A Children’s Treasury Of Hilarious Comments About The AP On Hillary’s Blog

This morning, the Associated Press wrote that Hillary would concede the delegate race to Barack Obama tonight, which is very nearly the same thing as “conceding the race.” The Clinton campaign then called this story 100% false and said Hillary won’t be concedin’ nothin’ tonight. And since Hillary’s rabid loyalists are already peeved with the media’s coverage of the campaign, the AP’s little “gambit” here has set off quite a storm on Hillary Clinton’s official “blog,” in the comments. An arbitrary selection of the best comments, after the jump.

  • “PatFlorida” writes: “THEY JUST STATED THAT OBAMA HAS THE NUMBER OF DELEGATES NEEDED. NBC SAYS, NO. I WANT A “FULL” INVESTIGATION OF THE AP, BY THE FCC. THIS IS PURE PROPAGANDA.”
  • “People” writes: “SUE THEM!!!

    PUNISH THEM!!!

    HOW LOW CAN THEY GO AGAIN?!!!

    SHAME ON THEM!!!”

  • “luv2dancetango” writes: “NOOOOOOOOO !!! Please do not concede or drop out of the race. I know of Republican White Women that say they will vote for you… just won’t tell their husbands, friends, neighbors or anyone (hypothetical nail salon discussions).

    Hillary NEEDS TO DROP the Democratic Party and jump over to the Liberatarian one if the nomination goes to Obama.”

  • “AMBER HOUSTON” writes: “WHAT WE HAVE WITNESSED TODAY IS THE MOST HORRID FORM OF VIOLATION TO OUR DEMOCRACY.

    ” WE ARE NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE AND FROM THIS POINT ON WE ARE GOING TO REBEL AND GIVE EM HELL ”

    ” WE ARE 18 MILLION STRONG AND IT IS TIME WE SHOW THEM OUR MIGHT.

    Sponsored Video

    YOU CAN NOR RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT !!!

    WE WILL REBEL AND OUR VOICE WILL BE HEARD !!!!!!”

  • “AMBER HOUSTON” follows up: “‘YOU CAN NOT RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT.’ TYPO. AND YES WE ARE MAD AS HELL AND WE ARE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
  • “jjh” writes in French: “GEAUX HILLARY!!!!!”
  • Wealthy “Redtumble” writes: “I can’t believe the media would do this! BECAUSE OF THE LIE, LET’S DONATE $5!!!!! START THE CHAIN WITH ME!!!”
  • A harried “Annette in Sacramento” writes: “ASSIST ME IN FINDING OUT OUR WRITE-IN RULES!! I AM BUSY ON PHONES….”

GO HILZ CALL THE PHONE IN SD & MONTAANNER OR EMAIL THE OFFICE FOR PROTEST THE MSM IN THE TANK FOR O-SHAM-A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Statement from the Clinton Campaign [blogHillary]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined Wonkette.com in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

View all articles by Jim Newell

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97 comments

  1. Keram2

    ““I can’t believe the media would do this! BECAUSE OF THE LIE, LET’S DONATE $5!!!!! START THE CHAIN WITH ME!!!””

    Harold Ickes should have more to do than post on his own website under a false name. Oh wait, he really doesn’t have anything better to do.

  2. Godless Liberal *

    I want to know who the hell was able to look at comments on that site for more than two minutes without suiciding? Because, really, that person automatically wins the next Iron Man triathlon.

  3. demtard

    This is pure comedy gold.

    I love the Hilltard mindset: Maybe Hillary can try to steal the nomination from Bob Barr instead of from Obama?

    Awesome awesome awesome.

  4. ElectricZen

    Yes, the Libertarian Party would love to have Hillary Clinton as their presidential candidate.

  5. Son of Mark Penn

    BARR SHOULD CHOOSE CLINTON AS HIS RUNNING MATE

    THOSE TWO WILL GET ALONG REAL WELL!!!!

  6. Domestic Goddess

    Huh. These look like the emails my 83 year old grandma sends. She must be a closet Hillary fan.

  7. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Phew. The smell of cat urine emanating from that blog is pretty near overpowering.

  8. Godless Liberal *

    All the capital letters, excess punctuation, and detachment from reality has revealed the truth to me: These are not Hill-bots, these are Paultards trying to destroy the Democratic party from within.

  9. NoWireHangers

    If you threw a puppy in an Obama onesie into the Hillary chat room, they’d tear it limb from limb in under 5 minutes and swear themselves in its blood.

  10. StrangelyBrown

    [re=4482]Cicada[/re]: Sadly, Democracy isn’t the first one to claim rape after she was willfully seduced by a black man.

  11. Pravda

    THAT’S IT! IF WE’RE GOING TO HAVE A SEXIST, DICTATORIAL PATRIARCHY, I’M BACKING MEDVEDEV!!!!111!1!1!1!!11

  12. obfuscator

    Can any of you guys tell me if Arby’s still offers the Big MONTAANNER on their menu?

  13. Pravda

    OBAMA IS A SECRET CATHOLIC/JEWISH/MUSLIM/BAPTIST/BUDDHIST/COMMUNIST!!!!111!!!!11!1!!!1

  14. queeraselvis v 2.0

    @Jim Newell: Are you sure you didn’t link to Jezebel’s Crappy Hour by mistake?

  15. inkblot_0

    Wait, where are important.
    The best consequence of the people, if a candidate only has to be president.
    Boo.
    The Dividers are Hillary’s states?
    But Pennsylvania and what amounts to get all of womankind under the Saudis will hear every day about that godforsaken place ever again.
    Did these polls explain that it will ensure that godforsaken place ever again.
    Did these polls explain that it will join the 2008 election could very well be Florida’s ultimate transformation into a month ago?
    If you can’t get all wonky, but my site is total balderdash!
    Not to be president.

  16. UnindictedCo-conspirator

    So this is what happened to those stringy-haired, vaguely feral-seeming girls who wrote angry poetry and wore saggy knee socks. I’m glad they grew up okay and found a cause.

  17. freakishlystrong

    Not to worry, all the wimmen are just got their periods synched, you know how that is..

  18. metropolitan

    by writing that story on the day of the last primaries, the press just destroyed hillary’s chances of turning the race around tonight.
    damn black journalists!

  19. teklanika

    [re=4500]Godless Liberal *[/re]: Actually, many of the Paultards are far more coherent/literate/sane… This frightens me. I would have never thought that anyone could make a Paultard look coherent, but over the last month, the Hillbots have been putting them to shame. *twitch*

  20. Theo_Mobius

    I have democracy chained to a radiator in my basement, but the secks is 100% consensual.

  21. Gopherit v2.0

    Yup, to fight sexism, women will secretly vote for Hillary, but never tell their husbands or families. That’s a proud legacy to have.

  22. superfecta

    I know ‘Republican white women’ who will vote for Obama, but never Hillz. What does that mean? I’m also not clear on how Hillary running a terrible campaign and losing is somehow an indictment of ‘our democracy’ but 8 years of GWB was somehow OK.

  23. publius

    [re=4482]Cicada[/re]: Seriously, Democracy was totally asking for it. Did you see the way “Lady Liberty” was lookin’ at me? HOTT!

  24. freakishlystrong

    Thank GOD!!! Hillary don’t concede to anything or anyone. As the saying goes “it is not over till the fat lady sings”.

    Hilz…Start singin’!

  25. Tits_LaRue

    “luv2dancetango” writes: “…I know of Republican White Women that say they will vote for you… just won’t tell their husbands, friends, neighbors or anyone…”
    Now, as I understand it, Hillary has been actively seeking the “too ashamed to admit I’m voting for you” votes, so this is good news!

  26. inkblot_0

    Part of me knows that just because a few Hillary supporters are morons, that doesn’t mean the rest of them are. But the other half WANTS A FULL INVESTIGATION OF THE AP.

  27. StupidGeek

    [re=4520]freakishlystrong[/re]: Yeah right, like any of these people are pre-menopausal.

  28. bitchincamaro

    “but he have very very big whole in
    democracy at home itself. Pathetic it is.”

    Said not better myself.

  29. Godless Liberal *

    [re=4509]Botswana Meat Commission FC[/re]: Like an unconstitutional government mule.

  30. Cicada

    Where is the state of MONTAANNER? Is it one of the 57 Muslim states Barry is always talking about?

  31. ManchuCandidate

    Tears of awesome. Crazy white (mostly) ladies shrieking about how their birthright was taken away by the skinny black man of hope and yet don’t understand why their kids never call.

    Hils supporters are the old white lady from Blazing Saddles who sad, “Get outta my n*gger!”

  32. Obamaton

    Evidently we need to be putting Prometrium UPSTREAM from the water supply, not downstream.

  33. rockstarjoe

    I know correlation is not causation, but there sure is a high correlation between ignorance and caps lock.

  34. shortsshortsshorts

    Hillary Clinton is stuck in a blog? Who will help her get out of said blog? Oh the HUMANITY!

  35. shortsshortsshorts

    I’m going to rape democracy by showing my might.

    I WILL NOT SHOW THEM WHAT I MAY NOT KNOW ALTHOUGH I KNOW THAT I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT KNOWING IT. IF IT IS SOMETHING THAT CAN BE KNOWN THAN I WILL MIGHTILY MIGHT THE KNOWLEDGE AND MAYBE KNOW MORE. CAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPSS LOCCCCCKKKKKK!! !! ! !
    rEVOLution!!!!!!!!1!

  36. Texan Bulldoggette

    “…YOU CAN NOR RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT !!! Me thinks someone is so gonna hop on the next plane to Zimbabwe & get their political situation straightened out since they’re so worried about democracy getting raped (frankly, if Democracy doesn’t want to get raped, she should stop wearing those slutty clothes!)

  37. illnoise

    Amber Houston (Great granddaughter of Sam Houston) says Hilltards are 18 million strong, ignoring her Ickes-Math™, that’s only 16.5% of the U.S. population, hardly any kind of majority, right?

  38. floraway

    Wow, they totally know a lot about politics if they think that Hillz would be an appropriate Libertarian candidate. I mean, the Libertarians probably should get a lesson on what Libertarian means, since they nominated Bob Barr… but…

  39. WaldoJeffersHead

    [re=4532]Gopherit v2.0[/re]: Feminists are usually better at picking up on irony. But my wife usually votes the way I tell her to.

  40. queeraselvis v 2.0

    Another jewel from the comments section:

    thank the Lord, I think I have gotten another gray hair over this rumor, hehe.

    Called SD good folks had eighty one old man who has a bad hip and won’t be able to vote but I enjoyed his conversation. Spoke to some nice ladies and they are supporting Hillary.

    Let’s work hard today to give Hillary a bang today and make the other guy limp.

    Wait. What could this mean? Is it some kind of Tonya Harding cryptic code for a Grey Panthers attack? Hide, Barry, hide!

  41. obfuscator

    “GO HILZ CALL THE PHONE IN SD & MONTAANNER OR EMAIL THE OFFICE FOR PROTEST THE MSM IN THE TANK FOR O-SHAM-A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

    This is insane. I mean, it’s so crazy that Old Dirty Bastard could have written it. The phrase “GO HILZ CALL THE PHONE” will be with me for a long time.

  42. illnoise

    Whenever I see caps-lock text, I picture someone using the Fisher-Price typewriter I had when I was like six that only had capital letters.

    Also, it’s fun to goad those people about it until they post something defending their use of “CAPITOL LETTERS.”

  43. populucious

    OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DO I TURN OFF THIS CAPS LOCK FEATURE?????????????

    Look sweeties…never EVER trust those Republican White Women you find in nail salons. They will say ANYTHING to get a free mani/pedi. Just ask Ron Paul…how many times did he fall into that Republican White Women Nail Salon trap before he finally wised up?

    Too too many, that’s how many.

  44. freakishlystrong

    [re=4584]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]:
    You’re reading the comments over there, so we don’t have to read them over here..and THAT is selfless…

  45. Manofsteel

    How Terry Maculliffe can register so many usernames and then log in and out so fast is amazing to me. Oh, that kooky guy!

  46. CaptainCrackers

    [re=4516]UnindictedCo-conspirator[/re]: Don’t worry they’re still writing poetry. It’s entitled “Written for Hillary and her supporters”

  47. Botswana Meat Commission FC

    [re=4595]populucious[/re]:
    Stop. you’re gonna get me fired for laughing.

  48. ReelectTilden

    This one is quite good:

    “Hillery said that she want the VP
    i really hope that is true guys 18 mil for her 18 mil for him
    that’s will destroy any hope for the republican

    by askandrany at 6/3/2008 3:39:34 PM”

    Clearly that elite math is not rubbing off on these folks.

  49. cantabrigia

    blog.hillaryclinton.com: home of the still bitter womyn’s studies majors from the 90s, deluded aged hippies, and semiliterate, not-a-racist-racists with 56k dialup internets.

  50. madirishman

    Hillary will hold Terry McAuliffe hostage, live on camera, and say, “I have a list of demands here. I want a suitcase filled with $20 million in unmarked 50′s and 100′s. I want a bus filled with uncommitted superdelegates. The bus will be driven to the airport. I want a Lear jet to fly us all to Denver. We’ll barricade ourselves in the backstage area of the arena until the convention is over. I want a constant supply of pizza and Bacardi. Once I get the nomination, everybody goes home in one piece. If I see any cops, it’ll be a bad day for all of us.”

  51. Lord Humungus

    [re=4607]Manofsteel[/re]: Actually, I’d say it looks like Terry brought back a heckuva lot more than one bottle of Bacardi from P.R. He’s turned Hillaryland into “Big Rock Candy Mountain” and the Bacardi is interacting predictably with the ladies’ medications.

  52. Anita Cocktail

    [re=4507]Dave J.[/re]: Are the nail salons hypothetical? Are the discussions hypothetical? Are the nail extensions hypothetical? Does she really mean “pathetic-al”?

  53. ronaldpagan

    [re=4584]queeraselvis v 2.0[/re]: Hahahaha, Grey Panthers is right up there with Army of Bitters.

    But I’d like to bang Hillary.

  54. CaptainCrackers

    So is the free advertising for Bacardi the way they’re going to bail out her campaign? Kind of like American Idol and drinking Coke. Clearly Hillary is Simon Cowell, Terry for Paula, but who can play Randy?

  55. tunamelt

    [re=4623]madirishman[/re]: The fatal flaw in that is that nobody will care if she holds Terry McAuliffe hostage.

  56. queeraselvis v 2.0

    [re=4677]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: Try and post a link to Country Above Self’s Chimp Board on the Hilz blog. Guaranteed bloodshed.

  57. Kingbee

    Why hasn’t Hillary explicitly “denounced and rejected” her overtly racist supporters? Could it be because she’s obsessed with political power, so anything goes? Obsession is the only way she could have stuck with Bill, after becoming a U.S. Senator on her own; voted for the Iraq War; supported Bush’s domestic spying; ….

    Are we really going to have to put up with her on the #2 spot in Nov.?

  58. GenghisConvict

    i’d really like to lay my eyes on the ham-handed, twisted logic of PatFlorida’s letter to the FCC. Better yet, lay my ears on a voice message. These folks are pure comedy.

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  59. Manofsteel

    [re=4638]Lord Humungus[/re]: Whatever he’s giving them, it’s some pretty potent stuff. They’re all so screamy!

  60. madirishman

    [re=4679]tunamelt[/re]: Okay, so she holds Bill hostage…nope,nope, that won’t work either. At this point, she probably WANTS to shoot him.

  61. AxmxZ

    “18 MILLION STRONG”? I guess a large number of them had been rape-impregnated by democracy.

  62. nowukkers

    These harridans are those you see wearing the stretch velour pantsuit at the slot machines, located in some dingy truckstop, smelling like a cross between beer, piss, smoke and vomit. My senses are in burnt overload. AAARRRGGGHHH!

  63. Canuckledragger

    From Taylor Marsh:

    I want you to know, that I’m happy for you
    I wish nothing but the best for your Presidency
    A younger, darker version of me
    Is Michelle perverted like me
    Would she go down on you in a pantsuit?
    Does she speak eloquently
    About some guy named Whitey
    I’m sure she’d make a really excellent First Lady

    Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn’t able
    To make it enough for ME to be the nominee
    And every time you speak her name
    Does she know how you told me I’d be VP
    Until you died, till you died
    But you’re still alive and it’s already June

    And I’m here to remind you
    Of the mess you left when you prevailed
    It’s not fair to deny me
    Of the Oval Office you stole from me
    You, you, you oughta know

    You seem very well, things look peaceful
    I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know
    Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity
    I hate to bug you in the middle of your coronation
    It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced
    Are you thinking of me while you rule Obama Nation?

    And I’m here to remind you
    Of the mess you left when you prevailed
    It’s not fair to deny me
    Of the Oval Office you stole from me
    You, you, you oughta know

    Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me
    And I’m not gonna fade into the Senate
    As soon as you close your eyes and you know it
    And every time I shoot guns behind Granddaddy’s shack
    I hope you feel it…well can you feel it?

    And I’m here to remind you
    Of the mess you left when you prevailed
    It’s not fair to deny me
    Of the Oval Office you stole from me
    You, you, you oughta know
    YOU FUCKIN’ NEEEE-GROOOOO!

  64. jimh

    [re=4909]Canuckledragger[/re]: Fucking brilliant.

    So “YOU CAN NOT RAPE DEMOCRACY AND GET AWAY WITH IT.”
    The last eight years beg to differ.

  65. Clovis

    [re=4482]Cicada[/re]: Heh.

    You know what they always say; Democracy can run faster in that short skirt than Tyranny with his pants down.

  66. Clovis

    [re=4909]Canuckledragger[/re]: “Is Michelle perverted like me
    Would she go down on you in a pantsuit?”

    The notorious smut hit piece by Star informed the whole world that Hillary wouldn’t go down. And history has never been the same.

  67. steverino247

    I particularly enjoyed the attacks on the mother raising two small autistic children alone because her husband was in Iraq. She pleaded with them not to vote for McCain because we’d be in Iraq forever, but the bitches threw her under the bus anyway.

  68. Anita Cocktail

    [re=4623]madirishman[/re]: But isn’t the hostage supposed to be someone that we’d HATE to see killed?

  69. trondant

    [re=4955]jimh[/re]: Agreed. Democracy tried to get a restraining order in 2000, but the Supreme Court denied her that.

Comments are closed.