Wonkette
There is a terrible “wagon” in politics that people ride when they don’t want to have fun anymore. When you are on this wagon, you do not smoke or drink or do amphetamines or masturbate. It appears that Barack Obama, having ridden in the non-smoking section of this wagon, has fallen off it, and now he is a secret Cigarette Goblin again. Except because he is famous, and running for president, this is not a secret to anyone.
At a press conference in St. Louis, Barack Obama admitted he had fallen off the magical wagon once or twice, but it had been “months” since he’d had a “cigarette.” Of course, that’s just typical Washington non-speak for “five minutes ago I was huffing in the back of the campaign bus with a baker’s dozen of Communist male strippers while injecting meth into my eyeballs,” which means he is more qualified than ever to be president.
Obama Admits Smoking Cigarettes in Last Few Months [Political Radar]
Well who can blame him? It’s not like anybody let’s him eat his waffle.
Poor guy. Michelle is going to kick his ass.
So Jake Tapper was right!
Well, this is obviously the scandal that’s going to bring down his candidacy. We’ll have to turn the nomination over to Hillary, because god forbid we run someone human for a change.
eh, better than lying about it and sneaking out back for a smoke and getting caught on film that then appears on Faux News as proof that he is smoking meth-laced cigs 20 times a day.
Or something like that.
Up yours neo-cons. Imagine Barry walking into a debate with Walnuts or meeting with those middle eastern heathens looking like this!! Gangsta Barry.
He needs a cigarette after he gets one of those Scarlett Johannson texts.
That’s when Michelle starts calling him “Tweeky.”
This guy just can’t lay off the weed, can he?
Smoking tobacco is a time-honored American tradition, goddamnit. Health-hippie-nuts, be damned.
Well there you go — if we can’t believe him about his nonsmoking, how can we possibly believe him about not being a Muslim terrorist fist-bumper who wants to throw all the white men in work camps and all the white women — well, you know what’s gonna happen to all the white women. If we don’t hear this argument pushed seriously by someone before the end of the day, I will eat my hat.
Great photo.
To hell with the candidate you want to have a beer with. I want to have a smoke with Barry, in a back alley behind a hotel convention center with the kitchen staff. Those guys know how to party.
Cue the Faux News lasers in 3 … 2 … 1
44m Americans smoke (according to the CDC), just not indoors. That’s a lot of empathetic votes. Puff, daddy.
SayItWithWookies: Yep, we know. And we can’t wait. *pant pant pant*
…he probably smokes elitist cigarettes like Broncos or GPC’s!
obfuscator: Photoshoppery at its most mildly convincing. I want a real photo of Barry lighting up!
…which candidate would you rather bum a cigarette off of?
pondscum:
When they don’t throw knives at the convention coordinators.
A cigarette? A joint? A terrorist coffin nail? Whatever its called, we’ve caught Obama smoking it.
I’m OK with his smoking, really. I understand its a bitch to quit, especially during stressful times.
What I can’t understand is why he’s gotta hang out in the front door to my business, smoking all the time so the clouds of (rich, mentholated) poisonous fumes fills up my lobby every time someone opens the damn door. And why the hell is dropping his fucking butts in the alcove of my front door?
Or worse yet, dropping them in the planters on either side? THEY AREN’T FUCKING ASHTRAYS, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! YOU THINK THOSE FUCKING ARBOR VITAES CAN JUST CLEAN OUT THEIR FUCKING PLANTERS ON THEIR OWN!? THE FUCKING STREET IS TEN FUCKING FEET AWAY ASSWIPE! DROP YOUR FUCKING BUTTS IN THE FUCKING SEWER GRATE, FUCKHEAD!
(Whew. I’ve been holding back on that one for awhile. Thanks for letting me get it off my chest, everybody. I’ll go sweep the sidewalk now. AGAIN!)
obfuscator: Wow, when was Frank Sinatra reincarnated as a black dude? How’d the rest of the Rat Pack turn out?
I know that picture is just a photohack, but damn it makes my panties tingle. It’s like he’s playing bass in Cannonball Adderley’s quintet or something, just takin’ a smoke break in the alley behind the Village Vanguard, circa 1963.
AxmxZ: When you see Obama with a black eye at his next campaign appearance and he says it’s because he ran into a door, we’ll know the truth.
Servo: …who probably deserve it for changing the menu - AGAIN.
I really miss smoking, fucking health nazis…
SayItWithWookies: You’ve already been beaten to it. The comments on the ABC site are terrific. They’re all about how IF THIS IS HOW BARRY HUSSEIN OSAMA BIN OBAMA ACTS WHEN HE’S UNDER PRESSURE, WHAT WILL HE DO WHEN IRAN ATTACKS SHEBOYGAN? I think the best retort is this picture, which is worth a thousand words, motherfuckers:
http://www.decodog.com/inven/history/hs29757.jpg
DangerousLiberal: They all turned out really well — except for Sammy, who’s even more confused now than ever. Now he kinda looks like a black albino Elvis Costello.
And here I am stuck in the office and I forgot my goddam lighter today. I’m about to chew my knuckles off.
loquaciousmusic: beautiful!
Every time I see that photo I reflexively think “Sam Spade”. Clearly I am racist. Or maybe Bogart was racist. Whichever.
Cigarettes are the chilled white wine of the trailer park poor. Therefore, I don’t blame Barry for trying to get down with the Bitters. But if he starts listening to Toby Keith, I’m voting for LaPierre.
more African Americans smoke menthol cigarettes than any other race in this country…Newpies all the way
Son of Mark Penn: Everybody knows smokers with one black eye have been hitting the Tareytons. http://www.etsicommunication.fr/blog/images/GD/Tareyton-650px.jpg
loquaciousmusic: Or this one:
http://maggiesfarm.anotherdotcom.com/uploads/john_mccain_2drx.jpg
I would love to smoke a cigarette with you Barry. Smoke on, you’ll still last longer then WALNUTS.
Please, everyone knows that Hezbollah fist jabbers smoke hookahs, not cigarettes.
The comments on that ABC page are absolutely terrifying. Who are these people? They can’t all be different aliases belonging to Tony the Tiger, can they?
My question is, is that a loosey?
How many Marlboro Miles does a Presidential campaign cost?
Who among us does not love to smoke a Gauloise or a Dunhill now and again?
Maybe he can switch to Virginia Slims to attrack the Hillary supporters.
The interesting thing is that I heard a couple talking heads back during the Rev. Wright stuff suggest that maybe Obama needed a smoke to settle his nerves. Look what they have done.
Still, I can’t help thinking that he looks so mature and cool in the photo. Makes me want to take a drag.
Gopherit v2.0: Yeah, I love that no one seems to recall that Granpa John smoked until he was 45. So basically, he and Barry quit at the exact same age, and yet cigarettes are somehow a strike only against Barry’s health.
But those ABC commenters are totes right. I don’t smoke, but the photo makes me want to start. Then I could bum a cigarette off of him. We’d run into each other by the 57th and Stony Island underpass, outside of Powell’s Used Bookstore: myself going in with three dollars and crossed fingers, him coming out with a weathered volume of Baudelaire. He would light up. His skin would glow in the orange lights of the bridge…
jagorev: I’m starting to think that none of us are real and are all just aspects of Tony the Tiger’s personality.
loquaciousmusic: Thanks for the Regan Pic, papa got a brand new wallpaper
This will be bad for Obama only if we later learn that he smokes American Spirit or Newport.
Rodney Badger: I assume as a Havard Elite, he rolls his own with hemp based rolling papers.
Man, I can’t imagine why someone would have a hard time quitting during the most stressful part of his life…
How is this news? Bill Clinton smoked cigars dipped in tubby intern juice. That is a health hazard. And Bush has obviously been on crack for the past 7 years. Who does he think he is, the Mayor of DC? It’s better to Burn Out than Faye Dunaway, Barry— smoke on!
jagorev: ”
Are liberals BORN into denial, or do they learn it in some special liberal study program? SMOKING CIGARETTES IS DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR HEALTH!
That said, why should America elect a President who is predisposed to polluting his lungs, cancer, heart disease, stroke, or any of the other things that SMOKING CIGARETTES causes?
Get it now, liberals?”
This comment is my favorite for many reasons. One- it denies the fact that McCain is (2)71 years of age, which means he will have Alzheimers and die, immediately, forever. It also suggests that lettuce-eating liberals don’t care about their health even with our “liberal study programs.” Also, the commenter obviously ate a dick for breakfast, which is arguably bad for the health, if you get teh AIDS.
I guess the bus can’t handle the price of gas, so now they’re throwing Barry under the wagon?
Thats a carcinogen I can believe in!
This does raise an interesting point. Candidates are surrounded by people pretty much 24/7. When do they find enough private time to jerk off? Well, I guess McCain’s a little too old for that kind of fun, but Barry seems like a pretty virile young stud. That’s gotta be hurtin a little.
Iggy Plop: Let’s just say Barry is a member of the mile high club.
jagorev: ARGH. Please do not invoke He Who Cannot Be Named, I just don’t have the troll-baiting spirit in me today.
You know, if it helps to make him relaxed, I don’t really care if the President wants an occasional cigarette, shot of tequilla, or blowjob, just don’t lie about it and it’s cool… (are you listening, Bill Clinton?!)
at least he’ll be awake sneaking a cigarette at 3am when the child-rape terrorist home invasion phone rings.
Tits_LaRue: You left out: the occasional war.
http://www.americanfreepress.net/html/members_of_obama_s_church_kill.html
Three Gay Members of Obama’s Church Murdered. Investigator close to case believes there’s more to the brutal murders than mainstream press is letting on. The bombshell may involve the murder of Donald Young, a 47-year-old choir master at former Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s Trinity United Church of Christ—the same congregation that Obama has attended for the past 20 years. Two other young black men that attended the same church—Larry Bland and Nate Spencer—were also murdered execution style with bullets to the backs of their heads—all within 40 days of each other, beginning in November 2007. All three were openly homosexual.
USA’s Constitution and currency are being destroyed from within. How? Videos free on http://www.video.google.com 1) America: Freedom to Fascism, 2 hrs; 2)911 Justice, 18min; 3) The Clinton Chronicles, 1.7 hrs; 4) Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement, 2 hrs, 5) Terrorstorm: A History of False Flag Terror, 2 hrs 6) 911 Mysteries, 2 hrs; 7)The Creature from Jekyll Island, 1hr; 8)Orwell Rolls in His Grave, 2hrs; 9) The War on Democracy, 1.5 hrs; 10) The Energy Non-Crisis, 1 hr; 11)Iraq for Sale 1.2 hr; 12) Zeitgeist, 2 hrs; 13)Ring of Power, 2.5 hrs; 14)Bush link to JFK, 1.5 hrs; 15) The Century of the Self, 4 hrs; 16) Loose Change (2nd ed & Final cut) 2hrs each; 17)John Pilger: The New Rulers of the World; 18) The Money Masters: How International Bankers Gained Control of America, 3.5 hrs 19) Barack Obama CFR info 20) Global Warming or Global Governance 21) The Great Global Warming Swindle 22) Mercury, Autism and The Global Vaccine Agenda 23) The CIA, Mind Control and Satanism 24)George Hunt: UN UNCED Earth Summit 1992 (Population Reduction) 25) End of NAtions - EU Takeover 26) Washington, You’re Fired 27) Blackwater: America’s Private Army 28) Esoteric Agenda 29) Fiat Empire: Why the Federal Reserve Violates the U.S. COnstitution 30) The Revolution Will not be Televised [USA overthrow of Hugo Chavez] 31) One Nation Under Siege 32)Breaking The Silence - Truth and Lies in the War on Terror, by John Pilger(and all his documentaries) 33)Beyond Treason 1.5hrs
Look, it’s a campaign thing. Barry’s calculated that most bitters are hopelessly addicted to ciggies, so he’s making the point that he’s just like them. Besides, behind a cloud of white smoke, they may not notice he’s black.
Securacom-wtc: coughcoughcough…SECURITY!….coughcoughcough
Securacom-wtc: Since you repeat yourself, so will I.
Buy a new douche and fuck yourself with it. When you are done, fuck yourself again. Finally, when you complete both of these tasks, fuck your mother again, and of course your uncle, who you readily fuck at the first opportunity. Good? Good.
You are an inbred fuck. Your family tree is not only a straight line, but resembles that of the Manson family. In this family, people fuck each other all the time for homicidal reasons. Case in point- you. You are a homicidal idiot. You were rejected by your class in high school, where you did not graduate, and you spent the rest of your days finding strange conspiracy theories to shit all over everyone else to alleviate your low self-esteem. If people like you just shut the fuck up and died, our world would be a better place.
Securacom-wtc: Someone’s not taking their meds. That’s twice a day, Sec, and I guarantee the naughty voices will stop.
Securacom-wtc: I liked our old troll better. Please come back more unhinged and with less copypaste.
Does this mean that North Carolina is now firmly a Blue State?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Man, does that bring back memories. My dad was a carpenter/constuction dude who rolled his own. Nothing better than the look on a 20-year-old’s face when the 55-year-old rolls one at lunch break. Now that’s a skill I can believe in!
Securacom-wtc: Could we use the “ban” button? Jim?
It’s not just smoking, folks, it’s TERRORIST KILLER OF THE MARLBORO MAN!!!!! Too bad that dipshit bubblehead ED Hill got fired from Fox for telling the truth. Now who will save our country!?!?!
I, too, find it hard to give up post-coital ‘grettes with Scarlett Johansson.
My favorite comment from that article:
“Obama is weak, and he a also sets a very bad example for our children. Kids will justify smoking by pointing to Obama.”
Because that’s what influences teens to start smoking. It’s not growing up in a smoking household, or their peers. It’s the President.
I guess that explains why this dance craze is sweeping the nation’s 13-21 year-olds:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mqy91GnS-Bg
Spence: Your nostalgia is racist. Though pleasant and comforting.
Securacom-wtc: Say more….
Securacom-wtc: Can people be banned via IP address? Cuz it looks like this boring clown is just going to keep the re-register circus act going ad infinititum.
All I worry about is getting the smoke smell out of the drapes
in the White House, At least we have 8 years to figure it out.
wonk_the_heck: They’re aren’t any drapes, Bill sold them off in 2000 at one of his “this shit doesn’t belong to me but now it belongs to you so give me some fucking money” auctions.
wonk_the_heck: If the WHite House Maintenance staff can figure out how to Febreeze the Freebasing smell from Bush’s crack pipe out of the drapes, then I wouldn’t worry about some Newport Menthol Light 100’s in the crush-proof box (Black folks brand of choice.)
Well, at least he’s not smoking a big, fat joint like a trollop, you cunts.
…and @securacom-wtc…so, what are you saying? Is Barry having gay choir boys murdered, or was 9/11 an inside job? (one of those I actually believe) No, I’m not going to look at your stupid links. Life’s too short.
gurukalehuru: That Barry was having a “job” inside murdered gay choir boys on 9/11?
Securacom-wtc: Eat a dick. Eat many dicks.
(At first I thought this dude was a 9/11 truther but he is obv Larry Sinclair. Gay + dead = Obama is a gay murderer.)
Oh, he eats junk food, too. http://yeswecanhas.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/nominee.jpg
He is a laughable two faced fraud who back tracks and talks out of both sides of his mouth. This temporary pied piper wants to tell us when and what to eat, how much, what to drive, how often, how warm or cool to keep our homes and he wants socialized health care. If he is so weak he smokes and surrounds himself with ONLY unsavory nefarious characters, smoking does not surprise me, but it does sicken me.
QUIT SMOKING HUSSEIN THEN MAYBE YOU CAN TELL ME HOW TO CARE FOR MY HEALTH.
I feel so sorry for his daughters, they are going to pay for every one of his and his rabid wife’s sins.
Jeebus if the two minutes of calm reflection the man gets from smoking a ciggie is the two minutes of calm reflection that, say, saves us from bombing Iran, I say give that man a cigarette.
joyceann: Are you…for real? Cuz you do a masterful impersonation of crazy.
ronaldpagan: Barry is a drive-by buggerer.
joyceann: Jesus forsake you years ago, sinner. And God fucking hates you (he told me personally). If Barry socializes health care, I hope you don’t get it, or your kids, and you can learn all about what so many fucking people deal with on a daily basis in these times, you fucking whack job. With any luck Reagan will come back and take you straight to hell with him. Eat a dick.
That cig looks like an amazing photoshop job,or else someone’s been using Blingee…I guess it could have been a joint or a necklace with a dollar sign on it…
joyceann: I’m unsavory and nefarious and Obama has never asked to be surrounded by me. But I appreciate the complete and utter insanity of your post.
joyceann: Jesus Hillarty! Don’t you get it? It’s over! Let it go!!!
Wow damm the abc posts where almost the highlight of my day?
Cue Simpsons “Think of the Children?” and also the ever popular Obama is a dirty rat bastard BLACK Muslim liar ok I glorified that last comment for all of my constituents in the south?
God are that many Americans really that banal and stupid or is it just me.
joyceann: Don’t forget his insatiable desire for white wimmins.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: I seriously want an investigation into what brand Obama smoked/smokes. Surely some of the reporters who covered him back in the day can enlighten us (at least to the menthol/regular question.
And since (as was pointed out here http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/06/opinion/06dowd.html?hp ) he used to flick cigarette butts out the windows of cars, I think we can rule out hand-rolled.
He can’t even change himself.
ChatteringClass: I’m betting on Marlboro Menthol Lights, the post-racial cigarette.
joyceann: LOL! Whoo-boy, you had me going… For a minute there, I almost thought you were seriously a bitter, paranoid and thoroughly delusional nutcase, good work.
“two faced fraud” “temporary pied piper” “rabid wife” This shit is comedy GOLD. Do let us know where you copy/pasted this from, McCain.com? hcsfjm? Free Republic? An email from your methhead cracker Uncle in West Virginia?
Obama > Hillary…
http://www.minimovie.com/film-128295-Welcome%20Back,%20Clinton
Hopey’s stock just jumped in the burley producing states of Kentucky, Tennessee, Indiana, North Carolina, Missouri, Ohio, Virginia, and West Virginia.
“Which candidate would you prefer to light up with?” is the horse race question for the 2008 election cycle? Suds are so 2000/2–4…
ChatteringClass: Rumor has it, he smoked Marlboro Reds. Ewwww.
http://www.thestar.com/News/USElection/article/326427
I was hoping for Lucky Strikes, but Marb Reds should endear him to the bitters more than a Gauloise or menthol habit.
joyceann: You are so funny! I don’t know if you’re posting an ABC comment, an actual bitter, or just doing a fantastic impression of one, but please stick around!
And 100% agreed that ScarJo is nefarious. Did you hear her Tom Waits covers?
joyceann: YOU’RE A STUPID HEAD!
Securacom-wtc: jUsT bEcAuSe yOuR’e pArAnOiD dOeS nOt mEaN tHaT…eRr wHat wAz I sAyInG?
shortsshortsshorts: Some people are little more than herd animals, flocking together whenever the world becomes uncomfortable for any reason, seeking the comfort of those who agree with them, do not contradict them, and takes care of their emotions.