Wonkette
Hey ladies and gay men, have we got the sexy ticket for you today! Your lovers can now purchase McCain Condoms, a promotion by the Practice Safe Policy organization. Having trouble pleasing your partner? Well just throw on ol’ Johnny Latex, with an image of WALNUTS! emblazoned on your “McCock,” and… well… you will last a very long time! [McCain Condoms]
JOHN MCCAIN
…if this doesn’t stop teenage pregnancy then NOTHING will!!!
Brace yourself Bridget, here comes the straight cock express.
Made out of 100% sheep intestine, like Johnny remembers from his youth.
More bang for the old buck.
The special magic of these condoms is that they magically transform young/youngish man baby making sperm shooting tight ball sacks into McCainiac dust shooting shriveled low hanging nut sacks.
Can’t…handle…idea…too….funny *head explodes*
Seriously..I saw the link to pay for them…but is this for real? Like, REALLY?
Nice tags, Jim XD
Thanks to McCain condoms, I will never, ever, ever have to pull out. Ever. We’re talkin’ 100+ years of euphorically tantric McLovin here.
Actually these work by killing libido. Things are going well, you pull out the box, and all desire shrivels on the vine, so to speak.
Do these condoms have an expiration date, or were they manufactured before putting those dates on products wasn’t the law?
Ha Ha ‘Old Butt’
Handy, especially since they only had to make them half the length of the regular condoms.
The original name of “Hanoi Tickler” didn’t go over so well, I take it?
O.K., I’ll be the one to make the obvious comment. If McCain wins, we’re all fucked.
You know, I was kinda planning on having a hot date tonight. Now I’m more inclined to take a drill to my left temple. Or maybe get a piercing, down there…. anything to get rid of the current painful fixation that this has induced.
gurukalehuru: And he probably won’t even use a condom. :p
Barry shouldn’t fall behind. I foresee an imminent launch of Obama vibrators. (Batteries not included because unncessary. Magnum sizes only. Not ribbed but arugulaed. Will steal your woman’s heart if left unsupervised.)
COMING SOON!!!: John McCains own line of sex toys, based on the torture instruments used on him when he was POW!
-Electric testicle clamps
-Wall mounted shackles(with optional ball gag)
-Billy club shaped butt pug
-Jumper cable nipple clamps
Y’know, when you’re a single gal, and you’ve not had “relations” in a while, we used to joke about “dusting off the condems”, (if we anticipated a possible “airing out of the patootey”),this gives that, a whole new meaning…
OMFG-I am snorting laffing at the damn tags! I’m at WORK people!
Gopherit v2.0: You can still get sheepskin condoms. SO MUCH better than latex.
But I don’t understand. Why are they being marketed as “condoms” when WALNUTS! still calls them “French Letters?”
Just the accessory if you’re planning a liaison that’s going to be painful, awkward and eventually disappointing.
…John McCain Condoms: Wrinkled for her pleasure?
If they really what to take prophylactic measures to prevent pregnancy (and sex), their catch phrase would be, “Put this Johnny on your johnny.” Yet sales would spike as the Log Cabin Republicans and their friends lined up solidly behind their candidate and the product graced by his visage.
jagorev: Probably a bad idea, though, if you’re dating a vegan.
AxmxZ: Side effects include: need to start smoking, arugula fetish, fist-bumping, loss of bitterness, unusual optimism. For men, if you experience an erection lasting longer than 4 hours after looking at Barack Obama, consult your physician, as you might have teh gayz.
jagorev: And is it disturbing just to me that sheep intestines fit like a glove? Those Scottish shepherds and their selective breeding.
AngryBlakGuy: Fine. FTW.
Please oh God, let them be rebranded as “John McCain’s Johnson Jackets.”
If this happens I will die a happy man.
Advertising slogan: “McCain: Providing cover for a prick for seven years.”
Jim, PLEASE get rid of that spammer; as in, get him off the site.
Securacom-wtc: No more rants, unless you get funny, kthxby
Securacom-wtc: STOP. That killed my boner more than McCondoms. I think I might have a vagina now.
I liked the slogan “Pulling out is not that important,” so I bought one. Unfortunately, it turned to dust and blew away as soon as I opened the package.
and don’t for get the Pocket Trollop
News of the new product brought official protests fromwi Major League Baseball and dead puppies, since no one will have to think about them anymore.
What’s neat about these is that the reservoir is not at the tip, but off to the side a little bit in a disgusting homage to his walnut cheeks that will melt your brain if you think too much about it.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Sadly, that didn’t happen soon enough to spare us from wal-nutty beer-heiress spawn. Unless she was grown in a vat…
THANKS JIM!
Godless Liberal *: Bastard. Eww.
Gopherit v2.0: Barack Obama Condoms! : More than Adequate?
The only thing these’d be good for is for puking into.
Gopherit v2.0: Hillary Clinton Condoms: Designed to bring out the 3rd testicle in all of us!
AngryBlakGuy: Dennis Kucinich Kondoms. For the man whose dick is bigger than he is.
AngryBlakGuy: Ron Paul Condoms: Keeps you going, long after she expected you to quit?
Imagine42: Or stayed flat. Ah..God..dyin’ here..
AngryBlakGuy: Tom Tancredo Condoms: Not for use by Latinos.
Imagine42: Mitt Romney condoms: For her pleasure. And her, and her, and her…
Godless Liberal *: Ralph Nader condoms: Messing with your erections since 2000.
loudmouthredhead: Fun fact: an Obama-inspired erection fills the cock with Hope instead of blood.
AxmxZ: Godless Liberal *: TGY: Imagine42: Canuckledragger: …Fred Thompson Condoms! : Highly anticipated and deeply disappointing
AxmxZ: AngryBlakGuy: Godless Liberal *: Imagine42: Chris Dodd Condoms: Um… Chris Dodd has a condom.
AxmxZ: Godless Liberal *: TGY: Imagine42: Canuckledragger:…Mike Huckabee Condoms! : Its a miracle if you ever get to use one!
David Vitter Condoms- “Now with more absorbency then ever.”
AngryBlakGuy: Mike Huckabee Glo-Condom - the eerie green glow tells you it’s there, even when your belly leaves you in doubt.
Godless Liberal *:
Walnut-cheeked, for her pleasure.
AngryBlakGuy: Benedict XVI Condoms: Filled with pinholes for His pleasure.
AngryBlakGuy: John Edwards condoms: prettier than she is.
Mitt Romney Condoms : Never have problems changing position again!
AngryBlakGuy: AxmxZ: Gopherit v2.0: George Bush Sr. Condoms: Too little, too late.
Rudy Giuliani Condoms : They will make you want to call 9-11!
…ok, so that was lame but I got nothing left!
…Larry Craig condoms come with complimentary toilet seat guards!
“They’re not polka-dotted, They’re liver spotted!”
Bob Allen Condoms : The best 20 bucks you ever spent!
AngryBlakGuy: Larry Craig Condoms: Bathroom stall tested, Senator approved.
I see they’re sold in pairs.
Judging from the graphic, they go on your thumbs, and then your thumbs go…
BC Woods:
How about “McFuckwad’s Johnnie-Cum-Latelies”?
Michelle Malkin condoms: 99% effective in preventing the spawn of satan
All my McCain Condoms have an expiration date of 2010, though. What’s that mean?!
What about packaing the Michelle Malkin Condoms with the McCain Condoms, in one package? What would that do to people’s sex lives?
Joe Biden Condoms - Clean and articulated!
do you think it would be cool if i used mccain condoms while fucking his hot daughter?
Jerk Cade: Heh.
I was thinking Biden Condoms: Fuck ‘em when they can’t take your jokes.
Gopherit v2.0: Biden only uses condoms that Neil Kinnock’s used first.
Eeeeeewwww!
I hope they include a free sample of Larry “wide stance” Craig personal lubricant.
Gopherit v2.0: Larry Craig Condoms: When you want to tap dat ass, rather than your foot.
Is this some kinda dumb con? I mean…