Wonkette
Because of the damn terrorists, hobos will now have to take off the roaster chickens they use as footwear before boarding planes. In the Chicago area last Friday, a “motorist” noticed a whole roaster chicken, presumably on the road, stuffed not with innards or stuffing or golden trinkets, but with an IED, to blow up America. The bomb was defused by Authorities, and it’s a damn good thing — apparently that was one of those “unfriendly” bombs that hurts people: “Police Capt. Matthew Catania would not describe the bomb, but said it was ‘capable of causing harm to a person.’” Do not eat Roaster Chickens, ever. [Chicago Sun-Times]
TERRORISM
Thats not a cock we can believe in.
Finally, a thread I can sink my teeth into.
And, DAMN YOU TO HELL, Colonel Sanders!
Stuffed with bombs is better that stuffed with killer tomatoes.
Thank you for tagging this item with “butt plugs.”
Where can I get one of those for dinner at my in-law’s?
There’s a joke in here somewhere, but I just can’t bring myslef to find it. The whole thing is just too fowl.
And thus begins the Revolt of the Vegans.
Though with their low muscle density and their revulsion of soap, this would be a revolution easy to quell, especially once I get a few grills together in a row and start on the first batch of ribs. Best BBQ/war ever!
Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. TO DESTROY AMERICAN VALUES.
Crap… I was counting on roadkill to stay financially solvent once my balloon ARM teaser rate expires in July.
…all because Barack Obama gave his wife a TERRORIST “fist bump”!
Why do you hate America, Kenny Rogers?
First those bastards took away French Fries and I said nothing
Then they took away French Mustard and I said nothing
Then they confiscated Hummus and I said nothing.
Then they took my Beer Can Chicken…
Is the New Wonkette still banning people? ’cause, if ever there were a reason for banning someone, a foul/foul pun is surely it.
my friends, maybe now you understand what
i’ve been trying to tell you. black people love
chicken, and now we have chicken bombs.
where do you think they’re coming from?
Serolf Divad: Back off, Serolf! You’re not the only one who goes for low hanging fruit!
Not a very brave terrorist. In fact, well, I’ll stop there.
The best part is that somebody figured a raw plucked chicken was a good place to jam a pipe bomb. Because, you know, you want to hide those things in something inconspicuous so as not to arouse suspicion.
Things you find by the side of the road in Chicago:
1) Soda cups
2) Cigarette butts
3) Butterball turkeys
Kenny Rogers….gone terrist?
Typical Terraist Chicken from the Libruls at Boston Market, Assbombachusetts.
Advocatus_Diaboli: My point exactly!
I know a kid who blew his fingers off with a Cornish Game Hen once.
I suspect, though, if the IED was stuffed inside a Popeye’s Chicken, the death toll would have been outrageous. ANd yes, I would be one of the dead.
“Allah ak-buc-buc B A C A W!”
Nothing a little bird flu can’t fix.
See? Not ALL hens are against rough secks.
…the chicken insurgency has begun! Stock up on biscuits and hot-sauce and stay off the streets!
Great. Now they’re going to close all the Chick-fil-a’s in airport terminals.
RuperttheBear: That has the funny.
I remember a time when, if you found a bomb lying around somewhere for no reason, we blamed the white, wholesome, all-American Unabomber.
@ Serolf Divad:
Too Late, Roaster chicken futures are down big on the day. Word on the street is that Long positions on beer contracts are the place to be since Walnuts will usher in a new era of prohibition thereby making the remaining beers increasingly valuable.
This is a chicken-shit way to die and
I hope DHS casts their net far and wide to apprehend any coq-au-terroire
laying around.
BTW why does that chicken have a can of WD40 up its ass?
And is it just me, or does that mottled, wrinkled chicken with the beer can just scream “John McCain Saturday Night”?
don’t be fooled - if we turn our backs for a minute, the Chicken uprising will begin. Already we see they are booby-trapping corpses of their fallen.
And they’re working on vicious alligator TEETH -> http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=mutant-chicken-grows-alli
Nothing to open your eyes like a chicken on a sybian.
I.E.D. improvised electronic deliciousness?
tsunami: NOT black people. They love them too much to give any away in the cause of blowing shit up. I think it was Harriet Christian, looking to attract enough black people into a frenzy trying to get the chicken, and then detonating it. My guess was that she was hoping “Brack” would be out to lunch.
That chicken without the bomb/beercan/buttplug is capable of doing harm to a person if, for example, dropped on his head from a sufficient height, thrown with enough force or slipped on when it was put in the path of an unsuspecting Chicagoan.
…so we are being attacked by Israel?
http://www.flashpoints.net/archive/images/chicken.jpg
Who would have been the intended target here? I mean, who’s going to approach a plucked chicken carcass by the side of the road? Are those terrorist bastards threatening our feral cat populations? Because if you piss off the crazy old lady demographic, well, that’s just gonna spell the beginning of the end for global jihad. Terrorists watch out!
Colonel Sanders, sir, we’ve prepared the munitions. An extra crispy death to the infidels!
Insert tasteless witticism about Barry Obama, a yardbird, and a terrorist fist jab here.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: NOT black people. They
love them too much to give any away etc…
oh god…what was i thinking. you’re right, of course.
another example of white folks knee-jerkingly blaming
black folks for society’s ills. looks like i’ll have to
vote for barack twice. mea culpa.
Gopherit v2.0: Great. Now you just made me imagine McCain naked. Jesus Christ.
What no one saw was the vegetarian Wahhabist in a hemp turban sitting in the bushes nearby and cursing at his remote controller.
Iggy Plop: This is so a Bill Murray’s Caretaker character from Caddy Shack M.O.
Fucking gopher.
PurDON’T..
The Colonel’s fucking pissed!
So a guy was driving down the road in Chicago, saw a roaster chicken lying by the side of the road, and said to himself, “Hmmm, I think I should report that chicken to the authorities,” and the cops actually showed up and investigated? This would never have happened when Daley the First was mayor.
That’s a “beer butt chicken” cousins. My brother-in-law welded me a cast iron double rack for those babies, and suggested I only use Old Milwaukie’s Finest to steam out the hen’s ass cavity. I once again realize how much b-b-q is like torture.
The Real JR Revisted: Carl Spackler. So right. “Hello? Anybody home? Hello, Mr. Gopher! It’s me, Mr. Squirrel. Just a harmless squirrel. Not a plastic explosive or anything. Nothing to be worried about. I’m just here to make your last hours on earth as peaceful as possible. Don’t mind this. This is doctor’s orders. You don’t mind if I just pop in there for a few laughs? That’s right. Or in the words of Jean-Paul Sartre: ‘Au revoir, gopher.’ This is going to be sweet.”
Well, then, I’d better stop fist jabbing my chicken.
Mmmmm….beer can chicken. So good. I wish I had a grill large enough to make it tonight.
I thought Black Muslims liked fry chicken for their IEDs.
bitchincamaro: Hillary warned us about the bitters in Kentucky. Why didn’t we listen?
Servo: You are watching some interesting porn my friend.
Has the “Butt Plug” tag been used before? And where is the “Anal Intruder” tag when you need it?
From the article:
A motorist on Powder Forest Drive Friday morning noticed what looked like a whole chicken - the kind bought at grocery stores for roasting with a pipe bomb stuffed inside, police said.
Powder Forest Drive? I assume that is in Chicago’s gay district? Which explains a lot, when you think of it.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Gay district? I though it was the fine cocaine district.
edgydrifter: …right next to the one, lone shoe - a phenomemon I will never understand.
This sounds even more sinister than the lite-brite menace of last year. Boston still hasn’t recovered from the attacks on traffic counters made by the police. I think that was a factor in the problems with the Big Dig.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: If a Kentucky bitter wanted to make a food bomb they would use a head of lettuce or something. There is no way they would waste a chicken. That shits for eating.
Perhaps it wasn’t really loaded with explosives but had just gone fowl.
I am extremely impressed that our Wonkette actually found a picture of a chicken with what looks like an IED inserted in its ass.
First our tomatoes have salmonella, then our chickens have bombs. Our food is turning against us! I knew this would happen sooner or later.
When I was a kid in Chicago in the 1980s, there were a couple Mafia-placed car bombings. Bombings of likely turncoats etc. Anyway, it always frightened me that we’d be driving down the expressway and suddenly the car would explode. So I always made sure to check under the seats to make sure that no one had placed a bomb there. Why I thought my dad was a Mafia target, I cannot say, but it just seemed like no one was safe in an environment like that. Clearly, I was right.
Brutus’: I’m going to fight back by making myself a nice roasted chicken sammich on French bread (you know those French are up to no good) with a few slices of ripe red tomatoes inside. It’s a risk, but if that’s what it takes to fight the terrorists, I’m willing to make the sacrifice.
The War On Terror is a Hoax, fueled by False Flag Terror.
Free Documentary on http://www.video.google.com ‘One Nation Under Siege’(1.4hrs). Through the research and personal testimony of over a dozen internationally distinguished authors, journalists, doctors, and military experts (Major General Albert Stubblebine) you will understand the massive and ceaseless control projected onto an unsuspecting populace by a government that may have finally crossed the line from a representative republic to a fascist empire. From the USA PATRIOT Act and the blatant disregard for the Bill of Rights to the outright tracking of every human being on the planet earth, you will be stunned by what U.S. government documents describe for the future of America. http://www.undersiegemovie.com/
USA’s Constitution and currency are being destroyed from within. How? Videos free on http://www.video.google.com 1) America: Freedom to Fascism, 2 hrs; 2)911 Justice, 18min; 3) The Clinton Chronicles, 1.7 hrs; 4) Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement, 2 hrs, 5) Terrorstorm: A History of False Flag Terror, 2 hrs 6) 911 Mysteries, 2 hrs; 7)The Creature from Jekyll Island, 1hr; 8)Orwell Rolls in His Grave, 2hrs; 9) The War on Democracy, 1.5 hrs; 10) The Energy Non-Crisis, 1 hr; 11)Iraq for Sale 1.2 hr; 12) Zeitgeist, 2 hrs; 13)Ring of Power, 2.5 hrs; 14)Bush link to JFK, 1.5 hrs; 15) The Century of the Self, 4 hrs; 16) Loose Change (2nd ed & Final cut) 2hrs each; 17)John Pilger: The New Rulers of the World; 18) The Money Masters: How International Bankers Gained Control of America, 3.5 hrs 19) Barack Obama CFR info 20) Global Warming or Global Governance 21) The Great Global Warming Swindle 22) Mercury, Autism and The Global Vaccine Agenda 23) The CIA, Mind Control and Satanism 24)George Hunt: UN UNCED Earth Summit 1992 (Population Reduction) 25) End of NAtions - EU Takeover 26) Washington, You’re Fired 27) Blackwater: America’s Private Army 28) Esoteric Agenda 29) Fiat Empire: Why the Federal Reserve Violates the U.S. COnstitution 30) The Revolution Will not be Televised [USA overthrow of Hugo Chavez] 31) One Nation Under Siege 32)Breaking The Silence - Truth and Lies in the War on Terror, by John Pilger(and all his documentaries) 33)Beyond Treason 1.5hrs
Plastic Explosives: The 13th Secret Spice??
Securicom: AND IS THE CHICKEN IN MY MCNUGGETS REAL???
More at 11.
This is just about the best posting ever. Thank you, Wonkette, and very funny commenters.
and, it does prove the rule than anything involving chickens, ducks,
or monkeys is usually funny.
Serolf Divad: go for the deer roadkill. More bang for your buck. (sorry)
Securicom: I know that when you have mental diarrhea it can be difficult, but most people try not to spray liquid shit in public….
Doglessliberal: Serolf doesn’t fawn over pun-posts.
.
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Wake up America! Before it’s too late!!
I can’t believe no one’s made a PeTA joke/reference yet…
HollowBrain: The funniest thing I’ve seen all day. And nicely positioned at #1. Congrats.
weirdiowasculpture:
Checking further (following the link in the post) one finds that the poultry pipe bomb was found by the side of the road in Hartford, Illinois which is in Southern Illinois.
Southern Illinois (I formerly thought it started around 159th street) is like Mississippi in the 1950s. Any burg in Southern Illinois makes Charleston WVA look like the Champs-Élysées.
wheelie: perfect response
This was an incidious plot by those dam Cows.