• May 26, 2012

Ted Kennedy Brain Surgery ‘Successful’

by Ken Layne  2:32 pm June 2, 2008

Edward Kennedy is reportedly still alive after more than three hours of brain surgery today at Duke University. The 76-year-old senator will still need all kinds of chemo and radiation and god knows what else, but it is pretty much impossible to kill Ted Kennedy.

The AP reports:

Kennedy surgeon Dr. Allan Friedman says Monday his patient was awake during the 3 1/2-hour procedure, and should experience no permanent neurological effects from the surgery.

Jesus! He was awake during brain surgery? The Associated Press also reports that he called his wife right after the surgeons were finished. This is what he reportedly said: “I feel like a million bucks. I think I’ll do that again tomorrow.”

So, the surgery did make him insane. Hang in there, Teddy.

Kennedy out of ‘successful’ brain surgery [AP/Yahoo]

{ 45 comments }

Shypixel June 2, 2008 at 2:35 pm

Hard to think of anything funny about a brain tumor….

Gimmeh some time, I’ll think of something…

ReelectTilde June 2, 2008 at 2:36 pm

If he’d just had a lobotomy like his sister this all could have been avoided.

shortsshortsshorts June 2, 2008 at 2:38 pm

Seriously, the guy is fucking Ironman. You can shoot him, stab him, beat him, er whatever you sick freaks think of, but he’ll STILL show up for work tomorrow and be the most active guy in the chamber. Right on.

Tawm June 2, 2008 at 2:38 pm

I’m pulling for you from out here in the left wing of the country, Teddy!

NoWireHangers June 2, 2008 at 2:39 pm

He was awake and drinking whiskey during the operation.

onaldpaga June 2, 2008 at 2:39 pm

Ted Kennedy is a BAD ASS! Love you Teddy…

ReelectTilde June 2, 2008 at 2:40 pm

[re=2961]ReelectTilde[/re]: Damn it, what happened to the rest of my username?

blogfather June 2, 2008 at 2:42 pm

Okay why am I know the Blogfathe?

WIDTAP June 2, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Of course, now Teddy will have an uncontrollable urge to take his nephew-in-law to Mars, find someone with an old man popping out of his stomach and kick the corporate overlords’ butts.

tunamelt June 2, 2008 at 2:44 pm

[re=2966]onaldpaga[/re]: WHO IS ONALDPAGA?

blogfather June 2, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Oh well I can’t spell today anyway.

WonksRunAmuck June 2, 2008 at 2:46 pm

What they don’t say is that they replaced the tumor with a microchip that will record Teddy’s brain activity and broadcast it as a presidential replacement once all the current options have been exhausted.

tunamelt June 2, 2008 at 2:47 pm

[re=2977]unamel[/re]: OMFG, who is unamel? One mel?

Delicious June 2, 2008 at 2:48 pm

The Chivas IV worked wonders for the old boy.

masterdebate June 2, 2008 at 2:48 pm

Just so I can have it on record somewhere, if I need surgery, spend a few bucks on some drugs for me. I’ve met Teddy Kennedy, and I, sir, am no Teddy Kennedy. ( I know you have to be awake..but still, I mean… I’m just in awe). Get well Ted!

MARCdMa June 2, 2008 at 2:50 pm

Chemo’s not going to hurt him, his liver has been dealing with toxic liquids on a regular basis for 70 years.

blogfather June 2, 2008 at 2:51 pm

@masterdebate your name became not so funny.

WIDTAP June 2, 2008 at 2:51 pm

So was his trepanning as brutal as that scene in HBO’s Rome, don’t we want to know the details?

Gopherit v2. June 2, 2008 at 2:52 pm

Ted Kennedy has to die mundanely to make up for the live of his three brothers. This inevitability has resulted in him appearing to be nigh invulnerable under more serious circumstances.

And yes, they do most brain surgeries while you’re awake (if they can.) It helps the surgeon make certain he’s not cutting something important out……no joke.

shortsshortsshorts June 2, 2008 at 2:53 pm

Ha! Someone is hacking the site! Lets see if I’m still shortsshortsshorts…

floraway June 2, 2008 at 2:56 pm

Don’t you have to be awake for most brain surgeries?

floraway June 2, 2008 at 2:56 pm

[re=2995]Gopherit v2.[/re]: Ahh… missed your comment.

AngryBlakGuy June 2, 2008 at 2:57 pm

[re=2964]NoWireHangers[/re]: …drinking whiskey? Nahhhh, they were giving it to him intravenously!

jagorev June 2, 2008 at 2:57 pm

[re=2977]unamel[/re]: Why halo thar, “unamel”!

El Bombastico June 2, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Good luck, Teddy! I’d be praying for you if I wasn’t an atheist who thinks all organized religion is venal and corrupt. Also, I want to see if my name is truncated.

weirdiowasculpture June 2, 2008 at 3:05 pm

Teddy for VP!! Hell, you don’t need a parietal lobe to preside over the Senate anyway. Plus, the whole damn place needs chemo and radiation. After a few years sitting around listening to the bloviating in that chamber, even the women get prostate cancer.

bitchincamaro June 2, 2008 at 3:07 pm

Just below the fold-”Cars Wouldn’t Stop To Help”…what? Lawyers had not been invented then?

tunamelt June 2, 2008 at 3:10 pm

[re=3007]jagorev[/re]: I feel as if a part of my identity has been stolen.

masterdebate June 2, 2008 at 3:16 pm

It could be that we have upset the followers of Hillay odham Clinton.

El Bombastico June 2, 2008 at 3:16 pm

Also, who knew Scranton, PA had such sway over foreign policy back then? I wonder if Wilkes-Barre had any impact?

Sussemilch June 2, 2008 at 3:17 pm

Hell, W’s entire cabinet wishes they had the bit of brains Ted lost today.

No, really. They’re zombies.

SayItWithWookies June 2, 2008 at 3:17 pm

When they removed the cancerous part of his brain, did it start talking like Scott McClellan?

queeraselvis v 2. June 2, 2008 at 3:22 pm

[re=2998]shortsshortsshorts[/re]: I wonder if it’s those morans from Create a Patriot/Poop on a Traitor (or whatever the hell that site was called).

problemwithcaring June 2, 2008 at 3:24 pm

He isn’t crazy. It’s just that a non-elitist poor person like you, perhaps, wouldn’t pick up on the subtle irony of a man that filthy-rich muttering “I feel like a million bucks.”

shortsshortsshorts June 2, 2008 at 3:26 pm

[re=3043]queeraselvis v 2.[/re]: I would agree, but I don’t think they have the mental capacity to perform such function. Clicking “traitor” or “patriot” is probably hard enough for them.

Godless Liberal * June 2, 2008 at 3:35 pm

Now that the doctor loosened up the cancer for him, Ted will expel the tumor in this afternoon’s hearty bowel movement. Tomorrow morning, now cleared of the recent unpleasantness, he will become the party’s nominee with one simple phone call.

MoodProcessor June 2, 2008 at 3:39 pm

[re=3047]problemwithcaring[/re]: I feel like liver and onions!

iwillsavethispatient June 2, 2008 at 4:32 pm

Re: being awake during brain surgery – you don’t actually have any pain receptors inside your brain, so it doesn’t hurt for someone to monkey around with it whilst you’re awake.
PS. I am not a doctor.

cantabrigia June 2, 2008 at 4:34 pm

Sincerest thoughts and prayers are with my senior senator today.

But, Jeebus. He went down to Duke? Yet another Mass. life sciences job exported to the Carolinas. I’m so moving before Boston turns into Buffalo with better sports teams.

bitchincamaro June 2, 2008 at 4:59 pm

[re=3191]iwillsavethispatient[/re]:

You learned about brain surgery the same place we all learned about it:

http://bbb.blogs.sapo.pt/arquivo/hannibal_lecter%20copy.jpg

1ofUS June 2, 2008 at 5:41 pm

Hey if it felt good the first time…do it again!

Tra June 2, 2008 at 6:13 pm

[re=3028]tunamelt[/re]: You don’t seem to be using your lt, can I have it?

Tra June 2, 2008 at 6:17 pm

[re=3011]El Bombastico[/re]: HEY! WHERE’D THE REST OF MY NAME GO, DAMMI– oh, wait.

Ultraspanked June 3, 2008 at 2:05 am

[re=2971]ReelectTilde[/re]: Don’t feel bad, I was relegated to past tense.

trailerparkrepublican June 3, 2008 at 3:52 am

Useless Part of Kennedy brain was immediately transfered into Sen. McCain’s skull through zipper (scar) on left side of his face.
McCain can now reportedly reach top shelf of bar.

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