Wonkette
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Those of us who have been forced (either for vaguely professional reasons or by sheer cussed compulsion) to follow the presidential campaign over the past year or so might use a number of terms or phrases to describe it. “Dreamlike,” perhaps. “Nightmarish,” maybe. Or possibly, “A horrible, violent mescaline hallucination during which we begged God to kill us.” But did the candidates feel the same way? We have some evidence, in cartoon form, that maybe one of them did!
Poor Hillary! Most red-blooded Americans are enjoying their wet dreams about Barack Obama right about now, but she just sits there sullenly, while her husband taunts her. That’s understandable, though; while your dreams about Barack Obama consist of him earnestly talking about health care reform and foreign policy while slowly unbuttoning his shirt, hers were a little bit … different. Let’s take a look, shall we?
Hillary’s dream started off pretty good … for her. At last, people realized the beneath his happy-go-lucky, all-American exterior, Obama was secretly a Muslim king, with a sinister Arab advisor! Also, he had a whorish harem girl whom he had impregnated, who was super-sexy except for her enormous lips and lack of a nose. She represents his black Muslim church, obviously. And because he wore his terrorist Arab garments, the whole world could see his scrawny little legs! Ha ha! Look at those toothpicks! He’s not sexy now, is he, America?
But then it started to get weird. Obama was still a Muslim, but now he was the Farrakhan kind, not the Bin Laden kind. And Bill wanted her to “dance” with him! We all know what that represents! After all these years, you’d think that he’d be done humiliating her, but apparently not. All she could do was sit alone by the wall and guard her precious, precious genitals.
Later, she was eaten by a coyote (something about illegal immigration, maybe?), and, while she was still only partway down the beast’s ravenous gullet, the foul creature attempt to chase and catch a grinning, demon-eyed Obama-bird, only to plummet to its death in the arid southwest (it has to be about illegal immigration, I just know it!).
And yet still her torment wouldn’t end.
How many gnomish superdelegates would she have to service before the nomination would be hers? How many? Is it worth it, just for the chance to run for president against John McCain?
… John McCain, who was ready to unleash at a moment’s notice his secret weapon: his terrifying 12-foot-long prehensile penis-foot. Oh, Hillary, you say that a woman can do anything a man can do in the presidency; but she they cow foreign leaders with their awesomely horrifying genitalia, and strangle them with it, if necessary?
Who could even serve as a running mate for the possessor of such a mighty member? Bobby Jindal, Charlie Crist, and Mitt Romney were forced to prove their worth by attempting to romance an angry wooly mammoth. And that’s when Hillary realized that there were worse things than not being president.
I an Obama dream last night. The DNC made Hillz VP, and Michelle threw herself out a window in an act of defiant rage. I woke in a cold sweat, and reassured myself that Hillz will not share the ticket.
Hill to Bill “Wonder Twin powers activate” “Form of a Snake and Hyena”
Hillary and wet should not go together.
I guess my humor circuits aren’t working today because I don’t get the Hilsbot and the Seven Dwarfs. I always pictured the Hilz as the wicked stepmother.
The roadrunner and coyote was okay but pretty lazy. If I had artistic talent I would have given the coyote Hilzbot features and a bigger ass while grafted a beak onto Sen Unicorn’s face as the road runner.
I like this one
http://www.uclick.com/client/nyt/gm/
Wonkette didn’t.
ManchuCandidate: wet blanket?
Those culturally illiterate fuckers.
It’s “Meep! Meep!” not “Beep! Beep!”
all of the cartoons were lazy, 2nd string efforts. It was almost like looking at the Liberal Wing of FixedNoise Autopen Kartoon School.
Here, look at a real master at work:
re McSame: http://danzigercartoons.com/?p=1735
re Hill: http://danzigercartoons.com/?p=1704
Watch everyone now start their comments with “I had an Obama dream tonight!” They’ll then proceed to describe something cheerfully psychodelic, when the sad reality is, they did have an Obama dream, but it was straight up wish-fulfillment. In my case, I was back in U of C, and he was reading a bunch of us undergrads a lecture on the Papal Inquisition.
In that last cartoon I’ll be Charlie Crist is thinking, “I haven’t ridden anything that violent and hairy in weeks.“
Deepthroat: AHAHAHA.
That one is hilarious.
That mammoth has huge tusks, and you know what they say about a mammoth with huge tusks.
nhunter: Shouldn’t it be: “VEEP VEEP”
nhunter:
They’re also terrible, terrible artists. Look at the Hilllary character in the one with the dwarves. Just horrible drawing skills.
How do these people make a living doing this? I don’t get it.
Why is it a mammoth instead of a bull? Is that a reference to McCain spending his youth chasing woolly mammoths atop his pet saber-toothed tiger?
great to see you postin! i thought you were sticking with the denton.
Botswana Meat Commission FC: I assumed that since they were in full colour they’re probably don’t even have jobs with real newspapers. Unless US-Americans are awesome enough to have colour editorial pages (we’re too cheap for that up here in the land of extra vowels).
Naked Bunny with a Whip: The tusk are looser in Alabama.
McCain is the Dhalsim from Street Fighter II, of gay bathroom sex.
wait a minute, i don’t get it. why is trinity church represented by a hot babe? i thought it was the catholic church that was the great whore.
Wow… Trinity Church is really hot.
ReelectTilden: ‘Cause the base is “Paleocons,” get it! Ha Ha mammoths :: elephants just as dinosaurs :: jesus.
Ann Telnaes FTW!
mrtrailsafety: Danziger is brilliant.
Shit, does this mean four more years of cartoons featuring huge, flyaway donkey ears?
Yay! Curmudgeon’s back!
Meanwhile, I don’t know what “but she they cow foreign leaders” means, but it’s oddly tantalizing…
nhunter: I was going to say that. Next week, they’ll have more or less the same cartoon, but with Obama-bird looking quizzically at Hillaryote, and asking himself “Veep? Veep?”.
I wonder if the cartoonist in the Hill-n-Bill cartoon knows what a “wet dream” is? I get the feeling he meant to have Hillary all aflame and angry-looking, smoldering with furious flames and smoke shooting out of her ears, with Bill asking if she’d had another “hot flash”, which seems more age/gender appropriate than “wet dream”. Not that older women can have nocturnal orgasms. Just sayin’.
MLK had an Obama dream.
For some reason they put the wrong caption on the final cartoon.
McCain should be saying, “If you can withstand a series of mammoth farts, you’re just the guy to walk behind me this fall”.
AnnieGetYourFun: Damn, beat to the punch! I wonder why not all comments show up for me?
The gnomish superdelegate looks like the blind sheik who tried to blow up the WTC in 1993.
http://photos.imageevent.com/deltaforce/blindsheik/061214_rahman_vmed_12p_widec.jpg
ReelectTilden: Mammoth = Elephant = R Party
I also am blissfully ignorant of the dark omens behind the snow white cartoon.
Thinking of Hillary having a wet dream has currently blown my circuits. I’m drooling in retarded horror as I type.
I think I need to go drink it off.
Indi: = extinct (or soon to be, rather)
No, see, she’s Wile E. Coyote because she keeps running even after she’s over the cliff! Haha. Actually, Hill must feel like she’s been over a cliff for a long time.