Wonkette
This weekend, two very exciting things happened in Austin, Texas. Pinko communist Democrats held their state convention, and the governor’s mansion burned into a tragic, crispy crust. Could the two events be related? Let’s examine the “evidence” behind one possible explanation for the calamity: a drunken visiting Democrat left a burning bag of human feces on the (Republican) governor’s doorstep, never guessing the historic building was one vast, uninhabited fire hazard in search of a flame.
First off, it looks like the fire started on the front porch — the most natural location for a piss-drunk retard to hurl a flaming bag of shit.
Second, what better time to be throwing bags of poop at the governor’s mansion than on the last night of the Democratic state convention, when hordes of angry persecuted leftists were turned loose on the town after two days of righteous communal indignance?
Third, unless you lived in Austin or traveled in historic preservation circles, you would probably not know that Governor Goodhair has not lived in “his” mansion since a big restoration project began last year.
At any rate, the mansion is now completely ruined and fucked, but Chelsea Clinton gave a speech at the convention in which she said, “Oh gosh” a lot, so it’s all basically a wash.
[Photo courtesy of the governor's press office.]
Arson suspected in governor’s mansion fire [Austin American-Statesman]
Keep Austin Weird!
Ah, Austin. The Democratic asshole of the colossal red ass that is Texas.
This is what happens you listen to the Talking Heads too many times.
You see, in Texas, the shit is so bad that it burns houses down. Here in SF though, our shit doesn’t stink, so there’s one less danger to worry about.
Personally, I think it was set by a couple of “sister wives” in bright pastel ankle-length dresses. As a Utah native, I can testify, don’t mess with the batshit Polygs!
Oh Gosh. Has anyone one seen Terry since the Daily Show?
It must’ve been some really stupid white supremacists. Wrong kinda fertilizer, guys!
How ironic. A flaming bag of poo put on the porch of a Flaming Bag of Poo.
Well.. wait… was this Ed Hale? Speaking of which, has anyone checked out the new “store“????
Here is a few ideas that we can mkae into t-shirt and bumper stickers. If you have a great idea, then email it to me. Use the Comments post to get it to me Ed [sic]
remember the ala-poo!
Chelsea’s theme song is that annoying opening track from The Hills?Everything seems to make sense now.
….it’s prolly all ‘em damn fire ants….
What a crazy, totally unsubstantiated rumor. Let’s ask Barack Obama.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl:
Better than the “store”, theres this: http://hcsfjm.org/
I’m pretty sure that the guy whos responsible for the .com version is responsible for the .org one as well.
“My facebook friend, Chelsea Clinton!”
Worst. Intro. Evar.
Where was El Diablo when the fire broke out?
Maybe there were some hidden, almost forgotten documents from a past gov’nor which
needed to be ‘shredded.’
Much kudos to Chelsea, it must take a long time to program yourself to say “oh gosh” instead of the sweary-sailor expletives we’d be saying…
Does Texas still have that Governor they refer to as “Goodhair”?
Maybe his hairspray blew up.
But was it Republican poo or Democrat poo? Where’s CSI when you need them?
I think we’re missing the obvious Paultard angle here. GO RON PAUL!
The mansion is surrounded by scores of cameras and motion detectors, just like the White House. This flaming bag of crap smells like a false flag op.
HollowBrain: Been there, seen that. However, it is far supperior, since everyone knows the rankings of websites goes like this:
.edu
.org
.com
.net
.gov
HollowBrain: It doesn’t matter whether the republican party is running Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, John McCain or Mother Theresa (ok, she’s saintly, but not born in the USA).
What do all of these potential candidates have in common? They are the perfect republicans - dead.
So your basic theory is that the Texas Govenor’s Mansion has been shit on by professionals?
McCain is a zombie????
Well that explains a whole lot.
HollowBrain: Correction! the .com version is like “Fuck Barry Terrorist Fuckhead” when the .org version, and I quote—-
“Do not vote for McCain. “
I don’t know if it’s her clean, well-scrubbed look, her “oh goshes,” or her preppy outfits, but something about Chelsea makes me wanna tie her down to a saw-horse, ball-gag her, give her about 20 minutes with the Electro-Stim, and then treat her to some real Black Muslim rough sex.
This is the Reichstag fire of Texas; watch the Repubs declare a state of emergency.
Governor’s Mansion Fire is inside job — see infowars.com
Free Documentary on http://www.video.google.com ‘One Nation Under Siege’(1.4hrs). Through the research and personal testimony of over a dozen internationally distinguished authors, journalists, doctors, and military experts (Major General Albert Stubblebine) you will understand the massive and ceaseless control projected onto an unsuspecting populace by a government that may have finally crossed the line from a representative republic to a fascist empire. From the USA PATRIOT Act and the blatant disregard for the Bill of Rights to the outright tracking of every human being on the planet earth, you will be stunned by what U.S. government documents describe for the future of America. http://www.undersiegemovie.com/
USA’s Constitution and currency are being destroyed from within. How? Videos free on http://www.video.google.com 1) America: Freedom to Fascism, 2 hrs; 2)911 Justice, 18min; 3) The Clinton Chronicles, 1.7 hrs; 4) Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement, 2 hrs, 5) Terrorstorm: A History of False Flag Terror, 2 hrs 6) 911 Mysteries, 2 hrs; 7)The Creature from Jekyll Island, 1hr; 8)Orwell Rolls in His Grave, 2hrs; 9) The War on Democracy, 1.5 hrs; 10) The Energy Non-Crisis, 1 hr; 11)Iraq for Sale 1.2 hr; 12) Zeitgeist, 2 hrs; 13)Ring of Power, 2.5 hrs; 14)Bush link to JFK, 1.5 hrs; 15) The Century of the Self, 4 hrs; 16) Loose Change (2nd ed & Final cut) 2hrs each; 17)John Pilger: The New Rulers of the World; 18) The Money Masters: How International Bankers Gained Control of America, 3.5 hrs 19) Barack Obama CFR info 20) Global Warming or Global Governance 21) The Great Global Warming Swindle 22) Mercury, Autism and The Global Vaccine Agenda 23) The CIA, Mind Control and Satanism 24)George Hunt: UN UNCED Earth Summit 1992 (Population Reduction) 25) End of NAtions - EU Takeover 26) Washington, You’re Fired 27) Blackwater: America’s Private Army 28) Esoteric Agenda 29) Fiat Empire: Why the Federal Reserve Violates the U.S. COnstitution 30) The Revolution Will not be Televised [USA overthrow of Hugo Chavez] 31) One Nation Under Siege 32)Breaking The Silence - Truth and Lies in the War on Terror, by John Pilger(and all his documentaries) 33)Beyond Treason 1.5hrs
Obvs a work of the Paultards. Flaming poo fits their MO.
Chels is still cute. Gosh! of Gush! or whatever.
Oh boy, trying to follow spam.
In any event, this Austinite has an airtight alibi… (looks around nervously) I GOT WARRANTS! (takes off)
Securicom: Tinfoil anyone?
weirdiowasculpture: It should be fairly easy to forenically identify, even for CSI Texas. Republican poo is mostly undigested beef and anal lube. Democrat poo is arugula and pot resin.
Spence: Hollis’ henchwomen strike again!
/big-love’d
I think it was the ghost of Charles Joseph Whitman, shootin’ from the 22nd floor.
I’m surprised the GOP hasn’t tried to pin it on the gay bar that’s one block to the north of the manse.
DoctorCulturae: It’s in the Bible, People!
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Okay, he’s boring now.
I told Kinky to watch where he put out his cigar……
Oh mah gawd! I never even got to see the inside of the damned place and now it’s all burned down. Burned!
* sobbing *
Securicom:
You posted that loony rant at another Wonkette thread about Paultards, of which, you are apparently one.
Then you listed over 50 hours of film to watch, which means you watched all of that & that’s why you’re totally fucking nuts!
And not one of them tells us of the coming Ameros!
Securicom: O BAN HAMMER, where is your sting?
Vanity Smurf: I’m surprised they haven’t tried to blame it on a mildly mentally retarded Dutchman with some affinity for communism. Oh, wait, that’s not right–the Nazis set the fire in the Reichstag first, then claimed dictatorial powers. The Bush regime did it the other way. Sneaky.
The Hillary Supporters for McCain site is errant bullshit, pure and simple. Just a bunch of GOPers who take their order from Rush and who voted for Hillz, if they voted at all, just to stir up the pot. They’re so stupid that even GOPers don’t laugh at their jokes. Or their feeble (failed) attempts at writing in standard English.
Frankly, I blame the hipsters and the rockabilly crowd. Those people are shifty with their pompadours and Chuck Taylors.
Securicom: Do us all a favor and take the crazy elsewhere.
This Austinite is appalled. Given I hate Captain Goodhair and the other Repubs as much as anyone, but if that beautiful old building was destroyed by one of us, I have nothing glib or funny to say other than I am ashamed.
And yes; Leslie and I (True Austinites know who Leslie is) have an iron clad alibi.
I think a lot of other Rep(tiles) ought to get the flaming bag of shit!
Like John Yoo or George Bush (the younger)!
Zhu Bajie
Se to it you crackers don’t try to blame us.
Wow. They must make Flaming Bags Of Poo bigger in Texas.