Massachusetts Legislator Arrested For Sexy Groping, Gives Police Fellow Legislator’s Name

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The Mustache rides again.Massachusetts state Senator J. James Marzilli Jr. has a certain daily routine. He likes to take a pleasant constitutional through Lowell, Massachusetts’ beautiful parks. During this time of year, of course, the ladies of the park tend to gather in their flowing, bounteous summer dresses, to drink iced tea and chat about our boys overseas. Marzilli enjoys overhearing the ladies’ conversations, and then he enjoys approaching the individual ladies, and then he enjoys lunging for their chotches and boobs. Then he enjoys running from the cops against traffic in one-way streets, dressed like a hobo, scaring the patrons at the hot dog stands; and when he is caught, he enjoys giving the cops the name of another state legislator, while crying for his life.

Marzilli was arrested yesterday and charged today with what the Boston Globe calls “annoying and accosting a person of the opposite sex.” The “accosting” part seems more troubling.

Anyway, we can’t write a better sex thriller than this:

The woman told police that a week earlier she had seen Marzilli in downtown Lowell wearing ragged clothes and looking as if he were homeless, [prosecutor] Mucci said. The woman said on Tuesday that Marzilli asked her whether she remembered him and he tried to flirt with her. Mucci said that Marzilli then tried to grab the woman’s genitals.

Police found Marzilli shortly after the alleged incident and he took off, disrupting traffic as he ran the wrong direction up a one-way street, Mucci said. People at a busy hot dog stand had to dive out of the way as Marzilli ran on the sidewalk, Mucci said.

The chase ended in the Market Street garage, where Marzilli had been darting in and out of parked cars, Mucci said. After claiming to be Martin Walsh, Marzilli told police they were ruining his life.

Marzilli told the police, while crying, that they were just flirting. And according to the woman’s testimony, he had all the moves! Check out this line: “Oh baby you are so beautiful. Your body is so perfect.” Guaranteed notch in the bedpost.

Prosecutor: Senator gave name of fellow lawmaker during arrest [Boston Globe]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell


Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • johnham

    “Oh baby you are so beautiful. Your body is so perfect.”


  • Sean O

    That’s my hometown! Goooo Lowell!

    I literally work a block and a half away from this. Yay?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …proof that there is NO GOD, because if there were this would have been caught on tape!

  • Meaux

    That is alt text I can believe in.

  • slavojzizek

    You forgot to mention his party affiliation, Jim. I guess since he was harassing a woman, you presumed we could figure it out. Which is true.

  • cracksmoke

    How could she have resisted?

  • slavojzizek

    If a wonkette commenter is ever arrested for similar behavior, you have to give your name as ‘Jim Newell’. That would be hilarious.

  • ronaldpagan

    Hey, he’s a Democrat. Know what gives it away? The phrase “opposite sex.”

    Obviously scum anyway.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    What? MAN cannot grope WOMAN at sight? Groth ANGRY!!!

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …personally my favorite pick-up line is “Do you want to see exactly how ADEQUATE this black male is?!”

  • weirdiowasculpture

    I find women just fucking melt when I grab their genitals and give them that line, especially when I’m in my homeless drag and smell like a drunken sewer rat. I mean, it never fails!

  • V572625694

    And the party affiliation of this excellent legislator would be…Democratic, according to his Web site. Could he be lying about that too?

  • FMA

    What? You mean, that kind of thing doesn’t work?

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=6916]johnham[/re]: yeah, that line plus the attempted genital grabbing, whooeee, this guy got game.

  • Lorax

    “….and then he enjoys lunging for their chotches and boobs.”

    Scott Baio is involved with this? Say it ain’t so.

    If Willie Aames pops up, I’m going to utterly lose my faith in mankind.

  • obfuscator

    He looks a little molesty. Kind of like Ray Stevens, too.

  • Cicada

    “I can’t believe this is happening,” Marzilli said, according to the police report. “She was flirting with me, I was flirting with her.”

    I always flirt by grabbing someone’s genitalia. So direct, no B.S.

  • weirdiowasculpture

    Is this guy a superdelegate, by any chance?

  • NotUrEvryDayWEzl

    That’s an interesting way to bring down an opponents career. Hillary can take a lesson from this, style herself as Michelle Obama, and start running around calling people Whitey. And then groping their genitals, because that’s sexist.

  • Tits_LaRue

    Hold on… I can have people arrested for annoying me? If so, I’ll try my best not to overload the judicial system with my many, many complaints.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=6941]Tits_LaRue[/re]: oh, the list would be long. Heading it: Hillary Clinton, Howard Ickes, Lanny Davis, Terry McAuliffe. They can all go to jail to be groped by legislators with 70s porno mustaches.

  • bitchincamaro

    Lunch hour vadge snatching is one of those new
    edgy urban sports in the great NE. Hobo uniform

  • Cicada

    [re=6936]Lorax[/re]: Wouldn’t that be “Chachis and boobs?”. The boob part doesn’t have to change, because of “Scott Baio is 45 and Single”. Enough boobs there to fill plenty o’ wonder bras.

  • Iggy Plop

    *Ran* the wrong direction up a one way street?! Pervert.

  • choinski

    So…. this is the month of Pune?

  • weirdiowasculpture

    [re=6948]bitchincamaro[/re]: I thought it was called “snatch vadging.”

  • ReelectTilden

    He’s just trying to see how far white liberal guilt extends. Sure, they’ll give a homeless guy a dollar, but how ’bout a handy?

  • cracksmoke

    Are they sure it wasn’t a drunken Terr-bear?

  • shortsshortsshorts

    I better stop doing that.

  • gjdodger

    [re=6937]obfuscator[/re]: “As he swings through Lowell’s trees without a trapeze, in his BVD’s”

  • jagorev

    I am going to spend all my lunchtimes from now on doing this in Central Park. LINE STARTS HERE, LADIEZZZ

  • MoodProcessor

    If you look real close at the picture, you’ll see the slit in the top of his head.

  • articulate moran

    I’m totally going to work for his re-election campaign. Think about all the hot chicks he must hire.

  • confusionanddelay&lt

    It didn’t work on her? I guess there’s always an exception that proves the rule. Snatch grabs from hobos always make me frisky.

  • Stig O&#39

    I would NEVER expect this in Lowell. Billerica maybe…. (for those not from the Boston area it’s pronounced “bil RICKAH”)

  • DangerousLiberal

    [re=6952]weirdiowasculpture[/re]: Dammit, all the smart kids are so much quicker than me. But at least this post trends closer to the Endless Cummer fun I was looking forward to.

  • Dave J.

    [re=6975]articulate moran[/re]: Or hobos.

  • Lord Humungus

    Chotches? Is this some fancy elite word for…I dunno, terrier?

  • CthuNHu

    The Audacity of Grope.

  • shorts

    I wonder if he was delivering Hawaiian pizza?

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=7026]shorts[/re]: wait, now you are “shorts”? You were your old self a few posts back.

  • Black Cat

    It was strongly recommended to me by a professor that, as a woman, I might not feel comfortable working in the MA state house or senate.

  • Clovis

    “Marzilli was arrested yesterday and charged today with what the Boston Globe calls `annoying and accosting a person of the opposite sex.'”

    It’s supposed to be the same sex?

    He was in character as a hobo, as everyone knows, because Lowell is the hometown of Jack Kerouac. Also, it’s where the industrial resolution began in America, but it’s all right you don’t know that. Jack Kerouac didn’t.

  • ReelectTilden

    [re=7033]Doglessliberal[/re]: One of them is an imposter. J’accuse!

  • shorts

    [re=7033]Doglessliberal[/re]: NOOOO!!! I must look into this. Shit.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    [re=7046]shorts[/re]: *fixed. I had to use “shorts” when “shortsshortsshorts” was stuck in the Wonkette-vortex.

  • Doglessliberal

    [re=7049]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: phew!

  • Deepthroat

    I guess his membership in the “New England Wildflower Society” just wasn’t providing him with enough excitement as of late.

    Also, “He was given the “Self Sufficiency” award by the Massachusetts Association of Community Action Programs award in 2006″

    Hmmm, there’s some irony in there somewhere,_Jr.

  • tunamelt

    [re=6968]jagorev[/re]: One of the few, perhaps only, times I shall regret living in Los Angeles.

  • Advocatus_Diaboli

    God, how I wish this guy was my rep in the MA legislature. How fucking awesome is it to give the name of your nemesis when you get collared? I can see it on “Cops” already:

    Policeman: Put down the gun, put down the gun right now!

    Perp: Let me ‘splain, let me ‘splain.

    Policeman: There’s nothing to explain; we caught you flagrantly pistol-whipping Hillary Rodham Clinton. What’s your name, boy?

    Perp: Uh, John McCain. Yeah, I’m John McCain, the senior senator from Arizona.

  • Deepthroat

    what happened to my comment?@!

  • StupidGeek

    I can’t wait until the drunken hobo Terry McAuliffe does this and tells the cops he is Harold Ickes.

  • Sussemilch

    Ticketed for vajayjaywalking.

  • CthuNHu

    He’s the President of the New England Wild Flower Society.

    True fact.

    And he seems to have a pretty impressive resumé. Apart from, you know, the whole labia-grappling thing. But at least she was an adult of the gender he publicly professed an attraction to.

    And Wonkette comments are cruelly random in deciding whether to post.

  • metroville

    Jack Kerouac is disappointed.

  • CollegeStudent

    I did this once in High School…the name thing, you pervs, I gave the prinicpal the name of a kid I didn’t like.
    Seriously though, what kind of sick puppy is this guy? Can you believe “he ran the wrong direction up a one-way street” AND made innocent “People at a busy hot dog stand dive” for their lives.

  • Slutty_Chola_Cobbler

    Was it Hillary Clinton’s angry white female supporter “HARRIET ‘inadequate black male’ CHRISTIAN” that he groped? ’cause she’s totally hot and really beautiful, inside and out!

  • 1ofUS

    Maybe her body was *almost* perfect and he was just tweaking it a bit to attain that Ann Coulter perfection every proper Christian lady strives for.

  • chill

    Yeah i did the once in my life with friends that’s in cybercafe and i deserved for that.Later i realized that.

    [url=]Massachusetts Treatment Centers[/url]

  • chill

    Yeah i did the once in my life with friends that’s in cybercafe and i deserved for that.Later i realized that.

    Massachusetts Treatment Centers