Wonkette
John McCain finished his angry old-man rant, Hillary finished her “I have made no decisions” speech, folks talked about some stuff in the middle, and now it’s time for Barack Obama, the Hopeful Boy Unicorn, to bring it home. Of course the Decemberists opened for him here in St. Paul, so we can assume the big crowd is for them. Still, let’s have a listen!
10:00 PM — Barack Obama wins Montana. Hannah Montana, that is. Is Tom Brokaw crying again? Maybe he just has a head cold. “The two of them, I must say, look very fit,” he says, regarding Obama and Clinton. Then he talks about idiot things they both just said in South Dakota.
10:05 PM — Chris Matthews cannot believe that anyone with half a brain would think the “Dream Ticket” would be all that dreamy. Russert concurs. Bill Clinton, after all, is a huge liability. Remember how like six months ago he seemed like Hillary’s secret weapon? Yeah, good times.
10:07 PM — Michelle Obama in an awesome purple dress. And pearls. And a fist bump! Barack has on his patriotic flag pin, for America.
10:10 PM — He thanks the wife & kidz. And staff, volunteers, David Plouffe, his racist white grandmother. “Tonight is for her.”
10:13 PM — “Our primary season has finally come to an end.” THANK FUCKING CHRIST. “Millions of voices have been heard,” except for the Clinton voters’, because they demand Respect for being invisible. He is not going to be able to get through this speech very quickly, with all the applause, and the ejaculations.
10:15 PM — Newell: “what a pathetic little crowd compared to mccain’s masses.”
10:16 PM — “CH NGE,” says a sign in the crowd. Now Obama will finally seize the opportunity to thank Joe Biden for his service to America. Massive applause and cheers for Hillary Clinton, for finally getting out of the race. Layne: “She has done what no woman has done before … lose to a black man.”
10:19 PM — Hey wait did he just flip on universal health care? Oh whatever. The point is, Hillary Clinton will be very useful when she is back doing first lady type things. She has made him a better candidate. He seems to actually believe this, which he should, as it is true.
10:21 PM — Cue up the Unity message. He finally cracks a smile. OK bring the Hope, Hopey! Oh noes here come the Republicans, with their angry old man who denies Obama’s accomplishments. BURNNNNN.
10:24 PM — Bush = McCain. Now he is Stern, and maybe a little Mad. “There are many words to describe the shittiness of John McCain, but ‘change’ is not one of them.”
10:27 PM — “That’s what change is,” x3. Yay science and innovation! The audience is delirious with excitement for science and innovation. Now they are delirious at the SUPERBURN that John McCain knows what’s going on in Iraq but not on Main Street or wherever.
10:30 PM — Oh poor John McCain. Why did you give a speech on the teevee tonight? You needed the Decemberists to open for you, in Louisiana.
10:32 PM — He warns against “the other side” coming to St. Paul in September and trying to romance the Minnesotans with their war and their fear. Don’t give in, Minnesota! Patriotism will no longer be used as a bludgeon, which is great for Patriotism.
10:34 PM — He has united the po-pos with the civil rights workers, which is no small thing. “Americans … are a decent, generous, compassionate people.” That is why they like to vote for warmongers.
10:36 PM — You remember world history, right? And Antietam, and Selma? Well this is History too. This was the moment when the Red Seas parted, and the oceans fell back, and America was not regarded as total douchesacks by the rest of the world.
11:01 PM — And now there is another liveblog here.
Don’t do it Barry! Don’t drink the Clinton Kool-aid. You can rock the vote with Chuck Hagel.
Ugh… Carville looks like a Decepticon in a person suit. Gah.
Anyone have a link to the video of McCain flirting with lil’ Miss Montana? Creepy stuff.
Barack Obama is my political Zah Efron.
Hillary is my political Britney.
chidem: Love you, man/woman:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=QoeZ6cHynZE
Looks like the “Tagged:” tags get covered up by the right column. Makes it look like it’s tagged “hillary cl”.
So Hillary is taking what should be a perfect moment for Obama supporters because she can’t be bothered to make a decision. And people want this gloopy, self-congratulating mess as their prezdent.
Wow.
Over at hillaryis44.com, they are crediting Hillary with allowing SD and Montana to vote.
They need to stop the U2.
Yay, here we go. We can has hope again.
I put scare quotes around “foundation work” everytime Brokaw said it..
Michelle has some guns. Fighting poverty alongside her husband - hand-to-hand
Okay, gang, I’m not going to join this particular liveblog. I’m going to watch Barack, take a shower, and go to bed.
It’s been fun! See you tomorrow!
xo
LoquaciousMusic
Come on Barry! Bring it home!
LOVE the purple dress and wide belt on Michelle.
Hopey’s on!
Paul Westerberg actually.
…I bet if they showed the crowd you would see a shyt load of lighters in the air!
Digging that purple dress!
Fist bump! Classic.
…did Barry just give Michelle some kind of black fist pound? My Nigga!!!
Bumping fists is now the new pledge of allegiance. hell ya.
A U-2 song? Where’s the hip-hop…SELL OUT!
“hopey! hopey! hopey”
jagorev: Barry’s tie is pretty sweet, too.
Hey Jim, it needs some attention!
Aw, they just did a little hand pound. That was cute.
You’re welcome, Barry.
michelle obama says “fuck you pantsuits!”
Wasn’t Jessie Ventura president of Minnesota a couple of decades ago?
I tried to say, “Hopey’s on” and it told me I already said it, so it wouldn’t let me post it.
I want an instant replay on the little fist bump that Hopey and MO just did!
Thank you bitches.
I am going to draw the line if he goes all Alanis and thanks India.
Michelle is so hot. Her dress is a big fuck you to HRC and her pantsuits.
Is Hopey crying?
I think Barry is tearing up! Get this man some Kleenex.
What a classy guy.
…now he can let his true BLACKNESS hang out!
-Drinking 40’s on the campaign trail
-Throwing 26 inch rims on his campaign bus
-Having Jay-Z and 50 cent introduce him at rallies
-Having back up dancer behind him when he does his speech
Good times people, good times!
Thanks grandma, can we come see you in Hawaii?
He dedicated tonight to his Grandma. This, of course, three months after that entire bus incident.
Barack + Michelle + kiss + fist pound = I just came. And it won’t be the last time during this speech either.
NIce, kiss up to the grannies, good call!
Jesus. 54 contests?
AngryBlakGuy: Jay-Z is wayyy better than the Decemberists, but 50 kind of hated him for a while.
Not so fast Barry! Hillary didn’t give up until I go on her web site!
Oh yeah. This is WAY better than just reading it.
chidem: flip-flopper!
Republicans have to be pissing their pants right now.
During a debate, the contrast is going to be worse than JFK-Nixon.
Look at the flag lapel pin!
I want to be adopted by the Obamas.
chidem: Being under the bus cured her sciatica!
Okay, fuck it. I’m back.
Look at the hottie redhead behind him with the sequined shirt. The curtains match the drapes and the throw rug!
AngryBlakGuy: Spinners?
She spilled herself on him? Wait, what?! Ew.
Would it be a good or bad thing if at some point, Barack says “and to Hillary Clinton, I won the nomination. Suck it.”
But if you’re going leave grandma, leave her in Hawaii!
It is my goal in life to one day be at least half as bad ass as Michelle Obama.
This looks like a 15-fainter crowd. At least.
…GAAAAAAAAAAWD, I wish he would say “Im RICH BITCH”!!! when he walk off stage!
What are they chanting? Isn’t that the first verse of “Fuck Tha Police”?
Aw, Barry is choked up a little! *cuddles*
I’d like to ask David Plouffe to stop sending me thirty emails a day.
masterdebater: …HELICOPTER reverse spinners!!!
Crap! His room could fit HRC’s room in the tiny front pocket of its jeans!
Obama = JFK
McCain = Bob Dole
The general is gonna get ugly early - an asskicking will be issued.
Standing up for change? Oh, he’s talking about that guy I pass by next to the off-ramp…gotcha Barry! Go on..
William Tecumseh Sherman: It would be fucking brilliant.
I wanna give big ups to my racist Grandma.
Cabinet of Rivals, Cabinet of Rivals…
ronaldpagan: …Kanye West maybe? Cuz everyone knows George Bush doesn’t care about black people!!!
The people in his crowd look like my kind of people.
Obama supporters—like us, goobers!—are so fucking classy.
Good job to the crowd on applauding Clinton.
Flag Pin, Flag Pin, Flag Pin!!!
Congratulations, Hillary!
Not.
Race that she has RUN, throughout this contest…HA
Is anyone else getting the CNN speech looking like a bad kung-fu movie?
Thank you Hillary..don’t go away mad…
“Senator Hillary Clinton has made history in this campaign, not just becasue she is a woman, but because she is the biggest bitch on the planet, and I congratulate her for bringing it to a whole new level and teaching our own sistas a thing or two”
After watching Hilz petty little speech, it’s kind of hard to watch him be so nice.
Why the HELL didn’t she congratulate him? It would have been so classy.
oh no no, Barry is taking part in the elaborate courtship to give her the VP spot.
“What gets Hillary Clinton up in the morning, even in the face of tough odds, is her obsessive thirst for power at all costs.”
Hey, he makes this Hillary woman sound good! I want to learn more about her.
Pfft, Hillary gets up each morning trying to avoid slick willy’s grabby hands.
And I congratulate Hillary getting it up in the morning with her three testicles.
…5 bucks says DMX closes the rally out with the “Ruff Ryders Anthem”!!!
Gawd. He is so fucking classy.
He is being so nice to Hills! What a classy fellow! (I also hope he adopts her health care plan, which is better than his.)
Barry knows how to talk to older white women. Nothing gets ‘em like flattery.
Delicious: Chuck Hagel wouldn’t do shit for Obama. Have you not read the poll numbers? He barely helps him in the Midwest. Now Edwards would actually make a significant positive difference. In all states, and all regions of the country. Analysis here.
Sorry all just had to get that off my chest, I don’t know who Delicious is but mentions Hagels name one more (Hagel, btw an absolute horrible candidate on social issues) time I may punch my monitor. And I need it to do work tonight.
Barry’s got class, Hillary’s white trash.
What gets Hillary Clinton up in the morning is… oooh - fill-in-the-blank time!!
That’s some classy shit he’s saying about Hillz.
Cicada: I think she did congratulate him. The classy thing to do would have been to CONCEDE, since she LOST.
…I would like to thank Hillary for being the cave dwelling troll that she is!
Cicada: She did congratulate him, I think, but it was perfunctory, and nothing like the praise Barry’s heaping on her.
I reserve the right to quote Al Michaels if Hopey pulls this off in November.
Sean O: If his hands touched her, it would be followed by immediate and terse apologies from both her and Bill.
He mentioned women! What a patronizing chauvinist pig! Doesn’t he know we hate him? All of us hate him? McCain ‘08!
loquaciousmusic: Just like I remembered.
I hope that was enough kissing up for HRC, but I doubt it.
Hillary’s blue pantsuit could have covered the state of California in a Christo art piece.
Hopey McSlamdunk: Nice name!
I just checked the Lifetime guide, and The Capture of the Green River Killer is on tonight.
So I guess that, with all of Hillary’s supporters boycotting Obama’s speech, that made-for-t.v. movie will make record-breaking ratings!
Oh now THAT was a good line.
jagorev: ronaldpagan: I totally missed it! I was probably typing something mean about her. What a jerk!
“I respect his many accomplishments, even if he chooses to deny mine.”
That’s the best thing that anyone has ever said, ever.
Nice jab at McCain, Barry.
Hahaha “I respect McCain’s many accomplishments, even if he chooses to deny mine.” There you go Bear-Bear.
On McCain: “I respect his service, even if he chooses to deny mine.” OUCH
Oooh!! SMACK on Walnuts! GO HOPEY, GO!!!!!
The gloves have come off bitches.. McCain is gettin a beat down! Hope he has his dentures insured!
Watching in the White House, George W. Bush looks at Cheney with a smug grin, and says, “54 contests? He forgot Hawaii and Alaska!”
And the US is fucked for eight more months.
Buuuuuuurn, Walnuts! Facial!!
Oh snap.
If any certainty came from this evening, it is that TRUCK NUTZ will have an undeniable say in hillaryclinton.com’s “Please God, Give Me a Reason Not to Quit!!!” fundraising sham.