Wonkette
America is back! Our astronauts floating in that useless goddamned tin can that uselessly orbits around the Earth forever can finally take off their shitty diapers and use a toilet again. This is because Our Government sent one of its three unexploded space shuttles up to low-earth orbit, at a cost of Many Billions of Dollars, to deliver a new toilet from Home Depot. That’s one small shit for man, and one giant shit for mankind. [AP/Google]
I dunno…the whole damn story is startin’ to smell.
I’m more worried about the flying shit coming out of Terry McAuliffe’s ass/mouth down here on Earth.
As amusing as floating feces is, I’m sure the astronauts were much happier to return to having them sucked out of their rectums. Hey kids, wanna be an astronaut?
Whitey on the moon, indeed.
Let us all give thanks and shit.
…the diaper that they haven’t used yet will be donated to the McCain campaign.
How did Hillary “Full of Shit” Clinton get stuck in the pipes of the space commode?
I’m stepping in the guano
And it’s floating in a most peculiar way
And I’m hoping you’ll fix the loo today
Oh yes loudmouthredhead! Now there’s a job for JohnnyOnDaSpot Lanny! While certainly Qualified, the man simply will not accept theposition without a Big Fancy Title, and “ShitSucker” ain’t gonna cut it. How about Assistant Secretary of ShitSucking? Lanny Davis, A.S.S.!
CNN.com’s main page calls it, in their infinite mastery of adult English, ‘Space Station Potty gets repairs’
“That’s one small turd for Earth, one giant bowel movement for mankind”
…I feel sorry for any alien that decided to go ANAL PROBING in the past week up there.
Is the new one reversible, like Lanny Davis’s digestive system?
…”Houston, I think I may have just given birth to and alien. Please check my diaper and confirm”
choinski: CNN is apparently everyone’s seven-year-old brother.
Great. Now NASA scientists can get back to shitting on science.
…all the astronauts have been forced to hold it because most of the diaper have been taken by psycho obsessed astronauts on cross country road trips!
What does it say about the United Corporations of America when we have to use fraking Russian toilet parts to fix the crapper on the space station?
choinski: Would you prefer something like…
1. Shiiiiiit iiiiin Spaaaaaaaaace
2. Super Dooper Pooper Scooper
3. Ass-tro Can
4. Alien Turd Burgler
take your pic
AudicityofHope: Damnit, that should be *man* not “Earth”
Ya and of course the RUSSIANS fixed it. Soviet bastards.
In stead of “floaters”, would they be called “orbiters”?
I’m sorry, it’s just been so long since I’ve had an opportunity to make poo jokes. It is to cry!
Anyone know what direction the toilet water flushes in low Earth orbit?
Historically, these things are damned important. Also, have you considered the effects of ‘expulsion of reaction mass’ (farting) in zero-G? Let’s just say ’self-propulsion’ and leave it at that. One presumes the ’special’ toilet has restraints of some kind, or at least handles.
The saddest thing though is, even though the crapper is fixed, Barry still can’t find it…
Stupid carbon rod. It’s all just a popularity contest!
Did they try jiggling the handle?
Serolf Divad: Up?
Astronauts are such elitists with their $19 million space toilets. Hillary poops in a wooden outhouse while drinking beer.
“Dropping the Kids off on the Moon”
In Soviet Russia, Toilet flush YOU.
Actually, the toliet isn’t broken. The Bush political appointees refuse to believe in this science stuff, and simply believe that the astronauts should use an outhouse like they do.
The space shitter is basically a vacuum that sucks and blows. It sucks out shit/piss/TP from around the astronaut’s uranus and blows the air out of the station through a vent to freeze dry stuff.
For 5/10 million bucks, you’d think that this thing would suck or blow as much as it should.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: I was under the impression the Bush administration used the White House Press Corp. ?
No money pit orbits the earth forever. Remember Skylab?
Who was it who said “we have to continue to fund the ISS so it’s complete in time for us to dump it in the Pacific”?
“PIGS IN SPAAAAAAAAAAACE!!!”….. sorry couldn’t pass up a gratuitous Muppet Show reference. Seemed appropriate.
Is this what John McCain meant when he said the government should be able to deliver water to dehydrated babies, etc?
The ISS exists to perpetuate itself, in which respect it reminds me of The Great Frigging Wheel:
Concave or convex,
It could please either sex,
And beat itself off in between.
Couldn’t they just hang their ass out the window like everybody else?
Sniff, for the first time in my adult life, I’m proud to be an American.
This shit is funny:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/eae26bb96d
ManchuCandidate: shortsshortsshorts:
The space shitter is basically a vacuum that sucks and blows. It sucks out shit/piss/TP from around the astronaut’s uranus and blows the air out of the station through a vent to freeze dry stuff.
Heck, why cant NASA just use the White House press corps?
Sure hope they took up more than just a plunger, or that was one expensive plumber service call (do they have butt cracks in space?)
they never should have let Mark Penn use their commode
shortsshortsshorts: That’s just to wipe with.
CthuNHu: They can’t afford it. Didn’t you hear that the new Mars Rover is made out of what they call “recycled materials” a.k.a. WALNUTS’ many sets of artificial hips?
Can the astronauts continue using the diapers if they’ve found that they enjoy them?
I am too old and unwise about the inter-tubes to know how to drop this in comments as a link:
http://www.funnyhub.com/videos/pages/oops-i-crapped-my-pants.html
SayItWithWookies: WIN
phew, I am so relieved. Heh. Sorry.
And WHO would want to go up to this Space Station? It is like a 1979 El Camino held together with duct tape.
Scat…Hillz Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship, Klintonize. Its 8-year mission: to soil strange new worlds, to pee over new dreams and new aspirations, to boldly shit where no dem has shat before!”
La dee dah. La dah dah dah…..
I feel bad for the astronauts because no matter what they accomplish up there (experiments with zero-gravity crystals? wtf?), the only thing they will be asked about upon reentry will be “the toilet situation”.
NebraskashireGentry: I always like the fruit-fly-mating-in-zero-gravity experiments.
Sussemilch:
For here
Am I shitting in a tin can
Farts before the turd
Farting in the loo
And making do-do
Doglessliberal: I’m glad they finally proved that, in space, vinegar and baking soda do not a volcano make…that’ll save my children much embarrassment at the lunar colony’s elementary school science fair.