Wonkette
In his best move as vice president since that time he shot an old man in the face with a shotgun, Dick Cheney joked about West Virginian hillbilly incest today at the National Press Club. And now everyone in West Virginia is pissed beyond belief at the vice president, whose long record of lookin’ out for the little man and his farm now comes into question.
Cheney was at the National Press Club to commend the winner of the Gerald R. Ford Journalism Prize for Distinguished Reporting on the Presidency, which was given to Wonkette for the 5th straight year (we sent several old interns to receive the prize, but they were all getting high on their college sex campuses.) Then a wiseacre reporter asked about that old, tired, eternally rehashed news bit from many months ago that Barack Obama is Dick Cheney’s eighth cousin — perhaps the one that liberated Auschwitz from the Communists?
The questioner jokingly asked the vice president if he and Obama were going to have a family reunion, to which Cheney replied he would “have no objections” though he said he doubted Obama would want one - “certainly not before November.”
Then came the offensive punch line. Cheney explained that during the course of researching his family lineage for Lynne’s memoir “Blue Skies, No Fences” last year, he learned there were Cheneys on both his father’s and his mother’s side of the family. There was a Richard Cheney on his mother’s side, the vice president said.
“So I had Cheneys on both sides of the family and we don’t even live in West Virginia,” Cheney quipped.
HEY-O!
West Virginia politicians aren’t laughing at Cheney’s little joke, including his fellow Republican, Rep. Shelley Moore Capito (R-W.Va.).
“This is exactly the type of stereotyping that we don’t need from our elected officials,” Capito tells the Sleuth. “It’s disrespectful, and it’s certainly not funny. The Vice President should know better than to make a remark like this one. We all work hard to further West Virginia’s good name, only to have comments like this tarnish it. As a proud state, I can say we are disappointed.”
Rep. Nick Rahall, a 16-term Democratic congressman from West Virginia, was equally as irate. “We may owe the vice president a debt of gratitude for yet another great West Virginia slogan: Dick Cheney is not from here,” Rahall told us.
But West Virginians are really upset that Dick Cheney didn’t take the question seriously enough. Is he related to Obama? Is he a hexadecaroon? ‘Cause West Virginnie’s had enough’a HOO-SSEIN alright!
UPDATE: Dick Cheney apologizes for the first time in his life (although it’s through a spokesman, and it’s fake):
Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride tells us, “The Vice President’s offhand comment was not meant to hurt anyone. On reflection, he concluded that it was an inappropriate attempt at humor that he should not have made. The Vice President apologizes to the people of West Virginia for the inappropriate remark.”
We may not be West Virginians, but the vice president’s smear against one of America’s greatest states offends us, too. Wonkette demands an apology. But knowing this administration, we’ll never see it.
Dick Cheney’s Incest Joke Irks West Virginian Lawmakers [WP/The Sleuth]
Anyone who has ever been to Wyoming has no doubt most residents have pushed that incest line a time or two. Hell, you probably couldn’t get a date to prom if you didn’t at least seriously consider a cousin. There aren’t a lot of choices.
Somewhere amongst the bitters of WV …
“But Hill’ry sed we goan be repeckted”
Vice President Uncle-Daddy should eat hog-trough full of dicks.
Vice President Uncle-Daddy should eat a hog-trough full of dicks.
Haha, West Virigina, you voted for him.
Hey, least nobody was killed, which is what usually happens when Cheney turns his attention to you.
Dick Cheney, I have seen Jeff Foxworthy and you’re no Larry the Cable Guy!
johnbpt: Nobody was killed. Yet.
Most honest thing to come out of his trap, ever.
…see where he screwed up was assuming that W.Virginian inbreed! It is a well known fact that it is KENTUCKYIANS that inbreed and W.VIRGINIANS who are avid goat fukkers! They will forgive you this time but let it happen again Dick!
This is like when Polacks make jokes about Slovenians.
shortsshortsshorts: I know. I was going to say, it would have been nice to see Dick Cheney tell the truth earlier.
To be fair to Dick, the joke was incest-neutral. Just because someone mentions incest does not automatically mean that person is passing judgment on incest.
Does this mean that Dick Cheney is also a Muslim? If so, I’m getting really confused.
I’m sure that Fox News will focus on this for the next three weeks they way they did Obama’s bitter remarks.
This has nothing to do with anything, but I have to vote again in a primary tomorrow, because the state of California is retarded.
If West Virginians aren’t offended by knowing that other people think they’re racists, I’m relieved to know that they get all indignant when they’re stereotyped as cousin fuckers.
Either way, Lynne Cheney’s book is starting to make a lot more sense: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sisters_%28Lynne_Cheney_novel%29
While I’m surprised he’d admit to it, this long history of family incest would explain a thing or two about both Dick and Lynne Cheney.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Yes, Hillary, he’s a muslim just like his brother-daddy Barry.
Oh man the West Virginian blogosphere* is gonna be lit up with this one.
*or “blogoplane” if you’re in West Virginia
Son of Mark Penn: Is it possible to blog with tin cans and string?
WOW… I… I… actually agree with Dick Cheney on something: West Virginia’s Cousinfuckery. Barack Obama really can bring us all together! *sniffle!*
Holy shit. He apologized for it, too. Maybe he and Barry really ARE related!
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/sleuth/2008/06/dick_cheneys_incest_joke_irks.html
Son of Mark Penn: It can’t even be a plane if it’s only got one point. The word you were looking for was “blog”. Or perhaps “them new-fangled internets”.
Son of Mark Penn: West Virginian blogosphere… you mean that tree out back with all them fancy words a’carved onnit?
West Virginia would do well to remember that you can’t polish a turd. At the end of the day, no matter how many public relations campaigns you wage, the fact remains that you are still West Virginia and there are just certain opinions that are going to be held about you.
I thought kentucky was king of unclefuckery?
I am so excited to see what Hick Cheney pulls off in the next 6 months. I think he’ll pee on a 15-year-old.
Godless Liberal *: If people can refer to my city as GAY GAY oh my gawd SO GAY then yup, spot on.
There goes the rest of Cheney’s approval rating…
shortsshortsshorts: I do not know which city is yours, but odds are that I have referred to it as just that.
No way Cheney is gonna get picked for McCain’s veep now!
Hell, everybody they don’t fuck their cousins in West Virginia. They fuck sheep. Something about their Scottish ancestry.
Gawd…Dick actually made me laugh. I feel dirty inside now.
shortsshortsshorts: Oh, are you from San Francisco?
Godless Liberal *: Sunny SF, land of teh gays. At least we don’t screw our bloodline, though.
I used to live in West Virginia. All I can say is that the incest there tends to be less prevalent than the stereotypes claim. However, said incest tends to be intergenerational and recreationally-oriented, so really it comes out about even.
Now I live in LA, so pardon me while I go get legally high and marry another dude… (Just kidding, The last person on the west coast who believes in any kind of marriage will be dead by 2012.)
That West Virginia incest stuff isn’t true?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: OMG I always forget how much I love Lynne Cheney! What a lesbo. Too bad she can’t write for shit.
Helen, my joy and my beloved,
Why do we stay? I have no reason beyond a few pupils who would miss me briefly, and your life would be infinitely better away from him. Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men. We shall find ourselves a secluded bower where they dare not venture. There will be only the two of us, and we shall linger through long afternoons of sweet retirement. In the evenings I shall read to you while you work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl. . . .
shortsshortsshorts: The Giants suck.
Godless Liberal *: Especially if your PR campaigns include the phrase “HOO-sein. That don’t sit right with me.”
My home state will always be known for polygamy. So there’s that.
shortsshortsshorts: Jesus Christ. That city is so gay I’m gay by association.
On the other hand, I’m glad you aren’t from WV. My cousin has really packed on the pounds lately, and I’d hate to have suddenly effed her just because I read something on the internets.
Were you to point out to a West Virginian that Cheney was referring to cousinfuckery, the West Virginian would say “Oh! Well, that’s OK then. We thought he was talking ’bout incest. Sorry we got so riled up.”
In WV, anyone not dropped from the same womb as yourself is fair game. Incest as a pejorative term is reserved for blood siblings and/or those immediately above and below yourself on the family tree.
tunamelt: Last year I would say something like “screw you you don’t know what you’re talking about asshole.” However, YA. THEY SURE DO.
At least we have a baseball team. I don’t know what WV even plays. I’m guessing it’s competitive spin the bottle, but only at family reunions.
ronaldpagan: Meh. Alabama here, so I don’t know what business I have talking shit on West By God Virginia.
RaptorAvatar: Yeah, whoo, Los Angeles!
shortsshortsshorts: It’s a natural reaction, to say Giants suck, to anyone from SF, regardless of whether or not they even like baseball. I actually can’t stop it.
Here’s West Virginia’s forbidden incest clause:
Incest is committed when any female person shall have sexual intercourse or sexual intrusion with her father, brother, son, grandson, grandfather, nephew or uncle.
“Sexual Intercourse” means any act between persons involving penetration, however slight, of the female sex organ by the male sex organ or involving contact between the sex organs of one person and the mouth or anus of another person.
The two Cheneys are probably better suited for Wyoming…
http://www.state.wv.us/WVSCA/jury/crim/incest.htm
@edydrifter- Hey I coined the phrase cousinfuckery(tm) Infact, I invented cousinfuckery!
Son of Mark Penn:
Isn’t that determined by wether or not Dick is in charge of the Veep search committee?
ronaldpagan:
How can you criticize that? All the best porn is written by Conservatives. They really know how to get their kink on.
Anyone remember the joke where a guy bets a bartender that he can piss into a cup on the bar from 20 feet away and it turns out that he bet the guys at the pool table that he could piss all over the bar and the bartender wouldn’t be mad? I think Cheney bet Bob Dole in 1998 than he can get an approval rating lower than Benedict Arnold and not be impeached.
I thought the joke was pretty funny.
Or maybe it was the “HEY-O!”
We should all have an Ed McMahon to punch up our punch lines.
blogfather: That’s sure to get you written up in the society pages.
PS: Afore anyone cracks wise on Oregon, we fuck trees. There, the secret is out.
Dick Cheney should collaborate with Jim Webb for his next book, “Why We Kiss Our Cousins”.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: See any Jeff Gannon photo.
He’s never apologized for any of the other things he has done, but feels he must apologize gor this? Well…OK, sure. That makes sense, from a wingnutty perspective, I guess.
I just thought about it, and I do have family on both my mom’s side and my dad’s side with my last name.
So I am deeply offended by this, and if I ever see Dick Cheney, I am going to break my seven-toed foot off in his ass.
Ahh, beautiful West Virginia: Home of the MLUF* Hall of Fame!
*Major League Uncle Fuckers
It’s clear that Dick and Dubya don’t give a flying flip what anyone thinks of them anymore. I envy them their psychopathic freedom.
You’re telling me that my webbed hands and feet and crossed eyes have something to do with the fact that my dad and uncle are the same person?
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Great strides in blogging have come about since WV realized the existence of the MITS Altair a few years ago. It’s a magic blog box that you don’t need to worry about tripping over on the way to the outhouse - can’t say the same for that pesky string and tin can thing.
masterdebater: My thoughts as well. Given every sinister thing he had to do with Iraq, secret meetings with energy companies, declaring he’s not part of the Administrative branch of government and therefore above its laws, replying “So?” when asked about Americans considering Iraq a mistake, and what trips him up? Going all Jay Leno all over West Virginia’s ass (of course, Jay would’ve swung his arms wildly in an over-eager effort to really sell the joke).
A little off topic, but I absolutely LOVE that episode of Futurama where Fry goes back in time and accidentally becomes his own Grandfather, only to get back to the future and realize it has made zero difference whatsoever in the grand scheme of the universe. Classic Futurama.
Gopherit v2.0: He…wait…he… a..pol…o…gized?
We in the end time now.
Rep. Nick Rahall, a 16-term Democratic congressman from West Virginia, was equally as irate. “It may well be that 90% of the voters in my district are my cousins, but that doesn’t mean Mr. Cheney has the right to make fun of us.”
Almost heaven, West Virginia
strip mined mountains
run-off laden rivers…
Gopherit v2.0: People live in Wyoming?
Oh dear, I botched my screen name…
See, when he offends potential GOP ’sporters, he pinches out an apology…as opposed to the Senate floor, where his “Go Fuck Yourself!” will never evoke contrition.
And the good news just keeps on rolling in for W.Va.: Senator Byrd is in the hospital with a fever.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/6/2/20454/46714/111/527730
Reckon you oughta be looking for a new undisclosed location right about now, Dick.
OMG the reply button finally showed up for me! Yayz!
AudicityofHope: That’s terrible
Dick’s joke is so funny that I’m thinking about forgiving him for all the fucked up shit he’s caused.
{thinking}
{thinking}
{hand on chin}
No, I don’t think so. He’s still a major league asshole.
Hey, West-by-God seceded from my state during the civil war. So they can only be so dumb.
Maj. Major Major Major: So does this mean that lesbian cousinfuckery is not incest under WV statute? That’s kinda odd.
loudmouthredhead: I just wanted to use the reply button. Thank you, Wonkette elders!
I’m guessing we can safely add the Cheneys as another clan in the list including Hatfield & McCoy? Wow!
We just made that gene pool 30% deeper!
Sigh, WV cousinfuckery(tm) and Dick Cheney. Two more reasons I’m insanely proud to be a white male. Brings a tear to my eye, it does.
At least cousin-sodomy is illegal.
Dick coulda quipped:
“So I had Cheneys on both sides of the family and we don’t even live in Orange County.”
Cuz, I never dun see so much in-breeding as I dun see in that teevee show, OC.
Shit, it looks like Robert Byrd caught cancer from Teddy. Or something. He’s in the hospital anyway.
The ultimate in incest! Cheney fucked himself!
So…this means WVa goes from a red state to a blue state, yes? I mean, justice and all..
Also, making jokes about WVirginians: bite me, it’s fun!
Godless Liberal *: WTF is up with all these old fuckers dropping lately? Bo Diddley, Yves St. Laurent, Ted is gone all cancery, now Byrd…
AxmxZ: Godless Liberal *: Byrd best not go down. This is upsurd (but it should be noted that he’s 90 years old and the longest seat holder in the Senate).
ronaldpagan: You know, I figured she couldn’t write for shit, BUT DAMN, that was horrific.
publius:
Not true. Because Fry did the “Nasty in the Pasty” his brain waves were different (similar to a dead weasle or an an animator), allowing him to defeat the Brain Spawn.
When will Dick Cheney throw himself under the bus?
AxmxZ: Don’t forget Bill Buckley. And Charlton Heston. Death swoops in and picks ‘em off whether they’re commie hippies or true red-blooded patriots. The fact that the rich have not yet figured out some way to gain immortality by having the poor die for them is one of the few satisfactions I have. Actually, I take that back — our current president has figured that out. Though it’s probably not the kind of immortality he had planned on.
AxmxZ:
Bo Diddley, the father of the pantsuit, Harvey Korman, and Sydney Pollack are all hanging out in a green room in the afterlife as we speak. What the hell would they talk about?
This is great news!!! FOR DICK CHENEY
Aw, shee-it! Uncle Dick wanted to make sure you-alls wuz listenin’! Then he was gonna tell you about his “sheepskin” from E Casper Community College.
If West Virginians want to be miffed at Dick’s insinuations of incestuous unclefuckery, perhaps they should stop fucking their uncles.
i thought it was incest and slavery that made america great … okay, maybe just the slavery
obfuscator: The election and whether or not Hillary is the Whore of Babylon. Sydney Pollack is pissed that he didn’t live long enough to make a movie about the clusterfuck that’s going on in the States.
(pss…Hey, baby! I saw you on Keith tonight; great job. I had never noticed that you had a dimple on your right cheek, btw.)
Alia Shawkat and Michael Cera already proved that incest is hawt. Nothing to worry about, WV.
AudicityofHope:
The dimple is my secret weapon. Only the most astute black female uncommitted super delegates notice that kind of thing.
Sydney would be kicking himself about not being able to make a movie about the Clinton campaign. It’d be fraught with psychological inner turmoil, palace intrigue within the high level staff, and a final steadicam scene featuring shrill screaming, a nervous breakdown, a Steuben Glass pitcher shattered in slow motion, and a tattered pantsuit.
John Edworts.
obfuscator: Perhaps Woody could make “A Delegate Situation” starring an ensemble cast of Robert Redford, Meryl Streep, Dustin Hoffman, Sydney Poitier, George Clooney, Denzel Washington, and Jude Law and dedicate it to Pollack. But Woody has to promise not to put Scarlett Johansson ANYWHERE in the film.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Okay, minor factual details, but it didn’t really alter anything else, and he was essentially still the same person, despite doing the nasty with his own grandmother before she met his grandfather and still turning out to be himself.
At any rate, I just thought it was mildly relevant considering the incestuous discussions here! Still a good episode, and I’m glad someone else saw it
AudicityofHope:
A brilliant concept. You should pitch it to the Weinsteins. Wait, they’re Hillzarians. Scratch that.
Could Meryl Streep play Geraldine Ferraro? Stephanie Tubbs-Jones?
Sydney Poitier as newly announced Barry supporter James Clyburn.
Dustin Hoffman as David Axelrod.
We’re making movie magic here, people!
obfuscator: I don’t think any black actress could do Tubbs justice. Meryl Streep, I like as Femi-nazi-Ferraro (and she’d have to drive a Ferrari).
But who the hell is going to play America’s favorite fighter, Hellaballs Clinton? And I’m not totally convinced that Denzel is the right man to play Barry. Only Barack’s ass can do his own ass justice.
Many of Clinton’s campaign staffers will be out of jobs anyway, so they can just play themselves. Which reminds me. I hope everyone saw Countdown tonight especially the last 10 minutes. If you didn’t, here’s the link to the video: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3036677/#24939498