John McCain’s Latest Devious Attempt To Steal Retarded Women

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Here’s a post from the “McCain Report,” which is one of several terrible blogs on McCain’s website. He’s trying to steal Hillary’s old ladies by posting videos from ABBA, a Swedish pop quartet from the ’70s. After Vietnam, John McCain had sex affairs with the two girls in this group before divorcing his crippled wife for yet a different mistress. “Seriously.” [John McCain via HuffPo]

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Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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  • Rolo-tony-brown-town

    is there any other way to be an abba fan besides “seriously?”

  • shortsshortsshorts

    He’s also a HUGE fan of the Iraq war, but that didn’t make it to the top 10. Oh well. 10 more Hillary supporters for WALNUTS!

  • NebraskashireGentry

    the McCain campaign’s attempts at “Internet” leave much to be desired.

  • bitchincamaro

    I’m thinking “Waterloo” might be more appropriate.

  • SocialList

    “ABBA?Do the kids think they’re groovy?Really.That’s not some commie acronym,is it?No?Then put some of their nickelodeon features on the that information roadway thingy you keep prattling on about,and don’t bother me any more tonight.I’m going to be in my masturbatoreum,perusing my photographic collection of the great Jennie Lindh.”

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Appropriate. A Republican advertising his affection for a group that once sang “Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight…”

  • polar_bear

    ABBA’s first recording together, “Hej, Gamle Man” translates to “Hello Old Man”.

  • queeraselvis v 2.0

    Come to think of it, Agnetha does resemble Cindy, so I can see the fandom. Seriously.

  • Johnny_Zhivago

    Big, big mistake by McCain, since the logic goes like this:

    Hillary –> ABBA –> Sweeden —> Volvos —> College Professors —> Obama

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …ABBA? If this is the best he has then he is in some seriously DEEP SHIT! He cant even get DEVO?!?!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …if he really wants Hillary’s base of old, dried up, female, bitters he would start running adds during re-runs of the “Golden Girls” and “Love Boat”

  • V572625694

    [re=11135]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I’m thinking Doobie Brothers….

  • AfghanVet

    McSame…The GOP Dukakis.

    The GOP is already skepticle about him and when he loses…badly…to a black man…his name will officially be…Dukakis.

  • Cicada

    From the title of this post, I thought I was going to be reading about McCain’s kinky white slavery ring. BAIT AND SWITCH, Wonkette. Shame on you.

  • Johnny_Zhivago

    Isn’t “Dancing Queen” Rudy Giulianni’s fav song?

  • Electric Zen

    Attention Obama supporters, McCain also likes Hootie and the Blowfish.

  • Electoral College Dropout

    What a shameless grab for the gay vote.

  • Johnny_Zhivago

    My friends, that’s music you can count on.

  • AfghanVet

    I predict that no one will be contributing to the McSame campaign by August.

  • lumpenprole

    I think Natalie Merchant has a little more cachet with the Hilz crowd. Or that one Paul Simon album he did when he was African.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Wow, the image of WALNUTS! doing the White Man’s Hustle to “Dancing Queen” circa 1979 with divorce papers in his pocket and sinning on his mind. I’m getting queasy.

  • StrangelyBrown

    Is that just the old ABBA video, or do we get Rickrolled somewhere in there? Because I really don’t want to have to watch the whole thing to find out.

    Is it possible to get ABBArolled?

  • Serolf Divad

    Rules I Live By:

    (1) Never trust a man whose favorite bad is a palindrome.

    (2) Never trust a man whose favorite band is the rhyme scheme of the first quatrain of a sonnet.

    (3) Never trust a man whose favorite band has only two distinct letters in its name.

    (4) Never trust a man whose favorite band could be confused for the American Bed & Breakfast Association.

  • choinski

    [re=11130]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Not to mention “Money Money Money”

  • norbizness

    “In my dreams, I have a plan… if I got me a wealthy (wo)man… I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball…”

  • Cicada

    [re=11146]Electric Zen[/re]: He’s trying to attract supporters, not send them screaming for the hills.

    McCain’s staff chose ABBA because they weren’t able to convert his wax pressing of “Yes Sir! That’s My Baby” to a digital format.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC

    Fucking Abba.

    I give them credit for the sweet synthesizer melody in “Gimme Gimme Gimme,” though.

    Barry needs to one-up Walnuts’ musical taste. Maybe make an appearance dressed in circa-1979 Commodores stage outfits.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=11157]Serolf Divad[/re]: You forgot never trust a philandering rat bastard who probably was an eyewitness to each and every presidential assassination.

  • tsunami

    hey, watch it with that headline.

    retarded women need love too…you just have to
    explain it to them really slowly.

  • Whore Diamond in the Rough

    [re=11140]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: His are already running ads during Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, but I’m telling you he’s missing a big market with Hallmark and Lifetime Channel.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    In 2000 he vehemently sang “take a chance on me” to the RNC, but they laughed at him and told him to sit like the loyal lapdog he has always been.

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    Knowing me, I have to ask… does his mother know?

    ¡Mamma Mia!

  • Gopherit v2.0

    [re=11162]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Fuck that. I wanna see Barry jamming to Parliament!

  • bowtienation

    Maybe he’s just nostalgic for the days when Eurovision was all about the music.

  • madirishman

    Proof positive that McCain’s mind is hopelessly stuck in the 70’s–the era of bad music, loose women in Qiana dresses, and some pretty good weed.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

  • metropolitan

    i’m thinking that post was not for hillary’s older women, but for the strong gay men support she had.
    just sayin’

  • ManchuCandidate

    You can vote, you can cry, losing the Hils of your life
    See that Hils, watch that scene, reel in the Bitter Queens

    Election day and bitters low
    Looking out for a white to go
    Where they need the angry fems, getting in the swing
    You come in to look for a king
    Anybody could be that guy (except the black guy!)
    Election’s young and the music’s high
    With a bit of pandering, everything is fine
    You’re in the mood for a stance
    And when you get the chance…

    You are the Bitter Queens, old and mean, only sixteee!
    Bitter Queens, feel the beat from the tambourine
    You can vote, you can cry, losing the Hils of your life
    See that Hils, watch that scene, reel in the Bitter Queens

    You need McCain, you turn him on
    Kick Barry’s hopes and then you’re gone
    Passing on the brother, any white will do
    You’re in the mood for a stance
    And when you get the chance…

    You are the Bitter Queens, old and mean, only sixteee!
    Bitter Queens, feel the beat from the tambourine
    You can vote, you can cry, losing the Hils of your life
    See that Hils, watch that scene, reel in the Bitter Queens

  • StupidGeek

    The first time I ever heard “Take a Chance on Me” was on The Office when Andy sang it to Angela. For me, that’s much more fun to think about than John McCain using that song to pump himself up before campaign speeches. Ew.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    [re=11172]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: …the cigarettes or the groups?

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    If you think this is gay, wait til you see the video “Hillary in the House” guy makes for Grumpus.

  • SecertAgentA

    There has got to be a better way to spend $45 Million in Campaign Contributions…Seriously.

  • vicuna

    Whoops, bittas chose music too soon. This is vomitous, but somehow touching.

  • Inadequate Blackmail

    I project “The Winner Takes it All” will be the soundtrack to many tear-stained hours at McCain headquarters come November.

  • Baiowulf

    [re=11121]Rolo-tony-brown-town[/re]: Check yourself. At the door. Gimme some more. Gimme some more. Of those rolos! Seriously.

  • Tits_LaRue

    [re=11162]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: WALNUTS! doesn’t even need to change the lyrics much!:

    Half past twelve (Isn’t that a little late for WALNUTS!?)
    And I’m watching the late show in my flat all alone (Sounds more like a Paultard, but, whatever…)
    How I hate to spend the evening on my own (Well, that’s what you get for supporting Bush’s own Gilligan! Or is he Thurston Howell, III?)
    Autumn winds (Yes, because he’s old.)
    Blowing outside my window as I look around the room (Blowing outside… hmmm, is that you Larry Craig?)
    And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom (We’re all depressed thinking about McCain as president, welcome to the club!)
    There’s not a soul out there (Because he sold it to George W. Boosh…)
    No one to hear my prayer (Again, because nobody is going to vote for McCain.)

    Gimme gimme gimme McCain after midnight
    Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away
    Gimme gimme gimme McCain after midnight
    Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

  • mookworthjwilson

    [re=11159]norbizness[/re]: So that proves it, not only is he fan, he also lives his life by their music.

  • vicuna

    [re=11208]vicuna[/re]: On second thought… 2:38 in.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC


  • superfecta

    Is he also going to play ‘Does Your Mother Know?’ to demonstrate that his mother is 8000 years old but still alive?

  • WernerHerzogsBear

    “Knowing Me, Knowing You” happens to be one of the best songs ever about divorce, and both couples in the band ended up splitting up, like everyone else in the seventies. It’s prolly not smart for McCain to remind people of divorce right now.

  • Mahousu

    [re=11155]StrangelyBrown[/re]: I can state with confidence that no one will Rickroll you in the middle of an ABBA video. I mean, what would be the point?

  • TGY

    ABBA? No, when John McCain was young, they were still playing music on rocks tuned to various pitches, striking them with fossilized lizard femurs. Hence ‘dinosaur rock’.

  • superfecta

    Thinking further on this, isn’t McCain violating the spirit of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by declaring his love of ABBA?

  • masterdebater

    “Dancing Queen”, may not be the image an ex-P.O.W. tough guy is looking for. Rudy could have pulled it off, but McCranky? Nah!

  • Rolo-tony-brown-town

    [re=11218]Baiowulf[/re]: great job

  • vicuna

    [re=11308]superfecta[/re]: No, only if he admits preferring Erasure’s cover of Take A Chance On Me

  • Darehead

    Well, here I am after all the good snarking spaces are taken, so I shall take up the task of reminding everyone that ABBA did not want McCain to take their Chance.

    The Republican candidate, who had already been banned by John Mellencamp, the American rocker, from using his hits ‘Our Country’ and ‘Pink Houses’, found out that he has few fans in Scandinavia when he tried to adopt Abba’s “Take a chance on me” as his campaign song. After running into difficulties with the Swedish supergroup, McCain lamented to reporters on board his plane that it wasn’t as easy to play the song as he thought.

    “It gets expensive in a big hurry and if you’re not careful you can alienate some Swedes,” he joked.“If word gets out to Stockholm that we’re using Abba music, then there’ll be aworsening in U.S.-Swedish relations.”

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  • starstream

    hrm likes swedish women, my fav was Greta Garbo. Now that was a sense of
    humour I could relate too!