Wonkette
Barack Obama wants to leave Iraq, John McCain wants to keep it as a vacation home for 100 years. This is an important decision we must make in our Election. Except it’s not at all(!), because — according to a British newspaper — George W. Bush & Pals are negotiating a Secret Deal that “would perpetuate the American military occupation of Iraq indefinitely, regardless of the outcome of the US presidential election in November.” Shocking! And once this deal is inked, Bush plans on declaring victory. Again!
It seems that some members of the lazy Iraq leadership are worried about potential, hmm, BAD CONSEQUENCES? “Iraqi officials fear that the accord, under which US troops would occupy permanent bases, conduct military operations, arrest Iraqis and enjoy immunity from Iraqi law, will destabilise Iraq’s position in the Middle East and lay the basis for unending conflict in their country.” No. No, no no. None of these things will ever happen. The only consequence will be Freedom continuing its March, towards outer space.
Or Freedom will stop its March, because George Bush randomly plans on declaring victory once this goes through:
But the accord also threatens to provoke a political crisis in the US. President Bush wants to push it through by the end of next month so he can declare a military victory and claim his 2003 invasion has been vindicated. But by perpetuating the US presence in Iraq, the long-term settlement would undercut pledges by the Democratic presidential nominee, Barack Obama, to withdraw US troops if he is elected president in November.
Huh. This just makes too much goddamn sense.
Revealed: Secret plan to keep Iraq under US control [The Indepedent]
Oh, this should turn out well.
One little problem. Even the Sheeples has figgered out that the mission has not been accomplished, and just saying so doesn’t make it so.
The real question is: Can Obama, find Osama?
Now W may be dumber than a bucket of hair, but even he should be able to see right through this charade….
This is obviously an attempt by Hillz to have Iraq absorbed into the union as our 58th state. She plans on asking the Rules Committee to seat the newly created state’s delegates according to the last pre-war vote in the country, with all votes that were cast for Saddam going to her, and all votes cast for anybody else going to Obama.
Those Iraqi delegates are her last bastion of hope!
Just when I thought that I had lost some of my cynicism and distrust, George Bush pulled me right back in. Thank you, GW.
WOW…. just when I thought I couldn’t hate this man anymore. He takes it to ANOTHER LEVEL!!!!!!
blogfather: They are brothers, aren’t they? He just needs to have a family reunion.
I hate to ask this, but I wonder where Bush’s thumb has been?
Uncle Al: Yes it does. 18 Gazillion Hillary supporters can’t be wrong. Don’t you know that every person that ever lived on earth, not counting those that lived prior to the neolithic era, voted for Hillary, and this damned media is trying to cover it up?
(Is my utter frustration with Kamp Klinton’s Happy Fun Bag of Lies starting to show?)
So the Iraqis have complete sovereignty except that we can do anything we (and our yahoo contractors) want there and have immunity from all Iraqi laws? And the Iraqis are opposed to this? You’d think they’d trust us, after all we’ve done for them.
This will shut everybody up! Thank GAWD. I’m so sick of people saying “this is an humanitarian crisis” and “get out of Iraq now.” Take your liberal bibles and shove ‘em, communists. This will be just like the Philippines! Huzzah! Get your land while it’s cookin’. Jeebus knows those “Iraqis,” (if we MUST call them that) won’t be needing it.
The only way I could see something like this working… where Bush puts us into Iraq forever in a way that no future president can undo, is if BUsh manages to turn Iraq into the 51st U.S. State.
God help us all.
So our mission will be accomplished when we are hogtied and beaten into a permanent presence in Iraq?
In the words of GWB: Awesome!
Iraq the 51st state!!!
“President Bush wants to push it through by the end of next month”
Push it through who? Congress? Good luck, Mr. 25% approval rating.
Serolf Divad: Did you even READ my comment? And its not 51st, its 52nd, everyone knows PR is our most important state.
Serolf Divad: Mississippi, for one, would be thrilled at the prospect of not being the worst off in every conceivable measurement.
Serolf Divad: Welcome to the Capitol, Senator Chalabi! Are there any earmarks you’d like to see added to the current appropriations?
TJBeck: “Push it through who? Congress?”
Ha! Like they have anything to do with it.
SayItWithWookies: Not true. Mississippi will still be fattest, because Iraqis don’t eat. Or can’t. Something like that.
Serolf Divad:
Some new state slogans?
Iraq: “We put the fun back in fundamentalist jihad.”
Iraq: “The Blow Me (up) State.”
Iraq: “Come for the falafel, stay for the IEDs.”
Shypixel: Serolf Divad: …if this happened a little earlier then Hillary would still be in the race!
That journlist spelt stabilize with an “s” - obvisouly one of them fuckin ‘leetist.
Any deal he gets can be repudiated by the next president, if need be. There isn’t time to put something of that scale fully into place. He can only start it, and with the contractor lag in Iraq, nothing will be done until after the election and can be easily quashed.
Let’s be serious for one minute here. Is there really anyone left in America, that has been aware of their surroundings for the last 8 years, who is surprised by this? This is RoveBushCheneyCondi policy writ large. OK, I’m done. Let the snark resume.
Serolf Divad: Might be a fair trade if we give Florida, and all of it’s occupants, to Al Qaeda.
TGY: Yeah, but it will get him at least one more carrier landing.
FFFREEEEDDDOOOOMMMMM!!!!”
As much as I’d like to believe the article’s statements about what the Bush administration is pushing for, the idea that it would keep us from withdrawing is sort of silly.
The article fails to describe any real legal aspects of this - it just mentions vague ‘negotiations’ and ‘accords’. Does that mean treaties? Iraqi law? Non-binding statements of understanding? Spit handshakes?
If it’s an Iraqi law that grants us immunity from prosecution etc., how does that keep us from just leaving? Is our country somehow going to be contractually obligates to provide staffed bases in Iraq? This doesn’t really make any sense. Even if Bush agreed to some sort of a treaty, the Senate would still have to ratify it.
So, while I commend the journalist’s attempt to expose Bush’s ambition, the innuendo and lack of any real research on the ‘accord’ pretty much means this article is bullshit.
Oh, and I didn’t think a single picture could make him look like a bigger dick, but you have managed to find it. Sweet!
Sure, so once again your least favourite Canadian “secret Wonkette Operative” Canuckledragger clues you into something worth peddling. And once again you peddle it, but without any attribution to the slack-jawed mouth-breather who brought it to your attention. Not even a ‘tip of the fuckin’ Hatlo Hat.’ Dagnabbit!
As a Canadian, I’m quite accustomed to being ignored.
Doesn’t mean I’m fuckin’ happy about it.
You’ve stolen my ’star,’ repeatedly failed to give credit where due and, worst of all, after four months here I still haven’t received my Wonkette mouse-ears, which is why I signed up in the first place. “Four to six weeks for delivery,” my ass!
Harrumph!
But if you get Sarah [no 'h'] K. Smith to tell me to ‘get lost,’ all will be forgiven. [At least then I can say, "She noticed me, she *noticed* me."]
TJBeck: And who the FUCK are these “25%ers”??? Are there REALLY that many morons in this country?? Wait…. don’t answer that. I’ll just go stick chopsticks into my eye sockets.
Shypixel:
Look at AngryBlackGuy’s comment, too… holy crap this is scary… if we’re all coming up with the same idea independently and nearly simultaneously (like in “Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind”) then something along these lines must be afoot! I’m freaking now!!!
That last post was way too thoughtful. I apologize. I will work in something about butt sex next time.
Gopherit v2.0:
Why not Texas?
Matt Yglesias has a comment here. I suspect this may become too difficult to achieve without real support both in this country and in Iraq (and does anyone see such support?). Without that, the “agreement” is meaningless. Not that lots of folks can’t be killed or maimed in the meantime. Maybe that was the mission all along?
Canuckledragger: You best be careful. These ‘ere U.S. States are always looking for No. 53… and you folks are right next door.
Is this like Bush’s secret plan to capture Osama in October 2004? Or to bring back the draft in after the 2004 elections?
It’s all part of his Master Plan. Apparently, since Iraqis didn’t believe his Mission Accomplished speech a few years ago, he’ll just make it again. Then it’s on to Iran, Syria, and Yemen and back home in time for Christmas. Why do you nay-sayers not believe him? It’s not like he’s ever like to us before…
Canuckledragger: If Iraq doesn’t work out as #51, Ontario will do. Gotta get those nickel mines!
Shypixel: Agreed. I just meant the sheeples has figured out the war is a clusterfuck. As for all the other lies being thrown about by McBush and Bill Clinton’s wife, they are totally true. Did you know that Hillary won the popular vote, and McCain is the agent of REAL change?
blogfather: I dunno. Barry carries himself with a bit of an effeminate aura. It’s easy to envision him sporting penny loafers, a pink oxford, sky blue blazer, and matching ascot. The Bman definitely needs to work on that. He should challenge Osama to a fight! Like when the two kings engage in combat to decide the battle rather than sacrifice the blood of their armies! What nobler way to save western civilization whilst proving his manhood! Osama v. Obama! The Waziristan Warlord versus the Ebony Elitist! The PakiTerrorTacker meets the Southside Tea Sipper! I need some help with scary Barry names.
Serolf Divad: Judgement call. At least Texas has…….hmmm, good chili recipes?
I’ve got nothin’. Texas it is, then.
Why are the British newspapers always coming up with the “secret plans” for this and that?
Whatever. We might as well annex Iraq and be done with it.
shortsshortsshorts:
We whipped your sorry asses in 1812 and are spoiling to do it again.
Bring it on, Shorts! [Um, you don't mind if I call you "Shorts" for... um... short, do you?]
If you can’t take rice farmers in ‘Nam or camel-riders in ‘Raq, do you really think you can take a tiny but potently virile nation of devastatingly good-looking burly lumberjacks in the tundra?
[We have a secret weapon: skidoos! Aw, shit! now it's not secret anymore. I blew it. I guess I shouldn't mention that we have more oil than Iraq either, eh? Aw, shit I did it again!]
Canuckledragger: They don’t call Canada “America’s hat” for nothing.
And if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll tell you to get lost. I wouldn’t mean it, though. This place wouldn’t be the same without you.
Humble Pi: And we like to refer to your charming land as Canada’s arsehole. [Actually I'm the only one who enjoys that. And spanking.]
But thanks for noticing. Canadians aren’t used to that.
Canuckledragger: As an honourary Canadian, I back you 100%, eh!
Let’s forget all the problems with BushCo.
Canadian World Domination: http://www.standingonguard.com/index2.html
Well, it can’t be any worse, can it?
Shypixel: Since half the people who voted in the Republican primaries were women, shouldn’t their vote go to Hillary as well?
Johnny_Zhivago: Well…. Since we can’t determine gender by the ballots cast, I think the only fair thing is to assume that they were ALL female, and give all their votes to Hillz. And since we know that no self-respecting republican would be black, none of the votes could possibly be for Obama
Canuckledragger: 54′40″ or FIGHT!!!!
blogfather: Huh? I thought Barack had him on speed dial
I get the whole paleo-con Geostrategeric Projection of Power thing, but in my experience, a plot of land to which the tenants are permanently confined under threat of death or bodily harm is commonly known as a “prison” rather than a “base”.
Shypixel: Yeah, but Polk was a pussy.
Said it, but didn’t do it!
[BTW, 54*40 is the name of a one-time good Vancouver band. They did a song called "Yank," that many people thought was anti-American. But they meant "yank" as in "to pull." Or "jerk." Geez, maybe that was an insult to your fine nation....]
One wonders what foreign policy triumph is next on Mr Bush’s agenda? Declaring PEACE in DAFUR, perhaps?–or a CURE for AIDS (perhaps by the laying on of his hands?)
If as part of this deal we could grant US citizenship to Iraq’s oil, I might be for it.
George W. Bush also has a plan to crap in all the urinals in the White House if Obama wins.
If iraq becomes the 51st state it will be great! Maybe lazy Puerto Rico and Guam will learn the lession that you only get to be state if you have oil. So you “territories and Dependant Nations” if you want to be a state, find us some oil, our Hummers can’t fuel themselves!
Canuckledragger: While we do love the tips coming in, it does certainly bother me when people complain about not getting credit for something that’s all over Drudge and has been sent to us by a dozen different people.
Q: Aren’t we all pretty much done-zo with the President dressing up in little issue-relevant outfits like some fucktarded Ken doll for the time being?
To quote a famous parrot, “People of the world: Relax.”
This is the Bush administration we’re talking about. Whatever they do will be fucked up beyond comprehension, utterly worthless and thrown out with the rest of the White House trash on 1/21/09.
HeelingToPort: that’s gross. I was just getting ready to eat lunch. Now I’ll just go jerk-off in the company bathroom instead. sigh.
Son of Mark Penn: I thought they would just change all the keyboard keys to W’s.
The big question is do we get to see W and his package back in a flight suit?
You know, if only Nixon had thought about this, Viet Nam would have turned out so much differently.
Canuckledragger:
Hey, Jim noticed you: Jim Newell, and he wears the panties around her. Satisfied?
Iraq, the other Puerto Rico.
Jim Newell:
Indeed, I welcome our Bitburger Overlords.
How do you say that in Iraqi?
Talk about a missed opportunity! All those jet engines that could have turned him into ground meat or a flying ball of flames, or the propellors that could have crudely sliced him like a Ronco kitchen appliance. He could have had a tailhook drop on his noggin, a 20-ton aircraft run him over, or got microwaved on the radar array. He could have “accidently” fallen off the fantail during the night mess hall dump, chopped by the ship’s screws and eaten by the trailing sharks.
Canuckledragger:
When I lived (if you call that ‘living’)in Detroit we found great
amusement (French-Canuck accent) knowing that Canada was actually
south of us and thus, our arsehole (Detroit accent).
Advocatus_Diaboli: I believe the correct quote is “People of zee wurl, RELAX!”
All I got is, if he achieves this with his usual measure of efficiency, then leaving Iraq will be easier than skipping out on a boring book-signing. Otherwise, he’s gonna need that Paraguay hideaway, when at least one person among the 75% comes gunning after him.
shortsshortsshorts: And they have an arseload of oil. Methinks GDub needs to give them an arseload of FREEDOM-n-LIBERTYTM.
Tits_LaRue: Not until we see him in pirate regalia. Hopefully hanging from a yardarm or walking the plank.
So, based on how this is like what we did in Puerto Rico, can we look forward to having Iraqis perform shitty dance music and cast the deciding vote in the Dem primary 100 years from now?
I think what is really happening is negotiating what is called a SOFA or Status of Forces Agreement, which DOES detail WHAT and HOW we operate within a “sovereign nation”. It would contain base information as well as legal standing of soldiers operating in the country. So, it does kind of mean we will have bases and stuff, but Obama or any President can decalre the SOFA null and void at anytime.
Believe it or not, any country we don’t…ummmm…invade…has a SOFA in place with us if US forces are operating within their borders.
Carrie_Okie: I just dumped my bag of chips on my desk laughing. Damn you!
Assface will surely deliver the Pre-emptive Strike on Barry’s presidency.
TJBeck: Word. I’m trying to fathom what kind of situation could keep us from actually physically leaving. It’s not like we care much for international LAW, right?
AnnieGetYourFun: Meh. I.L. is unenforceable anyway, so have at it Georgey!
AngryBlakGuy: or “Iraq: The Next Puerto Rico”
Humble Pi: Well, I guess we haven’t really seen Bush in drag, either… there’s still time for him to stuff some grapefruits in a bra, smear on some of Barbara’s “Kennebunkport Babies’ Blood” red lipstick and a cheap wig and call himself Nancy! I think Barry’s learned his lesson about dressing up in any sort of “garb” for the cameras, so after ‘09 the era of Presidential CosPlay Buffoonery is hopefully over…
Tits_LaRue: Alas, all my greatest fantasies combined.
shortsshortsshorts: Well, really, who doesn’t love mixing gender-bending with grapefruit and babies blood?
Wait a minute. Some background here. Any treaty has to be signed off on by the Senate still, I think. And 75% of Iraqis want the US out, according to a couple of them wandering the halls of Congress in DC right now, looking for Ron Paul’s autograph.
I see troubles ratifying any hidden plebiscite unless it includes a Starbuck’s franchise.
Clovis: It’s a SOFA, not a treaty. See above.
fyi, y’all
The Fifty-first State?
by James Fallows
Novemeber 2002!
Hits the nail on the head. Funny reading all these years later. The opening blurb,
Going to war with Iraq would mean shouldering all the responsibilities of an occupying power the moment victory was achieved. These would include running the economy, keeping domestic peace, and protecting Iraq’s borders—and doing it all for years, or perhaps decades. Are we ready for this long-term relationship?