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Oh this is rich. You may remember when Hillary said in her speech tonight that she cannot make a Decision about the future, and that you should go to her website — www.HillaryClinton.com — to share your thoughts (and money). Sure enough, there’s a form! And how nice of Hillary to create this push poll for us, where she tells us exactly what to say. Now she can mention “all the passionate support” she’s received at some press conference in a few days when she announces her plans for Denver. So be sure to give Hillz your advice, but keep to the script. [Hillary Clinton]

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124 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Hillary:

    Welcome to the internet. We don’t like you here. Please leave.

    Yours forevvvvvvverrrr
    Wonketterrorist

    (I’m totes going to Gitmo)

  2. This shouldn’t be a surprise, as Hillary no doubt understood that the “Get the Hell Out Now” message board would be here at Wonkette.

  3. Dear Hillary,

    First, I would just like to say, DEN-VER! DEN-VER!. Don’t you worry, girlfriend. There’s no way that uppity black is going to steal your job. Remember, anything can happen in June.

    One of your most adequate white followers,
    Harriet Christian

  4. Sent: “Mrs. Clinton, you fought a good fight, but it’s time to give up now.

    Oh, by the way, Chelsea gave me her cell phone number the other day, but my dog ate it. We were going to study the Bible together. Do you think you can send me her number? She’s a great gal.”

  5. [re=6138]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    I know it’s probably too late, but I wish someone from the Sexist He-Man Woman Haters Club Mainstream Media would have asked Hillz if she appreciated the support of Harriet Christian, Cheryl Chamberlain, and the 20% of Democratic voters in the Kentucky primary who said that race was a factor in their decision.

  6. This, I don’t mind so much. It’s the “Give Hillary Your Money” page right after that kind of bothers me, just because I honestly feel bad for anyone who would actually donate to her at this point.

  7. Hillary,

    So help me God, if you or any of your surrogates mention one more time that you’re interested in becoming Vice President, I will cut you. My husband is the Democratic nominee and you are just going to have to accept it and get off your damn high horse. Pfleger was right. You think you’re entitled to be president or, at the very least, Vice President. Well sweetie, let me tell you something. You and that womanizing husband of yours can just say bye-bye to coming back to the White House in 2008. Like Tracy Morgan said, “Bitch may be the new black, but black is the new president, bitch!”

    I’m keeping my eye on you.

    M. Obama

  8. sent:
    Ms. Clinton,
    Considering the present and future state of the economy, I’m not sure why you should be in charge of the country when your own failed campaign is so far in debt. Perhaps you should have cut your losses earlier rather than continue to spiral into a morass of self-inflicted bankruptcy. If this is any indication of how you’d act as Commander in Chief, no thank you.

    Or you can just follow Hopey the Unicorn Boy over the magic Rainbow to the pot of gold.

  9. Here’s what some chick named Francine wrote on Hillary’s site:

    HILLARY DONT GIVE UP ON US!! WE/AMERICAN’S NEED YOU!! I NEED YOU TO KEEP FIGHTING! FIGHTING FOR HEALTH INS AS I HAVE NONE AND AM IN SUCH PAIN EVERYDAY! I HAD TO STOP WORKING YESTERDAY BECAUSE OF THE PAIN IN MY BACK FROM MY KIDNEYS! I IGNORED THE PAIN AND SMILED FOR MY 8 YR OLD DAUGHTER AS I DROVE HER ALMOSY 4 HRS TO WASHINGTON DC TO RALLY FOR FL AND MI VOTERS! YOU HAVE TAUGHT MY DAUGHTER THAT SHE TOO CAN FIGHT AND BE WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO BE! YES, EVEN PRESIDENT! AND TO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS RIGHT! YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY MADAM PRESIDENT~ NO MATTER WHAT!! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!! ALL THE WAY TO THE DNC FLOOR!! I LOVE YOU AND BILL!! AND CHELSEY IS A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN!! YOU MUST BE SO PROUD!! I KNOW I AM! OF YOU BOTH!!!

  10. This is SO yesterday! Plz tell her it’s over…. I’ve had less obnoxious boyfriends refusing NO for an answer (and I live in the South) …. (sigh….) … yawn, …. going back to sleep w/a good book….

  11. [re=6153]AudicityofHope[/re]:

    Baby, that’s the good stuff.

    Btw, my sixty-something father who isn’t a Barry fan said that he wished that Barry’s pastors wouldn’t inject themselves into politics so directly, but he totes agreed with Pfleger’s point about Hillzy’s twisted sense of entitlement.

  12. First: Osama \
    Last: Bin Lovin’
    Email: firstcavetotheleft@waziristan.com
    Message (optional): Hey baby, I, how do you say, like the cut of your jibe! Bill may have money, but he does not have such passion, such fire! Divorce him, and come to me! Why? Let’s continue the fight against Obama together! All I’m saying is, I am in need of a fifth wife…

  13. [re=6157]AudicityofHope[/re]:

    I’ve been to all the stores, and for the life of me, I can’t find these “ALL CAPS KEYBOARDS MADE FOR THE CRAZIEST ASSHOLES IN AMERICA” keyboards that seem to be so popular with computer owners across this great land.

  14. So, I was mercifully away from my tv tonight. Did she shame that child yet again by congratulating him for selling his bike for a loser?

  15. Here’s another good one:

    She did not concede!! I knew it, I knew it!!!! What a wonderful speech, the best ever, and I had tears in my eyes and was jumping when she said she will not make a decision tonight! Hillary will never back down, she will never quit!! She will always keep on fighting!!!! I am so proud of you Hillary!!! Thank you, Thank you for staying on!!!
    We will continue to work hard for you, all the way to the Whitehouse!!! We love you Hillary! God bless you!!!

    Stronger Together, United Behind Hillary!!

    Maria in NJ

  16. They’d be so well versed in delegate math strategy. Also, they’d have that innate likeable and charming quality that would scream ‘racial transcendence’ and ‘moving forward for a new America’.

    I’m in my house alone laughing at the sounds of the Hillary campaign closing down as Lanny Davis run his word-hole.

  17. [re=6170]AudicityofHope[/re]:

    Baby, there’s nothing more inspiring than hearing your candidate say she she won’t make a decision on the night that her campaign is mathematically eliminated.

  18. [re=6169]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: You bet she did. In fact, it’s all his damn fault. if he hadn’t been so selfless in his actions, she would’ve shrugged, said ‘Fuck it,’ and gotten out of the race. But she’s staying in for him now.

    Oh, and sorry for that double post above.

  19. [re=6169]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Of course she did! I’m sure the community raised enough money to get him a new girl bike with a banana seat and a new Sega Genesis.

  20. [re=6173]Son of Mark Penn[/re]:

    Well, the most immediate economical effect of a Hillary loan default would be that Mark Penn would have to cut his Hot Pocket ration down to 15 per week from 347. $2.5 million is a lot of Hot Pockets.

  21. [re=6170]AudicityofHope[/re]: Hahaha, I read that and at first I thought you wrote that as a joke. Jesus Christ she has no grasp on reality does she?

    (I kind of feel like it is her handlers i.e. campaign strategists making her play it out, and she keeps being like, “Guys? Really guys?” and Mark and Terry are like, “No no no, trust me, we got this one.”)

  22. My new theory is that the fanatical Hillary supporters are all women who’ve been cheated on or men whose fathers cheated on their mothers. So we have only adultery to blame for this mess. Cheaters, you thought you were just getting laid but you’ve created a political nightmare for the rest of us.

  23. [re=6174]InsidiousTuna[/re]: [re=6176]Them[/re]: [re=6177]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]:

    Thanks for the replies. I’m glad she can sleep at night.

    The Teamsters might like Hillary, but they have no respect for Lanny.

  24. [re=6180]ronaldpagan[/re]: I couldn’t come up with that shit on my own. I love how some refer to her strategists as “handlers” as if she’s a dog. But she is a bitch, so it makes perfect sense.

    I found this “Hillary Clinton Army” blog, btw, and I thought I would share it with you, my good people: http://hillaryclintonarmy.blogspot.com/

  25. PS: Why are people acting like it matters whether or not Hillary concedes? She’s like Ron Paul. He never conceded but it doesn’t even matter because Bear-Bear WON!

    (She is also like Dr. Paul because all her remaining supporters are retards with an affinity for caps lock.)

  26. To clarify what I was saying, all the news outlets are like “Obama claims nomination; Hillary doesn’t concede.” Um, how does he claim it? He wins nomination. Gets the number of delegates necessary to win nomination. Therefore wins. Grow a pair, CNN and MSNBC!

  27. [re=6193]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    Grey Panthers sounds too cool for a candidate who chose to call her supporters “Hillblazers”.

    I still have an affinity for “Mom Jeans Militia”.

    i still have an affinity for hearing Lanny Davis be drowned out by the sound of folding chairs.

  28. Wow. I never thought I’d see this, but Fox News is the only outlet being rational.

    “Obama clinches Dem nomination, making him the first African-American presidential candidate of a major party.”

    This is what everyone needs to be saying. Also: is there a Youtube of the Barack/Michelle kiss and fist pound yet? It’s like Viagra for women!

  29. [re=6188]AudicityofHope[/re]: Awww…. I remember the good ol’ days of Hucks Army.

    Somebody PLEASE hit lanny in the head.

    “we don’t want to put pressure on barack obama”

  30. On CNN, Walnuts is the “presumptive” Republican nominee and Hopey is the “projected” Democratic nominee. What is that? Is it because if every single remaining super supports Hills, she could theoretically beat him?

  31. [re=6192]ronaldpagan[/re]: Yes, he wins, period. Not conceding is part and parcel of the poisoned politics AND behavior in US. O runs counter to this at every juncture with graciousness, courtesy, and class.

    Lanny Davis will spend eternity in the 7th ring of hell.

  32. Also, Fox News has McCain winning in Montana for some reason, if you go to their website. Is that because Romney gave his dels to McCain?

  33. [re=6204]obfuscator[/re]: I think even the bitters are uncomfortable with their miscegenalicious attraction to Barack Obama. He stirs their loins in a way their bitter husbands never had.

  34. Interesting, Tucker Carlson just went off on a screed about Obama’s “unrestrained” rhetoric. I find it fascinating how many of these pundits seem offended by the way Obama inspires people. No, Tucker, I will not have my “Starbucks barista” heart broken if Hopey doesn’t walk on water. But he gets major points for trying, m’kay. It’s about approach, and thoughtfulness, and possibility.
    In short: fuck Tucker Carlson.

  35. [re=6203]DoctorCulturae[/re]: If there is any justice, the 7th ring of hell will have a crew of blind teamsters dismantling a set made of rusty razor blades an running chainsaws.

    And are all of McCain’s spokespeople skinny, plastic-surgery-addicted slestacks?

  36. [re=6207]obfuscator[/re]: Umm…I guess Oregon has plenty of hippies dumb enough to vote for Nader…but also…um…no, CNN. Just, fuck no.

  37. [re=6208]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    Stop using polysyllabic words, you elitist black liberal upscale egghead.

    Loins are being stirred across the electoral map tonight.

  38. Wow so many typos in my comments tonight! Can you tell I’m drunk? Drunk on VICTORY!

    To change the subject, ny Democrat (*cough* Al Gore *cough*) who does not come out tomorrow and support the Democratic nominee, Barack Obama, is a gaping, cavernous pussy. That is all.

  39. Here’s what Hillz will have for her celebration tonight:

    “Eye of Newt Gingrich, and toe of metal frog,
    Wool of Iowan bat, and tongue of Montana sheepdog,
    Plouffe’s pitchfork, and Teddy’s tumor thing,
    Michelle’s leg hairs, and Oprah’s bling,–
    For a charm of powerful trouble,
    Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.”
    Macbeth (IV, i, 14-15)

  40. [re=6214]obfuscator[/re]: Is it okay if they’re polysyllabic words I invent? Miscegenalicious will be the name of my love child with Bear-Bear.

    And, while I understand the implications of the “first black president” angle, people need to talk more about how Barack is the first sexy presidential contender in the past 40 years. Other than Bob Dole, of course. But he wasn’t really a contender, now was he?

  41. [re=6212]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    I’ve got a friend who worked on the campaign in the elitist liberal enclave of Portland. She has a fair amount of disdain for Naderites. No way it’s a McCain state, CNN. The Decemberists won’t allow it.

  42. [re=6215]ronaldpagan[/re]: Amen to that. Al Gore needs to put his compact fluorescent light bulb down and get in touch with his inner Barack. Grow an organic pair and endorse already, dipstick!

  43. [re=6218]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    In a non-gay way, I seriously want nothing more than to smoke cigs with Barry and talk about the campaign.

    Srsly. Bob Dole was so sexy until he took a header off of that stage.

  44. [re=6216]Darehead[/re]: Gorgeous!

    Fire burn and cauldron bubble
    Hey DNC, here comes trouble!

    [re=6219]obfuscator[/re]: Good good. I’m hoping even hippies hate Nadir* now. Although I did know some Obama people who said they’d vote for Nader over Hills, and I wanted to slap them all.

    *Not a typo but a clever nickname. See what I did there?

    [re=6220]AudicityofHope[/re]: Yeah, I honestly understand why he didn’t endorse before. I mean he was Bill’s VP, and even withholding any endorsement was pretty ballsy of him. But now he needs to just fucking do it. Hillary and her staff can continue their little “keep on fighting” game all they want, but they have to understand that no one else is playing.

  45. [re=6223]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    “Nadir” should be the word of the day.

    In regards to Al and other ‘party elders’, I can’t see any scenario other than a flood of supers who are relieved to be able to publicly endorse Barry.

  46. [re=6232]ronaldpagan[/re]:

    “Nadir”: The word is also used figuratively to mean the lowest point of a person’s spirits.

  47. [re=6231]obfuscator[/re]: What do you think was the nadir of Hillary’s campaign? I think it may have been “hardworking voters, white voters” but refusing to acknowledge the laws of math today may be a new low.

    And yes, there will totes be a flood of supers, and Al Gore damn well better be among them.

  48. Watching a segment of Barry’s speech replayed. He’s paying tribute to Hillary with conviction and sincerity. Goddamn, that’s what his campaign has been all about.

  49. Would it be sexist to cut and paste the chorus of Ludacris’ song “Move”? No need to inflame the pantsuit army gathering to march on Washington.

  50. Yeah, barry was pretty classy in trying to let Hillz off the hook gracefuly, but she’s becoming like Golum (sorry for the geek ref. here, but…)anyway, it’s like the white house is her precious, and she can’t let it go..jesus, I don’t want to see her thrown into a lake of molten lava, but…what’s it gonna take for her let this go?

  51. OMG, Kamala Harris is on Larry King right now!!! I soooo want to ball her brains out with piston-like insistency, just like Willie Brown used to.

  52. [re=6244]heathenish[/re]: No worries, Heath, you don’t have to be a nerd to know who Gollum is. And the analogy is getting apter by the minute.

    I have an analogy too, which I just posted in Jezebel and liked so much I want to share it here. McCain vs. Obama = Naked molerat vs. unicorn.

    Discuss.

  53. I think this photo of Hills has to be one of my favorites. She’ll even pander to the ture Americans by wearing their handcrafted jewelry. I wouldn’t be surprised if she played Paul Revere & the Raiders’ “Indian Reservation” at her rally (or whatever you call those small gatherings of her supporters).

  54. Future episode on the History Channel:

    The Battle of Clitongrad cost the Hillarians 600,000,000 bitter white women. The loss of weaponry, vocal chords and cred weakened the Hillarian army so badly that it never regained the offensive on the Montana-Dakota front.
    After his resounding victory in the Hillarian War , it would never be said again that “Obama has no experience.”

  55. roaming around the hillary sites is like walking into charlies chocolate factory except with only bitter, bitter chocolate and that whiny bitch who gets kicked out anways

  56. [re=6247]AudicityofHope[/re]: Obama bought Michelle a handcrafted Indian turquoise necklace in SD. I didn’t see a picture of it but I heard it was spiffy. Both the candidates gave a lot more attention than ever to the Indians but Clintons visited the rezzes several times in SD so I guess they got a little more attention, though some bloggers noted that Obama has had a weblink on issues for Native Americans from the get-go, whereas for Hillary,yes, it was a pandering afterthought. Meh-bee.

  57. [re=6247]AudicityofHope[/re]: I feel a song parody a commin’…

    Ron Paul & the Invaders’ “Hicks”

    Girl, you thought you found the answer when you gained support from all the whites
    And then it looked like Barack was gonna’ be damaged by Rev. Wright
    Well, there’s nothin’ that you ain’t tried
    In New Hampshire you even cried
    But when you come back down, girl
    Still ain’t feelin’ right

    Chorus:
    (And don’t it seem like)
    Hicks just keep gettin’ harder to find
    And all your hicks ain’t bringin’ you up from behind
    Before you find out it’s too late, girl
    You better get straight

    No, but not with hicks
    You just need help, girl

    Well you think you’re gonna find yourself a little piece of the slice
    But he ain’t picked you yet, and looks like your not fit for vice
    Don’t you see no matter what you do
    Barry’s never ever gonna pick you
    And if you keep on runnin’
    You’ll have to pay the price

    [repeat chorus]

    Bridge:

    No, you don’t need hicks
    To help you face the world each day
    That road goes nowhere
    I’m gonna help you find yourself another way

    Chorus:
    (And don’t it seem like)
    Hicks just keep gettin’ harder to find
    (Oh, you don’t need hicks, girl)
    And all your hicks ain’t bringin’ you up from behind
    (You just need help, girl)
    Before you find out it’s too late, girl
    You better get straight

  58. Anybody got any lingering, clingy bitter fears? Mine is that if Hillary gets veeped, how long before McCaineys come over to our site and STEAL our many pillories of Hillary?

    10-9-8-7….

  59. [re=6253]AudicityofHope[/re]: Now that is one spiffy tune, sweetie!

    “And all your hicks ain’t bringin’ you up from behind..” — yeh, cuz that b what she want: ***leverage.***

  60. Dear Hillary,
    they may say the math is against you
    but they don’t understand what a woman with god on her side can do
    my mom taught me the Lai-Kim method of crystal divination
    It’s where a woman uses the energy that puts her in touch with the earth to see the future in a crystal
    I saw you, but with wings, fighting off a black cloud
    they may say that theres no way for you to win mathematically
    but they didn’t see what I saw in that crystal
    STAY STRONG SISTER!

  61. I’m bad at politics. Could someone on here tell me the scenario in which Clinton could come back and win this? I’m not seeing it, but her supporters seem to want to keep fighting. I am trying to figure this out by looking at Clinton websites, but they are all full of stupid.

  62. [re=6262]junkscience[/re]: the scenario? It starts with one “ass,” followed by another “ass,” then Hillary’s favorite word, “I” and then “nation.”

  63. [re=6264]Darehead[/re]: You’re so clever, sweetie. Don’t forget about the other scenario, though, which involves the Clinton campaign taking advantage of Barack’s past engagement to Scarlett Johansson. We can’t have a black president who’s going to be stealing America’s busty white women!

  64. [re=6262]junkscience[/re]: MAN THE OTHER SHOE IS ABOUT TO DROP TOMORROW AND THE REPUBLICANS ARE GOING TO USE IT AGAINST BAROCK HUSSANE OBAMA. ITS A VIDEO WHERE MICHELLE SAYS WHY DID HE AND FOX NEWS IS TOTALLY GOING TO RUN WITH IT AND SAY WHITEY AND THAT WILL DISENFRANCHISE THOUSANDS OF WHITE PEOPLE!!1111!!1!! HRC FOREVER. MCCAIN IN 2008 WHEN HE IS 90, THE SAME AGE AS HILLARYS PARENTS, THATS TOTALLY A SIGN! HERE LET ME LINK TO FOX NEWS REAL QUICK.

  65. [re=6267]AudicityofHope[/re]: Barry, you ignorant treacherous lecher!
    (whaaaaaaa, why couldn’t it have been me, whaaaaaa…)

    Doesn’t help that another Dumb-crat politician was just arrested for assaulting a woman on a park bench. Very original!

  66. This is kind of touching, in an “Aww, look at the sweet innocent delusional child” way:

    DONATED

    I agree wholeheartedly that Hillary would not be asking for donations right now if she was planning to quit. I think it’s a call for her supporters to show that they’re really meaning to support her to the end. I also just donated and am proud to do it, not just for Hillary but for US(that is the U.S of A.)

    by AnneM at 6/4/2008 7:52:00 AM

    http://blog.hillaryclinton.com/blog/main/2008/06/04/030945

    Also kind of horrifying, in an “Aww, look at the sweet innocent delusional child curling up with her blankie for a nap on the railroad tracks” way.

  67. It’s Checkers! I’d know it anywhere. It’s how the earlier sinister slimester escaped what should have been the final chapter in his career. She thinks she’s Lazarus! She’s delusional. Everybody stop writing about her; maybe she’ll go away.

  68. Apparently that dude from the Hill-er-eee campaign couldn’t read the title story on the paper that Matt Lawer showed him today. IT IS OVER!!!

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