Wonkette
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the French First “Babe,” is prepping her new musical album for release, and some newspaper has already gotten a preview! The collection is titled Comme si de rien n’était, or as Native Americans call it, “maize.” It features all sorts of great songs about how she’s slept with 30 people, and how husband Nicolas is like heroin. As in, he’s wonderful!
Nicolas Sarkozy is a metaphor for “Addictive Illegal Drugs,” or vice versa, who cares, this is what Carla sings:
Among the 14 tracks is a song called Ma Came (My Junk) – equating her intense love to a class A drug. Written two years ago, before she met Mr Sarkozy, it is nevertheless dedicated to her husband.
“You are my junk. More deadly than Afghan heroin. More dangerous than Colombian white (powder),” she sings, adding: “My guy, I roll him up and smoke him.”
She also sings about her many Lovers: “I am a child. Despite my forty years. Despite my thirty lovers. A child.”
The President of France is a pedophile, then? If Barack Obama’s black wife said these things, Obama would be thrown in some Compton municipal jail for life.
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy sings of her 30 lovers and why Nicolas is like Class A drugs [Telegraph]
Those Europeans.
I’m wondering what she’s going to say if he divorces her. Divorce is like Detox, lots of vomit and bile?
I can only imagine how much better the campaign would have gone for Hilz had she dressed like this rather than in thos ghastly pantsuits.
Time for Michelle to pick up that harmonica and wail out some tunes for her man.
I want her.
Goddamn, if the Dollar weren’t worth 1/20th of a Euro I’d friggin’ hop on the next bus to France today!
WOW Can you imagine if Michelle wrote songs like this??? I want to be French please.
Another reason Hillary couldn’t be our president. France would declare war after Bill found himself alone in an elevator with Carla.
An article in the most recent GQ talked about Sarkozy, saying he knew how to accessorize—designer sunglasses and Carla Bruni.
“My guy, I roll him up and smoke him.”
…Im resisting the obvious “Cock Smoker” comment!
Nothing says “I love you” more than a song about being cum-addicted to your man.
Eww.
Only 30 lovers? Sub-par, especially for the French.
Brutus Harlot: She’s Italian. She’s used to Roman hands.
that title translates loosley to “as if it had never been”… which in fairness does sound a lot like corn
Sometime a rolled-up joint of heroin and coke is just a penis.
Fuck this place! I’m moving to the French Alps.
“And in a major departure for the model/singer, she has been photographed with her breasts covered.”
This pic isn’t helping me control my foot festish one bit.
gjdodger: She might be used to it, but I don’t think her husband would be happy with it.
/sex Carla Bruni
Hope [Mc]Cain doesn’t catch wind of her, he’ll dump his present wife in a heartbeat and try to steal Carla, then the Eurotrash will have another reason to hate us…
edgydrifter: I can only imagine how much better the campaign would have gone for Hilz had she dressed like this rather than in thos ghastly pantsuits.
Aiiieeeee!
I’ll say whatever I say when Sarkozy is brought up: That reactionary, immigrant-baiting little toad can go fuck himself… without her help.
…30 lovers?! Bravo Madame, Bravo!
Iggy Plop: Le tatas c’est moi!
If anyone’s thinking of criticizing her, she actually showed some restraint. She left out the verse about how her man is just like snorting dilaudin off the cold ass of a murdered hooker while throwing a basket of puppies off a cliff.
edgydrifter: You are an unmitigated bastard for putting that kind of visual in our brains. It burns.
all snark aside, let me tell you that for at least two years the first carla bruni was my make out music and i own first lady carla many thanks for the help in getting me laid.
and while the first album was a great aphrodisiac for arty brooklyn babes, i’m afraid that this album is only going to be an aphrodisiac to wrinkly dirty old men in power suits.
What no comment on the album title: “As if nothing happened”?
“What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)”
I’m sorry, Carla’s legs cannot save Sarko’s political career.
“I didn’t expect someone so funny and so alive,” she told the authors of La Véritable Histoire de Carla et Nicolas. “I was seduced by his looks, his charm and his intelligence. He has five or six remarkably fertile brains.”
Carla, Carla, Carla.
To her credit, she gets a lot of love in France. Her first album was a massive hit, and she still has a smokin’ bod, despite the tragic plastic face.
I predict the “First Lady” thing gets boring in about a year at which point she runs off to Tahiti with Lenny Kravitz.
TGY: This is the first time I will say that you are incredibly wrong. Those legs could cure cancer.
“My guy, I roll him up and smoke him.”
Obama?
shortsshortsshorts: Not sure if I believe you, but I’d be willing to volunteer for any clinical trials. Wait, do you think I’d have to HAVE cancer first?
AngryBlakGuy: they do actually have to say “cock smoker”, now that Poland has entered the EU.
However, the term “coq smoker” is banned in France.
Gopherit v2.0: Fake it dude. Just fake it.
Of course,among those 30 lovers are the Milan Juventus football team and 2 or 3 rock bands.
God, she is hot.
AngryBlakGuy: Actually, I don’t think you are.
shortsshortsshorts: Those legs could cure cancer.
Quick, wrap them around Ted Kennedy’s head!
The president of France a pedophile, then?
Hey, he went on record excuses himself in advance:
“J’inclinerais, pour ma part, à penser qu’on naît pédophile, et c’est d’ailleurs un problème que nous ne sachions soigner cette pathologie.”
PhiloMag
CthuNHu: For sure. Save Teddy!! She should do that anyway though, he needs it right now.
I’ve already sent an engraved Terms of Surrender Document to Mme Sarkozy. She has not responded to a vintage folkloric garment I sent [http://www.flickr.com/photos/larrygassan/2533212143/]…I regret nothing
Sacré bleu, who could do a sucha thing? Mort de Dieu; corps de Dieu - his body is not for the pubic shaRING. ¡Par le sang de Dieu you Eucharistic blasphenome! ¡¡Vous renie Dieu, tue Dieu avec your wretched music wretching!!
She’s forty?
Jesus H. Christ I hate the rich–I’ll be 42 in a couple of weeks & I look like roadkill by comparison.
¡Mon Got! ¡Man got a hardòn nao!
edgydrifter: If Hillary had of dressed like that,Bill would of been campaigning for Edwards.
SocialList: Yeah, well if Hillary looked like that, Bill would never have been impeached.
30 lovers? Does that include blowjobs?
“Clerks”
——————————————————————————–
Dante Hicks: You said you only had sex with three different guys; you never mentioned him!
Veronica Loughran: Because I never HAD sex with him.
Dante Hicks: You sucked his dick!
Veronica Loughran: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica Loughran: Because I DID only have sex with three different guys; that doesn’t mean I didn’t just go with people.
Dante Hicks: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica Loughran: I’m sorry, Dante, I thought you understood!
Dante Hicks: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that’s all you said!
Veronica Loughran: Please calm down.
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: Dante…
Dante Hicks: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica Loughran: Let it go!
Dante Hicks: How many?
Veronica Loughran: All right, shut up a second and I’ll tell you! Jesus! I didn’t freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante Hicks: This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something]
Dante Hicks: Well?
Veronica Loughran: Something like… 36.
Written two years before meeting Sarkozy. So the Afghan heroin may easily be Donald Trump. Sorry, but Michele Obama is waaay
above her category.
I know it’s easy to make a glib remark about what a slut she is and how hot she looks and how much I’d like her to do me, but in actuality it’s quite sad to see the level which she has to stoop in a misguided attempt to win the approval of a man she secretly, in her heart of heart’s, despises.
When she turns 50, I’m predicting there will be problems.
Not very funny I know, but I’m bummed about having to register all over again, just now, only to have nothing more than my own insipidness to inspire me. I’m feeling used and chewed up by Wonkette right now. Whoever that fucking cunt may be right now.
edgydrifter: Her campaign would look like this
http://picasaweb.google.com/sanducerico/UntitledAlbum07/photo#5210808326139730354
Mr Blifil: persevere, like Carol McCain.
Boney Maroni was also Eye-talian.
Not even one, “I’d hit that” comment? Jeeze! You people are picky! Come on, she isn’t Babs Bush ugly.
masterdebater: Oh, she’s hot. We’re just all elitists now. Baiser Carla Sarkozy? Quel horreur!
We need a first lady like this, you know, to let the world know how serious we’re going to be about foreigners policy going forward.
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2008/WORLD/europe/06/23/sarkozy.israel.ap/art.sarkozy.getty.jpg