Here is John McCain’s campaign manager, Rick Davis, looking into a camera and going cross-eyed with the effort of reading off some cue cards. He wants you to know that John McCain is holding a contest, in which you can make a video about your Selfless American Neighbor! And if you win it, you and your neighbor will be punished with compulsory attendance at the Republican National Convention and a public teabagging courtesy of the presumptive nominee. This is the most tragically awkward video in the history of YouTube. [John McCain 2008]

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  1. i nominate the ‘hillary in the house’ sgt. pepper dudes.

    that way, the republican convention would have some suitable art / culture.

  2. …WARNING: if you participate in this contest and win, it is pretty much guaranteed that you will NEVER see any of the tools you have lended to your neighbor EVER AGAIN!!!

  3. John McCain still doesn’t understand teh YouTubes.

    I thought selflessness was a red commie idea? You know, like “country above self”? I thought the great american dream was all about screwing your neighbor, your employer, your employee, your wife, your pool boy, and anyone else just to make a buck… i.e., whores and their diamonds are the best capitalists ever.

    SOMEBODY was brainwashed by the commies while they were a POW… maybe we’ve been wrong the whole time, and ROBERTA MCCAIN is really Eleanor Iselin

  4. Man, in that clip that starts this thing, McCain is mumbling through his little blurb with dead and numb eyes. Never has the verb “inspire” been deployed so incongruously.

  5. I nominate Hillary Clinton, for her selflessness in destroying the democratic party. And she’s from everywhere so technically, she’s a neighbor to all.

  6. maybe rick could submit a video of the selfless lobbyist who looked beyond his own interests to serve those of former dictators in ukraine and zimbabwe.

  7. “My name is Joe Oblivious and I nominate my neighbor Larry Foley. Larry spends a lot of time volunteering with kids which is odd because he doesn’t have any of his own and is never seen with a woman. He’s also the leader of the local Boy Scout Troop and manages the local sports teams. My kids say he likes to play lots of games with the kids like Twister and run around in his underwear. Some might look at Larry’s devotion to the kids as odd, but he’s a good Christian man and Christians never do that sick stuff to kids unlike Mooslims and Atheists. Larry’s favorite saying from the bible is “little children come unto me.” That’s why I nominate Larry Foley as an American Hero.”

  8. His shifty eyes frighten me to my core. *shudder*
    Is this McCain’s way of looking for a story for his campaign?

    Oh, and how EXACTLY will the convention be historic? Nominating the oldest white male for president? The craziest? The one voted “most likely to resemble a walnut”? The one most likely to die of old age in his first year? WHAT EXACTLY?

    [re=3902]FMA[/re]: I second that one. She’s not one of the “Girl’s Next Door” is she?

  9. I used to live next to the Obamas and they were the kindest neighbors I have ever had. Do you think WALNUTS! will accept footage of Obama’s speech at the Xcel Energy Center in St. Paul?

  10. I live in downtown LA, a few blocks from skid row. technically, one of the find gentleman living in a tent on Alameda is my ‘neighbor’. should i go ahead and send in a video of ‘plastic-bag-shoes-Leroy’?

  11. It’s called “CNN Heroes”, douchebag. It’s already been done. I don’t need all the goobers at my country club running around in their golf carts with camcorders talking about how much money “Skip” raises for retards.

  12. He wants to “inspire a generation of Americans to participate in a cause greater than they are?”

    Sounds like he wants to start WW-III.

  13. Does the neighbor have to be human?

    I nominate our barn cat who raised our other barn cat’s kittens when she was sick.

  14. My closest neighbors on one side are goats, and on the other side some kind of mutant cattle, and all are selfless so far as I can tell. I’ll see what I can do, Rick.

  15. I’d like to nominate my neighbor, Blanca Vasquez Delgado. Blanca and her husband Estevan have eight children and they all manage to live in a one-bedroom apartment! The family’s close ties and belief in the Virgin Mary are what get them through the day. It isn’t easy for Blanca having to feed and clothe eight children solely on foodstamps and General Assistance. Also, Blanca doesn’t know a lick of English! She just smiles at me and I at her and in that, I know the Good Lord is at work…

  16. this post and the following comments are, frankly, shocking.

    someone is a bit awkward in front of the camera, proposes an idea that is friendly and might shine a light on people who don’t seek the light, and he’s mocked mercilessly for essentially being “uncool”?

    the tone is is condescending, arrogant, and exactly why the “uncool” people are turned off by the democratic party, even though that party often stands for their interests more than anyone else.

    it’s hard to vote for people who take pleasure in scoffing at you simply for being “gauche”.

    what is this, highschool?

  17. “someone” isnt anybody, striatic…
    GOP have ruled this country for eight years and now they want us to record our neighbours by camera…

    For their crimes their selected leaders have committed they should be prosecuted.
    For this kind of akward party promoting they should be killed by humor…

  18. Ok, my previous post continued…

    …killed by Good humor of course…

    Remember, McSame has to be defeated and U canĀ“t win votes my mocking him too hard…

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