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This cow is watching you masturbate.Once upon a time a man kept a stash of comically dirty photos on his web site, and then he blamed it all on his son after people discovered they could access pubic-hair shaving instructionals and similarly “shocking” images from this site. Who is this magical dingus who produced the very worst excuse for hosting a porn stash since Mark Penn told his mom “I’m keeping that stack of Juggs for a friend”? Why, it is Chief Judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit and Reagan appointee Alex Kozinski, who happens to be presiding over an obscenity trial.

Actually, he has now suspended the trial for 48 hours while he figures out what to do with his own ample archive, which features the sort of naughtiness you’d find in the dirty birthday cards section at Spencer Gifts:

  • A photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows.
  • A video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal.
  • A slide show striptease featuring a transsexual.
  • A folder that contained a series of photos of women’s crotches in snug-fitting clothing or underwear.
  • A photo of a young man bent over in a chair and performing fellatio on himself.
  • A graphic step-by-step pictorial in which a woman is seen shaving her pubic hair.

YAWN. Kozinski needs to take notes from the guy whose trial he’s supposed to preside over: a fetish-porn maker whose hardcore videos featuring beastiality and shit hijinks has made it difficult to find a jury willing to sit through hours of nauseating “evidence review.”

Also, Judge Kozinski’s not-so-secret cow porn site also hosted several MP3s of Weird Al Yankovic songs. It is for this last offense that he should be hanged.

Upcoming trial will see hours of hard-core fetish pornography [Los Angeles Times]
Judge suspends L.A. obscenity trial after conceding his website had sexual images [Los Angeles Times]

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72 COMMENTS

  1. Cool — I clicked on the second L.A. Times link in hopes of seeing a photo of this judge, and he just so happens to look exactly like I thought he might when I formed an image of him in my mind as I read about his collection. Also, the chicks painted up as cows look exactly like I thought THEY might, too.

  2. [re=14015]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Although, after reading the article, it looks as if people just raided the subdirectory. Maybe this particular judge needs to go get a copy of Internet Porn for Dummies?

  3. The judge said it was strictly by chance that he wound up presiding over the trial of filmmaker Ira Isaacs in U.S. District Court in Los Angeles. Appellate judges occasionally hear criminal cases when they have free time on their calendars, and the Isaacs case was one of two he was given, the judge said.

    Isaacs is on trial for distributing sexual fetish videos, featuring acts of bestiality and defecation.

    You know, call me old fashioned, but when I see the word “filmmaker” I think: Scorcese or Antonioni. When I hear the words bestiality and defecation, I think “pornographer.” Now, I don’t want to be too judgmental here, but maybe we could get back to acknowledging that old distinction.

  4. And yeah, he’s a Reagan appointee, but he’s also one of the most principled defenders of free speech and civil liberties anywhere in the country.

  5. Reminds me of our JAG officer we had in the Dirty A that had to sift through the porn soldiers were downloading over government networks and/or sending to each other. Hard to look a soldier in the eye after some of that stuff.

    Hey, if it’s with or about consenting adults, who freakin’ cares.

  6. Like many of you, I have been working on some screenplay, for a porn movie. So far, I’ve got, “So you’re the plumber! Yes, it’s hot and wet in my basement, and I think you’ve got the right tools, oohhhahhhOGODOGODOGOD!” Now I’ve got writer’s block.

  7. What’s the big deal? So the guy had some pictures of Weird Al doing a striptease and fellating various chairs painted to look like various farm animals? Who DOESN’T?

    …Sorry, maybe I wasn’t paying very good attention to this story. It’s 10:30AM, so I’m drunk.

  8. •A video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal.
    -Even as progressive I draw the line at GAY bestiality!

    •A slide show striptease featuring a transsexual.
    -Was she wearing a black cocktail dress and talking about how Jews need to be “Perfected”?

    •A folder that contained a series of photos of women’s crotches in snug-fitting clothing or underwear.
    -Which guy doesn’t have a folder containing camel-toe photos?!

    •A photo of a young man bent over in a chair and performing fellatio on himself.
    -I have a feeling this guy doesn’t leave the house very often(I know I wouldn’t)!

  9. this is considered a scandal? transexual strippers and cow ladies? i’ve seen more shocking things in the nickelodeon bulletin board avatars. i’m giving this guy a pass. i could only hope that judges presiding over obscenity trials have a GOATSE screensavers, just to keep them in touch with regular folks tastes.

  10. [re=14029]WadISay[/re]: Work the pizza delivery angle…lots of great euphimism possibilities there.

    “Hi, here’s the pizza…and here’s the pepperoni.”

  11. Maybe Weird Al could do some parody songs in cousin Alex’s honor. You know, “September Porn,” or “King Smut.” Or that Elvis classic, “That’s Why I’m Shaved.”

  12. Its not like he owns stock in the porn company, its not a conflict on interest its a confluence of interest.

    I don’t see the big deal … can’t he be as perverted as the rest of us?

  13. [re=14020]jagorev[/re]: Plus he respects public property. “Kozinski told The Times that he began saving the sexually explicit materials and other items of interest on his website years ago.”

    If a court employee had done that, he would have been fired like a shot.

  14. Hmm….either he hasn’t learned the meaning of the word “encryption” or he WANTED people to find it. You know, in case he could meet any other barnyard swingers out there…

  15. [re=14035]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: A folder that contained a series of photos of women’s crotches in snug-fitting clothing or underwear.

    How many times do these people need to be told: Hillary Clinton has dropped out of the race! You can delete the pictures of her in a variety of pantsuits now!

  16. [re=14096]Securacom-wtc[/re]: This douchebag has a longer signature on his posts than my sixth graders do. And they’re better writers, too.

  17. You fail to mention that he’s an Paultard who fought for non-disclosure of Judicial emails and websites, and LOVES computer gaming (it was in the Chron as well).
    Dammit I submitted this gem but failed to realize that Wonkette is always 3 steps ahead of me. What an ass I am.

  18. I had the pleasure of meeting Judge Kozinski back in law school, and watched him sit on a three judge panel during arguments. I will say this, if All of Reagan appointees were as good as him, the world would be a much better place. Hell, if any of W’s appointments were this good, we wouldn’t be torturing people for Dick Cheney’s pleasure (and that is something that is truly pornographic).

  19. This thread is useless without pictures.
    Except, of course, for the one of the young man in the chair.
    Since that was me, I’ve already seen it.
    Why do you think I never leave the house, because I’m under house arrest?
    Nah.
    I just love my “special” chair.

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