Wonkette
It is finished. There are no more primaries, no more whining about Michigan and Florida. Even though she may not ever concede, Barack Obama says: “Tonight I can stand here and say, that I will be the Democratic nominee, for the United States of America.” That should be worth some interesting discussion and freakouts, no?
10:30 PM — Let us note, again, how Barry Obama spent five minutes of his speech heaping praise on Hillary, who wants him to die in June.
10:35 PM — Oh hey all our other liveblogging tonight starts here with McCain’s whiny old man speech, then goes our Barack Wins The Nomination, then to Hillary refusing to ever face reality, then Obama being all Hopey McInspirational.
10:39 PM — It is kind of hilarious to see Barack doing this speech from the very spot at St. Paul’s Excel Stadium or whatever it’s called, where John McCain will whine about everything at the GOP convention in two months.
10:43 PM — Brian Williams claims the Barry-Michelle “fist pound” was supposed to be “private.” Well then they should’ve done it back at the fisting salon!
10:43 PM — Ha ha, Brian politely notes that only Obama’s speech was “enjoyable.”
10:45 PM — Which Wonketteer said this tonight? “This guy is really fucking hard to liveblog. My cynicism just … melts into my panties.”
10:46 PM — That’s right, Jim Newell wears panties.
10:46 PM — Chris Matthews is “tapping the glass.”
10:47 PM — Matthews: “This is camerawork and showmanship that John McCain hasn’t even started to compete with.”
10:47 PM — Brokaw notes that there’s a bit more than showmanship and stage management at work here, as Obama is the most talented politician any of them have ever seen.
10:49 PM — There are between 17,000 and 20,000 people in this Obama rows — inside the sports arena. Outside, there are another 15,000 people. Barry’s still working this crowd, and it’s a helluva crowd. We are investigating the number of people at McCain’s FEMA trailer bingo session in a grim white suburb of New Orleans.
10:50 PM — Let’s check out CNN. Oh, it’s grainy 1988 footage of Jesse Jackson. Your editor’s little sister saw Jesse Jackson speak at her high school or something, back then. He had a catch phrase. “I Am Somebody.” And he was, which is why Bill Clinton won the nomination in South Carolina … wait, what?
10:53 PM — Our sources say “a handful” of McCain supporters were there, which sounds about right, considering the sparse “you can hear each person’s hands” applause.
10:56 PM — The fuck are they all cracking up about on CNN?
10:57 PM — Ha ha, this one lady on CNN is saying how she’s getting e-mails from Hilz Nutz saying “This needed to be her night.”
10:58 PM — Anderson Cooper’s laughing sort of disgusted-like, saying, “We’ve ALL been getting these emails, come on.”
11:05 PM — Maps, numbers, maps, numbers.
11:08 PM — Jon Tester goes to Obama, now that Obama has won the nomination. Brave!
11:10 PM — Brian Williams is a stock-car racing fan, because he is tough working class, and patriotic. Entry level, dirt track, Friday nights, “a slice of heaven.” Do they have a tanning salon there?
11:11 PM — As soon as Montana’s polls closed, 26.5 super delegates went to Obama.
11:21 PM — Norah O’Donnell has new Exit Poll results! 50% of the Dem primary voters wanted the Change. She is also so cute in her pink maternity dress. (We are sincere!)
11:23 PM — And Obama is very popular with “the young,” if you mean, “45 years and younger.” Also, sexist white men across the board love the black dude.
11:27 PM — Goddammit, Chris Matthews just described Obama as a half-Kenyan, etc., and asked “how you get Pennsylvania voters, regular people,” to vote for him. Ugh.
Jesus fucking Christ. McCain better pack a lunch.
The fist was a secret sign to america’s sexual minorities that they will not be forgotten by Barry during his cracked-out executive sex parties. They’ll even have an “Abu Graib” S&M room and a Gitmo leather dungeon
I really do not believe, that after that whole Nixon - Kennedy thing, that McCranky wants to be on the same stage with Barry…I can’t see how there can be a debate, or a republican (who isn’t a sadist) that will allow it.
Sorry I missed the live blog - I was too busy retching during McClintons’ speeches and popping champagne corks during Obama’s.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Yea, you hope!
masterdebater: *Masochist
Barry would be the sadist. He’s the big black top.
Michelle is totally preggers.
masterdebater: Of course I do. Was that ever in question?
What a speech. What a dude. What a contrast with Bill’s broad and Granpa.
MSNBC is leaking profusely from every orifice.
Brian Williams is the most insightful man on TV, what with his remarks on the yearning for community.
Reagan Republicanism was predicated on sociopathic individualism, and every candidate since then has had to pander to that strain of thought. Now watch Obama as he makes a claim to representing an American community, which is a pretty novel idea.
masterdebater: Nothing a little dioxin shouldn’t correct…to be administered by Harriet Christian!
Barry is daring McCain to go to AMERICAN cities? Why? There are no Viet Cong, or Islamic Nazis in closed down American factories…jeeze, Barry, get a grip!
masterdebater: Thing is, McCain is vain as all fuck. He might seriously be senile and arrogant and stoopid enough to think that he actually can hold his own visually against Barry.
Well let me be the first to welcome our new, Muslim, Mulatto Overlord.
You guys have to switch to CNN. Anderson Cooper just said “I want to be your Boo” to Donna Brazille.
damn, i wet my pants.
They are getting catty over at CNN! “Deranged narcissism”… is the media starting to allow the truth?
By the way, Ken, you make it sound like we should be surprised to know that Jim wears panties.
Via Kos:
MORT KONDRACKE: Well, John McCain had better start working on his speechmaking and learn how to use a teleprompter. I mean, the gap, the rhetorical gap between this speech and…Oratorical gap between this speech and John McCain’s was vast. John McCain sounded old. This sounded fresh and new and exciting and visionary. And he was enlisting the country to join him in a great cause. This is our moment, all of that.
When Mort Kondracke is punking your ass, you better get to work!
Well, CNN seems to have reached the consensus that Hilz dropped the ball with failing to run with the unity ball.
Yup.
He claimed it, she is the also-ran. The math backs the man. The Hope man.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: The newsworthy thing is that he left them on, during the speech!
Anderson is asking the four Passover questions.
El Bombastico: Well, Mort’s on his way to GITMO.
In related news, McCain comes in third, behind Romney and Paul, in the Montana Caucuses:
http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2008/primaries/results/state/#MT
Jonah “Liberals are Fascists” Goldberg: “Substance aside, Obama crushed McCain in all other ways that matter. Aesthetically, politically, rhetorically etc, it boiled down to Godzilla versus Bambi. And, amazingly enough, McCain was Bambi.”
Does HRC still have influence of her supporters?
So let’s talk about how Hillary is trying to intimidate Obama into making her VP. I wrote her a song:
Oh sugar
Oh honey, honey
You don’t need to make a decision because the party has done it for you. Fuck off.
Meanwhile in the Montana GOP caucuses tonight McCain came in 3rd behind Mittens and Ron Paul!
Does she still have 18 million voters?
Ken Layne: I am banning you.
She’s not making any decisions tonight yall! She may decide to win this yet if we beg real nice!
Truck NUtz 4 VP of The Islamic States of Negromerica!
Hopey McSlamdunk: How is this night different from all other nights?
-A black nominee for a major party
-Hillary’s tears are sincere
Yay, Senator Tester on MSNBC! Endorsing Obama! Still has the haircut!
Super rainbow flowers unicorn’s best weapon is making people and ideas irrelevant- Hilz better watch out, or she’ll get Wright-ed.
Ha, Matthews refers to Barry’s speech as ‘futuristic’.
I Tester on Ambien? His level of ‘thusiasms is just overwhelming.
Hopey McSlamdunk: why is this night different than all other nights?
why on this night do we feel tingling sensations all the way up our legs?
why on this night are people cheering a black man on the television?
why on this night are Luo shark god tribesemen hotter than usual?
did i get them all right?
Terry is on the Daily Show. WTF. It may be tape-delayed, but they still know at this point that Barry won.
Stuttering Keith is yammering all over himself again on MSNBC, and Chris is talking about armies and militants and the like. John Tester boldly comes out for Obama. Go John!
I think someone needs to change John McCain’s depends.
If I ever write a book, I would like Barack to read it for the audio version.
Vanity Smurf: OMG THAT IS AMAZING!!!! Bye, Republican party unity! It’s been real!
Rodney Badger: YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
GO RON PAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Terry “2 rails” McAuliffe is crazying it up with John Stewart right now. They’re roleplaying.
I am *totally* getting a pair of Hill Nutz ™ to stick on my smart trip card.
By the by, can’t someone just take a shot at Obama and miss so Hillary can finally quit?
Stupid comment delay.
cracksmoke: Word, the poor man is terrified.
graceless*: Math? That makes it sound so final! Dod god use math when he made the world in six equal 24 hour periods? No! Or science, or any of that lefty crap! Math is for pinkos who hate god! Except the catholics…we have a great whore, or some such…I’m not sure, I’ll have to talk to a fundamentalist minister, and get back to you. Don’t give up Hillz, math is a lie!…from the devil!
Did you guy see the cnn look back with the rave music? all they needed was flashing lights, lasers and glowsticks.
I thought you guys were joking, but yeah, Romney won in Montana and picked up 25 delegates.
OK, i’m like 95 percent sure Terry McAullife was just drunk out of his gord on the Daily Show just now (and that tapes at like 5 p.m. right)? Tell me someone else saw that… Otherwise It’s just me who’s drunk….
StrangelyBrown: I am vaguely aware that it’s *Jon* Stewart.
AudicityofHope:
Why is Brian Williams talking about stock car racing?
Back on CNN, anybody know where John (very well compensated-for speech impediment) King has gone. I sure do miss him driving the big map.
…………………………………Sorry I was too busy thinking about how President Obama’s going to be chitchatting with his 57-Democrat Senate next January. What were we talking about?
What the *hell* is he talking about. the look on everyone else’s face wondering what on earth brian’s talking about is perfect.
Also, did Chris Matthews say his focus group was Tim Russert’s family?
*Did* ruined a good joke…time to go to stop drinking. It’s the two typos in a day rule.
i’m poor and can only get C-Span and they are taking callers and this man from W. Va spoke very angrily about how now he will vote for McCain because Obama is a loud mouth, short tempered maverick who speaks his mind too easily.
man, i wanna know what warped reality he’s in.
After the “supposed to be private” fist bump, did Obama slap Michelle on the ass?
That’s awesome.
And it wasn’t sexist because it was more like a coach slapping the quarterback on the butt as he runs off the field, as opposed to the boss slapping the secretary on the butt while she load paper into the copy machine, so it shows he thinks she would be good at sports.
Also, if my boss is reading this, i haven’t sat down comfortably since I got the job, and pretty soon, she’s gonna have to learn how to load the damn thing on her own.
Ken Layne: Touche
I think the Clintons and their supporters are their own species. Perhaps when Kucinich saw that UFO, he was actually seeing the Clinton mothership arriving from a galaxy far far away where the creepy alien Clintonites (i.e. Harriet Christian) reside.
Is that Olbermann laughing at Mathews in the background?
I saw the old guy in the ancient black and white shots from a hundred years ago, but the caption didn’t say Jackson, it said McCain.
Has there ever been more distinction between two candidates for this office? It was charisma the commentator noted, Brockaw I think; he said it’s more than any of them had seen in any candidacy for many years. Not since Little Danny Quayle, I guess …
Well the internets hated on me all night long, and then suddenly forgave me. Now I have to go — after reading these comments I’ll bet about half the girls out tonight are as tingly-thighed as they’ve ever been. And you know how rare a Tuesday-night takedown is….
There republican results from Montana were from Feb 5.
Last time Mittens won I believe.
Domestic Goddess:
Isn’t it a good thing when a politician actually speaks his mind?
After the past few weeks, I honestly wonder if some people in Apple Asia actually know what words mean.
@KTHXBAI - srsly. clinton’s a loser says what?
Brian Williams scores with an Aaron Sorkin reference. Well played.
I’m really annoyed Hillary won’t be screeching “Yes we can!” at us like a we’re a bunch of Down’s syndrome kids on a fucking hike….
hrhkingfriday: Totes
You know that crazy preacher who mocked Hillz? Well he just got suspended. The Clintons are a spiteful bunch.
Trollop: I’m with you. Coke’s a harsh bitch, kids. Also, tomorrow’s headline: Hillary’s campaign manager tells Obama to kiss his ass.
In the first debate with McDoddering Hopey should wear a track suit and sprint in, do 50 jumping jacks, and leap over the lecture saying, that first question please?
Oh, so, um, the whole montana ron paul awesomeness happened in february. I though it sounded oddly familiar, and sadly it’s not that I’m clairvoyant.
SocialList: Bravo…
obfuscator: I’m pretty sure that people in Apple Asia think that words are them fancy things that those rich, young people use that don’t have no real use in everyday, monster truck life.
graceless*: Suspended like from his job or like from an overpass?
I love how Obama looked like Bobby Kennedy and McCain looked like a grumpy old man yelling at whippersnappers to get off his fucking lawn
anyone else think that the obama vs. mccain debates will look like a reverse lynching?
“Bose noise-canceling headphones of his message”
BRILLIANT
DoctorCulturae:
I strongly advocate that both candidates get to play entrance music as they take the stage.
For Barry, I’d like something by Earth, Wind, & Fire.
White men as a swing vote just seems odd.
she (whose name must not be spoken) is the “noise cancelling” to obama,
sound byte from unseen teevee
Domestic Goddess: McCain should try his hand at blackface minstrelsy. It’s what he grew up on, it’s what he knows, and it’ll make him look VIBRANT!
Yeah, I’m back. BO left HRC a fucking voicemail?! Bitch, pick up the fucking phone!
Wow, Obama called Clinton and had to leave a message. I’ll give her the benefit of being three sheets by now.
Domestic Goddess:
I’m crossing my fingers for a Johnny Mac meltdown during a debate. Spittle flying like sniper fire, his little comb over flapping impotently, etc. Your basic geriatric spazz episode.
Domestic Goddess: Oh yeah. Though I’m secretly hoping for revenge re Carter and Gore
Come February, Hillary will really be showing Obama she means business when she leads her 18 million voter march on Washington to build & inhabit the Legitimate President’s palace.
What Ed Rendell is not saying is that the “55% of the last three months” that Hillary won covered only 16.5% of the delegates.
Olberman just reported that Barry just drunk-dialed Hillary, but she saw him on her caller ID and just let it go to voicemail. Barry was all like “Hey Baby, can I come by on my way home and get a back rub? Call me back.”
Barack left a message after calling Hillary @ 11:06 and congratulated her on her win in SD and asked her to call him back. That’s what classy people do, that’s what Jesus would have done. Hillary loves Satan.
obfuscator: and to call Michelle Obama a trollop cunt
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: My first thought…wow, product placement on CNN. Someone in sales is jumping up and down.
I don’t buy Clinton not being “able” to pick up. Shit, you know if Icky or McAuliffe was drunk dialing her she would pick up. Why no love for Barry?
Hillary, don’t you think you’re fallin’
If everybody wants you
Why isn’t anybody callin’
You don’t have to answer
Leave them hangin’ on the line
Oh-oh-oh, calling Hillary
Ed Rendell just said Obama can win PA without Hillary being on the ticket.
Wow, so much for being ready on day one. somewhere, there’s a phone ringing in the white house….who’s gonna send it to voicemail?!
Chris Matthews and Eddie Rendell are now going to hold hands and run to the bathroom after Chris discovers that, OMG, they have on the SAME TIE.
AudicityofHope:
Hillary will mishear the message and end up calling him ‘black’, then Bill will accuse Barry of playing that race card just like a surprise ‘draw four’ card in a heated Uno match.
Bill Clinton campaign chairman for Obama? No. That will not happen. Next.
Also, does it bother anyone else that Hillary is losing less gracefully than a Russian gangster?
if that doesn’t work, here: http://youtube.com/watch?v=aCm2ipdhQ-s&feature=related
Anderson Cooper would go unqueer for Donna! Who doesn’t want to be her boo?
AudicityofHope: That’s because Ed wants to be the guy who delivers PA and the Hebrew diaspora of Florida.
“The number you have called, 1-800-IM-BROKE, has been disconnected”
Domestic Goddess: West VA, that’s his reality.
The guy in the orange shirt behind Hillary who lost his damn mind when she said she wasn’t conceding? Has had many wedgies in his life, but not nearly enough.
I think Barry just sent Hills a picture message of his nutz. (and now that’s my avatar)
HOSANNA SUPERSTAR HOSANNA SUPERSTAR
TJBeck:
Hopey McTrucknutz left you a voicemail message… holla back, you pantsuited harpie!
Pukey wants to bond with Mittens and kids..
graceless*: maybe a little electro shock could help with that?
Pat Buchannan: “Something’s wrong with Obama… [lists all reasons Obama is the second coming of JFK] yet he’s running even with McCain?”
Um… really? Were you watching? I wonder why, Pat… maybe some sort of a third candidate who stole the thunder from his policy differences, and antagonized certain portions of the electorate by selling them false hope….
hmmmm….
TJBeck: I think he sent her this picture message.
Son of Mark Penn: No need for Anderson to change his stripes. Donna is obviously a top, and she’d likely be glad to strap one on and stick it to our boy AC just for sport.
There was no cell phone service in the bunker, she was in the basement where no modern elitist tech stuff could penetrate.
TJBeck: Nah, he tatoo’d “wanna be my veep? SORRY” on his backside with the o of SORRY being his asshole.
Domestic Goddess: Or perhaps, a frontal lumbotomy?
graceless*:
It wasn’t a bunker, it was a summer cabin in western Pennsylvania filled with antique rifles, pantsuits, and sorrow.
John McCain looks like Emperor Palpatine. (Surely this has been noted before?)
graceless*: be easier. just use a hunting knife and lot of un-elitist whiskey.
Hillary supporter on Salon wants this to be the last time she ever has to see Hillary lose.
The part where she considers whether Hillz should accept Walnuts’ VP nod or Barry’s befits the gravity of the moment. No, really, it does. STOP LAUGHING DAMMIT.
Russert wants to be a teacher tomorrow.
Olbermann wants to talk to Lincoln tomorrow.
Um…bring in the next anchor team, please?
TJBeck: yeah that was difficult to watch, he waffled more than eggo does.
Oh and Eddie loves talking about pounding…course its usually about beers and broads.
Where is the youtube of Anderson Cooper requesting to be Donna Brazile’s boo? WHERE???
obfuscator:
If I could save pantsuits and sorrow
The first thing that I’d like to do
Is to campaign every day
Till eternity passes away
Till the DNC pussy goes ‘mew’
BTW, can we enable images? Look, with wordpress, what you have to do is open wp-includes/kses.php.
Then find the following line, probably line 22 if you still have the defaults:
$allowedtags = array (’a’ => array (’href’ => array (), ‘title’ => array ()), ‘abbr’ => array (’title’ => array ()), ‘acronym’ => array (’title’ => array ()), ‘b’ => array (), ‘blockquote’ => array (’cite’ => array ()),
Edit that line to read, as follows:
$allowedtags = array (’a’ => array (’href’ => array (), ‘title’ => array ()), ‘abbr’ => array (’title’ => array ()), ‘acronym’ => array (’title’ => array ()), ‘b’ => array (), ‘blockquote’ => array (’cite’ => array ()), ‘img’ => array (’alt’ => array (), ‘align’ => array (), ‘border’ => array (), ‘height’ => array (), ‘hspace’ => array (), ‘longdesc’ => array (), ‘vspace’ => array (), ’src’ => array ()),
See? that will allow more tan just “a” tag links, giving us “img” with some border and other small formatting options. Maybe you don’t need hspace and vspace, i guess that could be used to fuck up the thread, but at least add ‘img’ => array (’src’ => array ()),. That would only allow an img and src tag, with no other options.
“A children’s treasury of commenter links that no one really notices” just doesn’t seem all that interesting…
TJBeck: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I will boo as if I am an Iowa State fan
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
MSNBC says Clinton claiming a dropped call… Isn’t she in Manhattan? Not Montana anymore…
I’m sorry, did no one talk about issues? –
(see ref: Little Red RidingHood: EatEatEat–doesn’t anybody want to fuck anymore??)
CometHasTheFloor: I just threw up a little from reading this.
PeteJayhawk v2.0:
[I'd have a pic of a middle finger here, but I can't post it]
[just kidding I'd boo me too]
TJBeck: Yes, she is in Manhatan, but she is apparently in a command bunker three floors underground. Apparently they didn’t want anyone at her rally to know that she had lost, so they picked a place where there would be no cell phone or wifi coverage.
Christ on a crunchy crutch. They all keep saying Obama “clinched” the nomination. Clinched, cliched, clinched. Am I the only one to hear something vaguely scatological in this “clinched”? Sounds like he reverse-pooped it or something.
IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
http://gawker.com/tag/videuhoh/?i=5012887&t=anderson-cooper-hits-on-democratic-operative
ANDERSON COOPER HITS ON DONNA BRAZILE LIVE ON CNN
Opra has a better chance at VP than that slut Hillary.