Wonkette
THIS JUST IN, HOT FROM THE E-MAIL PROGRAM: Ron Paul has something to say tonight hooray. You can watch it at Justin’s TV or whatever. What will he be Announcing?
POLLS
RON PAUL TO MAKE HISTORIC MAJOR FREEDOM ANNOUNCEMENT 2NITE
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4:14 PM
on Thu June 12 2008
By
Jim Newell
1881 Views
Thank you for your continued support.
For liberty,
Me.
He’s running away to join a real circus?
“Mr. Paul, please get off the field. The Astros need to play.”
WHY DOESN’T MY SKULL ‘N’ XBONES POLL LOOK RIGHT?
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Vote2008/story?id=5056019
In a perfect world, he’ll explain his plan to abolish the Irrational Ron Supporters.
Expect a 37% spike in all caps posts, and a 62% increase in exclamation points.
Ron Paul’s Veep Announcement:
1. Securacom-wtc
2. Zeeb
3. Alex Jones
4. Mel Gibson
He’s endorsing Hillary.
Also, TRUCK NUTZ.
floraway: THANKS A LOT, FUN-RUINER.
He’s hiring Dr. Steven G. Parent to take over the really nasty vaginal examinations in his office. Yeast infections, homeless bag ladies, terminal crabs, etc.
I really, really hope it’s a third-party (eighth-party?) run with Alex Jones. His inauguration could be at Bohemian Grove.
Jim Newell:
It’s Paultarded.
“A few days ago, I smoked a joint with Bob Barr, and he convinced me to join the Libertarian ticket as the Vice Presidential nominee. It made a lot of sense to me at the time, and even though I’ve had some sober second thoughts since then, I am a man of my word and so will campaign with Bob Barr as long as the BC Bud lasts.”
floraway: oh shit, what will the Paulards cling to? Where will all that energy go? This could be really bad.
I made some crack about McCain appealing to crazy Paul voters by fondly reminiscing about growing up with the gold standard in the 19th century (on a liberal website), only to be accosted by at least three Paultards, admonishing me with “you’d better not make fun of us… well, O.K., you can make fun of us, but not the gold standard… because a lot of us delusional idiots might actually vote for Obama in November.” To which I replied (in my head only): “Go the fuck away.”
Jim Newell: I was actually hoping for the TruckNutz sale. You know, stock up now and have your Xmas shopping all done early? I could get some BikeBallz for my bro-in-law, too. Perfect for everyone on your list!
Hopefully it involves tainted kool-aid…
“The Paul campaign itself was defined by a dedicated army of supporters, who organized independently of Paul, worked to explode “money bombs” to sustain his campaign coffers, rallied in the streets of primary states, infiltrated Wonkette and left abusive comments for ShortsShortsShorts and Darehead, developed their own alternative universe called “Paulville” and even skirted campaign finance law to float a Ron Paul ‘08 blimp around much of the Eastern seabord earlier this year.”
But for all their efforts, the dedicated army of Paul supporters never learned to use the spellchecker.
Jim Newell: It does! I voted for TruckNutz, funnel cakes seem to be a hit however…
i heard they were giving away a free set of Nutz with every registration at the Bildenburg conference.
He has real video footage of a real alien.
Truck NUTZ is leading by a landslide. Fox will still call it for Bush though.
He’s Hillary’s 3rd testicle, and is running as an independent.
Maybe we can get God-boy to perfom an excorsist on him, then Paul could projectile-vomit all over him and there ya go; Twofer!
floraway: I like that Ron Paul supporters are refered to as “fans”. Apparently nobody “supports” Ron Paul, people are only fanatical about him.
I kind of want a liveblog of this. Am I alone?
Darehead: Ah, Zeeb. New Wonkette turns its lonely eyes to you…
I’m expecting to hear the following:
“Greeting My Followers. Our day is at hand. Aardvark. I repeat, Aardvark. For Quatloos and glory.”
Aesop’s Fable:
There once was a candidate named Ron Paul. He quit and then said he didn’t quit. Then he quit again and said he didn’t quit. Now he is quitting a third time, but his loyal Paul-bearers called ‘Paultards,’ who are sheeple who call others sheeple, will refuse to listen.
Moral of the story; Even when liars say they are quitting, they are never believed. The liar will lie once, twice, and then become the new fascist leader of the universe.
Somebody call Red State and tell them it’s VP Day.
iwillsavethispatient: I think we are all “fans” of Dr. Paul and his following in a way, insomuch as they are entertainment that we greatly enjoy.
I’ve seen a copy of his speech on another channel.
He will tonight endorse Hillary.
You saw it here first.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl:
I’m sorry but that statement is Paultarded…. so, no!
shortsshortsshorts: here is how Fox will call it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yz6diQoWQww
Jim Newell: I am sorry that I have dashed all of your hopes for a big sale on Truck Nutz. I think the Camo ones are my favorite:
http://www.trucknutz.com
But how can Dr. Paul leave the race when he just finished trouncing McCain in Montana?
It makes no sense, I tells ya, no sense at all! [Much like Dr. Paul himself.]
He’ll be funding his campaign and reducing the federal deficit by recruiting all his minions to sell Amway products. “With a distributorship network like this I could… rule the world…”
NotUrEvryDayWEzl:
I take it back. I’ve been moderately entertained all afternoon. I bow to your Overlord Wisdom.
capitol-hillbilly: Awesome AND authentic.
snig: That’s funny cuz I know some people who used to sell Amway and then became Paultards.
Doglessliberal: All that energy will go into World of Warcraft, pot smoking, and crying oneself to sleep while masturbating.
It’s not really going to be Dr. Paul. The liberal media has hired a look alike to try to torpedo the rEVOLution. Dr. Paul would never stab his supporters in the back by leaving a race he is WINNING! The Free Mason-liberal-Trilateral Commission- conspiracy, just wants you to give up. Keep on fighting tards. I can’t make it through a day without at least one, all caps, bat shit crazy, blog post!
Darehead: Darehead,
Now I see the relationship to The Hindenburg and Ron Paul’s campaign! I forgot about the damn blimp.
Sincerely and respectfully,
Mr-Clark
Darehead: I am proud to be in the same boat with you, Darehead. Word.
Darehead: And I MUST know where that came from. Assault is a two-way street.
shortsshortsshorts: Whoa! You’re famous! Congrats on your 15 minutes!
masterdebater: Yes, but it HAD to be the Paultards. What a bummer.
Darehead: DAMMIT it doesn’t exist.
I still enjoyed the boat ride.
shortsshortsshorts: Sorry, I didn’ think it would be taken for rea. The Hitler quotes are real though. And we did get Tard-bashed, you, when Wonkette 2.0 first opened, and me, last week sometime. You know–the kind they leave at the end of dead threads. I’ll see if I can dig ‘em up.
*real.
shortsshortsshorts: I cut and pasted the abusive comment on your Gawker site.
He’s going to announce who will be in his cabinet if elected…
Sec of State: Longcat.
Treasury Secretary: That Chocolate Rain Guy.
Sec of Defense: Some kid in a Guy Fawkes mask.
Darehead: They’re all over the fucking place now. More keep coming out of woodwork. The Paultard post above this one is a shit storm.