Wonkette
We were just enjoying this Politico story about how Matt Drudge hearts Barack Obama and this is Reason #2,098,388 why John McCain won’t be president. And then, just as we clicked for the next page, we had a brief glance at the world’s most insane, perfect blog comment in America’s long stupid history of blog comments. Really. Come see.
A young man gets shot down in enemy territory. He is taken prisoner of war for 5 long years. Some years later, a young man in the south side of Chicago smokes crack with his friend down a run down alley. His name is B. Hussein Obama. McCain served his country. He fought for to keep American free. What did Obama do with this freedom, he chose to smoke crack. My president will not be a crack addict.
Yes! “CharlesSD” for the win! This comment, of course, was the first of (so far) 333 comments about the famous news-link page Drudge Report not loving the Republicans enough.
It was posted at 4:50 a.m. this morning, exactly 10 minutes after the story appeared online. That is an uncharacteristically long gap between posting and commenting — it’s almost possible to skim over the four-page feature in 10 minutes — but this was also during what most people consider the “middle of the night.”
“CharlesSD” continues his obviously cut-and-pasted irrelevant comment with the following:
The real heat isn’t coming from the right, it’s coming from all those 17 million Hillary voters who are united against an Obama presidency. By and large, we are voting for McCain so deal with it. I speak for millions of her voters and we are going to take Hussein Obama down.
GO HILLARY !
This, of course, was “updated” by the commenter exactly one hour and eight minutes later. Jesus fucking christ.
Drudge Report Keeps Campaigns Guessing [Politico]
I think the comment posted six minutes after that was even better. I want “WE ARE FIGHT TERRORISM NOW, AND AMERICA HATERS!!!” on a bumper sticker.
4:50 am, eh? The must have been posting while the Hip Hop Abs infomerical was in the background.
Yet another sign that the apocalypse is upon us. Girl, girl, girl you’re gonna set us on fire.
I’m sick of this whole nomination thingy. Can we please talk about ass fucking again, just for a little while? Pretty please
Wow — proof that there is at least one person participating in Operation Chaos. See, Rush rules the world.
Needs ALL CAPS.
And some years later, in another urine smelling garbage strewn alley, a fellow named CharlesSD just gave his first blow job to an elderly man. CharlesSD (SD is for Suck Dick) does this because he believes in the capitalist system and that paying old men 20 bucks for a blow job is one of the fastest and easiest ways to show the value of the “trickle” down economy unlike that Barry HUSSIEN Obama who has not paid to blow people.
“He fought for to keep American free.”
People in my hometown talk like this. My stepmom totally talks like this! “I’m going to the store for to get milk.”
Once you do crack, you’ll man-crush on Barack.
Total Slaughter,
Total Slaughter.
I won’t leave a single man alive.
La de da de dai,
Genocide.
La de da de duh,
An ocean of blood.
Let’s begin the killing time.
Check out some of what ‘Prince Dude’ had to say:
FATHER FLAGGER SAYS FARAKAN IS A HERO AND HE WORKED ON CATHOLICS FOR OBAMA IN IOWA , FLAGGER HAS KNOWN OBAMA FOR MORE THAN 25 YEARS, HE IN A MENTOR TO OBAMA RIGHT KNOW BR4EAKING NEWS OBAMA IS FINISHED, OBAMA HAS NOT RENOUNCED FLAGGER, AND HAS NOT RENOUNCED HIS TRINITY UNITYED CHURCH NOR HAS HE RENOUNCED HIS OTHER PRECHER OTIS MOSS…
Oh, that Prince Dude.
In B. Hussein’s defense, a run down alley does provide the ideal ambiance for a crack binge.
Only a fucking crack addict posts at 4:50 am, everyone knows that-decent folk are passed out from copius amounts of alcohol, fer God’s sake…
As far as the inevitable wallops of pretension of dished out by Pro-Hillary nutjobs commenters on the internet, CharlseSD’s “I speak for millions” piece, I think, is pretty restrained.
Being from a place that hasn’t voted in a primary yet means he is well within his rights to claim God hates Obama too.
I have to say that as a life-long St. Louis Cardinals fan, that picture kills me everytime it goes up. Other than that…hello to all my ass-fucking, gin-drinking, lunesta-taking, pajama-wearing friends who miss the old Wonkette too.
…just when you think Hillary’s rabid supporters are the dumbest constituency in America, you have the conservative return to reclaim their rightful throne.
Commenter fails to realize that the political landscape has changed - torture is out, crack is in.
FACT: George W. Bush never crashed a plane.
FACT: John McCain did crash a plane.
….
ERGO: John McCain would be a worse president than George W. Bush
I want to give Douglas in Manama an award for this beauty:
“Additionally, Drudge has been focusing on the Dem race which is tighter than Dolly Parton’s decolletage!”
So many things wrong with that sentence.
“What did Obama do with this freedom, he chose to smoke crack. My president will not be a crack addict.”
This really is just perfect. I wonder if CharlesSD voted for Bush. If so, we know that his bias is against the rock, not the powder, as his president could be a powder addict. And how does he feel about alcohol, as we have an admitted alcoholic running things now?
tunamelt: He’s obviously Hawaiian, and speaking in local Pidgin.
Ho, brah, he wen go for to fight da Vietnamese, yeah? I goin’ vote for dat muddafuckah!
Sadly for him, all the Hawaiians are going for to vote for Barry.
It’s impossible to use that picture too often: the do-rag, the shades, the Cardinals t-shirt. Exquisite.
And in further hoped-for refinements to this site, can we please regain the capability to put two dashes together, thus making an m-dash?
If you’re really into ass-fucking, does that make you a crack addict?
I guess this means Barrack Obama did crack in Chicago while he was living in Hawaii a decade before crack existed.
weirdiowasculpture: As only elitists are into ass-fucking, I’d say it would make you a “crack enthusiast.”
“let keep america secure fellow deomocrats and republicans”
uuuuuhhhhhh. Who the fuck is this guy? This is why I ONLY blog here, because retards are knocked into space when they invoke ideas of idiocy coupled with EXCELLENT grammar.
And Ken- dammit! I just gave Daily Kos a page view. Shit.
@Son of Mark Penn: Al Gore invented the internet, and Obama, apparently, invented crack. Where’s his Nobel Prize?
V572625694: I agree, two hyphens do not an em dash make..
I think it is time to quit picking on the guy in the picture. He’s just complaining about the deplorable state of schools in Washington state, and Moran Prairie Elementary in particular.
@Serolf Divad: How about:
FACT: George W. Bush never smoked crack (as far as he remembers)
FACT: Bush dragged us into a bullshit 100-year war in Iraq
ERGO: we should only elect crackheads from now on.
(@Wonkette: “Reply to” doesn’t always seem to work.)
Smoke Filled Roommate: Worse than that, when I put in two hyphens, the software takes one them out–see?
OT — best AP news story of the day:
“Kentucky and Ohio Battle Over Boulder Pulled From River”
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jUPsYpmyUCt8KQbDuF1Gq0h7d4mgD911D2G00
This is good news for Hillary!
No doubt meth is the big thing in the Hillary crowd.
Perhaps crack should be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjzrNWPul9E nominated as a Traitor?
Damn I wish the preview function were available - I can haz html?
Crack is the new black!
StrangelyBrown:
Yaaay, Tatum O’Neil for Preznit!
natoslug: or, he is criticizing Jim and Brian Moran, though that does seem a lot of hate for one family.
http://moran.house.gov/
http://www.brianmoran.com/
V572625694: I like to think the rag hides a glorious mullet. And I love the ’stache.
AxmxZ: That would mean Obama was a member of the CIA. That ought to firm up his foreign policy credentials.
Can we please have a conspiracy theory about McCain not REALLY being in prison for 5 years? Can he just have been hiding in the hanger where they faked the moon landings, sipping Mai Tais with Jane Fonda, and fingerpainting his signiature on declarations condeming the US? It only seems fair since they get to make up stuff about hopey sucking dick and smoking crack…
We need to partition this country, tilt it southeast and let all the retards roll to their new homeland (bonus points if we can roll them all into Florida).
@Serolf Divad: Obama-O’Neil-08 has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
(Also, it seems that the quotes around your name make you immune from reply. All part of the plan?)
lumpenprole: I can’t wait until she shoots it for a photo op. I hear it’s huge in Montana.
Why does John McCain hate America?
Do they even make crack anymore? I mean, it’s like so 80s . . .
This is exactly why Ronald Reagan invented crack. Joan Quigley predicted Barack’s nomination, told Nancy, and here we are.
If the President would stay on meth all the time, forever, we would always be assured that the phone WILL BE answered at 3 a.m.
Hm. George Bush might’ve flown planes without crashing them, but he didn’t kill anybody. He patiently waited to be president for that. WALNUTS! has already proved his powers of destruction rival W’s. He just needs more power to bring them into fruition.
You have only to briefly peruse the commentary abutting most Googleable news articles to see that this level of idiocy is fairly commonplace. That said, +3 for calling BHO a crackhead.
My president will not be a crack addict. My president will require an entire pharmacy’s worth of drugs just to keep the blood flowing through his ancient, ancient veins.
People! You are wasting your time with these foolish politician, presidents and world leaders. Don’t you know the real enemy is TPC (THE TELEPHONE COMPANY)!
Dr. Sidney Schaefer
StrangelyBrown:
That’s Odd. I think the quotes automatically surround user ids with a space in them. If that screws up the reply function I may have to change my usid.
You might ask yourselves why YOU aren’t up before 5:00 am trying to save America, by getting this race down to Hillary Clinton vs John McCain. I mean you would ask yourself that, I suppose, if you were a republican, and weren’t wasting your time on the little stuff…like a job.
shortsshortsshorts: So in order to win, the future president must appeal to the “awake and at the liquor store at 4 am portion of the electorate.”
Serolf Divad: You’re cool now. Wonkette is a fickle bitch goddess.
Serolf Divad: Your user id shows up both with and without quotes. WordPress, why do you mess with us so?
That’s no zit- it’s a nascent devil horn.
shortsshortsshorts: “Madame President, there’s just been a terrorist-”
“Is this Bobby Ray with the tweak? *teeth grinding*”
“Madame President?”
“Fuck you! *Click*”
@queeraselvis: He is the favorite.
The thing that upsets me the most about Obamas’ primary victory is that we are denied the epic comment battle between McThuselah’s contingent of Internet Tough Guy Trolls and Hillary’s contingent of Crazy Cat Lady trolls.
Also, in the fine tradition of half-literate, all-caps blog commenters, I would like to say:
“OBAMA FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
HILLARY HAS SET US UP THE BOMB!
ALL YOUR MCCAIN ARE BELONG TO US!”
ronaldpagan: Or the casual 12p.m. phone call:
“Mr. President, please stop smoking your flag lapel.”
BigLar: You and me both - although given that do-rag man is exactly like every idiot cousin of mine back in St. Louis, it explains a lot about why I never go back to visit.
@Patty Dumpling: Oh, fuck this thing. That was meant for McClellan.
I like to believe that quotes surround my name when Wonkette becomes incredulous about my identity.
But, really, Mark Penn is my dad!
bitchincamaro: This image rewards deep study: didn’t even notice at first but I think the moran honors his national by wearing its flag on his head to soak up the sweat from his brow as he tries to remember how to spell two-syllable words.
Rodney Badger: Yes, it’s sad. But really, those crazy lady trolls scare me.
This was just going to be a test to see if my Wonkette thing still works. But now that I’ve read the damn thing … What? What the fuck? Isn’t freedom to smoke crack what America is all about? Isn’t it? Have the terrorists taken even THAT away from us? (Oh. by the way, is there a thread somewhere in which folks are weighing in on how much they like (or not) this new set-up? Cause, me not sure me like.)
greatgooglymoogly: I know what you mean, but let’s give them a little more time to work the site out. They are probably still transitioning.
Serolf Divad: I find the quotes insulting.
StrangelyBrown:
Fact: George W. Bush does cocain, becomes President.
Fact: Cyndi McCain had a prescription drug problem.
Therefore, Cyndi McCain should be president. (Or, at least, a talkshow host. cf Rush Limbaugh)
By the by, I thought all of the Trinity Tiddlers were dead.
greatgooglymoogly: DAMN RIGHT. Your love of freedom would make our founding fathers cry.
arack Hussein Obama: You appear to be missing a letter, Arry.
First Europe hearts Barry (well…hearts him more than WALNUTS).
Now some Euro-schmuck (the only people awake, online and riding the comment boards at 4:30 EDT) sends out a “GO HILLARY” comment.
Do they love or Barry, or is it just that Italians can’t stand anyone with darker skin than their version of Mediterranean melanin.
St. Louis Cardinals t-shirt
Knockoff Oakley-style sunglasses purchased at local truck stop
Beer gut
Tragic facial hair
A tenuous grasp on spelling & grammar
Combine the above ingredients and you can embody everything that bugs me about the American people.
obfuscato: how about white guy with greasy, long hair in American flag do rag? That has to rank on your list. And is the objection to the Cards or just to any baseball t-shirt?
He wants Clinton because she answers phone calls at 3am, and that is when this guy likes to post comments and make phone calls.
I find it humorous that in this guy’s story B. Hussein Obama is smoking crack with a friend. It just makes the whole scene more conspiratorial and vibrant. CharlesSD- one of the great fiction writers of our time.
Doglessliberal:
Yeah, I suppose pointing out the Cardinals t-shirt was just partisan baseball fandom on my part.
Everything else is unacceptable by any fair standards of civilized society, though.
articulate mora: Well, you know all of us black guys have friends we smoke crack with. It’s such a social drug, ask Whitney and Bobby.
Wonkettron 3000, why are you chopping off the last letter of my screen name?
RaptorAvatar: Well, you could always bring up the USS Forrestal fire.
But then, given his track record on crashing planes, I would not be surprised if he did have something to do with it.
Oh good, now that I can comment my name is missing the last letter. It should read “articulate moran” This Wonkette move has been as smooth as Iraq’s transition to a constitutional democracy.
ForeignSickSpecialis: You’re black?! Can you score me some weed?
Doglessliberal:
Yes, I also concur on the do rag and mullet. He could play the starring role in my one act play “The guy in the Super Wal-Mart parking lot who called me a ‘faggot’”.
jagorev: Weed, E, Viagra, Corn Liquor, Peach Brandy… we don’t, however, serve crystal meth, powder coke, heroin, or martinis…
arack Hussein Obama: Think of them as 2×2-fingered hugs.
Lionel Hutz Esq.: Rumors of my demise at Gallipoli were greatly exaggerated, although, sadly, Bumfluff and Drippy didn’t make it. Poor, poor Bumfluff.
Maybe I need to preface it; although “NO U” is the quintessential forum post for all things passionate and illiterate, apparently it is too concise to ward off the censors. All online discussions evolve into either “Hitler” or “NO U” or “although I had some reservations, I can concede that point, perhaps you are right” - the last one being theoretical.
obfuscato: OK, phew, as I have been know to wear baseball paraphenalia, and it would break my heart to be considered a moran by this group. Well, at least for that reason.
obfuscato: a short and sharp story arc in that play, I imagine?
Someone should smoke this guy’s crack by kicking his ass!
“My president will not be a crack addict.”
Well, given that the current “President” [awarded, not earned] cannot even remember whether he ever did cocaine, I suspect you already have one, CSD. After all, what are you “on” now when you can’t remember the things you were “on” before? I don’t know which is more unbelievable: Bush’s memory hole or this CSD toad’s indignant hyperbole.
“I speak for millions of Hillary voters…”
OK, this I have no problem believing.
articulate mora:
OK, that’s pretty funny, as I was just wondering what a Mora was.
His spelling and his capitalization are non-standard. Therefore, he is not a native American English speaker, therefore he is an immigrant, therefore he hates America and wants an addle-brained ignoramus to be President, to bring our country to ruin!
Canuckledragger:
“OK, this I have no problem believing.”
Heh. Awesome.
i wonder if morans knows he’s world famous for wonkette.
maybe we should get general farr back to locate him.
Canuckledragger: hey! our famousest wonkette canadian!
so canadian question: is that biker chick GF of your resigned foreign minister as biker chick looking as she appears in the ONE picture i can find of her?
http://www.ledevoir.com/2008/05/26/images/jul_pc_260508.jpg
she totally looks like wonkette material.
@Serolf Divad: But George W. Bush’s father crashed a plane. So by your logic would George W. Bush’s father be a better or worse president than John McCain would be if John McCain were president? And while you’re at it, if Paris were the same size as San Francisco, would Paris be larger than it is, or would San Francisco be smaller than it is? Signed, Confused-By-Elite-Logic-and-Crazy-Old-Geezers.
Aurelio:
Shelly Long!
StrangelyBrown: He’s a very brave man, Strangely Brown, and, of course, that Lieutenant of his, George - Cambridge man, you know. His uncle Bertie and I used to break wind for our college.
ladymacbeth: The minister’s also decent looking too. So the first reasonably attractive political couple here in decades, a conservative couple at that, is thrust out in shame over ‘ethics’? Fucking shameful.