Wonkette
Well first and foremost a big fist-bump to old Hillary Clinton, who has won the great state of South Dakota, her 50th state victory of the season, and now she leads Obama by 20 million popular votes and infinity delegates. Why are the media and its blacks trying to push her out of the race, knowing this? Let’s see what Hillary has to say about her Pyrrhic Victory, and beyond.
9:30 — Ha ha, Terry McAuliffe just introduced Hillary Clinton, and then nothing happened, and he walked off and it was silent. Oh look, Hillary and Bill, coming out together. Bill is taking the lead, because he still thinks he is Governor of America.
9:32 — Let’s see what Hillary has to say.
9:33 — Barack Obama is nice, she says, for making people care about politics. Like they did in the ’90s, with the economy being so huge and the safety and the Clintons. Go Clintons!
9:35 — Ha ha OK maybe we shouldn’t laugh, because of Sexism, but the first group she thanks is “wonderful women in their 90s” who couldn’t vote until Hillary ran.
9:36 — CROWD BACKGROUND EXAMINATION: Left to right: Gay photographer, Walt from Lost, a black gal with turtles on her shirt, Tony Soprano, fair-skinned Puritan pilgrim (from England), YO MAMA.
9:39 — “Every vote was a prayer for your country.” Ken Layne writes, “I never even hated REAGAN like this.”
9:40 — Whoa whoa whoa, shellshock! She’s talking about issues for the first time in 20 years, and four debates. What did she thinks about those, the various issues? Oh, independent energy, to save Earth, her adopted planet. Getting health care to the earthlings. She has seen, through her alien goggles, the humans that do not have Insurance. She will get them this “Insurance” they crave.
9:42 — She is very certain that her supporters have been “invisible.” Well sometimes, Hillary, the whiteness blends in with the clouds? If you’re looking from a certain angle? We don’t know, at all, what the hell she is saying.
9:44 — She says she’s been saving America’s Health Care for 16 years, ever since that horrible episode in American history when she personally ruined any chance of reform for 16 years.
9:47 — She is talking about old dying humans giving her roses when she visits them in the hospital, where they are dying.
9:49 — She says, directly, that she will not be making any Decisions about the future today, the day that she has mathematically, incontrovertibly lost the election. Then she begs for Internet money.
9:50 — Bill Clinton is a volcano coated in snow, somehow.
9:51 — She’s making up an anecdote from yesterday, about a gal who’s working three jobs and has no health insurance. Hillary calls this shameful. That she’s not working four jobs.
9:52 — 9/11! Drink!
9:53 — Well, she’s done. It seems pretty obvious that she’s using her leverage to force Obama to let her take over health care reform. Go for it, killer.
…at the end of “Fatal Attraction” after Glenn Close had been drowned in the bathtub, didn’t she come back to life? I’m just saying!
Here we go.
And around the country, another ovary goes dry.
…WoW, isn’t she suppose to be screaming “IM MELTING, MELTING, MELLLLLLTING!!!”
Hmmm, my boyfriend was right in not celebrating until she actually concedes..
I’m listening for people booing. Are they booing? Do you hear anything?
I think Hillary just vomited in her mouth as she called Obama her friend.
…did she just say something positive?! Somebody quickly check the thermo-stat for HELL!!!
Fire Hillary!
The blue dress will haunt the Clinton’s forever.
She didn’t win.
CONCEDE! JUST CONCEDE!
two syllables: con and cede.
concede! do it! Hell’s Kitchen is coming back on soon!
“For all they have accomplished” which I shall not name. Nice move, Hillz.
You aren’t supposed to patronize the winner when you lose. Then again, patronizing black folks is the American way…
I love this “what a long strange trip it’s been” tone.
And to quote my sister, “Stop chanting her sad, sad name.”
If you’d like to watch Icehouse’s “Electric Blue” in honor of tonight’s pantsuit, click here.
Plugging her web site? Still?
I can’t watch. She makes me nervous.
Blegh. She’s still plugging the website? I guess that debt ain’t gonna pay itself off.
I’d like her more if she were wearing her Tasha Yar pantsuit.
HRC sucks.
Bill’s face was so red when they came out, I believe they missed their cue because he was calling someone a scumbag
OH FUCK SHE’S STILL THE STRONGEST CANDIDATE! HILLARY SMASH!
There’s a lot of bitter in that room, methinks.
90-year-olds, handmade signs, cat ladies..
Is she fucking kidding me with this shit? LADY, you cannot be president anymore!
Way to pimp out Chelsea in that pencil skirt, misogynist.
The black guy behind her looks really bored.
wow.. that crowd looks rough. this is gonna get ugly.
Actual comment from BlogHillary:
“The pieces of glass – shattered
Scattered across the floor
Women rise up the ladder
Female bondage – no more
A goddess leads the way
Shining in the light
Go, Hillary, Go
Don’t give up the fight”
I can feel my ovaries shriveling up like plums in harsh sunlight.
I appreciate that she’s still throwing around the “more votes…in history” figure, which is bullshit.
El Bombastico: …no it isn’t! Her dumb-ass supporters will!!!
Ack! Guy in “Every Vote Counts” shirt should be careful about throwing the Sieg Heil salute. With the shaved head, he gives off a “hardworking” vibe.
I want someone to club her in her fucking mouth every time she trots out the “most primary votes ever” line.
Run Hillary!
The candlestick maker!
She’s just fucking crazy. Just, crazy.
Oi vey the bullshit popular vote thing. asshole. No vp for you, sweetie.
The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker…
That black dude behind her looks so uncomfortable about being there. I wonder how much they paid him.
CNN.com: stream can not be reached.
So close, but the stream can not be realized. One more stream to cross.
I have a stream.
She can’t want to be vp, right? This speech is winning her no favours.
Even when the pundits and the naysayers proclaimed week after week that this race was over, you kept on voting….
…for Barack Obama.
OMG I seriously need to show both the political and sexual light to that girl over her left shoulder.
this shit sux
Yes she can!
You can tell she is in New York. That is her best-looking audience in months. No one with a sticker on their forehead, no one with boxing gloves, and no one looking like they live in a cabin in the backwoods. It must be nice to be home.
These people are delusional. Aren’t they watching MSNBC?
Okay, how long were these people standing around in that tiny room? Were they completely cut off from the outside world, and from every single news outlet in the world saying it is over for her?
Hillary ARE YOU REALLY STILL DOING THIS?
No you can’t!
No you can’t!
No you can’t!
I mean, like, he literally clinched the nomination, you psycho. Even Huckles resigned when that happened to McCain. You are worse than Huckles. How’s it feel?
GAH! somehow the wordpress turned off comments! OMG SORRY.
HairyIckey: …you don’t know how many points you lost on that one! Everyone knows that a girl that looks like that; you NEVER eva, eva, eva admit to wanting to have sex with(you just do it and deny it)!
…maybe John McCain should have had his pep rally in conjunction with Hillary? Because her group walking dead senile old bags are 4 times as lively as his!!!
WTF. I can’t think of anything else to say.
Even mydd.com is saying it was stupid. lordy!
Jim Newell: …I was just organizing the INSURRECTION!!!
Let me comment, puh-lease!
Wait, I missed the first few minutes of the speech- did I miss the classy part of it?
AngryBlakGuy: Hey! There’s nothing wrong with that pale-skinned redheaded goddess. I would be proud of getting her to acknowledge my existence.
Jim Newell: I know! And what happened to Gawker commenting? Did Mommy and Daddy fight? Why are we living at Aunt Wordpress’ house? I’m so confused!
Seriously, last time I was here, Wonkette was Gawker. What happened?
Aaand we’re back! Thanks Jimmy!
Uh…you’re mental.
AngryBlakGuy: There must be like sixty of us. Our voices will be herd! [sic]
Is this working?
Jim Newell: nah, we were just being quiet for a moment.
Yes I can haz commentz?
I wish Hillary would trip into a woodchipper.
HAH I have defeated your pithy ban hammer. I am back, bitches,
I’m looking forward to Hillary putting herself forward as a vp candidate. Barry should make her campaign with him for MONTHS while he ‘thinks about it’.
InsidiousTuna: Wow.
She can’t be veep, she can’t speak like Teddy, somebody make her go away.
William Tecumseh Sherman: Well, if you count clap-clap point-point as classy, yes, you missed it.
AngryBlakGuy: There isn’t enough Viagra in the world!
THAT’S why I like Gergen. He just brought up Nixon’s Checkers speech and how he asked people to write in to tell him what to do.
She is Nixon.
That just killed my lovely buzz. I am now very sad.
AngryBlakGuy: OK. Can I admit that the black lady behind her with the nice haircut was hot? Just to be clear, I would never, ever fuck a Hillary supporter. And to give this some perspective, remember how I would fuck a young Scott McClellan?
at least i know how STUNNED Icky felt the day of the rules committee.
AngryBlakGuy: What can I say, I love Barry Hussein but I REALLY love the white devil with the firecrotch!
MSNBC WATCHES CNN WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
William Tecumseh Sherman: I listened to the whole thing. I missed it too.
Smoking a post-Hillary-taking-it-up-the-ass cigarette. Am I the only one who’s gonna be a puddle of tears after Hopey’s victory speech?
PS: Hillary’s crying this time at least seemed sincere.
OMG Carville, you alien looking schill…
Fuck…I mean…fuck…..
An army of 18 million pant-suited flying monkeys has been released to war.
Bill + Hillary + Obama = Bill + Hillary
Hillary as veep would be damaging if only because all of the nasty crap she said on the trail. It’s a ready-made attack ad.
I don’t want to spend the rest of this campaign talking about Clinton drama!
confusionanddelay<: No he should disabuse her of the notion early. I never want to see her stupid face again.
i’m glad i had a case of wine nearby while watching this.
Visually reading through these comments are a mess. The 30 word lines, the no definition between the commenters names. Please Wonkette, make this better to look at!
And yes, I have a familiar feeling about Hillary’s speech.
Tim just said that a women and an “African American” would be too much change at once….Sorry Condi, no president for you!
confusionanddelay< : hey you made it!
Michelle is so gorgeous!!!
AudicityofHope: It’s still June, and Bobby…
Over the roar of the crowd in New York came a louder boom, the sound of Michelle Obama yelling, “That BITCH!”
Well, I was right that Michelle would be wearing neon something.
Han Solo: Let’s take a closer listen to that concession speech…
(pregnant pause)
Obi Wan: That’s no concession speech! That an Imperial Death Station!
(horrified screams and tractor beams)
GO HERE NOW: http://wonkette.com/400174/liveblogging-the-montana-massacre
I have such a hard crush on Tom Brokaw. God, he’s hot. He makes Matthews look even more spazzy…
18 million votes tucked behind the bottle of hand lotion and reading glasses in her nightstand…This bitch is just gonna nag Hopey to death until he gives her Veep, isn’t she?
Yeah Anderson Cooper! “Let’s listen in, let’s listen…to 20 thousand people having a simultaneous orgasm”
It is fantastic that the Obamas fist-pump each other. I do not know why but that made me love them both even more.
Oh Hopey & Michelle kiss + fist pound. I just came. I bet it won’t be the last time during this speech either.
Why won’t hillary just go away? please, for the love of god, just leave. No one under 90 wants you here. Stop making me hate you!
“I want the 18m people who voted for me to be respected…
OK, lets see, the 72% who say they’ll vote for the democratic nominee, sure. Respect. The other 28%? Yea fuck you. Other than race or spite, I can’t think of a substantive issue that would cause someone to do this. If you cared one bit about the major issues of Hillary’s platform - universal health care, getting out if Iraq, strengthening the middle class - you wouldn’t give McCain a second thought.
No mention of Madame de Sade yet.
And there you have it! No VP Hilbot. Try to box me in babe?! NO WAY! I box you in!
Yeah, the Hillary obsessives can keep talking about “their” 18 million and bullsh*t “popular vote” totals using Bush math.
After tonight, Barack Obama is the Democratic candidate and the polls will show what always happens — Democrats and Democratic-leaning independents start to support the actual Democratic nominee rather than the one who came in 2nd.
Keep it up. Keep on screaming to your dwindling following that they must, they simply must keep following you.
did anyone notice the annoying brown-with-neon-green-script hillary-shirted gay dude recycled from like kentucky? why do i feel like her 18 million supporters have dwindled down to two dozen luncatics bussed around to clap limp wristed behind her..
floraway: You mean besides the gimp in the boxing gloves directly over her head of course.
Hilloric Clunton is giving me a headache.
Cue the Munchkins, the Wicked Old Witch is dead.
Jim Newell: In other words, the new server sucks ass?