• May 25, 2012
HILLARY CLINTON

June 3, 2008

Barack Obama Is President Of … AMERICA

by Ken Layne  

Mt. Rushmore is a MONSTER.BREAKING NEWS LITTLE SIREN GIF: Barack has got the Power, and the Delegates …. Well, what have we learned, tonight, other than that your editor has a “drinking problem” due to having some drillings/fillings done on his own teeth an hour ago? We’ve learned that Maverick RINO McCain wants to hate fuck the war until it finally loves him, and he went to a New Orleans suburb to explain why it’s good when there’s no “big government” to help you with change you can believe in. Anyway, let’s liveblog the nonsense as we get some results from South Dakota, the “Bukkake State.”

9:01 PM — Wow, Chris Matthews just told us about the magical Harry Potter-style newspapers of Kenya, where the Junior Wizards are waking up and reading the Kenyan newspapers RIGHT NOW with the breaking news we’ve just heard on live teevee about Obama getting the delegates to claim the nomination!
9:02 PM — But who did Keith Olbermann eat today? Our guess: George Stephanopoulos.
9:03 PM — It’s sleepier at CNN. Maybe because David Gergen is sleepy.
9:05 PM — Hey people, people with the Videos Skillz: Make a 5-minute loop of McCain’s creepy Uncle Pedobear Porky Pig chuckle and new lame catch phrase, “Heh heh th-at’s not ch-ch-ange we can be-lieve in.” We will post it here, probably a dozen times, and give you a link and a PROMISE that we’ll give you one of the FIRST new Wonkette T-shirts.
9:07 PM — Suzanne takes you down, to the desk in the newsroom, she is wearing an orange blazer from Atlanta Ann Taylor, and you know that she’s half crazy and that’s why you want to hear her, and she brings you campaign live feeds from all the way in Iowa ….
9:09 PM — Tom Brokaw is crying, and that is making our Sara K. cry.
9:10 PM — And that is making our Jim talk about “the list of famous coloreds.”s
9:10 PM — Hey McCain is still talking, but only on Fox News!
9:10 PM — Speaking of, this is our liveblogging of McCain’s whiny old man attempt at a speech. Oh man, he is not good at this stuff. So he’ll probably win — after all, he’s got both white skin AND white hair … and maybe even an old vagina somewhere, in the folds of his neck.
9:14 PM — And now, the National Review can heal, and start hating McCain again: “Not to offend those who might be offended, but this speech is a mash and tough to digest. You have to get through the self-congratulatory praise of independence and commander-in-chief pose from the Senate, then you have to try to follow the inconsistency of some of his big-government ideas vs. his anti-big-government rhetoric, and his inconsistency even on his supposed strength — the surge in Iraq vs. closing GITMO and conferring additional rights on the detainees. I am also put off by some of the anti-Bush stuff. Distancing himself from Bush is one thing, but he almost exclusively (as best I can tell) criticizes him, giving Bush little credit (tax cuts, Supreme Court appointments and yes, the surge, which Bush ordered not McCain).”
9:16 PM — BREAKING NEWS FROM ANDREA MITCHELL IN NEW YORK: Hillary wants to meet privately with Obama, immediately, in private, so she can kill him talk to him about what to do, and if he’ll give her MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF YOUR MONEY, but she doesn’t want to concede, “or embrace him.”
9:18 PM — Oooo, so Hillary wants the veep offer, AND she wants to be veep, just in case, you know, he gets killed next June.
9:19 PM — Soon, we’ll drop in on the Blog Hillary site and give you some “gems.”
9:22 PM — BREAKING NEWS AGAIN, Hillary won South Dakota by … 1,700 votes. So far, with 19% reporting.
9:28 PM — Here comes Hillary, and there is Terry to introduce her, and nobody wants to hear him on The News, and that means our Jim will soon have a new liveblogging!
9:33 PM — Hey Hillary just said South Dakota has the “last word” in this race. What about Montana? COUNT ALL THE 57 STATES.
9:34 PM — Here’s Jim and his favorite lady, Hillary.

{ 288 comments }

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:01 pm

How does dental work prove a drinking problem?

No, seriously. I have an appointment Thursday and I need to know.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:01 pm

YAAAYY!! MSNBC finally declared for Barry!

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:01 pm

Oh, fuck. Nevermind. I can’t read.

Speaking of drinking problems.

badco/LoJ June 3, 2008 at 9:02 pm

Matthews: This will be huge in Bangladesh!
Olbermann: Hundred and forty-five years ago, when … happened. (Rhymes with bravery.)

AudicityofHope June 3, 2008 at 9:02 pm

For once in my almost adult life, I’m proud of my country. I feel like crying.

BTW, FOX is still carrying McCain’s speech. If that doesn’t say it all.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:03 pm

Time to open the champers…

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:04 pm

Time to break out the Andre. Yes, that’s right.

Cheers Barry Bukkake O’Bama!

fem June 3, 2008 at 9:05 pm

You guys better snark this thread up quick or I might actually shed some tears. Seriously.

Hopey McSlamdunk June 3, 2008 at 9:05 pm

Tom Brokaw and Desmond Tutu have both landed on the moon, apparently, with Martin Luther King Jr. in the orbiter.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:05 pm

Mine is a brut rose’ Wolfberger.[re=5316]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]:

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:06 pm

[re=5305]AudicityofHope[/re]: You had to say it. I had to look. I cannot stop cringing. I think I hate you now.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:06 pm

OMFG,Brokaw is making me cry!

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:07 pm

Okay, this delay is not good on a night like tonight. Oh well, Here’s to the Obmamanie!

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:07 pm

All right, everyone. I’m still a little weepy, but I’m getting out my AmEx:

http://www.barackobama.com

Give $25, my darlings. Let’s get this shit DONE!

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:09 pm

So can we declare racism dead now, forever? Because if we can, I am so dropping my black friends that I only have to prove to others that I am not racist.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:09 pm

He’s got a little curly q, just like Squiggy!

ForTheTurnstiles June 3, 2008 at 9:09 pm

This is beautiful.

El Bombastico June 3, 2008 at 9:10 pm

[re=5338]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Screw that, VOLUNTEER – especially in November. A million people on the street… it’s doable.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:11 pm

[re=5352]El Bombastico[/re]: I’m there, man. I’m there. I live in a town with two colleges. All the co-eds and I will be OUT ON THE TOWN FOR BARRY!

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:11 pm

[re=5305]AudicityofHope[/re]:

Brit Hume: Is this John McCain at his oratorical best?

Carl Cameron: [Yes]. He worked very hard at this.

MY GOD. Really?

“McCain fancies himself a reformer.” Emphasis on the fancy.

AudicityofHope June 3, 2008 at 9:11 pm

I love how no one’s talking about SD.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:11 pm

Harold Ford is harshing my mellow. Uh – did you actually watch McCain’s speech? I guess he’s not infatuated with Hopey, so maybe he sees more clearly than I do?

crookedE June 3, 2008 at 9:12 pm

Is Harold Ford on crack? McCain’s speech was “powerful?!?”

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:12 pm

I think the Republicans need to do a mulligan on this primary process, because they ended up with the creepiest man on earth as their nominee.

LuxMentis June 3, 2008 at 9:12 pm

What a nice night. I think I am going to give the DNC some money…just ’cause I’m feeling charitable.

The bastards will undoubtedly piss me off tomorrow…

msvainfl June 3, 2008 at 9:12 pm

It’s time to bury this old man…lets do this thing

nyhfrog June 3, 2008 at 9:12 pm

Any of you young motherfuckers, I’ve been pissed off since Willie Horton and the ’88 election. My first presidential election.

Fuck you for making me hope again!

Cocksuckers!

But seriously.

Thanks, you colorblind pinheads.

melving June 3, 2008 at 9:12 pm

Harold Ford just called Walnuts’ speech powerful! WTF? Was he smoking something at the Playboy party today?

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm

[re=5359]crookedE[/re]: It was if you read it, and the voice in your head sounded like Obama.

BitterPolitico June 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Oh good, Tom Brokaw talked about assassination, maybe he’s secretly pulling for Hillary.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm

[re=5352]El Bombastico[/re]: No kidding. Take the frickin’ streets!

In a Jar June 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm

Am I the only one braving Fox News? Carl Cameron: McCain’s delivery style is “not as glitzy” as Obama’s. how’s that for hard-hitting political coverage.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm

[re=5352]El Bombastico[/re]: Yep. The way to do it: bodies on the ground.

onosideboard June 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm

I’m having Korbel, because I’m a hardworking white woman who voted for Obama.

Fuck demographics. Hooray Obama!

Smoke Filled Roommate June 3, 2008 at 9:13 pm

My boyfriend is not ready to celebrate until he actually sees Clinton concede. I thought I was a cynic– sheesh!

Ken Layne June 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

[re=5295]Godless Liberal *[/re]: The right side of my mouth is so numb, I can barely take a hit off this wine glass!

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

OMG so weepy and overjoyed…but still drinking white wine as a shoutout to my race…

I honestly did not think even Democrats would be cool enough to vote for a guy named Barack Obama with a Kenyan dad. But we so were! (Sorry I’m gonna be sappy up till the Hill speech. Deal, kiddos.)

msvainfl June 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

Has anyone seen my favorite girl with the hair like a boy, Rachel Maddow?

fem June 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

http://www.hillaryclintonforum.net/

How perfect will places like this be tonight?

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

Karl Rove looks more and more like Palpatine every time he appears on teh tv

And he ridicules McCain for thinking Louisiana would ever do anything but vote the government that told them to fuck off

confusionanddelay< June 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

I have offered up my vast estate to house an esteemed Obama Fellow for the summer. Ah, Wolf, running on about who’s going to win south dakota. A weasly little poop to the end. I wish him nothing but ill luck, that asslicking little fuck.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

[re=5361]jagorev[/re]: Sorry, all the mulligans were used up by HRC. No more mulligans, because she bogarted all of them.

Harvey Birdman June 3, 2008 at 9:14 pm

I think “Big Government” is the bogeyman talking point for Republicans this election. Grover has been trotting it out and so has McCain.

Bonus effect: It’s east to dog whistle libertarian arguments about racial resentment (welfare, affirmative action, etc.)

confusionanddelay< June 3, 2008 at 9:15 pm

[re=5359]crookedE[/re]: Harold Ford is a douche. And to think, I was gonna call him.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:15 pm

Jeebus, there’s now a Rove paradigm? Run peeps!

Delicious June 3, 2008 at 9:15 pm

Drink up folks. Hillary is gonna make you pissed all over again.

El Bombastico June 3, 2008 at 9:16 pm

Ha! Harold Ford says John McCain needs to “resurrect” his 2000 self. How bout you resurrect your deceased ass right now!

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:16 pm

Harold Ford, McCain cannot resurrect his 2000 self because of his 2001-2008 self.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:16 pm

Please ask Ford to chill. He’s starting to foam at the mouth.

wonk_the_heck June 3, 2008 at 9:16 pm

[re=5359]crookedE[/re]: powerful sedative

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:17 pm

That McCain speech was pretty sharp on paper, but the delivery killed it. McCain is the anti-Obama.

And now here comes Hill to crush all your hopes, remind you that superdelegates can change their mind at any time, and she’s taking this all the way to Denver.

SuperRounder June 3, 2008 at 9:17 pm

Double his Secret Security detail. It just got real.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:17 pm

Ford on nbc is a big Imus ass licker. Imus licks
McKrazy’s bunghole, ergo

ah fuck it.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:17 pm

Hillary does not wish to embrace Barack? Fuck that, I want to embrace him, and never let go.

msvainfl June 3, 2008 at 9:17 pm

Chris Matthews is sick of Andrea Mitchell and her reporting skills

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm

For the first time in my adult life, I can listen to country & western music without a trace of irony.

I’m proud to be an American, cuz at least we beat Hillaryyyyyyy

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm

This may be the last time I get to sit in awe of what a douche HRC can be. *sniff* Wicked Witch of the West, I think I’ll miss you most of all…

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm

Andrea clearly has no air in that hellhole
she makes no sense. again.

AudicityofHope June 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm

Democrats, I see your young black man and raise you another. Harold Ford for McCain’s VP!

RuperttheBear June 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm

Our inadequate black male is all grown up **sniff**.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm

I’m cringing again! HRC wants a private meeting she’s so bossy! Would somebody please tell her that she didn’t win?

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm

Jesus, Andrea Mitchell is kind of cranky tonight, huh?

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:18 pm

[re=5381]Harvey Birdman[/re]: The last time Americans were concerned about “big government” was, like, 1994. Gawd, that speech was so out of touch with anything that Americans are actually concerned about.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:19 pm

[re=5373]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: I agree. Sounds reasonable. I don’t hear any fat lady singing yet. Bad stuff can still happen.

Delicious June 3, 2008 at 9:19 pm

Hey, Creepy McCain…if Obamaworld is the Matrix, I *choose* the Matrix!

confusionanddelay< June 3, 2008 at 9:19 pm

O man if Jeff Toobin were here I would so blow him!

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:20 pm

[re=5399]graceless*[/re]: Yeah, but would you want to be that someone?

ForTheTurnstiles June 3, 2008 at 9:20 pm

[re=5384]Delicious[/re]: Of course she will. This is why Bill fucks other women when he can. One reason anyway.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:20 pm

OMG THE CNN TALKING HEADS ARE HAVING AN ANAL FUCK FEST ON JOHN MCCAIN’S PITIFUL SPEECH.

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:20 pm

They are being just brutal about McCain at The Corner.

I mean, seriously, I thought John Kerry was bad, but McCain is like everything that’s wrong with Kerry multiplied by ten.

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:20 pm

[re=5400]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Consider that she’s been surrounded by cranky post-menopausal women for the last year. She just thinks that’s how you act now.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:21 pm

Don’t offer Obama, just don’t.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:21 pm

VP? Hoopy should tell Hills hey, it’s my way or the Hershey Highway.

crookedE June 3, 2008 at 9:21 pm

[re=5388]wonk_the_heck[/re]: haha! powerful vomit-inducement.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:21 pm

Yay, Rachel. She said clinch. hot

Delicious June 3, 2008 at 9:22 pm

Oh, Rachel Maddow…the one that got away…sigh

wheelie June 3, 2008 at 9:22 pm

Here comes Hill’s gigantic historic speech. According to CNN’s c**k teasers.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:22 pm

OMG HILLARY WINS….WHAT, EXACTLY?

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:22 pm

Oh god, cue Pat Buchanan to tell us how horrible it is for Barack that he couldn’t win SD…

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:22 pm

[re=5407]ForTheTurnstiles[/re]: Bubba’s impotent, mostly. Since his heart thing, the medicines took that out of him.

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:22 pm

HAHAHA, Pat Buchanan just said that the SD victory gives Hillary a stronger claim to the nomination.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:22 pm

PB says she can’t make it hard. Bill knows.

shortsshortsshorts June 3, 2008 at 9:22 pm

I DEMAND A RECOUNT, you fascists.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:23 pm

If you’re not crying enough yet, this’ll push you over the edge:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=N2v6SOY1aEc

I know it’s not South Dakota, but still…

In a Jar June 3, 2008 at 9:23 pm

aight, I’m switching from wine to hard liquor and sleeping pills. Hillary was just projected to win South Dakota. wake me in 2012!

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:23 pm

All this distracting garbage for SO much time. This process had rules they all agreed on. EVERYTHING else is distraction.

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:23 pm

PBR: “Obama’s acting like he’s entitled to this presidency…”‘

PBR stands for Pat Buchanan, Racist. Never forget.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:24 pm

[re=5406]ronaldpagan[/re]: Me, yessire. Hey that’s an idea, I’m going to her website, and send an email! Thanks, what a good idea! I’ll be right back.

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:24 pm

Someone needs to tell McCain that a translucent person should not stand in front of a bright green background.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:24 pm

[re=5409]NotUrEvryDayWEzl[/re]:

Bukake?

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:25 pm

Eek, Madame de Sade to speak. Up the sedatives please.

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:25 pm

OMG HILLARY’S SPEECH WILL BE THE FUNNIEST THING EVER!!!! I AM TURNING OFF MY PHONE JUST IN CASE ANYONE INTERRUPTS A SINGLE SECOND OF HER TEARS FOR ME!!!

(Sorry, my caps lock key has Hillary Clinton Forum Disease.)

AudicityofHope June 3, 2008 at 9:25 pm

Brit Hume is seething.

msvainfl June 3, 2008 at 9:26 pm

It must suck for Hillary to get the momentum this late in the game, maybe she should have started drinking heavily earlier in the campaign

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:26 pm

“You’re gonna see Democrats coming together like never before…”

Obviously, he doesn’t read Jezebel.

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:27 pm

[re=5412]graceless*[/re]: I know. He really needs to not offer. That is the last of Hillary’s devious tricks.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:27 pm

[re=5429]RonaldReagansHair[/re]: He’s ruined the color for me. I’m not sure I can sleep in my sheets now.

ForTheTurnstiles June 3, 2008 at 9:27 pm

[re=5420]graceless*[/re]: That explains the post-op anger issue.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:28 pm

I keep refreshing the cache, but ain’t nothing happening!

Ted Stevens, where are you?

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Hey look, Hillary’s fluffer is at the podium. I want to hear him speak.

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Ahhhggggg Terry McAuliffe and his yellow tie.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:28 pm

Hilz speaking at Baruch is a pandering
at ground zero for zionistas.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:29 pm

[re=5430]bitchincamaro[/re]: I merely quote our great leader we can believe in, Ken Layne.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:29 pm

Ah, there they are….The Army of Bitters…

msvainfl June 3, 2008 at 9:29 pm

Terry McAullife just took a few hits off his crack pipe and ran onto the stage to get the Hillz folks hyped up! Do you think he every talks at a normal decibel level?

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:29 pm

What is that woman behind Terry holding? A pink bear?

(I’m onto glass of wine #3, so please excuse the typos that I’m sure will begin soon.)

superfecta June 3, 2008 at 9:29 pm

Terry McAuliffe is starting to look like a thinner version of the baddie from Darkman. Coincidence?

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:30 pm

Terry seems to have overcome th e hangover
quickly enuff.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:30 pm

That guy(?) in the brown shirt immediately to the right of the podium – does (s)he follow Hillary around and always sit behind her at televised speeches?

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:30 pm

McAuliffe is so loud I can’t hear Matthews. Good God.

himalayancorpseeater June 3, 2008 at 9:30 pm

looks like hillary is the president of terry mcauliffe’s wardobe

confusionanddelay< June 3, 2008 at 9:30 pm

[re=5442]RonaldReagansHair[/re]: O where is Terry? I wanna see him cry. Could he please cry?

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:30 pm

So Terry the bull rider is warming up the crowd, she’ll need it…

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:30 pm

I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m actually listening to this song now, and enjoying it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yq0tMYPDJQ

I’ve tuned out the cable news blather. Gotta appreciate this moment.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

This is weird. They’re all just standing there. That’s just strange.

buddha_barbie June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

This is an actual comment from BlogHillary, submitted by “rbalsam” at 5:57:18pm:

“The pieces of glass – shattered
Scattered across the floor
Women rise up the ladder
Female bondage – no more

A goddess leads the way
Shining in the light
Go, Hillary, Go
Don’t give up the fight”

I can feel my ovaries shriveling like plums in direct sunlight.

fem June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

Bill’s looking redder than usual.

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

OMG here she is. Look at the pain behind those smiles.

AudicityofHope June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

Does anybody notice that gay guy in the crowd behind the podium? It’s the exact same guy who was behind Hillary at the Kentucky rally.

KTHXBAI June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

Poor Montana and South Dakota. The only two states whose primaries didn’t matter

Smoke Filled Roommate June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

Yuck. Get ready for the cred committee.. aaarrrrgh!

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

Will there be Bubba tears?

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

REFRESH MOTHERFUCKER REFRESH!

In a Jar June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

Brit Hume just called Terry McAuliffe “the best”, and then with immediately realized self-disgust asked the producer to “remove McAuliffe’s speech so we can talk about something else, please, thanks”. Brit, that was revealing on so, SO many levels.

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:31 pm

OMG Bill just totally touched Chelsea’s ass! EWW

edoublep June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Did MCAuliffe just announce Hillz as ‘the Next Prez of the Vnited States’?

All I’m sayin is that they better cut her off at the knees when Obama goes to speak.

chidem June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Here she cums!

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

They put her in a small space so it would look like a lot of people there. srsly, remember to count these people against McDick and O…

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Chelsea is looking mighty fine tonight.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

I’m just glad she didn’t leave her clapping behind.

HairyIckey June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

And….Hillz enters to the ultimate psycho ex-girlfriend theme song: “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Point and clap, point and clap, point and clap.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

The talking heads don’t know why the back area is camera free. It’s because the whole family is having a some potluck Paultard Soup to get ready for this… LET’S GO!

SuperRounder June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Another Clinton rally, another search for someone on screen I’d have sex with. Hello, Chelsea. I won’t let the fact that support Arsenal keep me from calling your name out.

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

Did Chealz borrow mommy’s jacket?

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:32 pm

How did they get so many bitters in the middle of Manhattan? Must have been bussed in from Staten Island or Jersey.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:33 pm

I’m clinching my personal cyanide cap right now.

wheelie June 3, 2008 at 9:33 pm

James Carville on CNN is still a baffling speaker. I’m lost.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:33 pm

Yes, Chris M. an “army” an Army of Bitters…

superfecta June 3, 2008 at 9:33 pm

[re=5466]jagorev[/re]: OK, I thought it was just me. Did West Virginia make that much of an impact?

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:33 pm

She didn’t win.

hockeymom June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Kristol basically just said McCain’s speech sucked.

But here’s Hillz! She starts with a shout-out to Obama. Hey, they’re friends!

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Wow, she slammed on the brakes and pulled a hard U-turn in re: Obama.

confusionanddelay< June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Is the guy in the grey shirt behind Hillary masturbating? Well whatever, way to turn that frown upside down.

fem June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Male Hillary supporters at rallies always look so damn confused.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Lady in bottom right is charter member of Army of Bitters

HairyIckey June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

I want to give a hateful thumping to that cute little readhead behind her.

In a Jar June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

haha, elite Brit just spoke some Truth: “there’s Hillary now. we know that, whatever she’s going to be, she ain’t gonna be the nominee of the Democratic party.” I hope his cats are locked safely indoors tonight.

AudicityofHope June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Wow! She acknowledged and congratulated Obama? Are pigs flying outside?

Ken Layne June 3, 2008 at 9:34 pm

Hey babies, new liveblog for Hilz’ curious speech, here http://wonkette.com/400170/liveblogging-hillarys-big-city-speech-where-she-will-not-quit

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 9:35 pm

[re=5470]Godless Liberal *[/re]:

very important she be there as she’s the only
one not in pants

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:35 pm

[re=5492]fem[/re]: Absolutely

Boys, you can be anything you want to be as long as you are castrated.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:35 pm

Thank you to all the women in their nineties…because nobody else voted for me.

KTHXBAI June 3, 2008 at 9:37 pm

The Baruch College Athletic and Recreation Center? What was the local Elks Club hall full?

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:38 pm

Srsly, there are not many people there. What? A couple hundred?

BuffaloSoldier June 3, 2008 at 9:39 pm

I wonder who forced the young black man in the dark suit to stand in the crowd? He don’t look to happy.

Chuckie Jesus June 3, 2008 at 9:40 pm

“I felt that each of your votes was a prayer…” – Hillz, just now.

IT WAS THE BLACK SLEEP OF KALI MA DR. JONES

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:40 pm

Are you guys getting a “COMMENTS ARE CLOSED” message on the Hillary speech thread?

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:41 pm

[re=5549]loquaciousmusic[/re]: yes

floraway June 3, 2008 at 9:41 pm

[re=5549]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I am…

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm

[re=5549]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Yeah. Glad it isn’t just me.

wheelie June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm

[re=5549]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Yes. Some tech problem. Let’s carry on here and wait until it’s fixed, then go back to new blog xx

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm

[re=5547]BuffaloSoldier[/re]: He’s completely checked out.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm

Fine, I guess we’ll comment here if you don’t want us in the Hillary thread.

HairyIckey June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm

Hey Wonkette:

Fantastic idea to direct us to a new thread and then close it! That’s DEFINITELY logic transcendence!

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm

I see you…. even though you can’t possibly see me…

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm

[re=5549]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Yeah, me too…weirdness…

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:42 pm

[re=5549]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Yeah, comments are closed for me too. I feel so disenfranchised.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:43 pm

I want to end the war IN AMERICA, Hillary.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:43 pm

I love the post-menopausal women screeching out “Don’t give up, Hillary!” from the floor. Seriously, ladies. Give it the fuck up.

msvainfl June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

is that thing in the orange and red stripped shirt over Hillz right shoulder a boy or Rachel Maddow’s life partner?

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

Hey, I just got shut out of the Hillary thread. Comments are closed? What’s up with that?

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

What is wrong with her? She is literally doing everything BUT uniting the party. I am so goddamn pissed at her right now. (I love her choking back tears though.)

buddha_barbie June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

How did I manage to get that dumb poem on both this post and the new one? I fail.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

This makes me like Hilz better. Amazing!
She better not eff it up.

Sean O June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

She’s committed to uniting the party? Damn, funny way of showing it.

I guess scorching the earth and killing anyone but hillbots is unity, right?

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

what happened?

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

This is like watching a middle school principal giving a speech to an overly excited PTA.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:44 pm

Oh yeaaaaaaah… “Respect?!” Respect comes with honesty and directness and consistency. Now THAT is respect.

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

So is she doing this shit so that she HAS to be Veep, because she literally won’t support Obama otherwise? That wily, wily monster.

crookedE June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

I like how she specified that she wants what she has always wanted IN THIS CAMPAIGN, like ending the war, which she didn’t seem to be interested in BEFORE the campaign.

wheelie June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

Please come to the point HRC. It’s nearly three a.m. here in Ireland.
Jesus.

HairyIckey June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

(I’m new, and I thought that the thread close message might be Wonkette’s way of passive-aggressively banning me. Yes, I’m predisposed to bitter, and I also hate arugula.)

MC_Bob June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

NO SHE CAN’T
NO SHE CAN’T
NO SHE CAN’T
NO SHE CAN’T
NO SHE CAN’T

I wish she’d talk about the dead lady from SoDak that voted for her before she tipped over. That would be great! Especially since the old bat’s vote didn’t count, since she’s currently dead.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

LESS TALKY MORE WALKY, HILLARY.

AngryBlakGuy June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

..damn it did the site just crash?

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

Wow, I thought it was just me. Maybe somebody spilled their Hopey for prez champers on something.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:45 pm

oops, dig at Barry. 16 months? Suck it Hilz!

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:46 pm

Okay, this is basically her job interview for VP. She’s just reeling off her resume now. She wants it so, so badly.

masterdebater June 3, 2008 at 9:46 pm

The worst thing anyone has ever done is to teach the seal clap to Chelsea…it’s just wrong.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:46 pm

C’mon, Cookie Monster, give it up for Barry already!

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:46 pm

Let’s be led by the power of our values?????? Such hooey coming from her!

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:46 pm

Hey Hills, I thought the babies on which you gnaw were the lifeblood of your campaign.

confusionanddelay< June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

So she’ll be campaigning until everyone has health insurance. Whatever, Hills. Knock yourself out.

Sean O June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Why didn’t anyone say “quit, stop fighting” to her? Apparently that’s all we needed.

Delicious June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Denver! Denver! Denver!

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

This is an I Quit speech without the I Quit.

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

She says nothing but “I,” “my” and “me.” It’s sad. And they chant “yes SHE will.” Good gravy.

fem June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Speech is about to climax!

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

At least she’s not screeching.

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

What was that chant just now? Were they saying “HITLER”?

Ooh back to bike boy

El Bombastico June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Now they’re chanting for Denver?!? Napalm that place!

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

[re=5577]loquaciousmusic[/re]: Precisely! I need to echo you;

LESS TALKY MORE WALKY!

msvainfl June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

the gayasian in the back is getting weepy//

Sean O June 3, 2008 at 9:47 pm

Amazing, is Hillary actually telling her insane followers to sell everything they have to retire the debt? That is ballsy!

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:48 pm

The race is over. HRC didn’t win.

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:48 pm

In honor of the Pantsuit:

Blue Dress – Depeche Mode

Put it on
And don’t say a word
Put it on
The one that I prefer
Put it on
And stand before my eyes
Put it on
Please don’t question why

Can you believe
Something so simple
Something so trivial
Makes me a happy man
Can’t you understand
Say you believe
Just how easy
It is to please me

Because when you learn
You’ll know what makes the world turn

Put it on
I can feel so much
Put it on
I don’t need to touch
Put it on
Here before my eyes
Put it on
Because you realise
And you believe

Something so worthless
Serves a purpose
It makes me a happy man
Can’t you understand
Say you believe
Just how easy
It is to please me

Because when you learn
You’ll know what makes the world turn

masterdebater June 3, 2008 at 9:48 pm

“The soldier who told his wife to spend his money on my campaign”…instead of hookers and stuff.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:48 pm

NO SHE WON’T
NO SHE WON’T
NO SHE WON’T

Rev. Peter Lemonjello June 3, 2008 at 9:48 pm

is that Terry from Reno911 to her right?

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:48 pm

“Now the question is, where do we go from here?”

Yes, please. Answer that shit NOW.

HairyIckey June 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm

“So many people said this race was over 5 months ago in Iowa”

Honestly, who the fuck said that??? The press, who was lapping on your nuts in order to keep the horse race going?

fem June 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm

“Pump fake motherfuckers!”

Barrett808 June 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Hil: Don’t be a betch.

Sean O June 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Hillary can rot in hell. Human garbage.

3AM decisionmaker can’t read that 0 is equal to 0!

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm

“I won’t quit until later this week.”
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!”

Those have got to be some of the stupidest motherfuckers I have ever seen, ever.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm

It was decided for you HRC, it was the evil math, blame the math.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Who is that freak in the orange and yellow striped shirt? I want to smack him in the face.

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 9:49 pm

Decisions made: 0

Website plugs: 2

wheelie June 3, 2008 at 9:50 pm

“No decision tonight”. That’s her big pay-off. And go to her site.

(Actual meaning: “I’m out of here.”)

masterdebater June 3, 2008 at 9:50 pm

“NO I WILL NEVER QUIT!! SO, THERE!” and go to Hillary’s a whore.com, to tell me what you think!

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:50 pm

God, do these people really hate the black man that much? Pathetic.

Smoke Filled Roommate June 3, 2008 at 9:50 pm

The farmer, the teacher, the waitress and the millionaire that slums when she drinks a little bit of Crown..

Are we a liability?

Delicious June 3, 2008 at 9:50 pm

Please go to the Hillary.com site and share your thoughts…and please notice the donate button

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:50 pm

18 million, but how many are Hilltards?
I’m betting she’ll “make up her mind” tomorrow. It’s kind of cruel to her supporters to keep stringing them along, no?

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Let’s all go to Hillaryclinton.com, and tell her what we think she should do….

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Why did she thank Fiona Apple? Any ideas?

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:51 pm

The best interests of the party would be dealing with the realities from February that she couldn’t win. But she kept going because she is not interested in the interests of the party..

Quick look up North by Northwest!

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Ooooh…did you hear the woman say “Vote for Obama”? I’m surprised she didn’t get stoned to death!

masterdebater June 3, 2008 at 9:51 pm

Icanhaschelseawhenudun?

El Bombastico June 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm

One thing is clear: Hillary has never, ever talked to a man on the campaign trail. Never.

HairyIckey June 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm

[re=5613]wheelie[/re]: No, actual meaning is “Pay off my debts, groundlings!”

RonaldReagansHair June 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm

I can believe a kid sold his bike for Hillary, but I can’t believe she took his money.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm

9/11! 9/11! 9/11!

SuperRounder June 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm

Holy shit. I believe she did it, but Holy Shit.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm

No she didn’t!

metropolitan June 3, 2008 at 9:52 pm

god, i can’t believe she’s not going to quit.

Barrett808 June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Nine…Eleven.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Guy in striped shirt must be taken out back and tasered.

confusionanddelay< June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

She’s thanking everyone and talking like a big loser and congratulating Barry (but not for winning or anything, just congratulating him generally). Just get the fuck out Hillary.

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Okay, this is basically the best speech she has ever given. She should have tried some of this positive stuff earlier in the campaign instead of being such a harpy.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

9/11 references -double puke. Exploitation of tragedy is a GOP tactic, remember?

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Are they playing “Relax”?

Smoke Filled Roommate June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

..liability as commenters, I meant.

.. and then she died right there. She wouldn’t be covered on my insurance, so we called 911. She died in the ambulance.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Oh, it’s “Simply the Best.” Oops.

Delicious June 3, 2008 at 9:53 pm

Now it’s on to Denver, and then the Naval Observatory Residence!

wheelie June 3, 2008 at 9:54 pm

That’s it. She’s done. Bye bye.

For now. Mwahhahhahh!

wonk_the_heck June 3, 2008 at 9:54 pm

gee, no updates right now the next thread up,
server problem this night of nights? NOOOO.
but Hillz ain’t going tonight, she said so.
and she went all 9-11 to justify it.
What a killjoy.

masterdebater June 3, 2008 at 9:54 pm

[re=5617]Delicious[/re]: How cynical of you! Completely accurate, but, you know, cynical.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 9:54 pm

OMG! They WERE being kept in a bunker. No cell or blackberry service or TV.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 9:54 pm

She’s asking for us to “start behaving like Americans again”??? Pot calling the kettle black much?

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:54 pm

Hey look, here come the line of dark skinned people to embrace her. This is called “healing”

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:55 pm

They didn’t know that Obama won? Those people were in a vacuum, nobody knew that she’d lost except her and her people. That’s a dirty trick, slimly and dishonest.

TJBeck June 3, 2008 at 9:55 pm

Tonight’s speech:
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ PLEASE!!!!!
HillaryClinton.com!!!!!

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:55 pm

[re=5643]Cicada[/re]: I didn’t know that. That’s pretty freak-credible.

Smoke Filled Roommate June 3, 2008 at 9:55 pm

[re=5643]Cicada[/re]: A ‘Hillbunker’.

edgydrifter June 3, 2008 at 9:55 pm

6:54… St. Jeebus of Narcissus, is she STILL talking???

Democratica June 3, 2008 at 9:56 pm

A meeting in the basement?! Great metaphor…

cracksmoke June 3, 2008 at 9:56 pm

Yeah, they didn’t want anyone sitting in the recreation center to know that Obama had won as of 45 mins ago. Lol! Pathetic.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:57 pm

I’m tired. Hope needs to speak SOON!

TJBeck June 3, 2008 at 9:57 pm

Bill seems to have completely turned into an oompa loompa at this point.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:57 pm

Time to finish off that bottle of wine, then!

Smoke Filled Roommate June 3, 2008 at 9:57 pm

Time to go out for cigs..
No Lanny, no Lanny, no Lanny– STOP!

NotUrEvryDayWEzl June 3, 2008 at 9:57 pm

Notice that their choice in music is by an artist with the name “Tina”. Coincidence?

masterdebater June 3, 2008 at 9:58 pm

She’s not done, she’s in it to win it, she’s a fighter. Insane, yes, but the other stuff too! GO Hillary! I have no idea where, but please, go!

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 9:58 pm

Man, just think how pissed those people in that basement are going to be when they find out she knew she’d lost.

jagorev June 3, 2008 at 9:58 pm

Bad luck for Hillary. If she had been running against John McCain, she would have been the inspirational, eloquent choice of young people.

That’s how bad John McCain’s speech was. Is it impossible for the Repubs to pick someone free of speech impediments and verbal tics?

AudicityofHope June 3, 2008 at 9:58 pm

So I’m not the only one who’s having problems with the Hillary speech thread?

This woman has no shame. I’m speechless.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 9:58 pm

[re=5643]Cicada[/re]: I was kidding when I said that earlier. I really was.

floraway June 3, 2008 at 9:58 pm

Did she bring every single black supporter to New York to stand on stage with her after her speech?

Gov. Paterson supporting Clinton makes me think of the Chappelle Show sketch about the blind, black KKK leader… Not that Paterson is a KKK member.

loquaciousmusic June 3, 2008 at 9:59 pm

[re=5657]Smoke Filled Roommate[/re]: Fuck you! This was a bad week to quit smoking! Maybe I can fish some cigs out of the back of the junk drawer…

masterdebater June 3, 2008 at 9:59 pm

She would like to be vice president? Well, hell, me too! How about it Barry…Icanhasvicepleaz?

wheelie June 3, 2008 at 9:59 pm

“Ohhh life is bigger
It’s bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to,
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I set it up

That’s me in the corner
That’s me in the spotlight, I’m
Losing my election
Trying to keep up with you
And I don’t know if I can do it
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I haven’t said enough . . .”

fem June 3, 2008 at 10:00 pm

[re=5646]graceless*[/re]: Well, reasonably minded people would’ve woken up today, or any day for the past month, glanced at the papers and assumed tonight’s events to be somewhat inevitable. But then again these were Hillary supporters, so yes that was a desperately cruel tactic.

Jim Newell June 3, 2008 at 10:00 pm

DAMNIT THE WORDPRESS TURNED OFF MY COMMENTS on the other liveblog. SORRY! you can go back there now, it is phresh. PLEASE?

Delicious June 3, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Don’t do it Barry! Don’t drink the Clinton Kool-aid. You can rock the vote with Chuck Hagel.

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 10:00 pm

[re=5650]edgydrifter[/re]: She will never stop talking. She is the Babbler in Chief.

graceless* June 3, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Hopey took Montana. Yay. He’s going to speak soon…

masterdebater June 3, 2008 at 10:01 pm

[re=5662]jagorev[/re]: Hey he EARNED those impediments and ticks at the hands of the cong! Just like president Bush!

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 10:01 pm

OMG that is hilarious (and typical) about the basement. I was wondering how the crowd maintained any enthusiasm. Here’s a 3-syllable chant for Hills:

Let! It! Go!

DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 10:02 pm

[re=5667]loquaciousmusic[/re]: I’m a damn chimney…

Democratica June 3, 2008 at 10:02 pm

[re=5661]graceless*[/re]: Weeeeelll, that would require them to reach out and embrace reality. I’m not sensing these folks are real friendly with that concept… but, here’s hopin’

Dear Lord, Tim Russert is now speaking in one word sentences. Somebody needs to check his IV.

wheelie June 3, 2008 at 10:02 pm
DoctorCulturae June 3, 2008 at 10:02 pm

[re=5672]fem[/re]: She will not stop. She cares not a lick for decorum.

economywine June 3, 2008 at 10:11 pm

could be worse… for example: sparks, nv.

J-Man June 4, 2008 at 2:30 am

If SoDak is the Bukkake State, shouldn’t there be Perez Hilton-style splooge marks all over those presidents’ faces?

BTW, Bill’s face is red from Gina Gershon’s thigh makeup.

Deepthroat June 4, 2008 at 11:08 am

I just want Ken to know that I am available for a good hate-fuck

yellowdogdem June 4, 2008 at 1:40 pm

Obama! I’m actually feeling hopeful for the first time in 8 years. Leonard Cohen said it best:

It’s coming from the sorrow in the street,
the holy places where the races meet;
from the homicidal bitchin’
that goes down in every kitchen
to determine who will serve and who will eat.
From the wells of disappointment
where the women kneel to pray
for the grace of God in the desert here
and the desert far away:
Democracy is coming to the U.S.A.

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