Wonkette
“WASHINGTON - Hillary Rodham Clinton will concede Tuesday night that Barack Obama has the delegates to secure the Democratic nomination, campaign officials said, effectively ending her bid to be the nation’s first female president.”
But!
“The former first lady will stop short of formally suspending or ending her race in her speech in New York City.”
Because!
“The advisers said Clinton has made a strategic decision to not formally end her campaign, giving her leverage to negotiate with Obama on various matters including a possible vice presidential nomination for her. She also wants to press him on issues he should focus on in the fall, such as health care.”
Whatever!
Vacation time!
UPDATE: Terry!
Clinton said she was “absolutely” not prepared to admit Obama has beaten her in the race, according to Terry McAuliffe, her campaign chairman.
Media reports saying she was ready to concede was “100 per incorrect,” he said.
Obama “doesn’t have the numbers today, and until someone has the numbers the race goes on,” McAuliffe told CNN, denying a report by The Associated Press that a concession was near.
Clinton set to concede delegate race to Obama [AP]
Clinton campaign co-chair denies report she will concede race [CNN]
As long as she’s out, darlings. As long as she’s out.
I feel funny, like I just broke up with someone.
I forget. When the death star exploded where there innocent casualties?
Dear Hillary,
Welcome to three months ago.
Sincerely,
The Other Bitters
It’s not over until a stake has been driven through her heart.
“But!”,
Yeah, whenever something involves Hillaryous, there’s always a big butt.
Maybe she can has time now to be useful and learn to bake a pie for her husband and kid.
And where’s Terr-Berr with rum for US? After all they put us through?
BREAKING: Clinton gets a clue!
Wait a minute… we’re getting an update… nope, no, she’s lost it again. McCauliffe denies the story on CNN. All is once more right with the world. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, Hill’s gotta run, run, run…
Drudge is reporting that Hillary’s campaign expects a 25 point win in South Dakota. “Developing…”
I know I’m developing an ulcer. Rasputin will not die!
I’m gonna go camp out at Hillaryis44. Should be good times.
You think it’s over, and then you see her bloody fist burst through the dirt of her grave in the final frame, paving the way for a sequel.
Our long national nightmare is over.*
*maybe
I feel like I just took a three-pound dump and my pants aren’t snug anymore.
Ding, Dong, the Wicked Witch is kind of withdrawing from the official contest.
Hooray?
Q: “Independent contractors, man. You think storm troopers know how to install a toilet? Alls they know is killing in white uniforms.”
StuckBetweenStations: Ooo, I’ll bring popcorn.
“You’re all clear, Kid, now let’s blow this thing and go home!”
…can we bury her alive in the dessert just like “Kill Bill”?!
I’ll believe it when I see it.
Yeah, right. And the Cubs are in first place, too. Wait? They are?
I say the deflector shields will still be operational. Do not underestimate the treachery of would-be Empress Hill-Rod.
McAuliffe says no (as I’m sure tens of other comments already say, since I opened up this page a while ago).
God, he’s desperate to stay in the limelight, isn’t he?
“Leverage” is all the big fashion rage these days. Ahh but Hillz, take a hint from SJP and just get some Blahnik’s. Please.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/06/03/election.democrats/index.html
nooooo!
The death star explosion, accomplished by a BLACK MAN in a space ship too big to really be flying around in that thing, looks vaguely like the digital vagina explosion in The Matrix: Reloaded.
Reuters is saying that Clinton is “absolutely not” conceding that Obama has anything, or deserves anything, and that he is, in fact, 3/5 of a person as it says in the Constitution.
for some reason, I have the imagine of John McCain stuck in my head, and he’s singing “This is the campaign that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends…”
For some reason, the Star Wars quote that springs to my mind is “That was easy — maybe a little too easy.”
jagorev: You’re forgetting the rest of the process. First, you drive a stake through her heart. Second, you behead her. Third, burn the corpse. Fourth, expose the ashes to daylight. Fifth, bury the remains in consecrated ground. Sixth, cover the grave with salt. Seventh, post a guard armed with another stake and a gun loaded with silver bullets. Eighth, pray that the world ends in 2012.
Godless Liberal *: and kinda lonely, too….
tunamelt: I guess that counts as the bloody fist?
McAuliffe is just drunk from this morning, when he sobers up, she’ll still have a fat ass.
Can’t Obama just say that he’ll make poverty a central focus of his campaign?
Oh, right, that was for Edwards.
Maybe for Hillary he can promise that he will directly address the frustrations of white, hard working, hard working white white workers.
econdave: Who’s the goat?
Hillz will dump O but she’ll want to remain frenemies
Walter Sobchak: I got buddies died face down in the muck on the death star, so this strumpet, this whore…
tunamelt: Thats not the disturbing part, the disturbing part has been watching her claw through the coffin for the last three months.
And then there were two.*
*nader and bob barr do not count, ron paul is already the president of second life and WoW.
Dramatist: Cuuute ;-}
Dramatist: http://www.reuters.com/article/marketsNews/idUSN0336942020080603
Groundhog day!
“Obama has the delegates to secure the Democratic nomination…as of this hour. And…WE KNOW WHERE THEY LIVE! Mwah-hah-hah-haaaaahhhhhhhhhhh…”
Someone needs to give her a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You.”
DAMN YOU WONKETTE!
Why do you give us hope and then take it away? Why, why, why? It hurts us so bad!
madirishman: I always preferred the stuffing them with garlic and then boiling them in hot oil method. Less gruesome, and delicious too!
tunamelt: The Empire Strikes Back.
Hillary: “Yoink!”
tunamelt: HillDaBeast II: Resurrection (Not to be Qonfused with the porn flick BillDaBeast II: ReErection)
She’s not conceding, because if she officially concedes, then how is she going to convince her donors to fund the opposition research she plans on implementing against Obama? If she just says, well, now we’re taking a break… She can wink to her KGB-like secret police, who will set about killing his reputation with stories of gay sex and Muslimism, or if that fails, just killing him with guns and such.
Worse than fucking Republicans. Still waiting for that Canadian passport to come through…
Isn’t denial the first stage of…something? Perhaps she needs a 12 step program. Relentless Campaigners Anonymous?
This has got to be the most maddening move for the Obama Campaign:
Tonight, before results for the last two races are in, Clinton Gives her weasely non-concession concession speech. Then, tomorrow, when it’s clear that Obama has won the nomination, Clinton declines to comment on the matterr given that she already sort-of commented on it the night before.
To: Hillary Clinton
When you’re dead, lie down.
Confusious.
So McCain/Crist will beat a negro instead of a woman in November.
Thats breaking news!
I’m so shocked I can barely feel it.
madirishman: I carry a vial of holy water just in case.
Wonkette, your mission is now complete. You can now shutter your servers, give a speech to staff and go home.
Then in a couple of months, you can start up again and declare Wonkette alive and ready to kick some toads.
This case of wine is for the potential victory, or the wailing cry of the agony of exhaustion.
HINT:
If you use the “tab” button occasionally, your words won’t run off
the page to the right where no one can read them.
kthnksby.
She also wants to press him on issues he should focus on in the fall, such as health care.
That’s good, because otherwise he might forget about what has been one of the top two or three issues all campaign long. I mean, it could happen.
I guess the H-camp put on the Strength Thru Oi record and reconsidered.
RobPetrified: Negro? Woman? That’s going to be news to John McCain. All this time he thought the Dems were running a cross-dresser and a blackfaced minstrel.
Crow T. Robot: Darkness warshed over the Clinton Campaign - darker’n a black steer’s tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.
You know, until she sobers up and changes her mind again.
Ding dong the witch is… what? Not yet? Darn.
So, can anyone recommend a Hilltard board suitable for a brief, refreshing dip in schadenfreude?
I knew that update was coming. This is cold, dead hands situation with the prying being done at the Convention and the pried item being the podium where Hillary is standing to claim her entitlement.
Maybe if somebody pitches her into an active lava flow a la Vader in “Revenge of the Sith,” our long national nightmare will finally come to an end. Oh wait, Vader survived in that one. Fuck.
Fellow Wonketteria: The Madam De Sade will not leave. She is creating havoc so we will, once again, continue to pay attention to her. Her campaign is more than able to provide a clear message. The contradiction gives the MSM red meat for tonights speeches. It’s like The Sopranos. Even when it’s over, it’s not over. As Scotty McC said: permanent campaign mode. It’s their simpatico link with the Bushpeeps.
Canuckledragger: Is that a Pee Wee joke?
“Let’s talk about your big butt, Simone.”
I so wanted to watch her melt into foamy green stuff, leaving only the remains of her pantsuit.
Somehow, this MSNBC headline-and-photo combo seems especially evocative.
Darehead: Has anyone *tried* pouring water on her? It did work in the Wizard of Oz.
Um, this, I mean: http://photos-f.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v249/234/55/504797987/n504797987_506605_300.jpg
IT’S A TRAP!!!
This has surpassed tedious by quite a bit. I mean it is more frustrating than high school dating…come on Hillary, let us put it in!
AngryBlakGuy: a “South Dakota” funeral?
Terry meant “100 proof incorrect”. He must be totally shitfaced.
In, out, whatever. Just get her off the teevee.
She’ll never go away. Never. She’s going to go all Lieberman and (assuming Oba wins this thing) spend the next 4 years sniping and picking and collaborating, so she can do it ALL OVER AGAIN in 2012. They should just pay her campaign debt to shut her up, and give her an ambassador’s post to Mali or the Fiji Islands or something. Gad, this woman is implacable!
Godless Liberal *: I can’t stop laughing at your ‘dump’ comment.
But if she’s not getting out, does that mean it has to go back in? Yoinks, indeed…
greatgooglymoogly: Yep. It’d have to be a biiiiiig payoff. And even then she’ll appear like Teddy at the end of the convention in 1980, pouting yet triumphant. She’ll never relent. The Army of Bitters will be this invisible force underneath the surface.
The Interwebs needs another man/boy twinkie emo creature with terminal mascaraitis
to come out and bay what needs to be bayed:
LEAVE HILLARY ALONE!
I’m reliving the triple-overtime loss to the Penguins this morning. But I was drunker then and it didn’t hurt as much as Hilary’s slapshot today. Bitch needs a major misconduct penalty.
Frink: I see a path to victory and… [Examining machine] Oh wait a minute! This isn’t the Presidentometer. It’s the Delegate-Exaggerator. Mm-hai.
I prematurely sang “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” once before. It won’t happen again. I’m not counting Hillz out until she’s officially out, and this “suspension” crap doesn’t count. She’s not out until we find her at a piano bar, drunkenly singing “Rose’s Turn”, a highball sloshing in her hand.
Also, she WILL NOT be VP. No FUCKING way. NO!
tunamelt: Ignore that white haired man with the throbbing member behind the green curtain!
http://laroucheplanet.info/pmwiki/images/toto-exposes-oz.jpg
NoWireHangers:
Come to think of it, I called my sister
to congratulate Detroit on winning the Stanley Cup
just before the Pens tied the game with 37 seconds to
go. Jinxing motherfuck.
bitchincamaro: Both the Wings and the Pens should be proud of that game. Un-fuckin-believable! I love my Penguins, but I also give credit where it’s due and they both deserve a lot.
How did they kill the Martians in Mars Attacks? Yeah — do that.
AngryBlakGuy: Ah,…yes. “Kill Hill, Volume: I’ve Lost Count” Perhaps Uma Thurman can rip out Hills’ eye balls and vocal cords. She won’t die, but at least we won’t have to listen to her or look into those demonic bug-eyes of hers anymore.
Just think at how upset Teddy Kennedy is. He’s just had risky brain surgery that could have left him dumb and unable to walk, and now he has to recuperate, not as he would have wanted to (with Barack as the Dem. Nom.) but he has to spend the next critical week living in fear of that woman. “Ted Kennedy didn’t die until June…”
Lock your door, Teddy! She’s on a delusional murderous rampage and your next on her list!
But how can it be over when the race is about the popular vote now which Hillz is clearly winning?
After next week, how will I cope without my daily dose of “Terry McAuliffe’s Dispatches from Mars”?
Rumor has it the campaign has gone $21 million in to debt on a secret polling station off the Centauri moon of Endor.
The Millennium Falcon is sexist and frequently inadequate. (”No light speed?”)
Just like the Germans didn’t quit until they bombed Pearl Harbor!!! (Animal House).
Harriet will be so upset when the Hill-ster finally, finally, concedes….
Not so fast, the Hillary camp is now saying the AP article is wrong.
The AP is obviously sexist, and they’re pro-Obama, just like Matt Drudge!
After the Hills bows out (I’m ever the optimist), she and her legions of frumpy, middle-aged
female supporters should be sent to Guantanamo and forced to undergo fashion reeducation. Another minute of those hideous, ill-fitting pantsuits and I think I’ll go postal. (By the way, I’m a woman.)
With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.
-Darth Clinton
Q: “Rebel terrorists destroyed the Death Star Earlier today killing thousands, a spokesman for the Galactic Empire reported. Fortunately, Lord Vader escaped without injury. Our hearts go out to the families of the victims.”
Seriously, she needs to concede, get out AND tell her acolytes to calm the fuck down and stop threatening to vote for Walnuts! out of white rage, spite, hot flashes, or whatever.
Oh noes!1! bama haz killd my wimen candidut! Ima turn to teh dark sied, it iz whieter!
Hillary Clinton is President of Tatooine!
Servo:
Barack [Tall, elitist black man]: I’ve been waiting for you, Hillary, to drop out. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the underdog. Now I am the nominee.
Clinton [old hag]: You can’t win, Barack. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Tatooine? Is this a new fashion that I have been left out on?
Beef Supreme: Madame de Sade chuckles, thinks to herself: Fools! First I use Bill, then the Bitters, now the Blue-blood Elites. Idiots! I’ll be Queen of Zircon 3!
“The Bitters will be with you, always.”
Now somewhere in the Black Mountain Hills of Dakota
there lived a old women named Hillary Clinton,
and one day her party ran off with another guy,
hit old Hillary in the eye.
Hillary didn’t like that
He said, “I’m gonna get that boy”.
So one day she walked into town
booked herself a room in the local saloon.
Hillary Clinton checked into her room,
only to find Gideon’s bible.
Hillary had come, equipped with a gun,
to shoot off the legs of her rival.
Her rival it seems, had broken her dreams,
by stealing the nomination.
I used to bullseye pantsuits in my T-16 back home, they’re not much bigger than 2 meters.
NotUrEvryDayWEzl: Yeah! The background has Elitists and Bitters exchanging blaster-fire.