Mythological 'Whitey' Tape Will Finally Ruin Obama

Hillary/McCain supporters of the "sofa in the yard" variety have long dreamed of a magical trick to destroy Barack Obama's candidacy -- something that would transform the "post-racial candidate" into, of course, that thing racist whites are always dreaming of: racist blacks . The holy grail of this quest is a tape or video or some kind of recording that proves Michelle Obama is The (Black) Devil because she said "whitey," which is a poisonous slur against whitey because it has kept whitey down for the whole 6,000 years of White Christian whitey's existence.

The inability of American blacks to come up with a biting epithet for their White Oppressors is best illustrated in this uncomfortable sketch by Richard Pryor and Chevy Chase:

 (Whole transcript here.) 

Even a few years after the U.S. race riots, "whitey" was so dopey and unoffensive that it was Pryor's counter to "negro," which is just a word and not even a slur. The scarcity of loaded slurs against whitey eventually becomes the joke, as Pryor's job-seeking character can only respond with variations of "honky" ("Honky Honky!", " Dead Honky") when Chase's interviewer finally reaches the dreaded N-Word.

Anyway, there are all these convoluted myths about a video or audio recording of Michelle Obama saying "whitey." The cast of characters rumored to join her in this video include Jeremiah Wright, Louis Farrakhan, Malcolm X and W.E. B. Du Bois. Many Hillary/RNC insiders have supposedly seen the damning video. And once it is released, which could happen any day now, although the RNC insiders hope it's not until "November 1" and the Hillary white women obviously want it revealed tonight, Barack Obama will be finished! Curtains for him! No country like America is going to elect the husband of a colored lady who says something like "whitey," which is possibly worse than wearing a paisley scarf while selling donuts & sugar-coffee to fat people.

Wonkette guest editor/Reasonsellout Dave Weigel puts together a sort-of plausible narrative that still makes no sense, as he concludes, but it does feature another blogger's semi-hilarious possible theory that would make this whole story much better, if true: Michelle Obama was recorded giving a statement about Bush being a loser, with her "Why'd he" do this or that to New Orleans, Iraq, etc., misheard by racist whites as "Whitey."

And now Roger Stone has claimed, on Fox News, that the tape is more real than Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster combined. Regardless, the tape has stubbornly evaded capture by YouTube or Drudge Report.

 "There Is A Tape With Michelle Obama Making Racist References" [Free Republic]