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REPUBLICANS

Scott McClellan Was Not Born A Fat, Bald Weasel

A human once?Hey look, it’s photographic evidence via former Gawker editor Joshua Stein that Scott McClellan used to have hair back in high school. Little did this proudly tuxedoed dandy know that in a mere 17 years he would be a waddling homunculus vomiting out his daily dose of nonsense in defense of a pack of venal liars whom he would later tattle on, for money. None of this changes the fact that he has a zit on his forehead in his senior photo, like millions of Ordinary Americans. [My Memoirs]


11:58 AM on Mon June 2 2008
By Sara K. Smith
158 Views

  1. ManchuCandidate says at 12:04 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Fat or thin, still looks like a douchesack.

  2. Maj. Major Major Major says at 12:06 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Ha Ha! Lookit the big zip on the douchebag’s forehead…

  3. MoodProcessor says at 12:06 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    “And then, she stepped on the ball.”

  4. tunamelt says at 12:10 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    I love the Joe College hairdo.

  5. floraway says at 12:10 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Edwards still looks like that!

    This is why Edwards can never win. His hair reminds all of the middle-aged men of their own hair-having days. They get jealous. They vote for the black guy with short hair, or the middle-aged woman that wears pantsuits because the media makes fun of her stumpy legs.

  6. Lascauxcaveman says at 12:11 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Well, didn’t Senator Palpitine get some sort of horrible skin condition as he slid deeper into the dark side?

    I think Scott should watch out for that.

  7. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 12:11 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Holy fuck. He went to Austin High? As those of us who went to McCallum know, this just proves conclusively that Scott’s well versed at getting it up the shitter.

  8. Godless Liberal * says at 12:11 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Nice dickie.

  9. Doglessliberal says at 12:13 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Niiiiice tuxedo shirt with the black and white ruffle, and on my computer, it appears the lapel of the jacket is maroon velvet. That is almost too much to stand. The sexiness just radiates off the picture.

  10. Darehead says at 12:13 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    The guy needed a pop in the forehead. So badly.

  11. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:19 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    That is one helluvazit. I wonder if Georgey had a nickname for it?

  12. Thechansen says at 12:20 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    He should have known he would end up looking like a typical sweaty fat baptist preacher. For years, the Hitler Youth (Young Republicans) always envoked the image of the ideal American youth. As they age, they become the embodiment of foreigners view of Americans.

  13. sleepy says at 12:25 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    wait, are we to believe that he was actually still in high school as late as 1991?
    ergo, are we also to believe that bow-ties were really that big in 1991?
    or, did he instead actually graduate from clown college in 1991?
    and if so, shouldn’t that zit’ve been on his nose?

  14. Electric Zen says at 12:26 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Snitches get stitches, McClellan. Remember that.

  15. bitchincamaro says at 12:27 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    If you patriot commentors didn’t hate America so much, you’d have photoshopped that carbunkle for this poor fuck already.

  16. Stone Soup says at 12:30 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Here’s the Scott McClellan quick bio:

    Fat little douchebag son of a privileged Austin political family — as a huge favor, Bush lets him tag along to Washington DC, where he eventually gets in line as the successor mouthpiece. An errand boy in a nice suit. Absolutely no policy input whatsoever.

    He’s scared shitless that history has fucked up his future career as a professional douchebag, and found a way to make money and try to dig himself out of the foxhole. So while I would concur that the Bush administration is totally and complete incompetent, dishonest, and manipulative, I would concur with them that this guy is nothing more than a disloyal and dishonest artifice of a man.

  17. loudmouthredhead says at 12:31 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Little did boyish Scottie know that his zit would soon consume the rest of his head, and as it bored into his brain, it whispered dark secrets to him…secrets leading him to a dark life of “unintentional” lying for evil men.

    Apparently, he drained a bit of his head-beast, giving him enough clarity to write his tell-all, which will pay to deflate the rest of it…

  18. V572625694 says at 12:32 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    bitchincamaro: If Wonkette didn’t hate America so much, we could post pictures in teh comments.

  19. Anita Cocktail says at 12:34 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    I’m fascinated by the artful golden strands at the front of his cowlick — could it be . . . Just For Men- Sunny Hilites formula?

  20. shortsshortsshorts says at 12:36 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    I’m nominating that humongous, oversized and horrendous zit as a patriot, dammit.

  21. Sara K. Smith says at 12:45 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    @Sleepy: Just to clarify, he graduated from high school in 1986, and started shilling for Bush in 2003.

  22. AngryBlakGuy says at 12:50 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    …you gotta be kidding!? That zit looks like Mt. Vesuvius; for a second I thought my laptop screen went 3D!

  23. bitchincamaro says at 12:53 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Wonkette has replaced stars with whore diamonds; now whore diamonds will be replaced by McBoils. eeegad.

  24. Not_So_Much says at 1:05 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Looks like he was already doing a strategic comb-over from somewhere behind his left ear…

  25. weirdiowasculpture says at 1:09 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    That zit’s bigger than Teddy’s tumor.

    Oh, sorry. That was really tasteless.

  26. wonk_the_heck says at 1:15 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm59/wonk_the_heck/mcclellanhs.jpg

    later in 1991 this shot of his emerging ripened head bud

  27. freakishlystrong says at 1:15 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    shortsshortsshorts: “Zit Blossom”, or “Helluva job Zittie”…

  28. Tawmn says at 1:23 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Clearly he is a Christian-hating Muslim… Look at the bow tie.

  29. He graduated in 1986? Everything about those photos says 1976 to me. Ruffles, velvet, Cooper type on the shirts. Is Texas just ten years behind or what?

  30. shortsshortsshorts says at 1:39 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    @jimh:

    Texas is 10 years behind. Yes. Spot on. Fin.

  31. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 1:39 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    jimh: Look closer. The tennis team is all wearing Tretorns. Textbook 80s footwear.

  32. But dig the piping on the jacket lapel! Groovy!
    And I thought Tretorns were just gay footwear since time immemorial.

  33. masterdebater says at 1:55 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Photo evidence that if you’re a tool, you are probably born a tool. Oh, and that tux? It was NEVER in style Scott…damn!

  34. ronaldpagan says at 2:00 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Do I have to be the first to say…

    I’d hit it.

    In a young Republican hatefucking kind of way. Where is AnnieGetYourFun when I need her?

  35. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 2:00 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    jimh: And I thought Tretorns were just gay footwear since time immemorial.

    Heh. I bet the balls McClellan’s teammates were bouncing weren’t necessarily the tennis kind. ;-)

  36. Advocatus_Diaboli says at 2:05 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    I remember going to a wedding in 1977 and the tuxedos (although powder blue) were more tasteful than Scottie’s rental.

  37. Gopherit v2.0 says at 2:07 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    He musta been a real looker in his OPs, hawaiian shirt and oakley’s.

    I can’t wait for my 20th reunion next year. I expect to see a lot of McClellans there.

  38. Patty Dumpling says at 2:17 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    That’s not a zit- it’s a nascent devil horn.

  39. Frat boy gone wrong? Perhaps he just chose the wrong frat. You hang with a bunch of guys, then they staple your shirt to your back and make you tell lies to a hostile/somnolent/ass-kissing press corps. Happens.

  40. AngryBlakGuy says at 3:08 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    ronaldpagan: …gawwwd, you have lost so much of my respect with that one comment!

  41. Harvey Birdma says at 3:19 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    @ronaldpagan: would totes hit it. After that thing popped, of course.

  42. MoodProcesso says at 3:27 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    10 bucks to anyone who can find a picture of him in Jams.

  43. MoodProcesso says at 3:30 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Harvey Birdma: hit it till it pops

  44. problemwithcaring says at 3:34 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    The lack of judgment evident in showing up to “photoday” with that shit growing out of your dome…I mean, that zit was just a Pulsing Liquid-Puss Capsule Talisman of things to come…

  45. Eclectablog says at 3:39 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    I was gonna say that looks like a picture of Scotty McClellan with a gigantic Ken Doll attached to him until you pointed out that the Ken Doll IS Scotty McClellan. Hard to tell one zit from the next, I guess…

  46. Jobbotch says at 4:24 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    That outfit is very Barry & Levon.

  47. queeraselvis v 2.0 says at 5:03 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    MoodProcesso: And don’t forget the black-and-white checkerboard Vans. Though I’d wager that Scotty had a “Frankie Says Relax!” t-shirt back in the day.

  48. newhampsha says at 5:26 pm, June 2nd, 2008

    Folks who peak in their high school years are so sad.

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