BARACK OBAMA  3:47 pm June 3, 2008

A Children’s Treasury Of Hilarious Comments About The AP On Hillary’s Blog

by Jim Newell

This morning, the Associated Press wrote that Hillary would concede the delegate race to Barack Obama tonight, which is very nearly the same thing as “conceding the race.” The Clinton campaign then called this story 100% false and said Hillary won’t be concedin’ nothin’ tonight. And since Hillary’s rabid loyalists are already peeved with the media’s coverage of the campaign, the AP’s little “gambit” here has set off quite a storm on Hillary Clinton’s official “blog,” in the comments. An arbitrary selection of the best comments, after the jump.

  • “PatFlorida” writes: “THEY JUST STATED THAT OBAMA HAS THE NUMBER OF DELEGATES NEEDED. NBC SAYS, NO. I WANT A “FULL” INVESTIGATION OF THE AP, BY THE FCC. THIS IS PURE PROPAGANDA.”
  • “People” writes: “SUE THEM!!!

    PUNISH THEM!!!

    HOW LOW CAN THEY GO AGAIN?!!!

    SHAME ON THEM!!!”

  • “luv2dancetango” writes: “NOOOOOOOOO !!! Please do not concede or drop out of the race. I know of Republican White Women that say they will vote for you… just won’t tell their husbands, friends, neighbors or anyone (hypothetical nail salon discussions).

    Hillary NEEDS TO DROP the Democratic Party and jump over to the Liberatarian one if the nomination goes to Obama.”

  • “AMBER HOUSTON” writes: “WHAT WE HAVE WITNESSED TODAY IS THE MOST HORRID FORM OF VIOLATION TO OUR DEMOCRACY.

    ” WE ARE NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE AND FROM THIS POINT ON WE ARE GOING TO REBEL AND GIVE EM HELL ”

    ” WE ARE 18 MILLION STRONG AND IT IS TIME WE SHOW THEM OUR MIGHT.

    YOU CAN NOR RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT !!!

    WE WILL REBEL AND OUR VOICE WILL BE HEARD !!!!!!”

  • “AMBER HOUSTON” follows up: “‘YOU CAN NOT RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT.’ TYPO. AND YES WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
  • “jjh” writes in French: “GEAUX HILLARY!!!!!”
  • Wealthy “Redtumble” writes: “I can’t believe the media would do this! BECAUSE OF THE LIE, LET’S DONATE $5!!!!! START THE CHAIN WITH ME!!!”
  • A harried “Annette in Sacramento” writes: “ASSIST ME IN FINDING OUT OUR WRITE-IN RULES!! I AM BUSY ON PHONES….”

GO HILZ CALL THE PHONE IN SD & MONTAANNER OR EMAIL THE OFFICE FOR PROTEST THE MSM IN THE TANK FOR O-SHAM-A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Statement from the Clinton Campaign [blogHillary]

 
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{ 97 comments }

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 3:53 pm

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keram2 June 3, 2008 at 3:54 pm

““I can’t believe the media would do this! BECAUSE OF THE LIE, LET’S DONATE $5!!!!! START THE CHAIN WITH ME!!!””

Harold Ickes should have more to do than post on his own website under a false name. Oh wait, he really doesn’t have anything better to do.

MathewBrooks June 3, 2008 at 3:54 pm

so many bitters..

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 3:54 pm

Democracy shouldn’t have worn that short skirt to the bar. Just sayin’.

Edward Bulwer-Lytton June 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

Perhaps not as fascinating as this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUyce6224Mk

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm

I want to know who the hell was able to look at comments on that site for more than two minutes without suiciding? Because, really, that person automatically wins the next Iron Man triathlon.

demtard June 3, 2008 at 3:56 pm

This is pure comedy gold.

I love the Hilltard mindset: Maybe Hillary can try to steal the nomination from Bob Barr instead of from Obama?

Awesome awesome awesome.

ElectricZen June 3, 2008 at 3:56 pm

Yes, the Libertarian Party would love to have Hillary Clinton as their presidential candidate.

Son of Mark Penn June 3, 2008 at 3:57 pm

BARR SHOULD CHOOSE CLINTON AS HIS RUNNING MATE

THOSE TWO WILL GET ALONG REAL WELL!!!!

Domestic Goddess June 3, 2008 at 3:57 pm

Huh. These look like the emails my 83 year old grandma sends. She must be a closet Hillary fan.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 3, 2008 at 3:58 pm

Phew. The smell of cat urine emanating from that blog is pretty near overpowering.

Carleaux The Pup June 3, 2008 at 3:58 pm

I get my best thinking done in (hypothetical nail salon discussions).

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 3:59 pm

All the capital letters, excess punctuation, and detachment from reality has revealed the truth to me: These are not Hill-bots, these are Paultards trying to destroy the Democratic party from within.

Carleaux The Pup June 3, 2008 at 3:59 pm

I get my best thinking in (hypothetical nail salon discussions).

NoWireHangers June 3, 2008 at 4:00 pm

If you threw a puppy in an Obama onesie into the Hillary chat room, they’d tear it limb from limb in under 5 minutes and swear themselves in its blood.

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 3, 2008 at 4:00 pm

This is like Paultard deja-vu.

Dave J. June 3, 2008 at 4:00 pm

(hypothetical nail salon discussions).

My favorite part by far.

StrangelyBrown June 3, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=4482]Cicada[/re]: Sadly, Democracy isn’t the first one to claim rape after she was willfully seduced by a black man.

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 3, 2008 at 4:00 pm

[re=4500]Godless Liberal *[/re]:
you beat me.

Pravda June 3, 2008 at 4:01 pm

THAT’S IT! IF WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A SEXIST, DICTATORIAL PATRIARCHY, I’M BACKING MEDVEDEV!!!!111!1!1!1!!11

obfuscator June 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm

Can any of you guys tell me if Arby’s still offers the Big MONTAANNER on their menu?

Pravda June 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm

OBAMA IS A SECRET CATHOLIC/JEWISH/MUSLIM/BAPTIST/BUDDHIST/COMMUNIST!!!!111!!!!11!1!!!1

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm

@Jim Newell: Are you sure you didn’t link to Jezebel’s Crappy Hour by mistake?

inkblot_0 June 3, 2008 at 4:03 pm

Wait, where are important.
The best consequence of the people, if a candidate only has to be president.
Boo.
The Dividers are Hillary’s states?
But Pennsylvania and what amounts to get all of womankind under the Saudis will hear every day about that godforsaken place ever again.
Did these polls explain that it will ensure that godforsaken place ever again.
Did these polls explain that it will join the 2008 election could very well be Florida’s ultimate transformation into a month ago?
If you can’t get all wonky, but my site is total balderdash!
Not to be president.

UnindictedCo-conspirator June 3, 2008 at 4:03 pm

So this is what happened to those stringy-haired, vaguely feral-seeming girls who wrote angry poetry and wore saggy knee socks. I’m glad they grew up okay and found a cause.

Pravda June 3, 2008 at 4:03 pm

AP IS NOT BETTER THAN, ERR, PRAVDA!

freakishlystrong June 3, 2008 at 4:04 pm

Not to worry, all the wimmen are just got their periods synched, you know how that is..

metropolitan June 3, 2008 at 4:04 pm

by writing that story on the day of the last primaries, the press just destroyed hillary’s chances of turning the race around tonight.
damn black journalists!

teklanika June 3, 2008 at 4:04 pm

[re=4500]Godless Liberal *[/re]: Actually, many of the Paultards are far more coherent/literate/sane… This frightens me. I would have never thought that anyone could make a Paultard look coherent, but over the last month, the Hillbots have been putting them to shame. *twitch*

Theo_Mobius June 3, 2008 at 4:06 pm

I have democracy chained to a radiator in my basement, but the secks is 100% consensual.

Gopherit v2.0 June 3, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Yup, to fight sexism, women will secretly vote for Hillary, but never tell their husbands or families. That’s a proud legacy to have.

freakishlystrong June 3, 2008 at 4:07 pm

AND THEY’RE ALL SHOUTING AT EACH OTHER IN PANTSUITS!

superfecta June 3, 2008 at 4:08 pm

I know ‘Republican white women’ who will vote for Obama, but never Hillz. What does that mean? I’m also not clear on how Hillary running a terrible campaign and losing is somehow an indictment of ‘our democracy’ but 8 years of GWB was somehow OK.

publius June 3, 2008 at 4:10 pm

[re=4482]Cicada[/re]: Seriously, Democracy was totally asking for it. Did you see the way “Lady Liberty” was lookin’ at me? HOTT!

freakishlystrong June 3, 2008 at 4:10 pm

Thank GOD!!! Hillary don’t concede to anything or anyone. As the saying goes “it is not over till the fat lady sings”.

Hilz…Start singin’!

Tits_LaRue June 3, 2008 at 4:11 pm

“luv2dancetango” writes: “…I know of Republican White Women that say they will vote for you… just won’t tell their husbands, friends, neighbors or anyone…”
Now, as I understand it, Hillary has been actively seeking the “too ashamed to admit I’m voting for you” votes, so this is good news!

inkblot_0 June 3, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Part of me knows that just because a few Hillary supporters are morons, that doesn’t mean the rest of them are. But the other half WANTS A FULL INVESTIGATION OF THE AP.

StupidGeek June 3, 2008 at 4:11 pm

[re=4520]freakishlystrong[/re]: Yeah right, like any of these people are pre-menopausal.

bitchincamaro June 3, 2008 at 4:11 pm

“but he have very very big whole in
democracy at home itself. Pathetic it is.”

Said not better myself.

Godless Liberal * June 3, 2008 at 4:13 pm

[re=4509]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Like an unconstitutional government mule.

Cicada June 3, 2008 at 4:13 pm

Where is the state of MONTAANNER? Is it one of the 57 Muslim states Barry is always talking about?

weirdiowasculpture June 3, 2008 at 4:13 pm

C’mon . . . Democracy loved it.

ManchuCandidate June 3, 2008 at 4:14 pm

Tears of awesome. Crazy white (mostly) ladies shrieking about how their birthright was taken away by the skinny black man of hope and yet don’t understand why their kids never call.

Hils supporters are the old white lady from Blazing Saddles who sad, “Get outta my n*gger!”

ManchuCandidate June 3, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Another thought dons on me. Can I Haz Hildenburg Blimp?

Obamaton June 3, 2008 at 4:15 pm

Evidently we need to be putting Prometrium UPSTREAM from the water supply, not downstream.

rockstarjoe June 3, 2008 at 4:15 pm

I know correlation is not causation, but there sure is a high correlation between ignorance and caps lock.

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 4:21 pm

e.e. cummings + caps lock

I LOVE IT (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

TGY June 3, 2008 at 4:22 pm

“Geaux”? How gauche. Also, the jejune in June flies in circles like the loon.

shortsshortsshorts June 3, 2008 at 4:22 pm

Hillary Clinton is stuck in a blog? Who will help her get out of said blog? Oh the HUMANITY!

Tra June 3, 2008 at 4:23 pm

When you’re even correcting your typos in all caps, it’s time to seek help.

shortsshortsshorts June 3, 2008 at 4:25 pm

I’m going to rape democracy by showing my might.

I WILL NOT SHOW THEM WHAT I MAY NOT KNOW ALTHOUGH I KNOW THAT I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT KNOWING IT. IF IT IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE KNOWN THAN I WILL MIGHTILY MIGHT THE KNOWLEDGE AND MAYBE KNOW MORE. CAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPSS LOCCCCCKKKKKK!! !! ! !
rEVOLution!!!!!!!!1!

Texan Bulldoggette June 3, 2008 at 4:26 pm

“…YOU CAN NOR RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT !!! Me thinks someone is so gonna hop on the next plane to Zimbabwe & get their political situation straightened out since they’re so worried about democracy getting raped (frankly, if Democracy doesn’t want to get raped, she should stop wearing those slutty clothes!)

illnoise June 3, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Amber Houston (Great granddaughter of Sam Houston) says Hilltards are 18 million strong, ignoring her Ickes-Math™, that’s only 16.5% of the U.S. population, hardly any kind of majority, right?

floraway June 3, 2008 at 4:26 pm

Wow, they totally know a lot about politics if they think that Hillz would be an appropriate Libertarian candidate. I mean, the Libertarians probably should get a lesson on what Libertarian means, since they nominated Bob Barr… but…

WaldoJeffersHead June 3, 2008 at 4:26 pm

[re=4532]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Feminists are usually better at picking up on irony. But my wife usually votes the way I tell her to.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 3, 2008 at 4:27 pm

Another jewel from the comments section:

thank the Lord, I think I have gotten another gray hair over this rumor, hehe.

Called SD good folks had eighty one old man who has a bad hip and won’t be able to vote but I enjoyed his conversation. Spoke to some nice ladies and they are supporting Hillary.

Let’s work hard today to give Hillary a bang today and make the other guy limp.

Wait. What could this mean? Is it some kind of Tonya Harding cryptic code for a Grey Panthers attack? Hide, Barry, hide!

obfuscator June 3, 2008 at 4:28 pm

“GO HILZ CALL THE PHONE IN SD & MONTAANNER OR EMAIL THE OFFICE FOR PROTEST THE MSM IN THE TANK FOR O-SHAM-A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

This is insane. I mean, it’s so crazy that Old Dirty Bastard could have written it. The phrase “GO HILZ CALL THE PHONE” will be with me for a long time.

Weasel June 3, 2008 at 4:28 pm

Can’t wait until Hilz is VP.

illnoise June 3, 2008 at 4:29 pm

Whenever I see caps-lock text, I picture someone using the Fisher-Price typewriter I had when I was like six that only had capital letters.

Also, it’s fun to goad those people about it until they post something defending their use of “CAPITOL LETTERS.”

populucious June 3, 2008 at 4:29 pm

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DO I TURN OFF THIS CAPS LOCK FEATURE?????????????

Look sweeties…never EVER trust those Republican White Women you find in nail salons. They will say ANYTHING to get a free mani/pedi. Just ask Ron Paul…how many times did he fall into that Republican White Women Nail Salon trap before he finally wised up?

Too too many, that’s how many.

gjdodger June 3, 2008 at 4:34 pm

Hey, it’s a Music Man remake!
Hillarian
Madame Liberatarian

ReelectTilden June 3, 2008 at 4:35 pm

[re=4515]inkblot_0[/re]: You’re the worst character ever, Towelie.

freakishlystrong June 3, 2008 at 4:35 pm

[re=4584]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:
You’re reading the comments over there, so we don’t have to read them over here..and THAT is selfless…

Manofsteel June 3, 2008 at 4:39 pm

How Terry Maculliffe can register so many usernames and then log in and out so fast is amazing to me. Oh, that kooky guy!

FMA June 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm

“Give Hillary a bang today”?
Uh, no thanks.

Mistah P June 3, 2008 at 4:42 pm

My favoritest is the one about Barry’s “fowl” campaign. Howard the Duck for veep, y’all!

CaptainCrackers June 3, 2008 at 4:44 pm

[re=4516]UnindictedCo-conspirator[/re]: Don’t worry they’re still writing poetry. It’s entitled “Written for Hillary and her supporters”

Botswana Meat Commission FC June 3, 2008 at 4:45 pm

[re=4595]populucious[/re]:
Stop. you’re gonna get me fired for laughing.

ReelectTilden June 3, 2008 at 4:50 pm

This one is quite good:

“Hillery said that she want the VP
i really hope that is true guys 18 mil for her 18 mil for him
that’s will destroy any hope for the republican

by askandrany at 6/3/2008 3:39:34 PM”

Clearly that elite math is not rubbing off on these folks.

cantabrigia June 3, 2008 at 4:51 pm

blog.hillaryclinton.com: home of the still bitter womyn’s studies majors from the 90s, deluded aged hippies, and semiliterate, not-a-racist-racists with 56k dialup internets.

madirishman June 3, 2008 at 4:51 pm

Hillary will hold Terry McAuliffe hostage, live on camera, and say, “I have a list of demands here. I want a suitcase filled with $20 million in unmarked 50′s and 100′s. I want a bus filled with uncommitted superdelegates. The bus will be driven to the airport. I want a Lear jet to fly us all to Denver. We’ll barricade ourselves in the backstage area of the arena until the convention is over. I want a constant supply of pizza and Bacardi. Once I get the nomination, everybody goes home in one piece. If I see any cops, it’ll be a bad day for all of us.”

Lord Humungus June 3, 2008 at 4:54 pm

[re=4607]Manofsteel[/re]: Actually, I’d say it looks like Terry brought back a heckuva lot more than one bottle of Bacardi from P.R. He’s turned Hillaryland into “Big Rock Candy Mountain” and the Bacardi is interacting predictably with the ladies’ medications.

Anita Cocktail June 3, 2008 at 4:55 pm

[re=4507]Dave J.[/re]: Are the nail salons hypothetical? Are the discussions hypothetical? Are the nail extensions hypothetical? Does she really mean “pathetic-al”?

ronaldpagan June 3, 2008 at 5:01 pm

[re=4584]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Hahahaha, Grey Panthers is right up there with Army of Bitters.

But I’d like to bang Hillary.

CaptainCrackers June 3, 2008 at 5:04 pm

So is the free advertising for Bacardi the way they’re going to bail out her campaign? Kind of like American Idol and drinking Coke. Clearly Hillary is Simon Cowell, Terry for Paula, but who can play Randy?

bodypolitik June 3, 2008 at 5:05 pm

Is raping democracy even sanitary?

shortsshortsshorts June 3, 2008 at 5:10 pm

Stupid Hillary Blog wont let me post my advocacy for Truck NUTZ!

tunamelt June 3, 2008 at 5:11 pm

[re=4623]madirishman[/re]: The fatal flaw in that is that nobody will care if she holds Terry McAuliffe hostage.

queeraselvis v 2.0 June 3, 2008 at 5:17 pm

[re=4677]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Try and post a link to Country Above Self’s Chimp Board on the Hilz blog. Guaranteed bloodshed.

Lionel Hutz Esq. June 3, 2008 at 5:20 pm

Democracy may have said “no,” but her eyes were saying “yes.”

shortsshortsshorts June 3, 2008 at 5:21 pm

[re=4690]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Yeesss…. Geeenius….

Kingbee June 3, 2008 at 5:22 pm

[re=4532]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Real feminist on that post, for sure.

Kingbee June 3, 2008 at 5:30 pm

Why hasn’t Hillary explicitly “denounced and rejected” her overtly racist supporters? Could it be because she’s obsessed with political power, so anything goes? Obsession is the only way she could have stuck with Bill, after becoming a U.S. Senator on her own; voted for the Iraq War; supported Bush’s domestic spying; ….

Are we really going to have to put up with her on the #2 spot in Nov.?

GenghisConvict June 3, 2008 at 5:35 pm

i’d really like to lay my eyes on the ham-handed, twisted logic of PatFlorida’s letter to the FCC. Better yet, lay my ears on a voice message. These folks are pure comedy.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Manofsteel June 3, 2008 at 5:44 pm

[re=4638]Lord Humungus[/re]: Whatever he’s giving them, it’s some pretty potent stuff. They’re all so screamy!

madirishman June 3, 2008 at 5:46 pm

[re=4679]tunamelt[/re]: Okay, so she holds Bill hostage…nope,nope, that won’t work either. At this point, she probably WANTS to shoot him.

AxmxZ June 3, 2008 at 5:47 pm

“18 MILLION STRONG”? I guess a large number of them had been rape-impregnated by democracy.

nowukkers June 3, 2008 at 5:50 pm

These harridans are those you see wearing the stretch velour pantsuit at the slot machines, located in some dingy truckstop, smelling like a cross between beer, piss, smoke and vomit. My senses are in burnt overload. AAARRRGGGHHH!

Black Cat June 3, 2008 at 6:19 pm

Everybody donate $5 fast so Obama doesn’ to pay off as much debt!

Canuckledragger June 3, 2008 at 6:51 pm

From Taylor Marsh:

I want you to know, that I’m happy for you
I wish nothing but the best for your Presidency
A younger, darker version of me
Is Michelle perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a pantsuit?
Does she speak eloquently
About some guy named Whitey
I’m sure she’d make a really excellent First Lady

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn’t able
To make it enough for ME to be the nominee
And every time you speak her name
Does she know how you told me I’d be VP
Until you died, till you died
But you’re still alive and it’s already June

And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you prevailed
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the Oval Office you stole from me
You, you, you oughta know

You seem very well, things look peaceful
I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
I hate to bug you in the middle of your coronation
It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
Are you thinking of me while you rule Obama Nation?

And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you prevailed
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the Oval Office you stole from me
You, you, you oughta know

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
And I’m not gonna fade into the Senate
As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
And every time I shoot guns behind Granddaddy’s shack
I hope you feel it…well can you feel it?

And I’m here to remind you
Of the mess you left when you prevailed
It’s not fair to deny me
Of the Oval Office you stole from me
You, you, you oughta know
YOU FUCKIN’ NEEEE-GROOOOO!

jimh June 3, 2008 at 7:23 pm

[re=4909]Canuckledragger[/re]: Fucking brilliant.

So “YOU CAN NOT RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT.”
The last eight years beg to differ.

Clovis June 3, 2008 at 7:26 pm

[re=4482]Cicada[/re]: Heh.

You know what they always say; Democracy can run faster in that short skirt than Tyranny with his pants down.

Clovis June 3, 2008 at 7:28 pm

[re=4909]Canuckledragger[/re]: “Is Michelle perverted like me
Would she go down on you in a pantsuit?”

The notorious smut hit piece by Star informed the whole world that Hillary wouldn’t go down. And history has never been the same.

gthogan June 3, 2008 at 8:19 pm

Is Hillary going to loan her blog commenters the money to sue the AP?

steverino247 June 3, 2008 at 8:22 pm

I particularly enjoyed the attacks on the mother raising two small autistic children alone because her husband was in Iraq. She pleaded with them not to vote for McCain because we’d be in Iraq forever, but the bitches threw her under the bus anyway.

Anita Cocktail June 3, 2008 at 8:39 pm

[re=4623]madirishman[/re]: But isn’t the hostage supposed to be someone that we’d HATE to see killed?

trondant June 3, 2008 at 8:53 pm

[re=4955]jimh[/re]: Agreed. Democracy tried to get a restraining order in 2000, but the Supreme Court denied her that.

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