JOHN MCCAIN  2:15 pm June 9, 2008

John McCain’s Latest Devious Attempt To Steal Retarded Women

by Jim Newell

Here’s a post from the “McCain Report,” which is one of several terrible blogs on McCain’s website. He’s trying to steal Hillary’s old ladies by posting videos from ABBA, a Swedish pop quartet from the ’70s. After Vietnam, John McCain had sex affairs with the two girls in this group before divorcing his crippled wife for yet a different mistress. “Seriously.” [John McCain via HuffPo]

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Rolo-tony-brown-town June 9, 2008 at 2:18 pm

is there any other way to be an abba fan besides “seriously?”

shortsshortsshorts June 9, 2008 at 2:20 pm

He’s also a HUGE fan of the Iraq war, but that didn’t make it to the top 10. Oh well. 10 more Hillary supporters for WALNUTS!

NebraskashireGentry June 9, 2008 at 2:20 pm

the McCain campaign’s attempts at “Internet” leave much to be desired.

bitchincamaro June 9, 2008 at 2:21 pm

I’m thinking “Waterloo” might be more appropriate.

SocialList June 9, 2008 at 2:21 pm

“ABBA?Do the kids think they’re groovy?Really.That’s not some commie acronym,is it?No?Then put some of their nickelodeon features on the that information roadway thingy you keep prattling on about,and don’t bother me any more tonight.I’m going to be in my masturbatoreum,perusing my photographic collection of the great Jennie Lindh.”

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 9, 2008 at 2:22 pm

Appropriate. A Republican advertising his affection for a group that once sang “Gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight…”

polar_bear June 9, 2008 at 2:24 pm

ABBA’s first recording together, “Hej, Gamle Man” translates to “Hello Old Man”.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 9, 2008 at 2:24 pm

Come to think of it, Agnetha does resemble Cindy, so I can see the fandom. Seriously.

Johnny_Zhivago June 9, 2008 at 2:25 pm

Big, big mistake by McCain, since the logic goes like this:

Hillary –> ABBA –> Sweeden —> Volvos —> College Professors —> Obama

AngryBlakGuy June 9, 2008 at 2:26 pm

…ABBA? If this is the best he has then he is in some seriously DEEP SHIT! He cant even get DEVO?!?!

AngryBlakGuy June 9, 2008 at 2:29 pm

…if he really wants Hillary’s base of old, dried up, female, bitters he would start running adds during re-runs of the “Golden Girls” and “Love Boat”

V572625694 June 9, 2008 at 2:30 pm

[re=11135]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: I’m thinking Doobie Brothers….

AfghanVet June 9, 2008 at 2:31 pm

McSame…The GOP Dukakis.

The GOP is already skepticle about him and when he loses…badly…to a black man…his name will officially be…Dukakis.

Cicada June 9, 2008 at 2:32 pm

From the title of this post, I thought I was going to be reading about McCain’s kinky white slavery ring. BAIT AND SWITCH, Wonkette. Shame on you.

Johnny_Zhivago June 9, 2008 at 2:32 pm

Isn’t “Dancing Queen” Rudy Giulianni’s fav song?

Electric Zen June 9, 2008 at 2:32 pm

Attention Obama supporters, McCain also likes Hootie and the Blowfish.

Electoral College Dropout June 9, 2008 at 2:32 pm

What a shameless grab for the gay vote.

Johnny_Zhivago June 9, 2008 at 2:33 pm

My friends, that’s music you can count on.

AfghanVet June 9, 2008 at 2:35 pm

I predict that no one will be contributing to the McSame campaign by August.

lumpenprole June 9, 2008 at 2:36 pm

I think Natalie Merchant has a little more cachet with the Hilz crowd. Or that one Paul Simon album he did when he was African.

Gopherit v2.0 June 9, 2008 at 2:37 pm

Wow, the image of WALNUTS! doing the White Man’s Hustle to “Dancing Queen” circa 1979 with divorce papers in his pocket and sinning on his mind. I’m getting queasy.

StrangelyBrown June 9, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Is that just the old ABBA video, or do we get Rickrolled somewhere in there? Because I really don’t want to have to watch the whole thing to find out.

Is it possible to get ABBArolled?

Serolf Divad June 9, 2008 at 2:39 pm

Rules I Live By:

(1) Never trust a man whose favorite bad is a palindrome.

(2) Never trust a man whose favorite band is the rhyme scheme of the first quatrain of a sonnet.

(3) Never trust a man whose favorite band has only two distinct letters in its name.

(4) Never trust a man whose favorite band could be confused for the American Bed & Breakfast Association.

choinski June 9, 2008 at 2:41 pm

[re=11130]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Not to mention “Money Money Money”

norbizness June 9, 2008 at 2:42 pm

“In my dreams, I have a plan… if I got me a wealthy (wo)man… I wouldn’t have to work at all, I’d fool around and have a ball…”

Cicada June 9, 2008 at 2:43 pm

[re=11146]Electric Zen[/re]: He’s trying to attract supporters, not send them screaming for the hills.

McCain’s staff chose ABBA because they weren’t able to convert his wax pressing of “Yes Sir! That’s My Baby” to a digital format.

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 9, 2008 at 2:43 pm

Fucking Abba.

I give them credit for the sweet synthesizer melody in “Gimme Gimme Gimme,” though.

Barry needs to one-up Walnuts’ musical taste. Maybe make an appearance dressed in circa-1979 Commodores stage outfits.

Gopherit v2.0 June 9, 2008 at 2:46 pm

[re=11157]Serolf Divad[/re]: You forgot never trust a philandering rat bastard who probably was an eyewitness to each and every presidential assassination.

tsunami June 9, 2008 at 2:46 pm

hey, watch it with that headline.

retarded women need love too…you just have to
explain it to them really slowly.

Whore Diamond in the Rough June 9, 2008 at 2:48 pm

[re=11140]AngryBlakGuy[/re]: His are already running ads during Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, but I’m telling you he’s missing a big market with Hallmark and Lifetime Channel.

shortsshortsshorts June 9, 2008 at 2:49 pm

In 2000 he vehemently sang “take a chance on me” to the RNC, but they laughed at him and told him to sit like the loyal lapdog he has always been.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 9, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Knowing me, I have to ask… does his mother know?

¡Mamma Mia!

Gopherit v2.0 June 9, 2008 at 2:50 pm

[re=11162]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Fuck that. I wanna see Barry jamming to Parliament!

bowtienation June 9, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Maybe he’s just nostalgic for the days when Eurovision was all about the music.

madirishman June 9, 2008 at 2:52 pm

Proof positive that McCain’s mind is hopelessly stuck in the 70′s–the era of bad music, loose women in Qiana dresses, and some pretty good weed.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that…

metropolitan June 9, 2008 at 2:56 pm

i’m thinking that post was not for hillary’s older women, but for the strong gay men support she had.
just sayin’

ManchuCandidate June 9, 2008 at 2:57 pm

You can vote, you can cry, losing the Hils of your life
See that Hils, watch that scene, reel in the Bitter Queens

Election day and bitters low
Looking out for a white to go
Where they need the angry fems, getting in the swing
You come in to look for a king
Anybody could be that guy (except the black guy!)
Election’s young and the music’s high
With a bit of pandering, everything is fine
You’re in the mood for a stance
And when you get the chance…

You are the Bitter Queens, old and mean, only sixteee!
Bitter Queens, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can vote, you can cry, losing the Hils of your life
See that Hils, watch that scene, reel in the Bitter Queens

You need McCain, you turn him on
Kick Barry’s hopes and then you’re gone
Passing on the brother, any white will do
You’re in the mood for a stance
And when you get the chance…

You are the Bitter Queens, old and mean, only sixteee!
Bitter Queens, feel the beat from the tambourine
You can vote, you can cry, losing the Hils of your life
See that Hils, watch that scene, reel in the Bitter Queens

StupidGeek June 9, 2008 at 2:58 pm

The first time I ever heard “Take a Chance on Me” was on The Office when Andy sang it to Angela. For me, that’s much more fun to think about than John McCain using that song to pump himself up before campaign speeches. Ew.

AngryBlakGuy June 9, 2008 at 2:58 pm

[re=11172]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: …the cigarettes or the groups?

Rev. Peter Lemonjello June 9, 2008 at 3:00 pm

If you think this is gay, wait til you see the video “Hillary in the House” guy makes for Grumpus.

SecertAgentA June 9, 2008 at 3:13 pm

There has got to be a better way to spend $45 Million in Campaign Contributions…Seriously.

vicuna June 9, 2008 at 3:14 pm

Whoops, bittas chose music too soon. This is vomitous, but somehow touching.

Inadequate Blackmail June 9, 2008 at 3:14 pm

I project “The Winner Takes it All” will be the soundtrack to many tear-stained hours at McCain headquarters come November.

Baiowulf June 9, 2008 at 3:20 pm

[re=11121]Rolo-tony-brown-town[/re]: Check yourself. At the door. Gimme some more. Gimme some more. Of those rolos! Seriously.

Tits_LaRue June 9, 2008 at 3:25 pm

[re=11162]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: WALNUTS! doesn’t even need to change the lyrics much!:

Half past twelve (Isn’t that a little late for WALNUTS!?)
And I’m watching the late show in my flat all alone (Sounds more like a Paultard, but, whatever…)
How I hate to spend the evening on my own (Well, that’s what you get for supporting Bush’s own Gilligan! Or is he Thurston Howell, III?)
Autumn winds (Yes, because he’s old.)
Blowing outside my window as I look around the room (Blowing outside… hmmm, is that you Larry Craig?)
And it makes me so depressed to see the gloom (We’re all depressed thinking about McCain as president, welcome to the club!)
There’s not a soul out there (Because he sold it to George W. Boosh…)
No one to hear my prayer (Again, because nobody is going to vote for McCain.)

Gimme gimme gimme McCain after midnight
Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away
Gimme gimme gimme McCain after midnight
Take me through the darkness to the break of the day

mookworthjwilson June 9, 2008 at 3:26 pm

[re=11159]norbizness[/re]: So that proves it, not only is he fan, he also lives his life by their music.

vicuna June 9, 2008 at 3:32 pm

[re=11208]vicuna[/re]: On second thought… 2:38 in.

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 9, 2008 at 3:48 pm


superfecta June 9, 2008 at 4:00 pm

Is he also going to play ‘Does Your Mother Know?’ to demonstrate that his mother is 8000 years old but still alive?

WernerHerzogsBear June 9, 2008 at 4:03 pm

“Knowing Me, Knowing You” happens to be one of the best songs ever about divorce, and both couples in the band ended up splitting up, like everyone else in the seventies. It’s prolly not smart for McCain to remind people of divorce right now.

Mahousu June 9, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=11155]StrangelyBrown[/re]: I can state with confidence that no one will Rickroll you in the middle of an ABBA video. I mean, what would be the point?

TGY June 9, 2008 at 4:14 pm

ABBA? No, when John McCain was young, they were still playing music on rocks tuned to various pitches, striking them with fossilized lizard femurs. Hence ‘dinosaur rock’.

superfecta June 9, 2008 at 4:17 pm

Thinking further on this, isn’t McCain violating the spirit of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by declaring his love of ABBA?

masterdebater June 9, 2008 at 4:34 pm

“Dancing Queen”, may not be the image an ex-P.O.W. tough guy is looking for. Rudy could have pulled it off, but McCranky? Nah!

Rolo-tony-brown-town June 9, 2008 at 5:04 pm

[re=11218]Baiowulf[/re]: great job

vicuna June 9, 2008 at 5:21 pm

[re=11308]superfecta[/re]: No, only if he admits preferring Erasure’s cover of Take A Chance On Me

Darehead June 10, 2008 at 6:28 am

Well, here I am after all the good snarking spaces are taken, so I shall take up the task of reminding everyone that ABBA did not want McCain to take their Chance.

The Republican candidate, who had already been banned by John Mellencamp, the American rocker, from using his hits ‘Our Country’ and ‘Pink Houses’, found out that he has few fans in Scandinavia when he tried to adopt Abba’s “Take a chance on me” as his campaign song. After running into difficulties with the Swedish supergroup, McCain lamented to reporters on board his plane that it wasn’t as easy to play the song as he thought.

“It gets expensive in a big hurry and if you’re not careful you can alienate some Swedes,” he joked.“If word gets out to Stockholm that we’re using Abba music, then there’ll be aworsening in U.S.-Swedish relations.”

Securicom June 10, 2008 at 9:58 am

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starstream June 12, 2008 at 4:31 pm

hrm likes swedish women, my fav was Greta Garbo. Now that was a sense of
humour I could relate too!

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