PORN  10:00 am June 12, 2008

Meet The Cow Porn Judge!

by Sara K. Smith

This cow is watching you masturbate.Once upon a time a man kept a stash of comically dirty photos on his web site, and then he blamed it all on his son after people discovered they could access pubic-hair shaving instructionals and similarly “shocking” images from this site. Who is this magical dingus who produced the very worst excuse for hosting a porn stash since Mark Penn told his mom “I’m keeping that stack of Juggs for a friend”? Why, it is Chief Judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit and Reagan appointee Alex Kozinski, who happens to be presiding over an obscenity trial.

Actually, he has now suspended the trial for 48 hours while he figures out what to do with his own ample archive, which features the sort of naughtiness you’d find in the dirty birthday cards section at Spencer Gifts:

  • A photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows.
  • A video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal.
  • A slide show striptease featuring a transsexual.
  • A folder that contained a series of photos of women’s crotches in snug-fitting clothing or underwear.
  • A photo of a young man bent over in a chair and performing fellatio on himself.
  • A graphic step-by-step pictorial in which a woman is seen shaving her pubic hair.

YAWN. Kozinski needs to take notes from the guy whose trial he’s supposed to preside over: a fetish-porn maker whose hardcore videos featuring beastiality and shit hijinks has made it difficult to find a jury willing to sit through hours of nauseating “evidence review.”

Also, Judge Kozinski’s not-so-secret cow porn site also hosted several MP3s of Weird Al Yankovic songs. It is for this last offense that he should be hanged.

Upcoming trial will see hours of hard-core fetish pornography [Los Angeles Times]
Judge suspends L.A. obscenity trial after conceding his website had sexual images [Los Angeles Times]

 
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{ 72 comments }

Lone Star Buck June 12, 2008 at 10:09 am

WOW I thought I was the only one into that shit

Darehead June 12, 2008 at 10:09 am

Alex Kowzinski?

Happy Fun Ball June 12, 2008 at 10:10 am

Cool — I clicked on the second L.A. Times link in hopes of seeing a photo of this judge, and he just so happens to look exactly like I thought he might when I formed an image of him in my mind as I read about his collection. Also, the chicks painted up as cows look exactly like I thought THEY might, too.

tsunami June 12, 2008 at 10:10 am

yeah…so?

a good judge does his homework.

ManchuCandidate June 12, 2008 at 10:13 am

Don’t have a cow, man. He found the photos mooving.

I’m guessing he’s a moderate Repub because he also likes women.

WadISay June 12, 2008 at 10:13 am

Here cum the judge.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 12, 2008 at 10:15 am

Reagan appointee.

No further questions.

loquaciousmusic June 12, 2008 at 10:15 am

If you put the shit in your .Mac public folder, Judge, and if your e-mail is moovinup@mac.com, then any idiot with a computer can go to http://homepage.mac.com/moovinup and…viola! Cow porn!

loquaciousmusic June 12, 2008 at 10:18 am

[re=14015]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Although, after reading the article, it looks as if people just raided the subdirectory. Maybe this particular judge needs to go get a copy of Internet Porn for Dummies?

Christastic June 12, 2008 at 10:19 am

If the Ira Isaacs trial goes as well as anything Larry Flint went through, I can’t WAIT for that biopic.

jagorev June 12, 2008 at 10:19 am

Alex Kozinski is the man… and not just because of his porn stash:

http://www.reason.com/news/show/36727.html

Seriously, if you have to recuse yourself from a pornography trial if you have ever owned or enjoyed pornography, this would mean that no pornography trial can proceed anywhere in the country. Which sounds good to me.

Serolf Divad June 12, 2008 at 10:20 am

The judge said it was strictly by chance that he wound up presiding over the trial of filmmaker Ira Isaacs in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles. Appellate judges occasionally hear criminal cases when they have free time on their calendars, and the Isaacs case was one of two he was given, the judge said.

Isaacs is on trial for distributing sexual fetish videos, featuring acts of bestiality and defecation.

You know, call me old fashioned, but when I see the word “filmmaker” I think: Scorcese or Antonioni. When I hear the words bestiality and defecation, I think “pornographer.” Now, I don’t want to be too judgmental here, but maybe we could get back to acknowledging that old distinction.

jagorev June 12, 2008 at 10:22 am

And yeah, he’s a Reagan appointee, but he’s also one of the most principled defenders of free speech and civil liberties anywhere in the country.

AfghanVet June 12, 2008 at 10:24 am

Reminds me of our JAG officer we had in the Dirty A that had to sift through the porn soldiers were downloading over government networks and/or sending to each other. Hard to look a soldier in the eye after some of that stuff.

Hey, if it’s with or about consenting adults, who freakin’ cares.

AngryBlakGuy June 12, 2008 at 10:25 am

…what, no midget porn or 2 girls 1 cup?! Any self respecting FREAK-A-ZOID would have these in their libraries!

Canuckledragger June 12, 2008 at 10:29 am

Does Kowzinski know Mickey Kows? Maybe they share a taste for goats??

AngryBlakGuy June 12, 2008 at 10:30 am

…frankly he should be thrown off the bench for the Weird Al Yankovich music alone!

stankfest June 12, 2008 at 10:32 am

Does anyone have any nude pictures of weird al jancovic?

Godless Liberal * June 12, 2008 at 10:32 am

I want to see these images, and I want to see them now.

charles demar June 12, 2008 at 10:34 am

I think the only truly shocking thing here is that Spencer Gifts is still around.

WadISay June 12, 2008 at 10:35 am

Like many of you, I have been working on some screenplay, for a porn movie. So far, I’ve got, “So you’re the plumber! Yes, it’s hot and wet in my basement, and I think you’ve got the right tools, oohhhahhhOGODOGODOGOD!” Now I’ve got writer’s block.

Godless Liberal * June 12, 2008 at 10:36 am

Huh. Apparently, Judge Kozinski once appeared on The Dating Game, and won the heart of some lucky gal.

Imagine42 June 12, 2008 at 10:37 am

What’s the big deal? So the guy had some pictures of Weird Al doing a striptease and fellating various chairs painted to look like various farm animals? Who DOESN’T?

…Sorry, maybe I wasn’t paying very good attention to this story. It’s 10:30AM, so I’m drunk.

El Bombastico June 12, 2008 at 10:41 am

How dare you besmirch the good name of Weird Al Yankovic by associating him with this pervert?

freakishlystrong June 12, 2008 at 10:45 am

“Cow Porn” and “Cornhole” are now officially my favorite words…I can’t stop teh gigglin’!

AngryBlakGuy June 12, 2008 at 10:46 am

•A video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal.
-Even as progressive I draw the line at GAY bestiality!

•A slide show striptease featuring a transsexual.
-Was she wearing a black cocktail dress and talking about how Jews need to be “Perfected”?

•A folder that contained a series of photos of women’s crotches in snug-fitting clothing or underwear.
-Which guy doesn’t have a folder containing camel-toe photos?!

•A photo of a young man bent over in a chair and performing fellatio on himself.
-I have a feeling this guy doesn’t leave the house very often(I know I wouldn’t)!

scotterl June 12, 2008 at 10:48 am

Spencer’s is still in biz? Great, now I can replace my Ozzy black light poster lost in the flood and my hard white plastic vibrator.

metropolitan June 12, 2008 at 10:49 am

this is considered a scandal? transexual strippers and cow ladies? i’ve seen more shocking things in the nickelodeon bulletin board avatars. i’m giving this guy a pass. i could only hope that judges presiding over obscenity trials have a GOATSE screensavers, just to keep them in touch with regular folks tastes.

AfghanVet June 12, 2008 at 10:52 am

[re=14029]WadISay[/re]: Work the pizza delivery angle…lots of great euphimism possibilities there.

“Hi, here’s the pizza…and here’s the pepperoni.”

gjdodger June 12, 2008 at 10:57 am

Maybe Weird Al could do some parody songs in cousin Alex’s honor. You know, “September Porn,” or “King Smut.” Or that Elvis classic, “That’s Why I’m Shaved.”

Carrie_Okie June 12, 2008 at 10:59 am

The judge shall pronounce the Isaac’s work, “tragically delicious.”

WadISay June 12, 2008 at 11:00 am

[re=14038]AfghanVet[/re]: At least with beastiality porn, all the actors don’t necessarily want to direct.

bloodsprite June 12, 2008 at 11:00 am

Its not like he owns stock in the porn company, its not a conflict on interest its a confluence of interest.

I don’t see the big deal … can’t he be as perverted as the rest of us?

Mr Blifil June 12, 2008 at 11:04 am

Wake me when he resumes the trial with double layers of dirty, dirty neoprene wetsuit under his judge’s robe.

Not_So_Much June 12, 2008 at 11:23 am

“featuring acts of bestiality and defecation.”

Yawn — isn’t this also known as “Friday” in the Rove household?

Rodney Badger June 12, 2008 at 11:35 am

Semi-related, check out this bullshit:

http://www.plunderbund.com/2008/06/11/racist-obama-doll/

What the fuck?

graceless June 12, 2008 at 11:41 am

[re=14033]El Bombastico[/re]: How dare he besmirch the name of this pervert by associating him with Weird Al?

Anita Cocktail June 12, 2008 at 11:42 am

As a former 9th circuit law clerk (not for him)…I’m sorry, I’m cackling so hard I can’t write any more.

Anita Cocktail June 12, 2008 at 11:43 am

I wonder if his bailiff is his fluffer?

S.Luggo June 12, 2008 at 11:48 am

[re=14020]jagorev[/re]: Plus he respects public property. “Kozinski told The Times that he began saving the sexually explicit materials and other items of interest on his website years ago.”

If a court employee had done that, he would have been fired like a shot.

loudmouthredhead June 12, 2008 at 11:51 am

Hmm….either he hasn’t learned the meaning of the word “encryption” or he WANTED people to find it. You know, in case he could meet any other barnyard swingers out there…

loquaciousmusic June 12, 2008 at 11:55 am

[re=14035]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: A folder that contained a series of photos of women’s crotches in snug-fitting clothing or underwear.

How many times do these people need to be told: Hillary Clinton has dropped out of the race! You can delete the pictures of her in a variety of pantsuits now!

WhatTheHeck June 12, 2008 at 11:55 am

nothing like a menagerie-a-trois to get one all sweaty and foaming at the mouth.

Anita Cocktail June 12, 2008 at 11:55 am

Goddammit, Jim, get that spammer off. Sheesh.

loquaciousmusic June 12, 2008 at 11:55 am

[re=14096]Securacom-wtc[/re]: This douchebag has a longer signature on his posts than my sixth graders do. And they’re better writers, too.

zhubajie June 12, 2008 at 12:01 pm

This is something I’d expect to happen in Cincinnati, not LA!

Zhu Bajie

S.Luggo June 12, 2008 at 12:03 pm

[re=14096]Securacom-wtc[/re]: Are you still chewing the wicks in Vicks Vapor Inhalers?

Big Al1317 June 12, 2008 at 12:04 pm

He he he. You can’t make this stuff up!!

Tra June 12, 2008 at 12:10 pm

[re=14104]Anita Cocktail[/re]:

Our overlords have abandoned us. Chaos! Anarchy! Panic in the streets! Riot!

Lazy Media June 12, 2008 at 12:10 pm

[re=14096]Securacom-wtc[/re]: Jesus Christ, this Paultard can’t even manage to make a funny comment about cow porn.

nowukkers June 12, 2008 at 12:11 pm

[re=14096]Securacom-wtc[/re]: Please restrict your rants to a single line, if you can’t snark. Your essays are rather tiresome.

policonoclast June 12, 2008 at 12:12 pm

[re=14026]stankfest[/re]: I have photos of Wield Al Yankin’ it.

Sara K. Smith June 12, 2008 at 12:14 pm

[re=14135]Tra[/re]: I think I have managed to ban our pal Securacom-wtc. We’ll see if it “takes.”

shortsshortsshorts June 12, 2008 at 12:30 pm

You fail to mention that he’s an Paultard who fought for non-disclosure of Judicial emails and websites, and LOVES computer gaming (it was in the Chron as well).
Dammit I submitted this gem but failed to realize that Wonkette is always 3 steps ahead of me. What an ass I am.

metropolitan June 12, 2008 at 12:33 pm

[re=14155]Sara K. Smith[/re]:
dude, you are SO part of the 9-11 cover up now.

Tra June 12, 2008 at 12:34 pm

[re=14155]Sara K. Smith[/re]:

Can I still panic in the streets? Just a little?

murality June 12, 2008 at 12:55 pm

The guy named his son Yale. That is far more terrible than his lame porn stash.

agingboomerguy June 12, 2008 at 1:06 pm

The judge in question was on the dating game. Over 30 years ago. With Squiggy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdjCdbGucCU

Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin June 12, 2008 at 1:16 pm

The alt text will haunt me for months. Well done!

bitchincamaro June 12, 2008 at 1:54 pm

This is stunning news. Not only is he a federal judge, and
amateur porn archivist, he’s a Roman Catholic lay prison minister, with
59 kids, and he’s MY FAVORITE ICE ROAD TRUCKER!!!!

Peep this:
http://www.history.com/minisite.do?content_type=Minisite_Generic&content_type_id=54690&display_order=3&mini_id=54692

agingboomerguy June 12, 2008 at 3:26 pm

(The future) Judge Kozinski DID appear on the Dating Game with Squiggy in 1968:

http://underneaththeirrobes.blogs.com/main/2004/07/rule_28j_letter.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alex_Kozinski

trai_dep June 12, 2008 at 3:35 pm

But he can still sit on cases filed by the lactose-intolerant, right?

trai_dep June 12, 2008 at 3:36 pm

[re=14298]Nikolai Vsevolodovich Stavrogin[/re]: Second that – inspired alt-text!

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 12, 2008 at 4:39 pm

I had the pleasure of meeting Judge Kozinski back in law school, and watched him sit on a three judge panel during arguments. I will say this, if All of Reagan appointees were as good as him, the world would be a much better place. Hell, if any of W’s appointments were this good, we wouldn’t be torturing people for Dick Cheney’s pleasure (and that is something that is truly pornographic).

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 12, 2008 at 4:41 pm

I would never have sex with a cow. First, it is just wrong. And second, I am lactose intollerant. –Dave Attell.

Bakamoo June 12, 2008 at 5:45 pm

@stankfest

You my have friend have crossed the line!

Good day.. I said good day!

1ofUS June 12, 2008 at 5:56 pm

Juror A views evidence B causing a pilot vomit: evidence C. It just takes a bit of evidence for the avalunch of evidence to pile up.

RobPetrified June 12, 2008 at 7:31 pm

This thread is useless without pictures.
Except, of course, for the one of the young man in the chair.
Since that was me, I’ve already seen it.
Why do you think I never leave the house, because I’m under house arrest?
Nah.
I just love my “special” chair.

shortsshortsshorts June 13, 2008 at 1:56 am

[re=14980]RobPetrified[/re]: Win.

Anita Cocktail June 13, 2008 at 10:40 am

Wow, there’s 69 comments on this thread!
Oops, 70 now. So much for poetic justice.

lawrenceofthedesert June 13, 2008 at 3:55 pm

He was saving the bestiality pix for mooed court.

USLaw.com June 13, 2008 at 8:25 pm

You may as well take a look at the raw images yourself:

What “Stuff” was on Judge Kozinski’s Personal Website?

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