Wonkette
We used this same movie picture yesterday when the Associated Press erroneously reported that Hillary would concede in her speech last night. It only makes sense to use it again, because, as all Americans know, you have to destroy two (2) Death Stars to take down an Empire. We assume Hillary understands this, and that’s why we “trust” this latest report that Hillary will concede by Friday at a gathering of her top supporters. Meanwhile, Barack Obama will be celebrating his Victory with fuzzy Ewoks at a bonfire in his native Kenya. [ABC News]
HILLARY CLINTON
I’ll believe it when I see it. Or maybe I won’t even believe it then…
Surely it’s Kucinich who hangs with the Ewoks?
I only hope that when the data is analyzed a weakness can be found. It’s not over yet.
Oh no! If this happens then there will be 18 million Americans who become invisible! How will we be able to preserve their safety as pedestrians? How will we protect ourselves from invisible shoplifters if some of them turn bad?
…and the moon will turn blood red, and toads shall rain from the sky, and the restless dead shall walk the earth.
For what it’s worth, ABC has ALREADY changed the story, going from “she will” to “all indications are she will.” So god only knows–by Friday, she may announce she’s doubling down and suing to get all caucus states invalidated, as they are communist.
The image of Ewoks slowly roasting over a bonfire gives me lasting pleasure.
Thanks, Wonkette!
it’s a trap!
Why can’t these “sources” just keep their mouths shut? We all know she’s going to delay it until at least NEXT Friday now. Just to spite the media who are always wrong and sexist.
That picture is sexist because the Death Star was round like a boob and it’s cannon array made kind of a nipple shaped crater. I demand, for the sake of equal time, the annihilation of a multi-colored phallus.
Suuuure she will….. uh huh. Yup. Riiiight…..
Conceding the democratic nomination does not equal dropping out of the presidential race.
Once you choose to go down the dark path, forever will it dominate your desiny. You know, like
smoking.
She played her leverage yesterday and it didn’t work. And she ain’t gonna bully the Kennedys. Cast this demon out.
“The power of Christ compels you! The power of Christ compels you! The power of…oh, get the fuck out outta here.”
Jim, did you know that “gullible” is not in the dictionary?
Maaaa! Maaaaaa! Maaaaaaaaaaaah!
Delicious: Get me an old priest, and young priest…
I think her aides have been instructed to leak that she’ll be doing whatever seems counterintuitive at the moment. If the story was, she’s not getting out, that wouldn’t be a story because, well, of course she’s not. But you leak this and suddenly you get a CNN Breaking News Email and a Wonkette item with a lovely graphic. Tomorrow, when everyone thinks it’s an opportunity to breathe easily, it’ll be back to Halloween’s Michael Myers remaining alive despite all odds. That way, she sucks up enormous news time away from America-hating Black Muslim Son of a Luo Tribesman Terrorist Hopey McSpeechful, which only adds to the stupid perception that as a loser she has some clout and then suddenly she has so much clout she forecloses on Denver and eventually the rest of the United States and then she owns the country and kicks the bad element out.
Just you watch.
Boy, Hillary Clinton sure has some scruples, doesn’t she?
Excuse me while I go drink some more.
I have a song for you:
“If she doesn’t get VP immediately, she will SUSPEND her campaign and wait it out for the convention. doo doo… doo doo doooooooo.”
I predict that this will go on until Barack throws a bucket of water on her, and she sizzles away to nothing, muttering, ‘what a world, what a world…’
and Mark Penn IS a flying monkey.
It all depends how much money she shamelessly collects on her website between now and then. Nothing says “Clinton legacy” like paying down a couple more mil of debt. So c’mon you selfish eleven-year-olds who still have bicyles: get on Ebay and pay down Momma’s millions.
“…And to my faithful supporters, I want you to share your thoughts on this concession, your feelings, your memories, on HILLARYCLINTON DOT COM, in the text box above the ‘Send’ button, right next to the big red ‘Contribute’ button.”
loquaciousmusic: Yes. It was very gracious of her to drop out four months after she lost.
But seriously guys, you better rush to the store if you are running low on Bon Bons and Kleenex.
Dave J.: Totally will wait another week. I mean fuck, the election is only 20 weeks away. What’s taking 3 weeks to figure out how to end her campaign going to hurt?
Today’s Mrs. Rodham’s birthday. They are having a party. And they wonder why we had them. I wonder, will there be a fiddle there?
RacerMex: Figure out how to end her campaign? We have a winner, it is not HRC. It is not about HRC. We have a winner. The winner is NOT HRC!
shortsshortsshorts: That’s not very catchy……she needs to talk to Alanis Morissette to get a good hook for it.
So the source is ABC News. Can someone clue me in here briefly?
How does ABC stand in relation to say, NBC or MSNBC? Sorry for interruption.
graceless*: Maybe by YOUR math. Neener.
loquaciousmusic: Are you hanging out with Terry McAuliffe?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: You’re right! It’s on the ceiling instead.
shortsshortsshorts: She’ll suspend it regardless, she’ll never “end” it, because there’s still a lot of her personal cash to do. I don’t think Mitt Romney has “ended” his campaign either. And that is why he will be president.
I just want to take this moment to say that if Obama picks Eric Kleeb to be his VP I’ll turn (openly) gay.
I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if many thousands of being suddenly cried out in terror and then were instantly silenced.
Hillz is out for Veep according the the WSJ. The vetting of Bill isnt going well, he won’t release records, it’s a “deal breaker.”
From the target=_blank>NY Times:
“We pledged to support her to the end,” said Representative Charles W. Rangel, a New York Democrat who has been a patron of Mrs. Clinton since she first ran for the Senate. “Our problem is not being able to determine when the hell the end is.”
Rodney Badger: It’s Scott Kleeb, and yes he’s one hot cornholer, er, cornhusker. His campaign photos could be a pin up calendar.
The most amazing part of her blog right now: you can watch people brag about posting $100 donations at, like, 5:30 PM 6/4/08. Not a bad racket.
Delicious: Yeah, Obama picking Caroline Kennedy for his VP search team was the ultimate “Clinton:pwn3d” move. If that didn’t send a signal, I don’t know what else would.
Vanity Smurf: My bad. And actually, I was thinking of Eric Kleebfeld:
http://www.talkingpointsmemo.com/erickleefeld.php
::Barack walks up to the grassy knoll::
Mark Penn: Hillary has been expecting you.
Hillary: I will not let this republic that has stood for two hundred years be split in two. Your caucuses are lost, and your friends in the super delegates will not survive. There is no escape.
Barack: Never. I’ll never make you my VP. You’ve failed, your highness. I am the nominee, like John Kerry before me.
Hillary: So be it, Obama. If you will not make me your running mate, you will be destroyed! Young fool… only now, at the end, do you understand. Now, young Obama, you will die.
Jim Newell: The force indicates that she may carry a little more leverage than Mittens or Paultard when they suspended. But otherwise Hooray! Mittens will win forever!
Jim Newell: That kid in Tennessee is probably good for some birthday money and maybe part of a college fund. Every ittle bit helps Hills from relying on sugar-daddy Bill in her twilight years.
Gopherit v2.0: I’m going with Bjork, because nobody can understand her and Hillary could skew the words.
I hope the New Wonkette will allow for embedded youtube clips by then, because I’m sure as hell posting a video of “Rose’s Turn” “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” or any other song that accurately sums up the occasion.
Five’ll getcha ten that she’s announcing her third party bid on Friday. After all, she got more votes than anybody who’s ever run for anything anywhere evah!
How could she lose?
Hey, you wanna know something AWESOME? I just tried to go to hillaryis44 to read their ridiculous “When will Obama concede?” because honestly, that takes either massive quantities of horse tranquilizers or… yeah, I don’t know what else.
It says it is “Suspended.”
I think it got Farked.
wheelie: ABC own EPSN, iirc. So, it’s locker-room talk.
Actually, a quick wikipedia search has reminded me that ABC’s owned by Disney, so it’s actually a Mickey Mouse story.
What one hot minute. NYT says “suspend bid” not “concede”: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/05/us/politics/04cnd-campaign.html?_r=1&hp&oref=login
It’s like she’s agreeing to stop the car (as it runs over the body of the DNC), but the engine is still running.
Hillz, you cock tease.
The old lady bitters are starting to peel off. Only the serious nut-jobs are sticking around. It’s a little sad, really.
Rodney Badger: Wow. that is one tragic jew-fro.
Don’t you lie to me, Jim Newell! Don’t you destroy my trust right after I have learned to love again!
If I were Obama, I would make sure I had extra Secret Service protection until she actually makes the announcement.
NoWireHangers: “Endorse” is MORE final than “concede,” methinks. And honestly, “suspend” is just a term so that Obama can help her earn back her debt. On the other hand, Mark Penn will continue looking for dirt.
iwillsavethispatient: Ok thanks a million for the brief! I hear you saying that
it’s basically a Bitters channel, so that’s why her camp would give them the story first?
Understood.
It has to be true. Rachel just reported it. And she NEVER lies. Except when she says she wants me…with her eyes.
masterdebater: I would totally go lesbo for Rachel Maddow. *gggrrrooowwwlll*
Jim Newell: You think it’s tearing the Clinton’s apart that Obama’s about as squeaky clean as a politician is likely to get, and what dirt there is on him he’s embraced and shared already? It’s completely antithetical to their style.
This time it’s true. A friend on the hill reports his boss was on a con call with Hills, and she stated as much.
Vanity Smurf: He’s Kleebtastic! I went to his website and thought I’d stumbled across an International Male catalogue.
http://www.scottkleeb.com/images/FE/chain228siteType8/site197/header_int.jpg
Could the Whitehouse contain that much pretteh?
Actually, what she said was she is “ending her campaign”, not that she is conceding.
wheelie: I hadn’t thought of it like that, but given they show Dancing with the Stars, Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy and Wife Swap, their viewers are probably pretty bitter, yes!
Jim Newell:
I disagree. I think Hillary will suspend her campaign in June, and then end it in July after the window for assasinations closes.
Gopherit v2.0: I think “11-year old kids who give money they get from selling their toys” is in the category of donors to whom candidates should give their donations back to.
And yes, I just compared Tony Rezko and Jack Abramoff to 11-year old kids.
Robert F. Kennedy died June 6, 1968, so she probably figured she’d give it til then. Nice touch.
I got the circus left town blues. I won’t miss the carnies making eyes at the local girls. But I will miss the fun and the glitz and the tinkly music. All month I’ve been grumbling because she wouldn’t get out, now that she is, I don’t want her to leave! I was wrong to want Hillary to step aside for the good of the party. I feel terrible. I can’t imagine a news cycle without her screeching cackling self-importance. Those bastard in the democratic party, making her leave! It’s like … killing Old Yeller. No, wait, it’s like killing Chucky.
Hillary’s lying again; it’s happening Saturday, not Friday.
and it’s in DC, so can we get Liz over to capture the weeping bitters on video?
Someone needs a plutonium pearl necklace via flying penis helicopter.
WadISay: Classy to the bitter end. That is the scheduling equivalent of putting your foot in your mouth and then shooting yourself in the foot. Nobody does it better than Hilz.
To the sound of heavy breathing and the clash of light sabers. “Yes Barrack, I am your father” Oh no don’t say that Mr. Clinton!
Canuckledragger: Oh, the HORROR.
applesauce, balls, bilge, blague, blah-blah, blah, bop, bosh, bull, bullshit, bunk, bunkum, claptrap, crap, eyewash, flam, flapdoodle, flimflam, gammon, gas, guff, gup, hogwash, hoke, hokum, hooey, horsefeathers, hot air, humbug, humbuggery, jiggery-pokery, malarkey, moonshine, piffle, poppycock, rot, rubbish, scat, shit, tommyrot, tripe, wind
masterdebater: LIAR! Rachel’s secret eye messages are for me! Wait… receiving one now… yeah, uh-huh… OK, correction: LIAR! Rachel’s secret eye messages are for my wife! (my bad–sorry for the misunderstanding, Ms. Maddow)
Another song…
“Elections, ohh elections!
Elections are like freeee markets
If you are losing 25 cents to every dollar contributed to you
You’re gonna get pissed
Your gonna hate the black guy who get 25 cents MORE for every dollar contributed to him
Because your losing
Because your losing
You big loooooser.
But if the black guy fucks up ONCE
Your back on the campaign trail
and the 17 million worse-than-Paultards
will make sure that you don’t bail
but your a loser.
your a loser.
yes a big looooooooooserrrrrrrrr.
Many Bothans died to bring us this information
Jim Newell: I am writing songs about Hillary for YOU. I’m sorry I don’t care about rhythm, flow or poetic sense.
Obama-wan is holding me back! WHAAA!
edgydrifter: Like Rachel, I too will not believe it until I hear Hillary say “endorse” or “concede”. But, Clinton will probably say something more along the lines of:
“Don’t worry my darlings. I’m not giving up, I’m just merely ’suspending’ my campaign to get the media and Washington off my back. Anything can happen between now and Denver [crowd chants "Denver! Denver!"] So if you all will just go to [crowd joins in] “HillaryClinton.com” and contribute whatever you can, large donations are encouraged, I will continue to fight for you. God Bless You and God Bless America! ASSASSINATION! 9/11! NIGGER!! Oh, sorry. I almost forgot. Here’s the black. [Barack gets up out of chair and walks off stage]”
You know what I think would be the coolest ticket EVER? Obama-Kennedy. Cheney vetted Bush’s VP candidates for the 2000 election and ended up being picked for the job by Bush. So Barack could just as easily do the same thing with Caroline. Also, how could the women bitters justifiably not vote for Caroline Kennedy? She’s like the coolest political chick in the world!
I don’t know. Just somethin’ to think about.
Ha ha, Newell fell for the Jedi mind trick again! The Force can have a powerful effect on the weak minded. Now she’s saying Saturday, and if you believe that then I’ve got a couple Tosche Station power converters I’d like to sell you.
AudicityofHope: She’s waiting for the Powerball jackpot to grow. She’s destined to win that too.
I was trying to figure out CNN’s tshirt feature. Then I found this:
http://www.cnn.com/tshirt/?headline=Anderson%20Cooper%2C%20‘you’re%20not%20my%20boo’&fhash=68939b44bbbd1b1c246c09548640b605&date=1212593195000&hash=d665dce03808aef3e0db1bfef31c354b&return_uri=http://www.cnn.com/video/%23/video/politics/2008/06/04/cooper.brazile.boo.cnn
Jim Newell: So what you’re saying is that now we get to focus our Hillz frustration on her VP bid as opposed to her never-ending campaign.
Any idea when the Clintons will take a much needed vacation?
We have all continually been bamboozled by this wench. She tried to upstage O’s big adventure evening. Her snake oil salesman of an advisor introduces her as the next prez. Nothing she does is as it seems to those of us who live in the physical dimension called earth.
Why should we believe any of it now?
The person, thankfully, who understands that better than anyone is going to be the next preznit: BHO.
I’m told she is going to throw her full weight behind O’barry. And her behind is fully weighted.
AudicityofHope:
That sounds like it might be eerily prescient. Was the advance text of Hillary’s “concession” speech posted here?
http://noquarterusa.net/blog/
Ok, let’s get one thing straight: Hillary Clinton does not have 18 million of anything to offer Barack Obama. Baked into that number (which has replaced “Ready on Day One” as the phrase that I never want to hear again)… are 1) Republicans who took direction from their own leadership to fuck up the process, 2) people who did a quick eenie, meenie, minie, moe in the voting booth and would sooner jog naked down Main Street than pull the lever for any Republican, ever, including Walnuts, and 3) real live racists who will happily and proudly go to their graves before voting for anyone with skin tone a shade darker than their own. So, 18 million minus 1, 2, and 3 = bitter old women who will hopefully be distracted by a sale on Vera Bradley backpacks on their way to the polls.
Mrs. Clinton is waiting until late Saturday to concede so she can focus on the dangerous job of riding Big Brown in the Belmont Stakes.
DoctorCulturae: True dat.
crankypants: That will be a massive…MASSIVE…boost for THE Bman…in fact he may bang his head on the Death Star as he flies out into space.
Democratica: Agreed. Smart folks in town know this is true & laughs with the mention that she has a lock on 18M votes. That unfortunately shows how she might govern: “but I’ve got them all locked up in a freezer in Passaic.”
Worst is fear of the Army of Bitters. They need to be dowsed in cold water and given a Blizzard from Dairy Queen. They didn’t run a campaign. It was more like a vendetta. Tudors anyone?
MSNBC: in a conference call set up by a “high level clinton campaign adviser”, 8 or so Hillary supporters in the senate have advised her to get the fuck out of the race before the very fabric of space and time is rendered in twain.
obfuscator: The Congress of the US saved us from a fissure that has been deepening in the space-time continuum.
RFK was killed on the 6th of June, so she’s waiting until the 7th, because, well, anything could happen.
DoctorCulturae: Amen. A woman on Fox News this afternoon screeched that she’s flipped for Walnuts because she’s “afraid for her children”? I’m convinced this chick was a plant.
I hope that one of the 8 was a sniffling and quivering Joe Liberman. He probably still has pee-pee tracks on the crotch of his pants.
In related news, Rahm Emmanuel finally got on the Big Brown Express.
Huh. Saturday…. I smell a road trip for the ladies of the Red Hat Society… http://www.redhatsociety.com/
Seriously: I am a woman over 30 yrs old, I have friends and rels who are women of varying ages… of all of us, ONE was an HRC fan and she’s kept her mouth shut since the Ohio Primary. I remain unconvinced that such a coalition exists. Harrumph.
On MSNBC, Walnuts seems comatose and his audience apoplectic.
Democratica:
Like a ficus or an azalea?
The craziest quotes I’ve read in this primary season have come straight from the word holes of people who say they’d vote for McCain over Barry.
obfuscator: Ack…
Democratica:
Sorry, I have this reflex that compels me to make the worst play on words that I can possibly think of at any given time.
No no, I walked right in and handed it to you
Enjoy!
So when Hillz is out, do we have a backlog of snarkworthy stuff waiting fo