Wonkette
Joe Lieberman got off easy! Now Barack Obama is resorting to assault and battery with members of Congress: “The man wobbled slowly to the stage and presented Obama with a maple wood walking stick as a gift. The presumptive democratic nominee, clearly feeling his oats, took the stick and said, ‘If members of congress don’t pass my health care bill — I’ll whoop ‘em, I’ll whoop ‘em.
That’s right, you better not mess with me, and I’ll have that stick.’” John McCain is reportedly very jealous of the maple wood walking stick. [ABC News]
He is obviously channeling LBJ, Teddy Roosevelt and Preston Brooks all at the same time, making it clear that he has mastered the rules of the Senate.
That’s pretty cool, Obama, but I’m still aglow over Huckabee’s promise to plant a flagpole in the ass of every American.
After the battery, is he going to deep-fry Joe Lieberman?
John McCain was so mad about the DNC announcement that he is currently on his jet-plane fucking not one, but two lobbyists.
Jealous? Length or girth?
He’ll stick it so far up Lieberman’s ass that Joe will cry tears of syrup.
So, what you’re saying is, McCain’s jealous of the black man’s wood…?
SwanSwanH: Jealous that maple syrup still comes out of that stick.
SwanSwanH: Jealous of the sweet sweet taste of real maple syrup that oozes from it.
If he has the stick,
you must help the sick!
NoWireHangers: DAMN WE MADE THE SAME COMMENT NEARLY SIMULTANEOUSLY AND NOW I FELL SO SHAMED THAT I MUST PROCLAIM IT IN ALL CAPS
I predict that the tape of Obama saying this is going to be replayed on air infinity times between now and November, because it’s conclusive proof that he’s a “thug” or “gangster” (which is code word for black).
He speaks articulate, and carries a big stick.
Is it sexist to say that I’d like Obama to “whoop” me with his “stick”?
“feeling his oats”? really, ABC? that expression must come from around the same time as the original maple walking stick. and John McCain.
Teddy Obama: Talk softly and swing a big dick… er…. stick.
Tits_LaRue:
Nah, racist maybe, and a little elitist..
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Let’s discuss over pancakes, you’re buying.
Tits_LaRue: Not sexist, predictable maybe.
Better this, then the conch.
Shypixel: Jeez I’m going to have to start trademarking my jokes huh?
NoWireHangers: I’d prefer the belgian waffles in the shape of a crescent moon and star that i heard barry was unveiling soon.
RWWiley83: Is it sexist if I say I’d like Obama to feel my… ah, nevermind.
No free health care? That’s a paddlin’.
What a crappy gift.
McCain is just about past the “cane” stage and into the time in his life when he ambles along behind a walker that has tennis balls on the front feet, enabling him to smoothly glide across the polished linoleum of his nursing home rather than the staccato shuffling that will highlight his second term as President.
He’ll also hire several old-Chicago-style gansters to patrol the aisles of the Senate chamber and sniff out wis guys who have a probem with the Boss. With Typewriters, fedoras, and white scarves over exquiste suits.
I’ll be in my bunk.
blogfather: Well…. I would have said “well spoken” instead of “articulate”…
Evokes more of an ingrained national racism, doncha think? BTW: yes, I am available for hire as your personal comment joke editor/proofreader, I charge one liter of sweat, blood, and tears from the poor forgotten white people in this country per diem, plus expenses…
Shypixel: Well even as I wrote it, I knew others were thinking it. Scary how we’re on the same page there.
Godless Liberal *: You know what stage is after the ‘cane stage’ right?
You guessed it, the ‘walker-pooper’ stage.
Harriet Christian just turned to her cats and told them “I told you so. They’re all just like that.”
AxmxZ: Wise guys, not “wis” guys. Although no guarantees that Joe Lieberman won’t whiz himself.
Sheriff Barack: “Excuse me while I whip this out.”
Please, Barry, America NEEDS to see you pimp-strollling with that walking stick through the House Chamber on the night of your first State of the Union speech.
blogfather: Shypixel: You forgot to mention clean. He’s so clean and articulate, with a big stick. If we’re going for that, at least.
There’s plenty of historical precident here: There’s Andrew “Old Hickory” Jackson who “as president, when an attempted assassination failed, Jackson beat the perpetrator with his walking stick.”
And who could forget Rep. Preston Brooks of South Carolina who broke his cane over the head of Senator Charles Sumner of Massachusetts in 1856.
ChatteringClass: You must be taking this out of WALNUTS’ biography, aren’t you?
blogfather: Gross, that means he could potentially be in front of the entire world delivering his State of the Union speech WHILE HE IS SHITTING HIMSELF.
Godless Liberal *: Ha ha. From Slate: “This year, the first national estimate on cognitive impairment found that more than one-third of people age 71 and older have some diminished mental function. McCain will turn 72 in August.”
Wait, that’s not funny. That’s scary as hell!
Godless Liberal *: Just imagine the look on Mitten’s and Nancy’s faces when they catch a whiff
It’s just a good thing it wasn’t a Walnut Wood Mc-Cane.
http://www.amazon.com/Carex-Walnut-Wood-Handle-Canes/dp/B000AEGCEE
shortsshortsshorts: To be fair, WALNUTS! probably did witness both previous occasions… which would explain why they haven’t sent out the “outraged” email/press release yet.
Republicans are feeling The Fear. I hear it’s just about impossible to book a flight to Paraguay for this coming January.
That would be the ‘novo cane’ we hear so much about. It makes people speak truth.
Okay, so not only did Barry receive a pimp cane for winning the Democratic nomination. He accepted it as such and is planning to use it as such - Welcome to Obama-nation!!!
Damnit! I wasn’t able to get a ticket to the rally in Bristol (I live only 25 mi. away). Oh well. It’s gonna take more than one trip to this area to persuade all the bitters to get on board with Barack. I really hope you all can get the audio of Barack receiving the walking stick. Hot damn!
@Barry’s New Pimp-caine: Eponymous comments look Craiglist-y.
It would have been much worse if someone had given him a spatula and he’d threatened to roughly spank his opposition, while massaging his nipples through his shirt, (like some people do around here).
Next…a krunk cup made from a killer whale tooth, with scrimshaw…Boieee!
cue T.I.’s What You Know…
Now all he needs is to get that cowboy hat and he is officially Sheriff of Pimptown, inheriting the title from Napoleon.
How does this only make him hotter?
Lieberman needs a session getting whacked with this walking stick.
Come to think of it, there are plenty of congresspersons who deserve discipline. Go Obama!
Obama: “Assume the position”
Lieberman: “Thank you sir! May I have another! (gulp) “Thank you sir! May I have another!”
It’s a method of enforcement that he learned while in Singapore. Any House members caught putting gum under their seats get ten thwacks.
El Bombastico: “…one-third of people age 71 and older have some diminished mental function.”
Slate is cherry-picking data in that article. One-third of people under age 71 also have some diminished mental function. Hence dubya’s still existent approval rating. Okay, that’s Hillary math, but still…
Ah - it probably reminds McCain of the caning of Senator Sumner in the Senate chambers in 1856 - back when McCain was the junior Senator of the Gadsden Purchase Territory.
That thing looks like Triumph. I can’t wait: “Yeah, Senator McCain, that’s a really good health care plan— FOR ME TO POOP ON!”
Speak loudly and carry a short stick?