Wonkette
John McCain would like to administer a Pop Quiz to y’all so that you can FIND THE TRUTH about which candidate needs to know where the bathroom is, and which candidate will just sit there and do it in his pants. [Decision Center]
REPUBLICANS
uhm i don’t see larry craig as one of my options.
I love it already! Walnuts has never heard of a phone so I’m guessing this first one is Bear-Bear. Oh, Bear-Bear, I used to think I was gonna vote for you.
Comedy gold.
So McCain is running on an “anti-light-humor” platform?
“Well if I were wearing diapers, maybe I wouldn’t need to find the washroom.”
This one is easy. McCain, having lost bladder control in 1991, has no need for a washroom.
You have to remember, Republicans have no grasp on “sarcasm”. They actually think that this is what he spent a good portion of the beginning of 2005 doing.
That convinced me that McCain’s intimate knowledge of Capitol building floorplans makes him the man for the job.
metropolitan: Touche.
Question 2:
“Who refused to be a part of the Gang of 14, a bipartisan group of Senators, that prevented “the nuclear option” on judges and who took an extremist view by voting against Chief Justice John Roberts?”
This confused me because I thought it was saying that the Gang of 14 were the ones who voted against Roberts. So I just got that question wrong.
Whose website has a shitty grasp of sentence construction? Who? Who? Who-who?
Barry might have claimed to, but John McCain lived it.
“Damn! I want a rotary phone! Not one with these push button jobs!”
Carrie_Okie: After that thought, Walnuts then made a beeline to the office of his good friend David Vitter, who had numerous coupons for Depends…
Speaking of “light humor”
Answer 8:
It was Senator Barack Obama who, on February 24, 2000, was the only vote against a ban on human cloning.
Obama’s reason: “I pressed the wrong button.”
Okay, but wasn’t Obama, um, not a Senator in 2000? Also I want to clone him for my own sexual purposes.
…first McCain wears grampers so has no need for a bathroom and secondly he uses pony express to communicate not the new fangled “speaking tele-graph”
Couldn’t be the jowly old man…
ronaldpagan: Walnuts doesn’t need a new-fangled phone, he uses carrier pigeon. And they come to him.
ronaldpagan: He was an Illinois state Senator, which as we learned in the early stages of the primary, is just like being a US Senator when you fuck up, but nothing at all like it when you do something good.
****”The American people have not seen Obama forsake partisanship for progress.”*****
That word, “forsake” is not one you hear every day, like “clinch.” It’s fun to use, too, cuz the past tense is “forsook” which sounds kinda porn-y.
Q: Sen. McCain, did you forsake partisanship for progress on Sept. 12, 2001?
Q: What was it that you forsook that day, Mr. McCain?
McC: Forsook you!
ronaldpagan: Okay, but wasn’t Obama, um, not a Senator in 2000?
I’m glad you caught that too. But I guess we can’t handle THE TRUTH.
That Obama is clearly a bumbler; why, just look at what a disorganized campaign he has run. He can’t raise any money, he can’t fill an arena, he doesn’t even know what a caucus is. Clearly, the highly-funded straight talk express is the bus to board, although WALNUTS! can’t really remember where it’s parked.
I’d hope that all senators would spend at least some time finding out where bathrooms are and how to use their telephones properly. I mean, seeing a bunch of United States senators with pee-pants screaming “Dammit! Do I have to dial ‘9′ to get an outside line, Grace? GRRAAAACE!!” wouldn’t exactly be super-reassuring.
Godless Liberal *: I know he was a state senator, but John McCain DEFINITELY tried to imply otherwise. And did Illinois really vote on a human cloning ban? I don’t believe that story, even though my predilection for snark wants to believe it’s true. Human cloning? That’s not change we can believe in! Heh heh heh…
Well, Walnuts! Considering your disdain for pushing the wrong buttons, don’tcha think we oughta let people figure out how the phones work?
ronaldpagan: A bunch of states have passed these symbolic bans on human cloning. Usually they just ban actually make a copy of whole human being(you know like “Boys from Brazil” kinda stuff), while still allowing theraputic cloning which would be necessary for embryonic stem cell research. I personally support human cloning so I could have someone to go to things for me that I wouldn’t want to.
So I guess when the phone rings at 3 a.m., Barry really won’t be ready.
mookworthjwilson: My mom would say, “That’s why you have kids.” And then she’d send you to the store to buy her smokes on your 18th birthday.
In context, Wally’s Life-Alert only has one button. Not much to figure out there.
mookworthjwilson: If human cloning is banned, how will we get another Barry????? NOOO!!!!
tunamelt: I have been trying to rig up a system where my dog could go to the store for me. He’s gotten pretty good at saying “Organic Skim Milk” but that’s about it.
shortsshortsshorts: The old-fashioned way…from my loins!
I will raise him on food stamps if necessary.
mookworthjwilson:
Illinois is totes the kind of state that would waste time on such nonsense. I’m sure it was pushed by some downstate republican senator who was pressured into it by some pro-family/life/jesus group.
Human Cloning = stem cell research = abortion = genociiiide!
I’m glad the Republicans love me so much they create quizzes to help me decide my choice!
obfuscator: True enough. Obama was probably like, “Yay! This is the one day I can afford to smoke a delicious bowl of crack before the State Senate convenes!” Unfortunately now the moment is immortalized in McCain’s comical quiz.
Fuck this. 20 years ago WALNUTS! could find a bathroom and use a phone, but his brain is Quaker Oats now, and he probably has the DIABETUS.
Futher questions from the quiz:
Who eats all of his prunes in the Senate Mess and is therefore very regular?
Who divorced the wife that stood by him while he was in Viet Nam so he could marry a rich heiress?
Who has vowed to keep those damn kids off his lawn?
ronaldpagan: Also, Senators don’t press a button to vote. So, yeah, definitely not the case.
ronaldpagan:
Probably a couple of one hitters in the men’s room, too. He pimp strolls to his seat, sees a vote on human cloning, rubs his bloodshot eyes… and says, “Cloning… maaan, that’s heavy.”
Lionel Hutz Esq.:
Who once told this joke:
“Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly? Because her father is Janet Reno.”
Jewdishoowary Square: State Senators might…I used to press buttons for multiple members of the NJ Legislature if they were in the john…Which all of them knew how to find…
Who cannot control his temper, and is generally disliked by his colleagues?
Barack Obama O
John McCain O
Who just made a duty in their pants?
Barack Obama O
John McCain O
obfuscator: Is it okay that I think that is kind of a funny joke? Even though I call myself a feminist and also think Chelsea Clinton is pretty.
obfuscator:
Who has referred to his wife as a “cunt?”
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Now, now, to be fair, we don’t know what kind of dirty talk Michelle likes to hear in the bedroom.
ronaldpagan:
Chellz is very attractive these days. Senator Straight-Talk busted that one out during the first Clinton term, when she was awkwardly fugly. Classy guy, that John McCain.
But… wait. John McCain is filthy rich… don’t you think he’d spring for a colostomy bag or something instead of wearing Depends Undergarments™?
Tits_LaRue:
He needs the diaper, as he likes to throw his feces at fellow senators who dare to offend his sense of honor.
obfuscator: eeeew! hahaha. But he can step on the colostomy bag like a catsup packet!
Note: I think I’m going to puke. /colostomy bag jokes
Um. . I got ‘em all wrong. Does that mean I can’t vote no more?
Maybe I have an advanced version of Firefox, but all of the correct answers were already highlighted in red. Is this the kind of quiz Walnuts! finds difficult. If so, perhaps we could give him completed crossword puzzles and send him off to the old folks home.
Again, bullshit. You always know where the bathroom is when you’re attached to a colostomy bag.
that photo is really bad, i guess they are too much for the truth to photoshop it so he looks un-dead
It was the Illinois State Senate that had the vote to ban human cloning. I found a story about Obama’s “oopsies” in the LA Times.
I do not like that there is a little star commenter picture by John McCain’s name on my browser tab. But maybe I’m just bitter because I failed the quiz.
mookworthjwilson: Pressing legislators’ buttons while they’re in the john? Shame on you, Senator Craig.
Which senator dropped a load in his long johns when he meant to take a wee? Correct! Senator McCain. His explanation? “I pressed the wrong button.”