Wonkette
This weekend, Mike Huckabee gave North Carolina lieutenant governor candidate Robert Pittenger a fried squirrel liver, knowing that it was tough, so when Pittenger choked, Huckabee came and hugged him from behind (as per the Heimlich Manuever), saving his life, making himself Vice President. Or, he was merely humping a man who was choking to death. [ABC News]
AAAGGGHHHHH! My eyes! I was hoping that photo got lost in the server switch.
Anyone who hangs around food as much as ol’ Huck does knows the Heimlich maneuver just by osmosis.
Huck was merely trying to demonstrate to Pittenger his secret to weight loss.
Also, given McCain’s prohibition against fatties, I guess Huck’s out of the running as VP.
Erotic asphyxiation is sooooo hot. All the GOP-ers are doing it. Think that pretzel was an accident? Hell no. George was just adding a little spice to his afternoong “briefing”. I bet Huck and his lunch buddy here are totally bffs4evah now that they’ve sampled the illicit pleasures of the the grey zone.
Ugh…the coordinated family outfits…
At least his daughter looks like she escaped dad’s “eatin’ genes”. I’m afraid if I got close to one of the guys I’d be unable to escape their gravitational pull.
See, after all, Huck knows how to tell a choke.
queeraselvis v 2.0: has he gained back the famous 100 pounds he lost? I know he had gained back some on the campaign trail, but didn’t think he was back to porker stage yet.
Ack! I am laughing hysterically in public and I cannot stop. The mental image of Mike Huckabee humping a man is going to haunt my dreams.
…with the shear amount food that family consumes someone better know how to do the Heimlich!
You sure he wasn’t trying to eat the guy?
Jeeeeee-zus!
Seriously, has anyone calculated the number of squirrels (and how you’d have to cook them) to support the sheer mass of humanity displayed in that photo?
Are there ANY squirrels left in Arkansas?
Sadly, one of his sons later tortured and killed the Lieutenant Governor.
Did Huckabee then proceed to have hot public sex with a gaggle of near-identical redhead exhibitionist women? Oh, wait — I’m thinking of the Heinlein maneuver.
he actually just sat on the guy’s stomach…and just like the Heimlich maneuver, the man broke a few ribs
Johnny_Zhivago: Actually, I bet he changed his mind and just wanted the liver back for himself. Note there’s no follow up on what happened to the liver AFTER being forcibly humped out of the man.
It’s cute that the Hucknfeed family tried to rock the vertical stripes to slim down junior butterball there, but c’mon now–stripes can’t work miracles. Poor kid looks like the sail on a viking longship. They should have worn black and taken the photo in very dim surroundings, a la pre-op Carney Wilson from her music vids days.
Dude’s a hero. Needs to be on McNasty ticket.
loudmouthredhead: They use ‘possum for filler.
Darehead: Oh, Dearhead…
Damn, the Huckster was fat. That boy in the middle looks like he ate every chicken on every chicken farm in the state of Arkansas. (If you’ve ever been to or driven through AR, you’ll understand.)
ah, here’s my answer, sort of. http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1207/7467.html
He did gain some weight during the campaign, but that was a while ago, so he might have lost it since then, or inflated again from eating too many fried squirrels
(and apparently, the brains are the popular parts–and I am not making this up–there was a recent news item about warning hunters in the south not to eat the brains because of a Mad-Cow-Like disease that could be contracted that way. So you get to eat squirrel brains AND rot your brain).
Great opportunity for Jesusers to make new bumper stickers:
Know Huck, Know Life
No Huck, No Life
Can I just point out that the article says that it’s the THIRD time he’s used the Heimlich on someone!!! What’s with Republicans and not being able to swallow? Sen. Craig, can you answer?
I can hear Muggsy Spaniers’ Dixieland Band playing in the background. Mint Juleps, anyone?
“Blessed are the family of fat-asses in striped shirts, for I shall keep the squirrel vitals a-flowin’ on their table.” Matthew 64:9
edgydrifter: Junior Huck’n'Feed(tm) was practicing “looming” in that photo. I’d say he has a good career as a bouncer or pro wrestler in his future.
Anyone else wonder if he ate one of those Wonka meal-candies? I think he’s reached the blueberry pie stage…cue the Oompa-Loompas!
CrunchyKnee: I think you mean “vittles”
loudmouthredhead: Yes, yes I did. Blew that one, yeesh.
Oh, and GingerHuck (far left) is leaning on the bench because he’s out of breath. That 20 ft walk from the front door on level ground is a doozy.
Putting Hucks in the VP slot is known as the ‘Hemlock maneuver’.
edgydrifter: Well, they also could have slimmed him down a tad if he wasn’t in the center like a freakin’ sun, the rest of the family orbiting his gravitational pull.
TGY:
Well done, Shakespeare.
Think of how wonderfully healthy the dog is — no table scraps, ever.
lawrenceofthedesert: if by healthy you mean hanging from a noose in a tree, then yes. the dog is very healthy.
Doglessliberal: Mad squirrel disease is actually far worse than Mad Cow disease, which only makes you want to lie down and make the bastards use a loader to get you into the slaughter house. Mad squirrel disease causes one to run into traffic and taunt cars by constantly feinting one way, then another, until one hits you. If the Huckafamily ever got mad squirrel disease they could form some monster speed bumps, shut down the whole State of Arkansas.
2goats: oh my god, I just spit water on the keyboard.
Olan Mills then promptly stuck knitting needles in his eyes to make it all stop.
edgydrifter: Erotic defenestration is even better than erotic asphyxiation.
Nice.. Chunk Full-O-Nuts!!!
Not even vertical stripes can make these fat asses look slim.
That picture never gets old. Every time I see it I get this urge to go on an uphill hike and eat salad without dressing.
The Huckster usually likes his lamb with the bone in.
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To the Wonkette, and all the other inheritors of the American dream: If the disrespect on this website shown to Mike Huckabee is any index of the state of mind of the youth of America, it will be a good day when Al Qaeda marches in and takes over, because you miserable creatures don’t deserve the freedom that your ancestors fought so hard to attain. Better that you should learn respect at the business end of a scimitar. Go look it up, morons.
Hrm as a ‘portly (and now rotund with my own my Gravity)
I can’t help but laugh at ‘wait loss…