About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • ReelectTilden

    Does he just steal ideas directly from Wonkette commenters? I know I personally goofed on those teeth a day or two ago…

  • floraway

    I think that Kos is going to create a civil war with his diarists. Worse than the Hillz supporters vs. Barry supporter war from earlier this year.

    But this one is reasonable, because that was a really dumb post.

  • Humble Pi

    In other news, General Fransisco Franco is still dead.

  • The Real JR Revisted

    Okay, but in their defense, because I was initially thinking the same thing while watching the lime green speech on Tuesday, it’s not like 30 years haven’t gone by and the guy can’t get his teeth fixed. And if I remember the pics when he was released, it was his side teeth, not the front. And they’re criticizing the color, not the shape of his teeth.

    And he does look creepy when he does those forced smiles.

  • tunamelt

    I can’t believe this doesn’t warrant an siren animated gif.

  • ReelectTilden

    [re=8405]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: Sure, if you’re a elite investment banker who can afford orthodontia. Real Muricans have fucked up teeth and issues with anger, and they’re not going to line up behind ol’ Pearly-White (but not actually white) Barry Obama.

  • TGY

    Yah, the whole article is pretty toothless.

  • StrangelyBrown

    This reminds me a little of Wonkette’s coverage of Bush’s persistent meth-mouth a while back. Maybe tooth decay is a side effect of their surrender to the Brain-Hugging Neocon Symbiont From Beyond the Moon?

  • wallythepug

    I’d been thinking that he needed to hit the Crest White-Strips pretty hard myself. WALNUTS, not Kos.

  • The Real JR Revisted

    [re=8410]ReelectTilden[/re]: Are you calling me English?! I’m red-blooded American, Buster! We have fluoride in our water and we LIKE IT!

    That’s not change we can believe in! *creepy forced wide grin while waiting for someone to cue for applause*

  • NoWireHangers

    What WALNUTS! needs is a grill studded with red, white, and blue cubic zirconium. Something classy, you know, for the ‘lection.

  • Eclectablog

    It’s one thing to have stuff like that on Wonkette. But Kos is a different kind of website and should be above that.

    In other words, we have the low road covered. Completely. Seriously, dude, we got it handled.

  • Mabalz Izhari

    Cindy can afford to have a “BriteSmile” office in her basement next to her tanning bed and treadmill. I can’t believe she would let him kiss her with that mouth. She probably sealed her vadge with his Sea Bond denture cream.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    Kos doesn’t have any stories about WALNUTS’ sweeeeet nipples? What is this country coming to?
    And ya, teeth. Dumb dumb dumb.

  • freakishlystrong

    [re=8405]The Real JR Revisted[/re]:
    Creepy!!?? He looks like the fucking Gollum…

  • jagorev

    I hope Kos will clarify how this is any different from making fun of Obama for his dark skin or “African” nose and lips, or making a big deal of Hillary’s cleavage.

  • Sean O

    Yeah, when I saw that post I forgot whether I was on Kos or Wonkette. Then I realized wonkette would’ve been funnier.

    Kos should be about self-righteously being pissed at everything republican (or Clinton), not petty potshots at how grumpus looks.

    It’s like making fun of Bush because he talks like a retard. We all know he talks like a retard, but there’s so much more material.

  • ReelectTilden

    [re=8421]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: Flouride?!? We still have that? Then what the hell has the John Birch Society been doing with all my donations?

  • bitchincamaro

    Actually, it kind of endears Walnuts to me, knowing
    his chiclets are the color of Wonkette wallpaper.

  • El Bombastico

    To be fair, his teeth only look yellow because they’re contrasted against the translucent, pasty white skin on his melon-shaped head. Glad I could increase the level of discourse.

  • Eclectablog

    [re=8440]Sean O[/re]: ‘Zactly

  • Jobbotch

    …and I wish I didn’t have to stare at the “Obama as Curious George” T-shirt ad while reading this.

  • problemwithcaring

    [re=8457]El Bombastico[/re]: Excatly – would you wnat a president with the bad taste to have pasty skin, but the poor jugdement not to “Zoom”?

  • Tits_LaRue

    I’m pretty sure this was already snarked better at Wonkette, somewhere, but Rude Pundit nailed it with “corn kernel teeth.” Simple and to the point. Like the phrase: “kos who?”

  • SwanSwanH

    .[re=8426]Eclectablog[/re]: Precisely. And Kos’ teeth are the color of Ned Lamont’s spunk.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    You have to admit, though, you should be able to get dentures cleaner than that.

    If Kos wanted to be truly snide, they should have mentioned McCain’s more than passing resemblance to the

  • blogfather

    Kos must be where all the consumerist readers go to talk about politics…

  • Cicada

    [re=8466]Jobbotch[/re]: Yes, I’ve been trying to edit that out of my field of vision as well.
    Obama is like a monkey! Ha-ha! It’s funny because he’s a Negro! Ha-ha! He likes bananas! And watermelon and fried chicken!

    Why can’t we have an ad for TRUCK NUTZ instead?

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=8466]Jobbotch[/re]: WTF? On OUR WONKETTE???

  • blogfather

    Smile fo’ me daddy
    (What you lookin at)
    Let me see ya grill
    (Let cha see my what)
    Ye, ya grill ye, ye, ya grill
    (Rob da jewellery store and tell em make me a grill
    she said)

  • RaptorAvatar

    My teeth are probably worse than that, but It’s cause I subsist on coffee and cigarettes and am not married to a beer heiress who can buy old man braces/whitening stuff for me.

  • blogfather

    [re=8476]Cicada[/re]: That’s baw-bee-Q chicken… get it right.

  • MrAgro

    O’Reilly’s gonna have a field day with this.

  • NoWireHangers

    [re=8476]Cicada[/re]: I wonder if their “unique, random T shirts” include one with a graphic of WALNUTS! head plastered on a box of saltine crackers.

  • El Bombastico

    [re=8476]Cicada[/re]: Holy shit. How long has that been there? Have I been subconsciously getting more racist?

  • blogfather

    Teeth whitener and bush’s cock probably don’t mix. Like drinking o.j. after you brush.

  • Cicada

    [re=8492]El Bombastico[/re]: Yes. It’s all part of David Duke’s 20 year plan to take back the white house through subliminal T-shirt ads.
    It looks like the ad has changed to “Camp Obama” now.

  • Cicada

    [re=8507]Cicada[/re]: *WHITEhouse*, not *white house* damn!

  • AxmxZ

    We’ll see how pretty Kos looks at McCain’s age. (Not Barry, though. Everyone knows black don’t crack.)

  • El Bombastico

    [re=8507]Cicada[/re]: I don’t know what’s more offensive: the blatantly racist t-shirt or the fact that they use the word “rad”. Are their copyrighters plagarizing Hot Wheels ads from 1986?

  • GenghisConvict

    kos: in the back-pocket of the white-strip lobby since day one.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=8520]Cicada[/re]: Or, if you prefer, the “not black” house.

  • obfuscator

    I find the “ENTER THE DECISION CENTER” button to be very amusing.

  • ChatteringClass

    [re=8421]The Real JR Revisted[/re]: Not according to Gen. Jack D. Ripper: “You know when fluoridation first began? … Nineteen hundred and forty-six. Nineteen forty-six, Mandrake. How does that coincide with your post-war Commie conspiracy, huh? It’s incredibly obvious, isn’t it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice. That’s the way your hard-core Commie works.

  • MrAgro

    Judge not a man by the color of his teeth, but the contents of his pockets: two Wherther’s Originals and an engraved divot.

  • Tra

    [re=8476]Cicada[/re]: Holy crap. I worked for a newspaper and I know you don’t normally pick and choose your ads but, uh …

    Holy crap.

    And yeah, I guess when you have to ooze your way from beneath a rock every election season, you may miss the fact that you’re trying to lure the kiddies with twenty-some year old slang.

  • graceless*

    Daily Kos, where wonkettes go to recycle…

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    I hear Kos is in talks to start writing Leno’s monologues.

  • sezme

    That’s not dental transcendence!

  • sweetladyirony

    Whoever made the comment about drinking puddle water deserves credit for this whole shebang. I’m glad I’m not the only one who was entirely underwhelmed by Kos’s failure at lol today.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.


  • shortsshortsshorts

    Instead of a “Breaking News” story shouldn’t this be a “developing” story?

  • liquiddaddy

    Haha. McCain is old! He can’t lift his arms up. ha ha He had skin cancer and his skins all, like, narly, and shit. snort! Let’s look at his butt! I bet its all saggy with old dude pimples all over it. Get an anal bleach, old dude!

  • masterdebater

    Thanks a lot…here comes dinner.

  • Canmon (the Inadequate)

    That picture was artificially darkened by the Clinton campaign.

  • Kos

    Dude, I am freakin’ funny.

    (actually, I’m not that Kos)

  • Sabre_Justice

    Hey, my teeth are that colour and my dentist never says nothin’.

    Clicking ‘View Comments’ was not a good idea…

  • ReelectTilden

    [re=8659]sweetladyirony[/re]: That was me, damn it! Kos is stealing my lines!

  • ReelectTilden