Wonkette
How did Hillary Clinton, who’s been locked in her Washington home on a barbiturate bender for the last 48 hours with the press clamoring at the gates, and Barack Obama, who commands an even larger, consolidated national press corps now, manage to meet privately (for hot bottled water) at that senator gal’s house last night? Easy! An unmarked van sneaked into Hillary’s side entrance (natch) and kidnapped her, while Obama took his reporters to the airport, locked them on a plane, and drove hastily to the meeting, where he violently ripped the duct tape from Hillary’s mouth and put her through bamboo-under-the-fingernails torture. And the press missed it!
Here’s how Obama’s Muslim terrorists kidnapped Our Hillary from her spider hole, and how Obama lied to the press corps. Lied!
Shortly after 10 p.m., a van sped quickly into the side gate of Clinton’s home, Whitehaven. It was unclear who was inside. Sen. Clinton has been invisible to the press corps gathered outside her home all day. To attend the meeting at Feinstein’s home, she would have had to slip unnoticed past a half-dozen cameras.
In an unexpected and unprecedented move for the candidate, Obama, D-Ill., shed his traveling press corps as they got on the plane with the understanding that Sen. Obama would join after his local interviews.
Right before take off, the press corps was informed Obama would not be flying to Chicago. Instead, he would be spending the evening in Washington.
Robert Gibbs, Obama campaign communications director, originally told the press corps, “He is not going to be in D.C. tonight for awhile so he wanted to schedule meetings.”
Gibbs later confirmed the meeting took place between Clinton and Obama.
Ouch, they got punk’d, or something! Here’s a pretty fantastic video of the reporters whining, too, about how Obama doesn’t ever deserve privacy again:
Clinton Sneaks Out to Meet Obama in Washington [ABC News]
Press angry over secret meeting between Obama and Clinton [YouTube]
Hillary has side entrance? Makes sense what with all
thigh meat in the front entrance.
WTF? First he got a pimp-cane, now he’s Jason Bourne? Next he’ll be spotted doing target practice on a little tin GOP elephant from a Luger.
He lied to the press about meeting a woman? Let the impeachment hearings begin.
Later, BHO returned the press their letterman jacket and class ring and told them “It’s not you. It’s me.”
Waaaah! Waaah! Why doesn’t Hopey love us? Why are we stuck on this plane? You’re tricksy, tricksy and mean!
Where was this outrage when we were being sold the Iraq war?
Her house is called Whitehaven????
You’d think the press would have noticed Hilz climbing out the second floor window like Gene Hackman in “The Birdcage.” Stupid, lazy press corps.
“we don’t have anything better to do than what we are paid to do.”
oooooh, i get it. that’s how you are part of the employed 88%.
…who the hell WOULDN’T want a president that can ditch the paparazzi and kidnap his rivals in the dead of night!?!?!?!
Cicada has it just right. Uncle Barry, get out your pimp cane and whack these whiny bitches. They really do think they’re the story.
Bill Clinton: “Yup, that’s how it’s done when you gotta visit a lady.”
Good, perhaps finally these vultures will learn something about the monument…
Vanity Smurf: She has a house with a name? Sounds pretty leet to me. Don’t let the bitters find out.
Pissed off Press Lady: “As it is in General Elections, the nominee is treated much like a President is. If he goes to lunch with friends, we go. If he goes to ride a bike, we go…”
DAYUM. So if he goes off to the bathroom, y’all are there, too? Must you shadow him 24/7? How about alone time with his wife?
No wonder Barry did a Brangelina. Next he’ll be hanging out in Namibia just to get some breathing room.
PEOPLE. It’s not like he’s conducting secret torture business. He’s meeting with Clinton, not Castro…yet.
“If the president goes bike riding, we go with him. I mean, that’s what we’re here for.We would have been happy to sit on the run-way.”
The pisstivity is pallatable.
How’s a man supposed to get some sweet alone time with his wife with
all of those jackals hovering within 5 feet of him at all time? If he had to meet the Harpy
first to get some quality time with Michelle, so be it.
It’s also very touching to see the level of moral outrage reporters can get over not being told
about the meeting with Clinton, when they couldn’t be bothered with trivial stories like an invented war,
a trashed economy, etc over the past 8 years.
For some reason this reminds me of a time in High School when I sneaked out of the house to get drunk with my friends. When I came home my Mom was waiting for me with this really depressing Rachel Maddow sadface that will haunt me to my grave. If Obama got back on the plane with puke in his hair and only one shoe then it would be even closer.
I would have thought her lair was called “Satis House.” Anybody who gains admittance, be sure to check her clocks.
problemwithcaring: Everyone is missing the point. Hopey’s aura is addictive. Like crack or political blogs. People who had spent a certain amount of time basking in it go into withdrawal once it’s removed, even for a brief window of time. Symptoms include … well, what we saw on the tape: depression, pissiness and inability to cope with the horrors of the world.
Gopherit v2.0: when they couldn’t be bothered with trivial stories like an invented war, a trashed economy, etc over the past 8 years.
WORD UP.
Meanwhile the Senate report that’s out about how the administration straight LIED to get into the war… Why is this not front page news? Where’s your effing moral outrage now?
Wow, they had all those jackals on the plane at one time and restrained themselves from blowing it up? Very classy, Barry!
Then, he raped the cunt in the ass, because that’s all she worth, and hung the bitch.
or wait, they weren’t in Alabama were they?
Waaaaaaaaaaaambulance! Call it! Quickly!
Ha ha, Obama hijacked the media! On a plane!
If I’d been forced to follow him everywhere for the last 6 months only to be left idling on the tarmac while he pulls off some cloak and dagger capers and got scooped on the story by some DC homebaser, I’d probably be pretty dang pissed too.
Paultardville: I’m TIRED of these motherfuckin’ press on my motherfuckin’ PLANE!
Gopherit v2.0: It would be insulting to snakes to compare them to political reporters.
She named her house? Did she name the furniture too?
This is the best practical joke, ever! Good one, Barry. I didn’t think it was possible, but I like him more and more every day!
What are the appliances called?
For full enjoyment, I have provided a soundtrack to this here post:
http://www.fatshagen.de/Repertoire/YaketySax.mp3
OOOO!!!! Wonkette looks so fancy on this Macbook. I am going to steal it from my friend.
This would have never happend if CNN would just take my suggestion and replace the press corps with Hollywood Paparazzi. There would be camera monkeys hanging in the trees like squirrels everyplace he goes. But then, they would have gotten scooped by Perez Hilton.
THAT’S THE WAY IT’S DONE, DAMMIT! now the press will have to destroy him …
He’s Sam Fisher of Splinter Cell.
bitchincamaro: totally unnecessary and worse, not funny
The media all need to be shot. The guy should’ve just said “We wanted them to meet in private, meaning without you motherfuckers there.” I mean, he could substitute another word for “motherfuckers”, but you get my drift.
I caught the rebroadcast of Gretta last night on Fox, with their “reporters” stating that Hillary was in her house, and that there was no way she could get by them.
SayItWithWookies: Pure Genius!
graceless: Yes. Inside Whitehaven’s stately walls you can find Whitecouch, Whitestools, the Whiteoven and Whitefridge. Don’t hate on Hillz, she is trying to undo years of oppression against white people in this country.
Exclusive: Must credit Wonkette and Lionel Hutz Esq.
Everyone is wondering what was said between Barack and Hillary. Where here is the exclusive transcription of what Barack said:
You are looking very fine. I am serious.
But I am not here to tease you with words. Compliments and flattery are nice, but I can offer you much, much more. After you hear what I have to say, I am certain you will agree that I got what you need.
When we are together, I will not merely whisper into your ears sweet words that will melt your heart and prove to you that you are the most precious creature I have ever laid my eyes upon. No, in addition to such various whisperings, I will provide you with all the love a real woman like yourself requires. I will pamper you. I will wine you and dine you. I will make your dreams come true.
I will sex you wild.
First, I will take you to the finest in entertainment and shows. Together, we will enjoy the ballet, the opera and Luther. I will dress in an expensive silk suit and take you by the hand and lead you to our exclusive box seats at the concert. We will be surrounded by the majesty of the arts, including a theater that is very old and has seats that are upholstered with luxurious red velvet. It will be exquisite.
I will then provide you with fine dining. We will consume a meal at the finest four-star restaurant in the city. We will be served lobster, oysters, caviar and cheese. I will order this meal in French, which will make you wet. We will be served fine wine, french bread and corn. It will be a meal for a king and queen.
There will also be cloth napkins.
Upon completion of the meal, I will take you on a walk through the park. The lights of the city will sparkle around us. The moon will be visible, as well. We will take a ride in a luxurious limousine that contains a TV, all at my expense. I will provide the $70 necessary for this romantic ride.
Girl, it will then be time for me to give you my love. We will return to my lavish apartment, and I will remove all your clothes, including your bra, your panties and your socks. I will take my time and not make a single mistake.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/25889
Vanity Smurf: I would’ve said this had I not been drinking my lunch when this post was made.
Shypixel: Yep. She has everything except the White House. Muahahahaha!
Shypixel: queeraselvis v 2.0: Heh, heh, heh. Snap.
What’s going on here? Techies running a has been software site on the side? Every time I click “Next”, I get these two cows.
In Gibbs’ tell-all best seller due out in 2015, he will remember this as the start of his suspicions that Barry was a Black guy who liked to sneak around outside after dark.
bess marvin, girl detective: Dana Perino’s answer would have been, You were there. You were there the whole time.
Yep, press corps is in the tank for Obama every bit as much as Newell is… sitting on a tarmac for hours… what losers. What great “reporters”!
Obama probably snuck off to Bilderberg BEFORE the Nissan Pavillion rally… and no diggety he told Hillary that Bilderberg was behind *him* this year.
Obama/Sibelius vs McCain/Sanford? Both govs are Bilderberging this year.
I’m surprised she didn’t name it “Hard Working White American Haven.”
Puts Whitewater in a new light.
She’s just obsessed with living in a White House.
What a bunch of whiny babies. “Why can’t we go to the potty with Barry? It is expected that the press corps always go to the potty with the presumptive nominee! Is he going number one or number two? Why are we not being toooooold? What is the rationaaaaaaale?”
The Washington press corps wasn’t invited to Jenna’s secret Mormon wedding in Texas either. (FLDS sex-slave tweenagers were Jen-Jen’s bridesmaids, btw.) And so now when Hiltz gets a visit from Barry they get, like, all bitchy, teary and whiney, those sexists. This is why Hlillary never got a fair shake during the primaries.
@bess marvin, girl detective : I totally agree. Sometimes I can only manage cruel and unusual. Why do you have no reply button?
“When he goes for a bike ride, we go with him…” Yeah, right.
“As it is in General Elections, the nominee is treated much like a President is. If he goes to lunch with friends, we go. If he goes to ride a bike, we go.”
And yet somehow, with all constant surveillance, we still managed to provide not one iota of insight into the actual differences between the candidates policies back in 2000. Go figure!
JamesMichaelCurley: Same problem here.
Very restrained using “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” poster and not “Mandingo”
Tricking the press corps termites is one thing; hijacking a planeload of them was a seriously dumb idea. That nobody has been sacked must mean it was personally OKed by B.O.