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Buckets of money lie in futureThe nation’s most historic nomination race in the history of History may be coming to an end today, but probably not, because Hillary Clinton can’t call it quits until she has figured out how to get her campaign out of tens of millions of dollars of debt. According to one shadowy source, the reason she’s staying in the race is “not about the vice-presidency or any other position she might get. It’s about the money – in particular the Clinton family money.” She shouldn’t worry too much, though, because a mere eight years ago Bill left office with an estimated $12 million in debt — and presto, after less than a decade of whoring around with Ron Burkle he’s back on top of the world! What will Hillary do to recoup her own debts, short of selling her hair and teeth?

She will make Barack Obama host some fundraisers, and maybe hold a car wash or something. At least, her chief strategist Harold Ickes said she wasn’t going to pull out of the race until her debt issue was resolved, and then Barack Obama said that he would be working with her “in November,” so obviously this means Obama is going to pay her off.

Bottom line is, by July Hillary will be up by $30 million and laughing her way to a long and distinguished Senate career, while sad Harold Ickes sings a hobo tune and hops on the nearest freight train to Poverty.

Hillary Clinton in negotiations for Barack Obama to help pay off her debts [Telegraph]

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64 COMMENTS

  1. I see Hillz beginning a lucrative career in the infomercial industry. she just has that ‘it’ factor. Orange Glo dude, watch your back!

  2. She will recoup her debts with “Hillary: The Fragrance.” Set to debut in department stores worldwide next month. Anyone care to guess what it smells like?

  3. The Clinton campaign has gotten desperate enough to bring Ickes out of the shadows. Big mistake. Yes he may have freed the slaves in 1964 in Mississippi, but even then the civil rights leaders were smart enough to keep this unpleasant man out of the spotlight. Back to the shadows again!

  4. [re=3713]MathewBrooks[/re]: I’d wager the formula combines the essence of bitter lemons, sour grapes, with top notes of Makers Mark, mothballs, and camomile.

  5. What’s the only thing more degrading than Hillary Clinton spending tens of millions of dollars to tell everyone that you are an incompetent secret Muslim, and that white people won’t vote for you?

    Having her send you the expense report.

  6. Well, Hils. Maybe you should have thought about it in Feb when you didn’t care about momentum, at least Obama’s 11 wins in a row kind of momentum.

    Why should everyone else pay for your fucked up campaign? You spent Bill’s money and lost. Even the utterly pathetic Mittens sucked it up and absorbed his losses. If I were a bit more charitable I’d give your campaign tens of cents to help you out of your own self made debt.

  7. But Harold has already accomplished his dream – he got to say “ass” on national television – 3 times!! Live the dream Harold, live the dream.

  8. [re=3718]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I think you just made my day.

    And, oddly enough, with her campaign, someone prolly did throw the insurance check away.

  9. It’ll be delicious to watch this play out. While Bubba suggests that his little lady oughtta be given the Veep slot, he nevertheless continues to disparage the one guy who can make that happen:

    “They had all these people standing up in this church cheering, calling Hillary a white racist, and he didn’t do anything about it. The first day he said ‘Ah, ah, ah well.’ Because that’s what they do– he gets other people to slime her. So then they saw the movie they thought this is a great ad for John McCain– maybe I better quit the church. It’s all politics.”

    And, while Bubba demands the Veep slot for his wife on the one hand and mugs Obama with the other, Hillaryous is asking for Hopey’s help in retiring her campaign debt. If Hopey gets confused by this passive-aggressive double-teaming, he should bear in mind that this is precisely what he could expect for the duration of his administration if Hillaryous is the Vice President.

    Barry, to paraphrase a certain Grandmaster:

    WHITE LIARS! DON’T DO IT!

  10. Thanks a lot! The combination of the HillarySunPoster.jpg image, a malfunctioning florescent light in my office, and the emotional duress caused by the self-absorption of Hanibillery Clinton induced an epileptic seizure. I nearly bit my tongue in half floppin’ around on the floor. Now I can hardly talk. THANK GOD I can still type. :shock:

  11. If he gives in here, from now on every time they go out for elitist lattes and whatnot, Hillzies will conveniently have always “forgotten” her wallet at home and need Barry to pick up the tab. This is how it starts!

    First you’re picking up campaign debts, next you’re helping someone finance a private island.. Don’t let it get this far, Barry, don’t you let it!

  12. And *furthermore*, who the fuck let Bill out of his ball-gag to start talkin’ again?? Dude just keeps shovin’ his damn foot in there. He’s making it too easy!

  13. if Obama gives his campaign money to help with Clinton’s debt I’M VOTING FOR MCCAIN!!!!!!

    (seems to be the standard crazy threat these days)

  14. Picturing Harold Ikes wearing “sad hobo” clown makeup and too-long floppy brown shoes as he chases after a boxcar…priceless.

  15. Hillary, if you had told us you were waiting for the bucks to pay off your debt, I would have thrown in some, just so you would shut up and go away! Next time just tell us! There are some who thought you were serious. Think of your constituents next time…we had to, so it’s only fair.

  16. [re=3770]edgydrifter[/re]: “Good, a woman who can fart is not dead.” Countess de Vercellis (to the philosopher Jean Jacques Rousseau), 1670-1728

  17. So she was staying in it for the debt relief. This surprises anyone?

    Barry could offer her 65% of the revenues from a nationwide tour using a dunking booth at black church and civic group picnics. Considering how beloved she is in that community these days, there are probably enough folks willing to try to dunk her pantsuited ass that she’d be paid off by mid-July.

  18. Holy Cow!

    I come out of a meeting and see this poster and think to myself “Holy S***k, the Clinton/Bush junta has finally taken power!!”, then to my inestimable relief, I find that all is good with the world and Obama is about to go over the top.

    That, and when Hillary conceeds, my wife owes me $50.

  19. Foolish capitalists! When Chairman Hil wins the election in China, the U.S. will tremble in fear! We march to a glorious future, comrades!

  20. I keep thinking of that part in “The War Room” when Perot got out of the race, and Carville said something to the effect of “Thus ends the most expensive act of political masturbation in history.”

  21. When you first notice that people like Rush and Drudge have got your back, that’s when an honorable person ought to begin considering seppuku.

  22. Sounds like it’s really time to pimp out Chelsea. I’m thinking sort of an Arkansas theme– you know, blue jean short-shorts, sleeveless-T, knee-pads . . . hell, I’d hit it.

  23. This poster is yet another of the many examples of the Hillz campaign manufacturing what Obama does naturally. Shepard Fairy is inspired to create a poster for Obama, so the Hillz campaign has these Mao-esc prints made. Obama says “Yes We Can” so Hillz says, “Yes She Will.” Her website sucked, so she made it look like Obama’s. If your campaign/image isn’t working, go steal someone else’s. The only thing they’ve got in spades is teh crazy.

  24. That poster leads me to believe that a policy manifesto called “The Little Red Pantsuit” is to be released any day now. A limited run of 20 copies at $1 million each.

  25. [re=4036]obfuscator[/re]: So you’re saying the Cultural Revolution is going to start at the Ann Taylor Loft store? As long as we have time to stop by Cinnabon on the way out the mall.

    And though an Obama girl, I wouldn’t be opposed to pitching a few nickels Hillary’s way to offset the campaign debt…anything to keep Wolfson out of Speedos at a potential fundraiser car wash.

  26. Conflicting headlines today on the state of the polls and, specifically, whether Barack Obama has gotten a “bounce” after consolidating the Democratic nomination and getting Hillary Clinton’s support.
    ======================================
    Jack Anderson,

    Well, I think that if you’re in serious debt, you should get in touch with a company which provides expert debt advice on various solutions to become debt free, and which doesn’t take any money for it, like a not for profit organization. debt advice

  27. She will make Barack Obama host some fundraisers, and maybe hold a car wash or something. At least, her chief strategist Harold Ickes said she wasn’t going to pull out of the race until her debt issue was resolved.
    akkirocks
    Debt Consolidation

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