Wonkette
Attention whore John McCain didn’t want Democrats to have all the fun tonight, and we needed to start up another comment thread for you lunatics, so join us as we watch John McCain saying mean things about Barack Obama. MSNBC has stationed Howard Fineman on some sort of “Listening Post,” which maybe means he has tapped people’s phones or something? Anyway we can “listen” to Howard Fineman for a little while before John McCain’s angry senile rant, hooray!
8:33 PM — God bless the lightning speed of our new Server Overlords.
8:35 PM — Future Republican Vice President Bobby Jindal is talking, and the only network even showing him, briefly, is MSNBC. Instead, everybody else is talking about whether Hillary Clinton will be our future Democratic Vice President (she will not).
8:37 PM — We vowed not to drink this evening, just for novelty’s sake, and we are already beginning to reassess.
8:38 PM — And here he is, the starlet of the next half hour, John McCain! He addresses “the great city of New Orleans,” which is a lie, because he is in “the great white suburb of Kenner.” Congratulations to Hillary, blah blah blah.
8:40 PM — “The choice is between the right change and the wrong change.” His face looks like it’s going to fall off. He just said “information technology” very carefully, like he didn’t want to get it wrong. Like he wasn’t sure exactly what it was.
8:42 PM — Now he is talking shit about the Government, because he is a maverick. JAMMAKAIN! JAMMAKAIN!
8:43 PM — Something about needing more spies, and more torture laws. Also more “moral credibility.” Ha ha, that shouldn’t be hard. A veiled insult at Hurricane Katrina. “We should be able to deliver bottled hot water to dehydrated babies,” that is what he said. He said that exact thing.
8:45 PM — He just admitted he is a million years old.
8:46 PM — “And that’s not change we can believe in,” and he smiles uncomfortably. He is the most uncomfortable man on the planet. He reminds us that he has put Country Above Self on more than one occasion.
8:48 PM — “I am her servant first, last, and always.” This is something he loves, calling America “her,” because he is a Sexist. Now he reminds us of all the ways in which he is not like George W. Bush. For one thing, he has less hair. Ha ha now he reminds us of all the ways in which he was criticized by everyone on the planet.
8:50 PM — OK wrap it up Jammakain, Hillary’s on in ten. He is giving this speech from a FEMA trailer, in the Green Zone. He knows from Iraq, because he was a prisoner there once, of the Sunnis. The Shiites. Ooh tyrants from Havana to Pyongyang! And yet he will not meet with David Petraeus! Too many nouns, the heads are spinning.
8:52 PM — Here is his old chestnut about how nobody hates war more than him, and nobody wants to hate-fuck war more than he does.
8:53 PM — Obama is pro-business, did you know that? He wants to put Tariffs on your Groceries. He also refuses to break policy with administrations that GOOD GOD IS THE OBAMA DELEGATE COUNTER DOWN AGAIN? Now it is down to 9. Obama voted for some energy bill that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney, members of McCain’s party, voted for. Obama is no Maverick.
8:55 PM — If his refrain for this campaign is “That’s not change we can believe in,” then he is well and truly doomed.
8:56 PM — Barack Obama wants to tax everybody who appears in the commercials that air during Extreme Home Makeover: parents, old people, Dulcolax users…even your babies. John McCain believes in the common sense of the American people: the same sensible Americans who keep electing Republicans.
8:59 PM — True Fact: John McCain stole his wife Cindy’s Novocaine prescription, and now he is addicted to it.
9:00 PM — DING DING DING Barack Obama is the presumptive nominee, now that South Dakotans have gotten off their lazy asses and finished voting. So long, John McCain! The End!
9:09 PM — OK peoples there is a new thread here, go go go!
McCain is totally going to steal Barack’s thunder with a Jindal VP announcement. That’s my prediction and I’m sticking to it.
I’m only in here so I will know when McCain is finished speaking. Only then will I go back to a news channel.
Top five favorite reporters and commentators from this primary season:
5. Tim Russert
4. Howard Fineman
3. Chuck Todd
2. David Gergen
1. Rachel Maddow
jagorev: That is too much brown for one ticket.
jagorev: Where are you getting this?
Tonight’s speech brought to you (hopefully) weird forgetful silence free by Aricept!
I am struggling to follow this James Carville fellow on CNN.
I mean I thought I had a hick accent . . .
Thanks Jim, I found the thread!
My friends, hello my friends.
My friends.
Shut up, you senile old fuck.
For some reason I really like that squirrel picture. Did I just turn into a Midwestern housewife?
Jesus Christ, tongue bath for Hillary. Kill me now.
Green? WTF! I want angry red WALNUTS!
I’m taking a break from comment writing (one left!) to watch WALNUTS! do his thang. So let’s go.
McNasty is such a wizened old fart. Could he pander and more grossly?
jagorev: I predict it too. But nothing will take this away from Barack Obama. It will be seen as a complete “some of my best friends…” pander.
OMG! Shut up! Tonight is not about her, but good for Walnuts for calling Obama his opponent!
He looks really white against that green backdrop.
ronaldpagan: Perhaps. You might have also turned gay. We like fluffy things.
Less than 60 seconds in, his lips are firmly planted on Hillz ass.
McCain/Clinton ‘08, or a clever ploy to cop some discount Truck Nutz from her supporters? You decide!
Cicada: I have no sources except my gut. Did you know there are more nerve endings in your gut than in your brain?
Ooh. It looks like McCain has splashed out a speechwriter. The maverick.
I don’t know about you, but my best days are most certainly behind me.
He sounds kinda like the Bartles and Jaymes guys. Vanguard Gen-Xers? Are you with me?
McNasty is such a wizened old fart. Careful about throwing the word change around, you might break a hip. Uh…and he wears Depends! He’s old, is my point.
My god the THUNDER this man commands with his words!
nyhfrog: Get that David Gergen the fuck off that list. And where the hell is Keith?
Is he going to recite his shopping list, too?
“change what must be changed?” He’s sounding like Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
@ wheelie: Splashed out on. Do try to tipe porperly.
Anybody w/o a tv, msnbc.msn.com is streaming live.
McNutface looks like he had some work done on that spare tire on
his left cheek. Got it plugged, or sumpin’.
“Entitlement programs” = darkies gettin yer money
Wow, that was the most pathetic cheering ever.
There appear to be about 12 people in attendance.
Jesus, he’s pandering to the middle. This is scarier than anything.
…WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!! They are having his speech in a old folks home!!!
HairyIckey: And his flaccid dick is trying to get up it.
MAC ATTACK!?!?! i thought steve jobs was liberal
i like how mccain is now trying to be obama. how many times has he said “change” so far. and his backdrop is barack obama’s old slogan, switching out change, which he is obviously now into, with “a leader.”
Wow, that Go John McCain chant is going to be
boring in about 4 days. If.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: You didn’t wait long enough, you could have added “turning challenge and opportunity into opportunities”…
Man, that crowd is lame. St. Paul, are you ready to rock?…
Well, hold on to that thought for a couple of hours and try not to be bored out of your head by the warmup band, The Emerald Green Old Fucks.
Who’s the guy who keeps going “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”? I want to kick him in the taint.
Why does he always sound like he is reading from the Brother’s Grimm and hoping we get the “hidden message”?
Dehydrated babies! Hooray!
Is Walnuts talking now? My sister and I do not have basic cable and we can’t find the fucker’s fucker speech.
Less Gov’t = Better Gov’t Response to Emergencies?
“When Americans confront a catastrophe, they have a right to expect basic competence from their government.”
ZING! Wow, when did McCain turn into a left-wing Bush basher?
ronaldpagan: if you had said the squirrel picture made you hungry,
i would have guessed west virginian bitterwoman.
Shall we preserve our moral credibility by being apologists for torture? Or perhaps by continuing the war on the poor?
Your use of the word “moral” intrigues me, McSame.
AudicityofHope: Keith was to easy. Trust me. I watch him every night. Waht can I say? I like the Gerg.
Serious and far reaching reforms are needed in so many areas of gov’t to meet our own challenges in our own time. The irony is, my time has expired, and I’m actually already dead..
…a few years? More like Millenia!
Nawlins does not have 7 syllables, Senator Plastic Smile.
” I have a few years on my opponent.”
HAHAHAHAHAAHA HE’S HILARIOUS
Jesus, he’s got a Dr. Evil smile. It’s fucking creepy.
Wow, Jindel is like, the opposite of Hope.
McElderly’s voice is even more grating than Hillary’s. WAY too nasal.
…Im telling you he has one of those signs that tell the crowd when to clap and boo!
I hate that little snicker he gave after “and that’s not change we can believe in.” That is more annoying than Dubya’s snicker.
We flipped past McCain while looking for more cartoons, and my 3-year-old informed me, ‘…he’s a bad man, we don’t like him. We like Barack Obama.’
If it’s obvious to a 3-year-old…
This is a friggin rehash of Reagan. Yawn.
Jeez, these ideas are oooolllldddd.
Because Bush Sucks…
It’s like he’s reading a children’s story. Perhaps My Pet Goat?
I live in the Black Rock section of Bridgeport, Connecticut. This is a liberal enclave in a liberal city in a liberal state. While out on my walk today, I saw that one of my neighbors (who owns a beachfront home probably worth $1.5 million) has plastered McCain signs on his lawn.
Needless to say, I took a dump on his doorstep and ran.
That line about “the American people didn’t get to know me yesterday” was good on paper, but awful delivery. And again with the snicker. McCain needs to cut out the humor, he comes off sounding like kind of a dick.
Do you county a favor and go AWAY!!!
“…As they’re just getting to know Senator Obama…heh heh heh…”
JESUS HE’S CRUELLA DEVILLE!
jagorev: …that was that creepy “I will eat your children” laugh!
Service this, douchetard.
Barack Obama is a Mac to Mac’s Dos.
Good grief are people actually going to vote for this whiny, angry turd of a man? Most unappealing.
America is a hot sexy babe, and John McCain is servicing her manfully!
I am SO looking forward to seeing our Hopey rip this guy a new one. Also, I didn’t realize they made large-print teleprompters.
McMummy is so ooooooold! What’s with the turtle-neck?
This is the worst speech ever given.
His audience is so old that they don’t understand when to clap. They clap for him being like Bush…
he just called for the “strange in chategry”
I finally get why the background is Green! He’s referencing the Green Mile because he knows his candidacy is a dead man walking.
Would not have been mismanaged if it did not
exist in the first place.
…before we get to the end of this thread, does anyone know how to get to the second page? A little assistance over here please!
ronaldpagan: go to msnbc.com, yo.
Slurrrrrring.
Stammmmmerering.
And that creepy dirty-old-prevert laugh.
What a coming out party!
I’ve never really watched him speak. Now I’m terrified. This guy is really, really creepy.
nyhfrog: too
Wow, he’s speaking to an audience of dozens.
McNasty is all shiny on the temples. Flop sweat?
BTW- when he talks about disagreeing about detainee treatment, does his wussing out on the issue make his soul die a little?
confusionanddelay<: I think they planned to, but a lot of those people are going to hear him talk during the next five months. They cannot possibly vote for him afterwards.
What a sentimental old goat….
He’s going to recite everything the Republicans have done wrong and that’s suppose to convince us that things will be better under him? Good strategy.
Okay my sister and I are watching Walnuts on our respective computers. His crowd really does have zero enthusiasm.
Obama voted to deny funds for the soldiers? Like veteran’s benefits? No, baby, that’s all you.
Hey, I’m reading along with the speech posted on Drudge!
“The right kind of change”? WTF - more war, stupid tax cuts and deficit spending? Some kind of change…
National Review sez: Obviously…McCain isn’t going to win this election by firing up crowds with his oratory. As a performance, it’s a little painful.
http://corner.nationalreview.com/
Did his medical records indicate which drugs he’s actually on now?
…tomorrow they need to run these speeches side by side. Barry’s crowd will make WALNUTS! crowd look like a community college pep rally!
He spent his life defending the country from … er, the Vietnamese! Luckily no Vietnamese got into this country. BOOOOOO.
He sais “poontang” yay
if Hopey is smart, which he is, he’ll find very subtle ways of speaking to young people that McBoob is an idiot.
“I don’t oppose a reckless withdrawl from Iraq…”
Wha?!?!???!??!?!
I hate how Walnuts stole Obama’s slogan. “A LEADER WE CAN BELIEVE IN.” Sorry if anyone already said that, but that is some serious negativity.
McCain: I hate war.
Is he blinking his coordinates in morse code? Or perhaps the activation code for millions of sleeper-voters?
…it would be totally fukkin awesome if his dentures FALL OUT!
AngryBlakGuy: No second pages. Everything on same page. The end.
America is a girl?
Hmmm. Is Jezebel watching?
jagorev: Boy they Are whipping themselves into a frenzy of enthusiasm for grampa, are’nt they?
He’s getting Paultard on us now.
Well, I hope the Republicans have something else up their sleeves, because otherwise November is going to be a walkover.
Ooh, maybe they can spread word about Obama’s BLACK BABY
Oh noes, oohhhhh noes! Please, don’t let that Senator Obama get in and undo all that fabulous, magical “progress” in Iraq. We’re right on the cusp of winning everything over there.
Now go to bed, you little cunts.
the asshole stole Obama’s slogan, ‘A Leader We Can Believe In’.
that FUCKING grin… my GOD!
Walnuts is such a prick!
The smile is killing me. What a fucking douchebag.
Hillary supporters, if you’re going to vote for him, e-mail me: I have a bridge in Brooklyn that I’d like to sell you.
@AngryBlakGuy they might..they look like they haven’t been cleaned in months.
AngryBlakGuy: haha the second page exists only in one’s own mind.. But if you make it to the second page, let me know exactly how you did it and what substances were involved. I will follow without question.
Oh my god he did the “That’s not change we can believe in” (sneer, chuckle) again. What a total cunt.
It’s so cute when that one audience member claps and chants “John McCain”.
Yay. Boo. Yay. Boo.
McCain is not just a candidate. McCain is a bowel movement.
Friend of the shopkeepers, uh huh, like your pal Diamond scooping up real estate
with a Hoover provided by you.
Jeez. Is McDumb speaking from an airplane hangar? And wow, such natural enthusiasm! Somebody send them some No-Dose.
I’m sorry, but people in New Orleans are booing government spending? That seems irrational. Don’t they need, like, MORE government spending? To, you know, clean up the mess from that hurricane Anderson Cooper told me about?
Wow. He really is positioning himself as the maverick. Obama voted for Bush’s bill…?
Come the fuck on.
I wouldn’t have thought I would EVER say this, but it is clear that the repubs made the right choice in candidates in 2000, as far as winning the election. McCain would never have won. This is seriously pathetic.
Aww Walnuts, if you rewrite history you can’t blame it on senility. We saw your medical records; you’re no Reagan.
He keeps saying, “That’s not change we can believe in,” literally after every paragraph. Oh, lord, he is old.
This speech is so horrible. Please finish. I am actually looking forward to Hillary’s!
Obama-related punchline…..
….and….
silence.
Love it.
i hear “last legs”, palpable, and i didn’t know it would have a sound.
When is he going to talk about not voting for Obama because he’s a n****r?
The problem with his speaking is he emphasizes weirdly.
He has this repeating line that could be good, except that he lilts up at the end.
“That’s not change we can believe in?”
ronaldpagan: Me too. I’m starting to see a pattern here between Obama’s rivals. “Yes She Canwill”…”A Leader We Can Believe In”. I find it curious.
The best chant they could come up with is “Go John McCain”? Is that the most they could remember without having a “senior moment”?
Senator McCain, please, for the sake of comedy and acting and all of the thespian arts, never try sarcasm, humor, laughter, or any other human emotions ever again. It just comes off awfully artificial and wooden. Stick to the grampa drawl, at least that seems authentic.
He’s going for a cadence. This is going to be hilarious.
What was the movie where the cheerleaders started yelling at the students during the pep rally? This speech reminds me of that scene.
Jeez I have it on in the next room so I can hear it but not see it (hurts enough just to listen to), and the crowd sounds every bit as bitter and whiny as McFucker. Where’s the Hope? Where’s the love, people? The man could not be more tedious and anyone who votes for him should be punished by actually having to listen to him.
I keep expecting him to say, “that’s change you can xerox”
Whenever he smiles I cringe, and I can only think that he has been having vaporized Paultard Soup for many many years.
Yeah Grampa! That smile is SO creepy! Why does his entire face look like he’s had bad plastic surgery?
People, I’m trying to be objective, but this shit is extremely
embarassing. What a fucking asshat. U R doomed, Walnutz.
Babies South Dakota polls are closing! (Like it matters…)
jagorev: Word. Not to mention how creepy he looks every time he tries to smile.
Would someone plase take Mr. McCain back to his room?
gawd, it’s *cringeworthy*.
he said “we can compete in it” (referring to trade)
but it sounded like “peed in it”.
this is so fucking funny, the crowd mostly, i can’t handle it…
God. He’s going to shrivel up and die during the first debate.
Oh god, his delivery of that refrain is just painful to hear now.
He has made Hillz speeches seem revolutionary… amazing… He has made her “That’s change you can xerox” seem… funny?
i seriously can not see how ANYONE can vote for this fucking weirdo.
crookedE: Nobody in that audience lives in New Orleans. If they do they live in the sections that were saved when they blew the levees.
The main adjective that leaps to mind is “cadaverous.”
Look! He’s turning into puss right before our eyes.
Plastic delivery much on “That’s not change…”
Ugh.
BOOM! O has won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES! They’re interrupting Mac!
YES! BARRY’S OUR BITCH!
jagorev: Exactly. McPhony. What a horrible, horribly delivered speech! This may go down as a big blunder…
CNN has…”a major projection!”
Boring. I wanted to hear the “not change we can believe in” line again.
They preempted to give it to Obama.
Johm - never, ever smile again. The pain in your eyes seared my soul.
I think I saw Tim Allen from The Santa Clause in the audience. Yellow T-shirt, coughing.
8:00:00 Clinch! Fuck you, plateau!
Sweet relief…CNN broke away!
BWAHAHA, nicely done, MSNBC broke away to declare Obama the nominee. Thank gawd, I was going to start stabbing pencils into my hear if I had to hear McCain for much longer.
And now MSNBC says screw off, you old MF’er, we’re cutting away.
Hahahahaha. Obie trumps Walnuts. woooooooooooooooooo
Were his aides like “Could you be drier please? Good. More lacking in charisma? Good.”
Argh!
That stupid “That’s not change we can believe in?” line. Quit going up at the end, you sound like a teenage girl!
CNN has broke away from John McCain’s relentlessly tedious speech to announce that
Wolf Blitzer will personally finger my ass. Obama win!!11
MSNBC just broke the surprise news that Obama is the presumptive nominee. This is shocking and unexpected.
Turn down your sets when Obama’s speech comes on. By comparison, the response will blow out the speakers on that cheap ass home entertainment system you own.
HOPE 1
SHRILL 0
IS THIS NOT THE WORST SPEECH EVER???
DoctorCulturae: Jinx Doc!
nyhfrog: I don’t know, but when Hillary sent her cheerleaders to the RBC, I kept thinking “This is not a democracy, this is a cheer-ocracy.” (Bring it On, for any straight guys out there.)
Obama negotiated with terrorists from Havana to Pyongang… And Travis Childers said nothing
“Work in America isn’t just a paycheck, it’s a source of pride, blah, blah, blah.”
In other words, prepare to be working for Mexican wages when I completely deregulate American business, plebeian American scum .
Sorry Chris, 6 Billion people don’t all give a shit. Man, wake the fuck up.
Oh my god….Walnut just got poked in the ass! MSM cut his speak to say…
Obama, Obama,Obama,Obama,!!!!!
I’m actually crying. Now that they’re saying it.
Fuck. Bring the snark back, someone!
MSNBC: We interrupt this speech by John McCain because it is the saddest, worst, most horrifying speech made in the history of man. Also, Barack WON!
I AM STUNNED AND ECSTATIC AND OVERWHELMED AND AMAZED AND SO, SO FUCKING PROUD RIGHT NOW!
O man Tweety is calling it for Barry and I’m feeling all earnest and drinky. Why did’t I buy a screwtop bottle of wine?
we are going to wipe the floor with oldie mcolderson. seriously, did a sixth grader write his speech? also he needs to not smile. ever. again.
Godless Liberal *: It is surprising and unexpected in that they didn’t go with “Holy Fuck Hillary is Beating Him in South Dakota…” instead.
Is it just me, or did Chris Matthews overdo it with the bronzer tonight?
Fuck McCain and the horse he road in on. Literally. He rode in on a horse.
So where were you when you heard Obama was the nominee? Well, honey, I was on Wonkette.
I wonder if HRC’s speech will be interrupted too…
Hey, believe in this, Walnuts: we won! We won we won we won!
So, to misquote The Big Lebowski, shut the fuck up Johnny.
Fox is still showing the speech.
If there were any doubts.
loquaciousmusic:
Ah lerv you man….
Let’s not get overconfident guys, maybe McCain is just lulling us into a false sense of security with his hilariously bad speech today. Or not.
What? Chris Matthews says that no one of color has been elected as a president/prime minster anywhere? Did I mishear that?
McSilly is an extraordinarily bad, unrousing speaker. He comes across as SO old, and SO mean! Who likes that?
This is the first time in my adult life I’m proud to be an American!
Wow, the audience was so vetted… They give android-like boos in conjunction with McNutz’ creepy false smiles; self-affirming gestures gone train-wreck awry.
Are there really any people there?
Tom Brokaw has been crying as well
Those news channel breakaways were collective facial on McCain as the media officially spewed for Obama.
HA!
History lessson from Tom… wake me later please
bitchincamaro: I was in a shitty, foul mood this weekend, so I watched Annie Hall. This time, it was the “spider in the bathroom” scene that had me in stitches.
Man, I’m a sap. Goddamn you Obama for making me actually care. First time I’ll vote for someone for something other than “eh, he’s better than Bush”…
bitchincamaro: Well, I dunno about 6 billion, but I can bet you that this will be on the front page of almost every major newspaper in the world tomorrow morning. There is an incredible amount of attention being paid to this. This can actually, significantly reduce anti-Americanism all over the world.
Fox is still showing the Walnuts speech! Even their retarded viewers must be getting suicidal by now!
floraway: In the Western world. I think he’s correct.
DoctorCulturae: Never understimate the numbers and power of the old and/or mean.
Tom’s mouth taint is becoming more pronounced with age.
The evidence is in: young people fucking rock while many, but not all, old people utterly suck dicks.
Brokaw is making Keith cry now
GO HERE: http://wonkette.com/400166/barack-obama-is-president-of-america
I hope some pundits note how McFool was very mean at the very moment of this “historic” event.
confusionanddelay<: Ah, but now, much like every single other year, South Dakota has ceased to matter.
floraway: I know right? This is gonna disgust any remaining people, but I am so tearful looking at that star on CNN next to the name “Barack Obama!” More wine for meeeeee!
ronaldpagan: Fuck! you beat me to it!
i have not felt things might get better for years, i was a bitter.
change i can believe in? at least i feel it’s possible for once.
Keith Olberman just climaxed all over himself after they declared Barack the presumptive nominee
loquaciousmusic: Definitely in the top ten of best movies ever.
New liveblog here!
Ford on Msnbc is on crack. Let mcnutty wrap himself in the flag
I shall gladly set fire to that shit.
Where is Rachel??????
So, the green background was McCain’s attempt to get Muslim voters?
I so wish I could have been at the meeting for this speech. “Go mean, John, play to your strengths. Crotchety. Let’s kill this hope thing right now.” God, he made Bob Dole seem warm and soft.
And what was with that audience. Sure, you should be medicated if you go to a John McCain speech. And at 9p in Louisiana, I’m assuming very medicated. Still, it was like the Princess Bride. McCain would say something mean about Obama, and then one voice would poorly go “boo,” and then a few more would say “boo.” And he was getting golf claps. Plus I swear at times they were chanting “Bomb McCain.”
Can you imagine what it will be like when this is played side by side with Obama’s speech? Let’s hope the Decemberist are warming up the crowd well this time.
Who ever didn’t let McCain get his nap today should be fired.
McCain is trying to go green … so fucking green he turns black.
Instead of the usual bag ‘o’ dicks, Mcsame seems to cry out for the vietcong bag ‘o’ rats around the head area.
Well, I guess this is what happens to you when you alientate the entire gay community.
I’m voting for McCain! For Last Comic Standing. He puts the “augh” in laughter.