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DEMOCRATS

Liveblogging The Montana Massacre!

But who wins Montana?John McCain finished his angry old-man rant, Hillary finished her “I have made no decisions” speech, folks talked about some stuff in the middle, and now it’s time for Barack Obama, the Hopeful Boy Unicorn, to bring it home. Of course the Decemberists opened for him here in St. Paul, so we can assume the big crowd is for them. Still, let’s have a listen!

10:00 PM — Barack Obama wins Montana. Hannah Montana, that is. Is Tom Brokaw crying again? Maybe he just has a head cold. “The two of them, I must say, look very fit,” he says, regarding Obama and Clinton. Then he talks about idiot things they both just said in South Dakota.
10:05 PM — Chris Matthews cannot believe that anyone with half a brain would think the “Dream Ticket” would be all that dreamy. Russert concurs. Bill Clinton, after all, is a huge liability. Remember how like six months ago he seemed like Hillary’s secret weapon? Yeah, good times.
10:07 PM — Michelle Obama in an awesome purple dress. And pearls. And a fist bump! Barack has on his patriotic flag pin, for America.
10:10 PM — He thanks the wife & kidz. And staff, volunteers, David Plouffe, his racist white grandmother. “Tonight is for her.”
10:13 PM — “Our primary season has finally come to an end.” THANK FUCKING CHRIST. “Millions of voices have been heard,” except for the Clinton voters’, because they demand Respect for being invisible. He is not going to be able to get through this speech very quickly, with all the applause, and the ejaculations.
10:15 PM — Newell: “what a pathetic little crowd compared to mccain’s masses.”
10:16 PM — “CH NGE,” says a sign in the crowd. Now Obama will finally seize the opportunity to thank Joe Biden for his service to America. Massive applause and cheers for Hillary Clinton, for finally getting out of the race. Layne: “She has done what no woman has done before … lose to a black man.”
10:19 PM — Hey wait did he just flip on universal health care? Oh whatever. The point is, Hillary Clinton will be very useful when she is back doing first lady type things. She has made him a better candidate. He seems to actually believe this, which he should, as it is true.
10:21 PM — Cue up the Unity message. He finally cracks a smile. OK bring the Hope, Hopey! Oh noes here come the Republicans, with their angry old man who denies Obama’s accomplishments. BURNNNNN.
10:24 PM — Bush = McCain. Now he is Stern, and maybe a little Mad. “There are many words to describe the shittiness of John McCain, but ‘change’ is not one of them.”
10:27 PM — “That’s what change is,” x3. Yay science and innovation! The audience is delirious with excitement for science and innovation. Now they are delirious at the SUPERBURN that John McCain knows what’s going on in Iraq but not on Main Street or wherever.
10:30 PM — Oh poor John McCain. Why did you give a speech on the teevee tonight? You needed the Decemberists to open for you, in Louisiana.
10:32 PM — He warns against “the other side” coming to St. Paul in September and trying to romance the Minnesotans with their war and their fear. Don’t give in, Minnesota! Patriotism will no longer be used as a bludgeon, which is great for Patriotism.
10:34 PM — He has united the po-pos with the civil rights workers, which is no small thing. “Americans … are a decent, generous, compassionate people.” That is why they like to vote for warmongers.
10:36 PM — You remember world history, right? And Antietam, and Selma? Well this is History too. This was the moment when the Red Seas parted, and the oceans fell back, and America was not regarded as total douchesacks by the rest of the world.
11:01 PM — And now there is another liveblog here.


10:02 PM on Tue June 3 2008
By Sara K. Smith
452 Views

  1. Delicious says at 10:03 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Don’t do it Barry! Don’t drink the Clinton Kool-aid. You can rock the vote with Chuck Hagel.

  2. InsidiousTuna says at 10:04 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Ugh… Carville looks like a Decepticon in a person suit. Gah.

  3. chidem says at 10:04 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Anyone have a link to the video of McCain flirting with lil’ Miss Montana? Creepy stuff.

  4. NotUrEvryDayWEzl says at 10:05 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Barack Obama is my political Zah Efron.

    Hillary is my political Britney.

  5. loquaciousmusic says at 10:05 pm, June 3rd, 2008
  6. Looks like the “Tagged:” tags get covered up by the right column. Makes it look like it’s tagged “hillary cl”.

  7. Sean O says at 10:06 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    So Hillary is taking what should be a perfect moment for Obama supporters because she can’t be bothered to make a decision. And people want this gloopy, self-congratulating mess as their prezdent.

    Wow.

  8. graceless* says at 10:07 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Over at hillaryis44.com, they are crediting Hillary with allowing SD and Montana to vote.

  9. loquaciousmusic says at 10:07 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    They need to stop the U2.

  10. jagorev says at 10:07 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Yay, here we go. We can has hope again.

  11. swizzard says at 10:07 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I put scare quotes around “foundation work” everytime Brokaw said it..

  12. Toonces says at 10:07 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Michelle has some guns. Fighting poverty alongside her husband - hand-to-hand

  13. loquaciousmusic says at 10:08 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Okay, gang, I’m not going to join this particular liveblog. I’m going to watch Barack, take a shower, and go to bed.

    It’s been fun! See you tomorrow!

    xo
    LoquaciousMusic

  14. edoublep says at 10:08 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Come on Barry! Bring it home!

  15. jagorev says at 10:08 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    LOVE the purple dress and wide belt on Michelle.

  16. InsidiousTuna says at 10:08 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hopey’s on!

  17. El Bombastico says at 10:08 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Paul Westerberg actually.

  18. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:08 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    …I bet if they showed the crowd you would see a shyt load of lighters in the air!

  19. graceless* says at 10:08 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Digging that purple dress!

  20. El Bombastico says at 10:09 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Fist bump! Classic.

  21. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:09 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    …did Barry just give Michelle some kind of black fist pound? My Nigga!!!

  22. Delicious says at 10:09 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Bumping fists is now the new pledge of allegiance. hell ya.

  23. masterdebater says at 10:09 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    A U-2 song? Where’s the hip-hop…SELL OUT!

  24. confusionanddelay< says at 10:09 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “hopey! hopey! hopey”

  25. InsidiousTuna says at 10:09 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    jagorev: Barry’s tie is pretty sweet, too.

  26. graceless* says at 10:10 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hey Jim, it needs some attention!

  27. junkscience says at 10:10 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Aw, they just did a little hand pound. That was cute.

  28. kitryne says at 10:10 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    You’re welcome, Barry.

  29. andersoncooperihardlyknowher says at 10:10 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    michelle obama says “fuck you pantsuits!”

  30. masterdebater says at 10:10 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Wasn’t Jessie Ventura president of Minnesota a couple of decades ago?

  31. graceless* says at 10:10 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I tried to say, “Hopey’s on” and it told me I already said it, so it wouldn’t let me post it.

  32. Democratica says at 10:11 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I want an instant replay on the little fist bump that Hopey and MO just did!

  33. masterdebater says at 10:11 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Thank you bitches.

  34. Godless Liberal * says at 10:11 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I am going to draw the line if he goes all Alanis and thanks India.

  35. Domestic Goddess says at 10:11 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Michelle is so hot. Her dress is a big fuck you to HRC and her pantsuits.

  36. swizzard says at 10:11 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Is Hopey crying?

  37. AudicityofHope says at 10:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I think Barry is tearing up! Get this man some Kleenex.

  38. InsidiousTuna says at 10:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    What a classy guy.

  39. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    …now he can let his true BLACKNESS hang out!

    -Drinking 40’s on the campaign trail
    -Throwing 26 inch rims on his campaign bus
    -Having Jay-Z and 50 cent introduce him at rallies
    -Having back up dancer behind him when he does his speech

    Good times people, good times!

  40. masterdebater says at 10:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Thanks grandma, can we come see you in Hawaii?

  41. chidem says at 10:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    He dedicated tonight to his Grandma. This, of course, three months after that entire bus incident.

  42. ronaldpagan says at 10:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Barack + Michelle + kiss + fist pound = I just came. And it won’t be the last time during this speech either.

  43. graceless* says at 10:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    NIce, kiss up to the grannies, good call!

  44. Dramatist says at 10:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Jesus. 54 contests?

  45. ronaldpagan says at 10:13 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: Jay-Z is wayyy better than the Decemberists, but 50 kind of hated him for a while.

  46. masterdebater says at 10:13 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Not so fast Barry! Hillary didn’t give up until I go on her web site!

  47. Godless Liberal * says at 10:13 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Oh yeah. This is WAY better than just reading it.

  48. swizzard says at 10:13 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    chidem: flip-flopper!

  49. jagorev says at 10:13 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Republicans have to be pissing their pants right now.

    During a debate, the contrast is going to be worse than JFK-Nixon.

  50. ronaldpagan says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Look at the flag lapel pin!

  51. AudicityofHope says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I want to be adopted by the Obamas.

  52. Cicada says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    chidem: Being under the bus cured her sciatica!

  53. loquaciousmusic says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Okay, fuck it. I’m back.

    Look at the hottie redhead behind him with the sequined shirt. The curtains match the drapes and the throw rug!

  54. masterdebater says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AngryBlakGuy: Spinners?

  55. Democratica says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    She spilled herself on him? Wait, what?! Ew.

  56. William Tecumseh Sherman says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Would it be a good or bad thing if at some point, Barack says “and to Hillary Clinton, I won the nomination. Suck it.”

  57. graceless* says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    But if you’re going leave grandma, leave her in Hawaii!

  58. HerExcellency says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    It is my goal in life to one day be at least half as bad ass as Michelle Obama.

  59. Dramatist says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    This looks like a 15-fainter crowd. At least.

  60. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:14 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    …GAAAAAAAAAAWD, I wish he would say “Im RICH BITCH”!!! when he walk off stage!

  61. loquaciousmusic says at 10:15 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    What are they chanting? Isn’t that the first verse of “Fuck Tha Police”?

  62. Aw, Barry is choked up a little! *cuddles*

  63. onosideboard says at 10:15 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I’d like to ask David Plouffe to stop sending me thirty emails a day.

  64. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:15 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    masterdebater: …HELICOPTER reverse spinners!!!

  65. Democratica says at 10:15 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Crap! His room could fit HRC’s room in the tiny front pocket of its jeans!

  66. MC_Bob says at 10:16 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Obama = JFK
    McCain = Bob Dole

    The general is gonna get ugly early - an asskicking will be issued.

  67. masterdebater says at 10:16 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Standing up for change? Oh, he’s talking about that guy I pass by next to the off-ramp…gotcha Barry! Go on..

  68. Democratica says at 10:16 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    William Tecumseh Sherman: It would be fucking brilliant.

  69. Hopey McSlamdunk says at 10:16 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I wanna give big ups to my racist Grandma.

  70. Dramatist says at 10:16 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Cabinet of Rivals, Cabinet of Rivals…

  71. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:16 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    ronaldpagan: …Kanye West maybe? Cuz everyone knows George Bush doesn’t care about black people!!!

  72. AudicityofHope says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    The people in his crowd look like my kind of people.

  73. loquaciousmusic says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Obama supporters—like us, goobers!—are so fucking classy.

  74. jagorev says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Good job to the crowd on applauding Clinton.

  75. BuffaloSoldier says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Flag Pin, Flag Pin, Flag Pin!!!

  76. Fighting Bill says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Congratulations, Hillary!

    Not.

  77. graceless* says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Race that she has RUN, throughout this contest…HA

  78. HairyIckey says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Is anyone else getting the CNN speech looking like a bad kung-fu movie?

  79. masterdebater says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Thank you Hillary..don’t go away mad…

  80. NotUrEvryDayWEzl says at 10:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “Senator Hillary Clinton has made history in this campaign, not just becasue she is a woman, but because she is the biggest bitch on the planet, and I congratulate her for bringing it to a whole new level and teaching our own sistas a thing or two”

  81. Cicada says at 10:18 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    After watching Hilz petty little speech, it’s kind of hard to watch him be so nice.
    Why the HELL didn’t she congratulate him? It would have been so classy.

  82. jagorev says at 10:18 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    oh no no, Barry is taking part in the elaborate courtship to give her the VP spot.

  83. ronaldpagan says at 10:18 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “What gets Hillary Clinton up in the morning, even in the face of tough odds, is her obsessive thirst for power at all costs.”

  84. El Bombastico says at 10:18 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hey, he makes this Hillary woman sound good! I want to learn more about her.

  85. Sean O says at 10:18 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Pfft, Hillary gets up each morning trying to avoid slick willy’s grabby hands.

  86. Hopey McSlamdunk says at 10:18 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    And I congratulate Hillary getting it up in the morning with her three testicles.

  87. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:18 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    …5 bucks says DMX closes the rally out with the “Ruff Ryders Anthem”!!!

  88. HerExcellency says at 10:18 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Gawd. He is so fucking classy.

  89. ronaldpagan says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    He is being so nice to Hills! What a classy fellow! (I also hope he adopts her health care plan, which is better than his.)

  90. jagorev says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Barry knows how to talk to older white women. Nothing gets ‘em like flattery.

  91. 1974 (again) says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Delicious: Chuck Hagel wouldn’t do shit for Obama. Have you not read the poll numbers? He barely helps him in the Midwest. Now Edwards would actually make a significant positive difference. In all states, and all regions of the country. Analysis here.

    Sorry all just had to get that off my chest, I don’t know who Delicious is but mentions Hagels name one more (Hagel, btw an absolute horrible candidate on social issues) time I may punch my monitor. And I need it to do work tonight.

  92. AudicityofHope says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Barry’s got class, Hillary’s white trash.

  93. Democratica says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    What gets Hillary Clinton up in the morning is… oooh - fill-in-the-blank time!!

  94. buddha_barbie says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    That’s some classy shit he’s saying about Hillz.

  95. ronaldpagan says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Cicada: I think she did congratulate him. The classy thing to do would have been to CONCEDE, since she LOST.

  96. AngryBlakGuy says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    …I would like to thank Hillary for being the cave dwelling troll that she is!

  97. jagorev says at 10:19 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Cicada: She did congratulate him, I think, but it was perfunctory, and nothing like the praise Barry’s heaping on her.

  98. edgydrifter says at 10:20 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I reserve the right to quote Al Michaels if Hopey pulls this off in November.

  99. Godless Liberal * says at 10:20 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Sean O: If his hands touched her, it would be followed by immediate and terse apologies from both her and Bill.

  100. ronaldpagan says at 10:20 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    He mentioned women! What a patronizing chauvinist pig! Doesn’t he know we hate him? All of us hate him? McCain ‘08!

  101. chidem says at 10:20 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    loquaciousmusic: Just like I remembered.

  102. graceless* says at 10:20 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I hope that was enough kissing up for HRC, but I doubt it.

  103. Fighting Bill says at 10:20 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hillary’s blue pantsuit could have covered the state of California in a Christo art piece.

  104. ronaldpagan says at 10:20 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hopey McSlamdunk: Nice name!

  105. loquaciousmusic says at 10:21 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I just checked the Lifetime guide, and The Capture of the Green River Killer is on tonight.

    So I guess that, with all of Hillary’s supporters boycotting Obama’s speech, that made-for-t.v. movie will make record-breaking ratings!

  106. Godless Liberal * says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Oh now THAT was a good line.

  107. Cicada says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    jagorev: ronaldpagan: I totally missed it! I was probably typing something mean about her. What a jerk!

  108. loquaciousmusic says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “I respect his many accomplishments, even if he chooses to deny mine.”

    That’s the best thing that anyone has ever said, ever.

  109. AudicityofHope says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Nice jab at McCain, Barry.

  110. ronaldpagan says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hahaha “I respect McCain’s many accomplishments, even if he chooses to deny mine.” There you go Bear-Bear.

  111. jagorev says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    On McCain: “I respect his service, even if he chooses to deny mine.” OUCH

  112. Democratica says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Oooh!! SMACK on Walnuts! GO HOPEY, GO!!!!!

  113. edoublep says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    The gloves have come off bitches.. McCain is gettin a beat down! Hope he has his dentures insured!

  114. InsidiousTuna says at 10:22 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Watching in the White House, George W. Bush looks at Cheney with a smug grin, and says, “54 contests? He forgot Hawaii and Alaska!”

    And the US is fucked for eight more months.

  115. edgydrifter says at 10:23 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Buuuuuuurn, Walnuts! Facial!!

  116. junkscience says at 10:23 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Oh snap.

  117. HairyIckey says at 10:23 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    If any certainty came from this evening, it is that TRUCK NUTZ will have an undeniable say in hillaryclinton.com’s “Please God, Give Me a Reason Not to Quit!!!” fundraising sham.

  118. AudicityofHope says at 10:23 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    ronaldpagan: DEN-VER! DEN-VER!

  119. graceless* says at 10:23 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    ronaldpagan: She congratulated him on his RUN, not his win. Nobody in that basement knew the nominee had already been chosen, HRC picked it for that reason, I’m sure.

  120. Pacodenero says at 10:23 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Obamas website is streaming it v v well.

  121. ronaldpagan says at 10:23 pm, June 3rd, 2008
  122. Sean O says at 10:23 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Yeah, this is kind of a brutal throwdown on WALNUTS! here. Keep it going barry.

  123. Dramatist says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    uh oh… Awkward grammar Barry…

  124. Domestic Goddess says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Fighting Bill: Ouch! Sonoma/Napa resident?

  125. NotUrEvryDayWEzl says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    OH SNAP, he’s taking out the big guns and really busting a few caps in WALNUTS! ass.

  126. Godless Liberal * says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    You know, if this is what we can look forward to for the next five months, bring it the fuck on.

  127. salinkis says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    It’s funny… this is the first speech ever given by a major party African American nominee for President and it’s average.

  128. loquaciousmusic says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hopey is making me so hungry, I’m literally inhaling Trader Joe’s canned peaches.

  129. Cicada says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Ha-HA. Taking change back mothafukas!

  130. ronaldpagan says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Oh my god, I love this talk about McCain. There goes Barry showing some balls!

  131. TJBeck says at 10:24 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    BTW, everyone, even though 18m seems big, or 36m if you count both dem nominees, remember Kerry and Bush got about 60 million votes. Each.

    The general election is a much bigger show, with a much more independent* electorate.

    *but dumber

  132. masterdebater says at 10:25 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “My arguments with that racist, cracker, warmonger, greedy bastard, are not personal! He’s just a senile old fart that would be put down in a different society”. “Hope…and, hope, and stuff”

  133. Dramatist says at 10:25 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “Start leaving, we must.” Do, or not do, there is no try.

  134. Hopey McSlamdunk says at 10:25 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    There are many words to describe John McCain, and mean old dirtbag are three of them.

    And that’s change we can believe in. Blink Blink Blink. Uncomfortable smirk.

  135. ronaldpagan says at 10:25 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    graceless*: Very true. Touche.

  136. RaptorAvatar says at 10:25 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Fuck this Change bullshit, wake me when we’re already IN The Promised Land.

  137. Domestic Goddess says at 10:26 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    i can haz smart ass candidate?

  138. Democratica says at 10:26 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Damn, this man is talented!!! He managed to wrap up the nomination, give a big speech in St. Paul, and send me an e-mail 30 seconds ago!! I am so hot for him right now.

  139. loquaciousmusic says at 10:26 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Godless Liberal *: I know. The only thing that would make this speech better would be if, at the end, he gave a shout out to Wonkette, its commenters, and assfucking.

  140. Baiowulf says at 10:26 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    He could petty my dictator any day!

  141. masterdebater says at 10:26 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Change…is what you keep in your ash tray, for when you run out of gas on the way home from the bar.

  142. jagorev says at 10:27 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I cannot WAIT for the debates.

    (this is so, so different from how I felt about the last two Dem nominees… where I had to cringe through most of the debates)

  143. Dramatist says at 10:27 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    This is the goddamn best.

  144. soliloqueer says at 10:27 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    John McCain just had an involuntary bowel movement.

  145. Sean O says at 10:27 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    What a CRAZY idea barry, you mean meeting face-to-face with some podunk dictator and telling them what we demand with our entire military force behind his words?

    I thought we were supposed to wage two simultaneous failed wars while we threaten to nuke ‘em. Oh well, I’m too elitist to understand.

  146. loquaciousmusic says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I’m sorry, but how can anyone vote for WALNUTS! over this guy?

  147. salinkis says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Booing Bill Clinton?

  148. Godless Liberal * says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    loquaciousmusic: I’m holding out Hope that he will personally assfuck each and every one of us.

  149. masterdebater says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    loquaciousmusic: He just gave a shout out to bj’s…well Bill Clinton…smae thing.

  150. Democratica says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Michelle Obama is soooo getting laid tonight.

  151. RaptorAvatar says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    loquaciousmusic: I’ll settle for “young people on the internet” or “hard working educated people who embrace nihilism nonetheless.”

  152. superfecta says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    loquaciousmusic: I could really get behind that.

    I’ll get me coat…

  153. TJBeck says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Domestic Goddess: Elitist.

  154. ronaldpagan says at 10:28 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    salinkis: You’re kind of right, actually…this is not his best…but definitely in the top 99th percentile of political speeches not by Barry out there.

    Also, he just shouted out to the 90’s economy. Classy again.

  155. Godless Liberal * says at 10:29 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    soliloqueer: That happens a lot, since he is old.

  156. edgydrifter says at 10:29 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    salinkis: If you’ve had enough Tequila, it’s way above average. And I have.

  157. Democratica says at 10:29 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Damn, is that girl still paying her sister’s medical bills?
    John McCain is going to need a special pillow to sit on tomorrow…

  158. AudicityofHope says at 10:29 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Obama supporters are like a big bag of Skittles. “Taste the rainbow.”

  159. Democratica: Third little Obama?

  160. TJBeck says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Woo - PA! We’re poor and jobless! Yay for being mentioned!

  161. salinkis says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    you know… magic jobs!

  162. loquaciousmusic says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    superfecta: The “Maybe if John McCain went to…” theme is perfect.

    His oratory is stunning. Jeebuz Christmas.

  163. ronaldpagan says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    loquaciousmusic: I know right?

    Godless Liberal *: I’d take it. But do you think he would have vaginal intercourse with me if I asked super-nicely? Ass-fucking doesn’t get you pregnant with the most beautiful, hopeful, eloquent babies of all time.

  164. Domestic Goddess says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    TJBeck: Oh you know I’m eating my arugula as I watch Hopey get his speech on.

  165. Godless Liberal * says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Yay! Corridor of Shame callout! He still remembers SC!

  166. masterdebater says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    loquaciousmusic: Remember, you are a hard worker, and white…and…go to Hillary Clinton.com?

  167. Dramatist says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Yeah, St. Paul, cheer for your shitty schools.

  168. loquaciousmusic says at 10:30 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Democratica: Yeah, by every single Wonkette commenter.

  169. DoctorCulturae says at 10:31 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Zowie! Yes we can!

  170. Sean O says at 10:32 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    This is insane. I can’t believe people are excited and *standing* for a democratic nominee.

    Obama’s saying he’s going to keep it to the issues. This could be a slaughter.

  171. The New New Plan says at 10:32 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “That’s the change we need in America. That’s why I’m running for President.” I just got goosebumps. Is it possible, after our long national nightmare, that this could really happen?

  172. loquaciousmusic says at 10:32 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Eeeew. I just went to HillaryClinton.com and read some of the comments.

    Now I’m all depressed again. Give me something to love, Hopey!

  173. Godless Liberal * says at 10:32 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Now, see, this makes me all sad that there are only going to be three Obama-McCain debates and there were seventy-two Democratic debates. Why O why could it not have been the other way around?

  174. masterdebater says at 10:32 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    He looks forward to a debate…he may be the only one left in America that can say that.

  175. DoctorCulturae says at 10:32 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    YES! Religion should not be a wedge!

  176. salinkis says at 10:32 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    um, I’d kinda LIKE to see us fight dirty.

  177. Democratica says at 10:32 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “Patriotism as a bludgeon..” Fuck, yeah.

  178. Man… the fucker’s got me sitting at home by myself and clapping at the TV.

    I’m such a pushover.

  179. BuffaloSoldier says at 10:33 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I hope Cindy is locked in her room…I bet Walnut will call her cunt

  180. salinkis says at 10:33 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    speak for yourself, HUSSEIN!

  181. AudicityofHope says at 10:33 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Where’s Garrison Keillor?

  182. Cicada says at 10:33 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    jagorev: Methinks the debates will be quite entertaining. I just hope Barry doesn’t lose focus and do his erm..erm.. thing. He got markedly better through the primaries, so I think he won’t. I hated watching Kerry, even when he was doing well. Although, how bad do you have to be to not beat W?

  183. jagorev says at 10:34 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Here’s the best criticism the Corner has been able to offer so far:

    U2’s “Beautiful Day” … [Greg Pollowitz]

    … is playing at the Barack Obama rally. No Americans write music Obama likes?

  184. Democratica says at 10:34 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AxmxZ: OMG… A pregnant First Lady would make this country pee its pants.

  185. Hopey McSlamdunk says at 10:34 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    He’s just running up the score now. It’s not even funny. Walnuts needs to bring the Swiftboaters soon or he is soooo fucked.

  186. masterdebater says at 10:34 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “We are Americans first…except for the guy who does my lawn, and fixes my car, and…”

  187. btwbfdimho says at 10:34 pm, June 3rd, 2008
  188. TJBeck says at 10:34 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Anyone here on wonkette work as a lobbyist? Just curious.

  189. NotUrEvryDayWEzl says at 10:34 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Just as it is christened in the halls of academia, Barack Obama announces the death of the Rove Paradigm.

  190. Pacodenero says at 10:35 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Patriotism as a bludgeon. wow

  191. AudicityofHope says at 10:35 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “Si se puede!”

  192. jagorev says at 10:35 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Cicada: I hope he goes back on the cocaine and the cigs, because that does wonders for your concentration.

  193. superfecta says at 10:36 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Democratica: And not in that creepy ‘ew, Tony Blair still has sex’ sort of way when he and Cherie had the extra baby.

  194. ronaldpagan says at 10:36 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Yo do you think he is actually listening to Newsweek et al? I loved the McCain part of his speech, but I was hoping there would be more of, “Hey, Democratic party, do you realize you actually voted for a black guy named Barack Obama? I love you guys!”

  195. masterdebater says at 10:37 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I heard that girl shouting to Barry…count down to the sex scandal…

  196. Pacodenero says at 10:37 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Planet Healing!

  197. Democratica says at 10:37 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AudicityofHope: I heard that too! That was awesome. :)

  198. El Bombastico says at 10:37 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Oh fuck, he’s starting to light it up.

  199. AudicityofHope says at 10:37 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    America Baracks!!

  200. jagorev says at 10:38 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    superfecta: Politically speaking, the best time for them to conceive would be right now so he can get the awww vote in November.

  201. InsidiousTuna says at 10:38 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    This guy’s making me wet, and I don’t have girl parts.

  202. DoctorCulturae says at 10:38 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Damn!

  203. Sean O says at 10:38 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    C’mon Barry, I want another 40 minutes. Keep talking.

  204. graceless* says at 10:38 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Wow.

  205. ronaldpagan says at 10:38 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Ok time for a post-coital cigarette. I LOVE YOU BACK BARRY!

  206. Jonny Lieberman says at 10:38 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I just can’t get used to this whole addressing the crowd as adults thing.

  207. Hopey McSlamdunk says at 10:38 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    This was the moment I officially announced my man crush on Barry.

  208. nyhfrog says at 10:39 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Oh. This man must be president.

  209. TJBeck says at 10:39 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Olberman: “the first african american candidate for united states?” Um, well not really. But whatever.

  210. Pacodenero says at 10:39 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    im all teary eyed!

  211. Baiowulf says at 10:39 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Turn the page— sick Bob Seeger reference, B.O.! But ending on “Thank you, Minnesota!” Couldn’t they have sewn it up in an important swing state, like, you know, Puerto Rico?

  212. HerExcellency says at 10:39 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Christ. He is making me all hopeful and happy. These emotions are very confusing. Help!

  213. andersoncooperihardlyknowher says at 10:39 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    bruuuucccceeeeeee

  214. Domestic Goddess says at 10:39 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Yes you can!….come over to my house later tonight?

  215. Democratica says at 10:40 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Is it just me, or do Barry and Michelle look kinda pissed? Like they know that tomorrow they have to deal with Gladys Kravitz?

  216. AudicityofHope says at 10:40 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I’m totally gay for Michelle.

  217. confusionanddelay< says at 10:40 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    This is the time, motherfuckers! That was lovely. More, please. Suck it, John McCain.

  218. Domestic Goddess says at 10:40 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Or, better yet…”darling, you were great.”

  219. You know what would be kind of awkward? If someone rushed him right now with a knife.

    What? Just sayin’…

    Incidentally, I just love that lovely tie-in of “Bush,” “McCain” and “embrace.” Barry is one snarky cat.

  220. AudicityofHope says at 10:41 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    This is the part that makes me nervous. Reggie, keep an eye out for the ugly bitter women- they’re packin’.

  221. jagorev says at 10:42 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that liberalism is back, baby! The Democratic party is alive and well, and Republicanism is on the decline. This feels… different.

  222. Democratica says at 10:42 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “Taking it to the Republicans house.” Right in the front door and into the living room, motherfuckers.

  223. InsidiousTuna says at 10:43 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Sean O: Holy shit… I didn’t even notice he was up there for forty whole minutes.

  224. nyhfrog says at 10:43 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Democratica: my wife and I noticed the same thing.

    Well, good night of hopin’, everybody.

    I’ll be back tomorrow to be an asshole again.

    Thanks for letting me back in, Wonkette powers-that-be.

  225. SuperRounder says at 10:43 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AudicityofHope: She looks fantastic. Cindy McCain cannot rock that color. Mainly because it brings out WALNUTS’ skin cancer spots.

  226. InsidiousTuna: I have girl parts and let me tell you, I’m feeling the same way…

  227. AudicityofHope says at 10:43 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Shit, there are 15,000 people OUTSIDE of the Xcel Center.

  228. graceless* says at 10:43 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    32,000 people.

  229. DoctorCulturae says at 10:43 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    17K PLUS 15K outside! compared to how many for Madame de Sade & McAncient?

  230. Democratica says at 10:43 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AudicityofHope: Oh God… where’s Mrs. Christian of Manhattan?

  231. jagorev says at 10:43 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    32,000 in the crowd. For any other politician, that would be a record.

  232. NotUrEvryDayWEzl says at 10:44 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Tomorrow I’m going to have to go to my therapist’s office and explain that I’m losing my cynicism and objectivity. God, this could add a whole new set of emotional issues to my life.

  233. masterdebater says at 10:44 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    OK, serious for a second here. That made Hillary sound like she has been hitting the pipe. Really? She wants us to go to her web site and tell her what to do? Or, is it just political cover for the soon to be announced, “hey, I have listened to you and…” Put on your big girl panties, Ms. Clinton, and do the right thing…please, for the love of all that is holy, quit. It’s past time that you did.

  234. Sean O says at 10:44 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AudicityofHope: Seriously. scares the hell out of me.

  235. SuperRounder says at 10:45 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hey Hopey, the Magic Hat people just called. They want you to stop Hoping away my beer money.

  236. SuperRounder says at 10:46 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I think Chris Matthews is about to have a Hopegasm.

  237. floraway says at 10:47 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Brokaw sounds like he’s about to cry. When will he call him a negro, like he did when discussing his MLK documentary?

  238. AudicityofHope says at 10:47 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    I want a Barbie doll of Michelle Obama complete with all of her kick-ass outfits.

  239. DoctorCulturae says at 10:47 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Hilsnot = Duchess Untouchable
    McClunky = President of the Nursing Home
    Hopey = Rock Star

  240. floraway says at 10:48 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    SuperRounder: I think that I’m about to have a hopegasm.

  241. schvitzatura says at 10:48 pm, June 3rd, 2008
  242. Lincoln' says at 10:48 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    JESSE JACKSON IS ON CNN!!!!

    (all caps was intentional)

  243. Democratica says at 10:48 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    masterdebater: Her pipe is so worn out at this point, bitch is smoking the lining of her pantsuits at this point. Aside from 1-20-09, I’m looking forward to the day that HRC.COM is taken out behind the woodshed and shot.

  244. graceless* says at 10:48 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    masterdebater: Yes, go to her website, and tell her what to do. Try to stay away from too much profanity, cause that’s just polite. But do tell her what to do, and where to go.

  245. Democratica says at 10:51 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AudicityofHope: Totally! You just know there would be a tiny pair of patent-leather boots!

  246. DoctorCulturae says at 10:52 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Democratica: I wish it was as simple as stuff in a pipe. This is “self will run riot.” Smoke that all you psychologically adept folk!

  247. Sean O says at 10:52 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    We’re not a community :( thanks MSNBC, but I’m feeling the love here tonight.

  248. AudicityofHope says at 10:53 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Tim, Tom, Brian, Chris, and Keith have gone black and might not come back.

    Oh hell, it’s Harold Ford.

  249. Democratica says at 10:54 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Democratica: Oh dear… I”m becoming incoherent… time for me to take a break… goodnight, darlings.

  250. AudicityofHope says at 10:56 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Democratica: If Matel starts making Obama dolls (Barry, Michelle, Malia, and Sasha) I might have to give up Wonkette.

  251. TJBeck says at 10:56 pm, June 3rd, 2008
  252. CthuNHu says at 10:56 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    Has McCain dropped out yet?

  253. AudicityofHope: Everyone on MSNBC is leaking hopeful fluids from every orifice.

  254. obfuscator says at 11:00 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AudicityofHope:

    Complete with a White House Dream House play set. Host state dinners, plan military operations, conduct the East Lawn Easter egg hunt, etc.

    I’m as magnanimous as the next guy who hates Hillary Clinton, but I’m sick of hearing the CNN bunch talk about this should be “Hillary’s night”. Fuck all that noise.

  255. Sara K. Smith says at 11:03 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    LOOKY it’s another LIVEBLOG so you should go comment on it.

  256. Sean O says at 11:03 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    AxmxZ: Is that what’s causing Matthews to lose all ability to speak?

  257. DoctorCulturae says at 11:04 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    These guys haven’t said that Hopey said Hilz will lead on health care & working with under-priviledged thus boxing her into doing that in some capacity…other than VP.

  258. DoctorCulturae says at 11:05 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    obfuscator: This is Hilary’s night?! Poppycock.

  259. obfuscator says at 11:12 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    DoctorCulturae:

    Also: balderdash, ruffle-duffle, applesauce, and horsefeathers.

  260. Sean O: That and he’s been moaning and screaming for Barry all night.

  261. Clovis says at 11:17 pm, June 3rd, 2008

    “Layne: `She has done what no woman has done before … lose to a black man.’”

    Well, I guess Desdemona had the crowd in the end …

  262. PeteJayhawk v2.0 says at 1:09 am, June 4th, 2008

    All I have to say about Wonkette and Minnesota is that I will be fucking pissed if Pareene doesn’t cover the Republican Convention for Wonkette.

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