably wasn’t working the shaft. *ducks tomato*
She should have used deodorant, gargled with mouthwash, cleand “down there”, and then maybe the boy would have hung around more.
“Where’s all the white men at?”
Had to be said, come on.
I would dump anyone who didn’t vote for Obama in the primary.
Unless they could, you know, suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
I dunno, dawg, she sounds a little “pitchy” to me…
And: I would bet actual money that she has a canopy bed covered with stuffed animals.
Could be worse. He could have dumped her for Janet Napolitano.
Maybe he dumped her because she has huge gut or is preganant.
What I am saying is, her inability to correctly gauge the fit of her blouse makes her look fat.
are you sure he didn’t leave her for obama girl, no obama?
[re=14878]Tits_LaRue[/re]: Fuckin’ eh! The stuffed animals are a dead giveaway. Back. Away. Slowly. Then. Run. Fast. As. You. Can.
[re=14887]Canuckledragger[/re]: Especially if they all have names. (shudder)
It wasn’t politics. She was actually sleeping with Barbra Streisand, and adopted her ways as one of the most annoying cunts on the planet.
oh barf….youngsters are so adorably stupid…
thanks, youve just made me consider driving into the railing on my way home…
[re=14879]Jamie Sommers[/re]: Janet is H-A-W-T!
[re=14891]Tits_LaRue[/re]: Dude, I think we must have hit the same “mistake”… probably more than one of ‘em.
It’s her own fault for dating Larry Sinclair in the first place.
[re=14918]Canuckledragger[/re]: No, I’m not a dude, I’m just the polar opposite kind of woman: the kind that cringes when a date brings me a stuffed animal, the kind that gets up and leaves when my date suggests we go see a Romantic Comedy. Kind of like a space alien, but from Earth and with boobs.
Hmmm… Rachel sweetie? Maybe he left you because you were constantly asking him to listen to your shitty guitar. Maybe he got tired of forcing himself to applaud you at “open mic” night in your favorite Adams Morgan haunts. I’m just sayin’…
[re=14925]Tits_LaRue[/re]: I dated a guy in high school that brought me a beanie baby once. It was gruesome, kind of like when your cat brings you a half-eaten mouse. I ran into him years later and he turned out to be gay. Should of known.
[re=14937]KevoTron[/re]: Right on, Kev. Right. On.
[re=14939]Cicada[/re]: lol! That’s what I’m talking about! “Thanks for trying to infantilize me, buddy. Did you bring a bib and a jar of strained carrots, too?” Oh, what strange standards have been erected in our quaint society, and how I love to demolish them…
[re=14925]Tits_LaRue[/re]: Hey Tits, I think we’re from the same planet! Cheers!
This person is not a musician. Unlistenable!
[re=14925]Tits_LaRue[/re]: [re=14939]Cicada[/re]: [re=14969]ronaldpagan[/re]: Three stellar exemplars of why the Wonkette Babes rawk my little frozen world.
A token toke in your honour ladies!
Here’s one ripe for the LNS guys, while her self esteem is low!
[re=14879]Jamie Sommers[/re]: Milkulski….
Hmm… yeah, that was the real reason he dumped you… right, ok.
[re=14969]ronaldpagan[/re]: bleep bloop! *takes a shot of tequilla*
[re=14990]Canuckledragger[/re]: Remember to puff, puff, pass!
Should’ve said ‘yes’ to anal, sweetie.
[re=15012]FlakJack[/re]: Yeah, as Larry Sinclair could tell us all, Barry does anal.
All of this could have been avoided if she’d have been a little sooner with the pooner, KnowwhutahmeenVern?
Think how bummed she would be if he dumped her for Hillary. No, you’re right, that’s not too likely. He’s a guy.
Bedfellows makes strange politics.
[re=15029]ronaldpagan[/re]: I thought Larry told us Barry does oral? Or is it that he sits back and looks pretty taking oral, I forget…?
Why is everybody taking her so seriously? I think the whole thing is funny.
Khalid Sheikh Mohammad apparently stunned the CIA when he withstood waterboarding for more than two minutes. I got through exactly 1:44 of that song. I’m not proud — I just think it’s an interesting fact.
All in all, I’d have much preferred infrared footage of her furtively blowing him on RedTube.
when melanie did “beautiful people,” it was an actual hit.
my…times HAVE changed.
whew…everybody’s a critic. all you guys who made fun of her,
[not you tits, i get (and admire) your style…but you guys…
you wouldn’t do that little girl?
yeah, right…i thought so. i’d do her even if she insisted on
playing the guitar during…i’m not easily distracted.
[re=15099]SayItWithWookies[/re]: God bless us, every one (except them muslim bastards who aren’t one of us, er somethin’).
[re=15115]tsunami[/re]: I’m sure she’s a sweet girl with lots of redeeming qualities. She could be erudite and funny, and maybe even written some really good songs. None of that discounts the fact that from the opening epigraph (“what happens when relationships and politics just don’t mix”) I started getting queasy. From there we move on to the anonymous boy drifting away like the sad alternate ending to a Gloria Vanderbilt commercial, to the little kitchen table scene with the Obama poster, then her standing in front of the Capitol with the “Idunnowhathappened” shrug. Right about the line “I planned our anniversary,” I started going fuzzy behind the eyes and had to stop it.
And no, I probably wouldn’t sleep with her, but not because she wrote one crappy song. But so what — she’ll get plenty laid from that, probably, and I suppose that’s how those people find each other. So it works.
[re=15115]tsunami[/re]: I didn’t say I wouldn’t buy her a drink or eight and do her. Dinner and a movie? No.
[re=15065]TGY[/re]: Nice!
[re=15079]AxmxZ[/re]: I know, I always try to lock eyes with him. He has a great O face.
Also, I’m with tsunami that y’all are mean. She’s totally cute, her song – while not a brilliant work of art – is harmless and entertaining, and I don’t see any stuffed animals on her bed. Come on; “I feel bad for Hillary, we both got dumped for Obama” made you smile. No? Y’all are so jaded you don’t laugh at anything tamer than hardcore anal? Fine…I love you guys anyway…
[re=15178]ronaldpagan[/re]: I’m not jaded! Didn’t like the song particularly, but it was sort of cute, as a concept at least. Could have used more gay sex, though. Everything can always use a little more gay sex.
[re=15178]ronaldpagan[/re]: With respect, you have terrible taste of music… AND my co-worker Officejob9000 has stated that you are abusing your Jezebel privilege (not that I give two shits about Gawker).
And I see no better reason than to dump someone for loving Hillarious at this point.
[re=15195]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: How does one abuse one’s Jezebel privilege?
(This song does not represent my impeccable musical taste.)
[re=15204]ronaldpagan[/re]: Or, to begin with, what is a Jezebel privilege? If there’s some set of rules to stuff that I didn’t even know had rules, I’d sure like to know. Of course that’s probably against the rules. That I didn’t know existed. More wine…
[re=15208]SayItWithWookies[/re]: YOU ARE BRAKING ON DA RULZ! ERRRR!!!! (Brake sound).
[re=15208]SayItWithWookies[/re]: You know there are rules. Those fucking people ate me alive on an experiment. I even had the help of my (secret) not Hillary-supporter friend who frequents that place with a vengeance. A sign should be put up on Jeze stating “ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER ‘ERE.”
[re=15195]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: R.e. your comment in the other thread, which was about this thread, and which I am therefore bringing back to this thread. My addiction to getting banned was because I was constantly posting shit like “Barry is so hot! I want to lock him up in an Austrian dungeon and have my way with him for decades! Now everyone post their favorite David Bowie song!” Not because I said, “The ‘I Got Dumped for Obama’ girl is cute and so is her song” on a thread regarding said girl and said song. You’re like a cop; you keep Wonkette safe from the Paultard and cereal mascot menaces, and for that I applaud you. But don’t pull me over for going 55 in the 54.
[re=15208]SayItWithWookies[/re]: The Jezebel privilege is the ability to call people out for misogyny when they think Hillary should have dropped out on June 3, while simultaneously making an impressive amount of tiny penis and castration jokes. Try it; it’s fun!
[re=15212]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I knew I hadn’t been paying attention.
[re=15213]ronaldpagan[/re]: I save it up for folks who a) aren’t funny and b) I can’t ignore any more. That they’re compensating for some other deficiency is between them, their urologist and their porn blog.
That video needed a toga-clad John Belushi to smash that friggin’ guitar.
So, Rachel Keller, it’s you, me, maybe Ronald P too and others. We are all George Bushes now. In an Obama world, we will never have mandates.
This was all my fault, I was a little careless and accidently let him see my johnson, he has followed me like a little puppy ever since.
[re=15178]ronaldpagan[/re]: Needs more cowbell…
Where the fuck is Skeletor and the rest of his Heimland Securitat? That lame-ass “music” video is obviously just a front for a jihadist site-surveillance video of the U.S. Capitol. For Cryi, can’t you people profile well enough to know that “Rachel” is a Middle Eastern name?
OK, I got about five seconds into that before I wanted to poke knitting needles in my ears.
this video needs more shittingdicknipples
I’ll take her out, its not like I have much else to do now that the Paul campaign is over, ‘cept maybe flip off McCain’s Phoenix HQ every time I drive by Camelback Road.
Sad right now. Can’t bring fledgling snark. Will try again tomorrow maybe.
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