George Bush To Arbitrarily, Uh, Save Iraq!

Barack Obama wants to leave Iraq, John McCain wants to keep it as a vacation home for 100 years. This is an important decision we must make in our Election. Except it's not at all(!), because -- according to a British newspaper -- George W. Bush & Pals are negotiating a Secret Deal that "would perpetuate the American military occupation of Iraq indefinitely, regardless of the outcome of the US presidential election in November." Shocking! And once this deal is inked, Bush plans on declaring victory. Again!

It seems that some members of the lazy Iraq leadership are worried about potential, hmm, BAD CONSEQUENCES? "Iraqi officials fear that the accord, under which US troops would occupy permanent bases, conduct military operations, arrest Iraqis and enjoy immunity from Iraqi law, will destabilise Iraq's position in the Middle East and lay the basis for unending conflict in their country." No. No, no no. None of these things will ever happen. The only consequence will be Freedom continuing its March, towards outer space.

Or Freedom will stop its March, because George Bush randomly plans on declaring victory once this goes through:

But the accord also threatens to provoke a political crisis in the US. President Bush wants to push it through by the end of next month so he can declare a military victory and claim his 2003 invasion has been vindicated. But by perpetuating the US presence in Iraq, the long-term settlement would undercut pledges by the Democratic presidential nominee, Barack Obama, to withdraw US troops if he is elected president in November.

Huh. This just makes too much goddamn sense.

 Revealed: Secret plan to keep Iraq under US control [The Indepedent]