Wonkette
Hillary Clinton is whoopin’ presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama’s ass in Puerto Rico, in almost every demographic. Congrats, Hillz, because this will be the last win you ever see in presidential politics. [CNN]
HILLARY CLINTON
That picture is BEGGING to be photoshopped.
Game over, Obama!
Yay new liveblog! Boo another win for la puta con los cojones!
Ha! Low turnout in PR is going to make Clinton’s “popular vote” argument even more nebulous.
How will Hillarymath combat this unfortunate reality? Will each PR vote count twice? Will all black votes be returned to 3/5 status? Will cats be involved somehow? The mind boggles.
I like Puerto Rico, and its people. In fact it is one of my favorite places to visit. I’ve never really understood them not wanting either statehood, or independence, but this is just so crazy. Is someone making this result up? Maybe they don’t know it’s over? I mean, what else would explain it?
I like to be in America
Freedom ain’t free in America
We <3 Hagee in America
They killed Kennedy in America
Anybody else see Ickes on “Meet the Press” this AM? What a charming combination of bitterness and arrogance? Yuck. Or ick. Was he always like this?
I was on assignment up in the moumtains of Puerto Rico for a coupla months back in the late ’90’s. I tell yopu those people on that island got a lot of heart…apparently not much brains…but a heckuva lotta heart.
I was really hoping you guys were purposefully not posting anything about Puerto Rico because you were ignoring Hillary now.
@Q: Mountains. You. Damn!
Michelle Bernard, you delicious minx you. You keep predicting that Hilz will take a gracious tone, and you keep being disappointed. Aren’t you ready to join us on the dark cynical side yet?
Hillary should declare herself the nominee and pick Ricky Martin as her VP. They can start selling tickets for their Las Vegas rallies at Caesars Palace. Celine will stop by on special occasions and sing a duet with Hillz and then Simon will critique their performance with a simple “That was dreadful” comment.
¡Viva la presidente de Puerto Rico! Espero que ella sera la presidente de esa isla siempre y nunca volvera a EEU no mas!
Actually, Jim, Hillary Clinton is going to win the Democratic nomination.
Then she is going on to win the Presidency.
Don’t you read Redbook?
I didn’t realize Puerto Rico had so many hardworking white Americans.
@Godless Liberal: Why would we want to ignore such a fabulous train wreck? I’m looking forward to Hilz crying and rusting her jaw shut.
Naw, not really. Maybe we just like torturing ourselves?
@Cicada: She is one naughty little minx. What is it with foxy black women named Michelle? I’m going to marry me the blackest man I can find, bear his child, and then name her Michelle. There’s no way she can fail in life.
Anything goes in America
Wonkette is slow in America
Christians fuck hos in America
Puerto Rico’s in America
¡Aurelio! Muchas gracias for allowing me to copy and paste the upside-down exclamation point, which adds some spice to any liveblog.
Y yo tambien espero. Bill would love the pretty ladies, Chelsea would get along with the nuns, and Hillary would enjoy living in an alternate reality where people could stand her.
This must be the first time in a very long while that anyone has cared about anything that happened in Puerto Rico.
You really have to appreciate this election for its ability to force you to care about things no sane human being has ever cared about, like rules and bylaws committees and political opinion in quasi-independent U.S. territories.
@Cicada: Because like many STDs, the best way to get rid of her to to ignore her. It is entirely possible that, without attention being heaped on her every single day by a still-adoring media, she would *POOF* out of existence.
THIS JUST IN: Hillary called my state’s governor, undeclared superdelegate Phil Bredesen, and asked him to “keep an open mind until the convention”. Oh no she din’t!!
Pat Buchanan is totally eyeing Norah’s milk jugs.
@ AudicityOfHope: Please keep an open mind about voting against the mulatto.
@ AudicityofHope:
Done.
http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd190/shanb21/Hillz_PRcopy.jpg
DONNA BRAZILE SUPER-UPDATE: Donna Brazile, SuperD and DNC member, noted to George Stephanapoulos that the Obama campaign could have won on a 50-50 split for the Michigan delegation at yesterday’s RBC meeting. Instead rather, “the Clinton campaign never took the olive branch.” Then, before she could continue, he rudely, abruptly cut her off and changed the subject.
This is just another of the many examples of Barry’s class and character being exhibited here. He tried to throw her a bone and not totally screw her at the RBC yesterday, and they’re throwing it in his face.
I don’t know about all of you, but I’ll sleep better and probably have much lower blood pressure when all of this ends on tuesday.
LINK! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/01/dncs-brazile-says-clinton_n_104553.html
Er, Sorry for the double post. It seemed like people moved over here from the RBC thread.
@itgetter: Great job. Damn, I wish we could embed photos!
Russert is slaying Clinton’s campaign on MSNBC right now. Fantastic.
@publius: I can’t help but think of “Red Blood Count” every time I see the abbreviation for the Rules and Bylaws Committee. Actually, I think that’s the kind of count Hillary would approve of.
Cue the gloating.
@ronald pagan: You’re on a roll! Laurents & Bernstein have nothing on you. Don’t stop!
@AudacityofHope: I’m pretty sure you’re right on the money there. Hillz wants to count all of the individual Red Blood Cells she’s spilled over the course of this Primary Clusterfuck. Any more and we’ll have to move Barry’s campaign over to triage! Maybe he can get a bed next to WALNUTS! and they can share stories about Cruel and Unusual Punishment: WALNUTS! in POW camp, and Barry debating Hillz l47 times!
@publius: I think Barry actually tried to throw her a bone, not just because he is a nice classy guy (which he certainly is), but because Clinton has actually convinced tons of people that not counting Michigan and Florida at all would be some huge miscarriage of justice and democracy.
(PS: Can Florida secede please? I am sick of them ruining every election.)
Two side notes:
Everyone, it’s AUDICITY Of Hope. Like John McCain said in the ABC debate.
I also hate these tiny icons because they are making Knut look ugly, and nothing is further from the truth.
I can’t wait for Obama to turn Puerto Rico loose upon election. You just shot yourselves in the foot, Boriquas!
I think Hillary is past being fashionably late to her victory rally. I’d really love to whack a pinata of Hillary’s face right now.
Also Rachel Maddow just did a hostile impression of Pat Buchanan and it was kinda funny but more just awkward & uncomfortable-silence-inducing.
@itgetter: Hillary-ous! I expected some of the fingers to be removed though!
Hillary’s clap: ONE (two) THREE (four)
Limp-wristed pansy Puerto Ricans for Hillary!
Fuck those latinos. They just booed Obama.
@GenghisConvict: Careful, you’ll get half of New York on your ass!
I, on the other hand, am safely in LALA land by Mexico, so I’m not overly concerned about them.
The crowd behind Hillary looks like your standard crowd at a Cher Concert.
@AudacityofHope: When Obama politely mentions Hillary in his speeches, his supporters politely clap. When Hillary politely mentions Obama, her supporters boo. What does that tell you about their respective campaigns and how they’ve chosen to energize their supporters?
Also, I love how the Hilltards can’t decide which Obama-rip-off slogan they’re supposed to be chanting, “yes she can” or “yes she will.”
HillaryClinton.com plugs: 1 (and counting)
Look at those dumb-asses with stickers on their foreheads.
Welp, she just took credit for “winning” Michigan. I wonder what the weather is like in her dimension.
she’s going to make Puerto Rico a state!
unbelievable. she’s smiling and swallowing like she just blew a three-inch line.
Thinking back, I have only really known five or six Puerto Ricans in my life. I disliked them all and wished they would be hit by buses. So far, I can add 175,715 more to that list. Overall, I remain unimpressed with Puerto Rico as a whole.
“It’s not about Senator Obama, or me. It’s about you.” Humm…that sounds familiar. Only, I think she meant to say, “IT’S ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”
I really don’t think I want Puerto Rico becoming a state. It’ll fuck up our flag.
…you are now entering the Twilight Zone…
i’ll give this: she’s built a coalition of hispanics and the hard working whites who disdain them. way to be.
I know one Puerto Rican and she voted for Obama. Si se puede!
@UnreliableNarrator: I’m guessing the winds are rather cold in the deep dark recesses where her soul used to be.
“I’ll pander to you
I’ll pander to you
I’ll eventually desert you”
That little girl in the pink skirt has an abnormally long (and fat) torso.
Patty Pukeanan: “It was a gracious speech.”
yes yes yes this is all very well and good but WHAT ABOUT THE KING KONG RIDE AT UNIVERSAL???
priorities people!
@ Darehead:
Ah! So right. Here ya go:
http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd190/shanb21/Hillz_PR2.jpg
@ladymacbeth: I’m actually quite broken up about Hill Valley’s clocktower going up in flames
nora o’donnell’s cackle is not enough to dissuade me from wanting to secks her.
@ itgetter:
Well done!
@AudicityofHope: Re being “gracious,” while it definitely was not gracious in human terms, for a Hillary speech it was notably, significantly low on attacks. As far as I could tell her only full-on attack on Obama was a vague reference to her health care plan taking everybody. The pundits seem to think she’s bracing for a long-term battle, and I think that’s true, but I also think she’s de-emphasizing her anti-Obama attacks in anticipation of her inevitable loss.
Of course, her surrogates are going to continue calling him an elitist terrorist secret Muslim for the rest of June and probably forever.
@ Unreliable Narrator: Hillary gets booed all the time during Obama speeches. But Obama cuts off the booers, whereas Hillary is probably more like, “I know, right?”
I missed the speech. Did she resign yet?
This entire election was/is Bitter-Gate.
@obfuscator: Chris Matthews’ cackle is not enough to persuade me to secks him.
@ronaldpagan: My bad. I probably don’t notice because I’m too hypnotized by His Hopiness.
@obfuscator:
NOTHING could dissuade me.
¡Viva la presidenta de Puerto Rico! Espero que ella sea la presidenta de esa isla siempre y jamas se vuelva a EEUU!
Redactada.
Con expresiones no definitivas y/o que expresan un sentimiento de esperanza, siempre se use el subjuntivo.
& yes, the alternate for ‘never’ in Spanish is pronounced the same as Barack Obama’s friends in the Palestinian Territories: Hamas!
@ronaldpagan: She’s still in it to win it, although, at this point, I’m not sure what “it” is. Why won’t she just say “let them eat cake” so that we can then say “Off with her head!”? I’m afraid that’s the only way to resolve this situation. However, there’s the possibility that it will grow back.
PS whoever at MSNBC decided to put “Livin La Vida Loca” underneath the Hillrod speech replay is my personal fucking hero.
Sorry for posting so much.
@itgetter: Gracias!!! Te quiero!!!!
@ AudicityofHope
It probably would go back, a thousand times stronger and more fearsome than before. McCain should really make her his chief strategist.
I don’t mean to veer off-topic, but I’m watching Neil Moritz’s slasher classic Urban Legend right now. Anyway, in the first scene, where the girl is stopped at the gas station and is about to get killed by the scary freakshow? The gas is $1.14 a gallon.
Can Hillary Clinton bring us back to the days of $1.14 per gallon gasoline? And horrible slasher movies with Joshua Jackson and Alicia Witt? Because if she can’t, she ain’t gettin’ my vote.
Get ready for the defeat-is-really-victory reframing (the anger of a Hillbot scorned). The Hilbottenvolken will do a maniacal ritual dance of “we won, we won, we won.” Barry will be found patiently, yet grudgingly smoking a cig, coolly waiting till the Reign Dance ends.
@ Unreliable Narrator: That sounds funny. Is there a link somewhere? But let’s be honest; it was probably Pat Buchanan’s idea.
When will this long national nightmare be OVER???!!!!
“I will have the lead in the popular vote, he will have a slight lead in the delegates.”
Thanks Hillary. If you wanna call his 5% lead in delegates “slight”, you might wanna call your .7% majority in the popular vote (while excluding the dozen caucus states) “slighter”.
@AudicityofHope: Two would grow back.
@AudicityofHope:
i walked across the old state capitol plaza with chris matthews in springfield when barry announced. i know he had just been on tv, but dude had approximately 4 shit-tons of pancake makeup on.
Barack should ask his donor base for a buck each, buy Puerto Rico, and install Clinton there as Queen.
@ “Godless Liberal *”: And the second would be called “Bill.”
Maybe we can just let Hillary be El Presidente of Puerto Rico. She would make a good dictator, and Bill would find plenty on the beaches to keep him occupied (I’m sort of picturing him looking and acting like Fredo in Cuba in Godfather II).
Hey, Hills, there’s more votes to be had in Costa Rica, Argentina, Uruguay.
I’m sure they prefer you over Barry in those countries as well.
@loquaciousmusic: Haven’t we been living in that horror movie for the past year? Is not Hillary’s bug-eyed face what is cloaked beneath the darkness of that fur-trimmed hood?
I’m not surprised. “Obama” is Spanish for “heathen buttmunch”.
@AxmxZ:
where she could reign until she and bill are forced out. then she’d become the imelda marcos of pantsuits. a walk-in closet the size of a super wal-mart, filled with pantsuits, pantsuits, glorious pantsuits.
@obfuscator: Are you Keith Olbermann? If so, will you marry me?
Quiero ser el primer para dar la bienvenida a nuestro nuevo overloard del chicana.
@AxmxZ: They’d have to teach her the language– what did she say to start her speech, “Yo quiero Puerto Rico” or something like that?
@AudicityofHope :
i’m actually nbc news political director charles “chuck” todd. i’m a little wonky for tv, but i am able to exude a friendly and easygoing vibe. sitting next to pat buchanan makes this job easier. also, some think my choice of facial hair is a little fussy, but it serves to hide my slight double chin.
Hillary’s pastor read this scripture in church this morning:
To everything there is a primary season, and a time for every piousness under the heaven:
A time to phone at 3 a.m., and a time to genderfy; a time to rant, and a time to fuck up that which is ranted;
A time to kill, and a time to steal; a time to break down, and a time to mess up;
A time to weep, and a time to cackle; a time to scorn, and a time to get wasted;
A time to cast crones under the bus, and a time to gather crones together;;
A time play the race horses, and a time to refrain from horse racing;
A time to show camel toe, and a time to re-pantsuit; a time to be cheap, and a time to face snipers;
A time to fake, and a time to lie; a time to play victim, and a time to misspeak;
A time to love the cheating heart hubbie and a time to pander to the masses;
A time to wage war, and a time to punch frogs, whatever the heck that means.
–Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Another elephant in the room: From M.Grunwald today. She warned of the sentiment voiced by some Hillary supporters at the outset of yesterday’s meeting: “If a female candidate, the first successful one in history, goes into the convention leading in the popular vote and it’s taken away from her, how do you think women are going to feel, heading into the November election?”
Answer: They are going to feel sad, because they will be believing a lie. Maybe think of buying more pantsuits?
@Darehead: I believe it was ‘A time to weep, and a time to cankle‘
@darehead: Brilliant.
@AudicityofHope: Right now, the killer’s trying to cut through the landau top of an ‘83 Olds Cutlass with an axe. If the Democratic nominating process were an ‘83 Olds Cutlass with a landau top, Hillary Clinton would be SO trying to cut through it with an axe. And then she would kill all the attractive young people in sight because young people don’t vote for her!
@DoctorCulturae: They will think, “C’mon girls! Let’s just skip this and go to T.J. Maxx!”
@obfuscator: Even better! I think ronaldpagan will back me up when I say that many of us lady Wonketteers have the hots for you, Chuck.
@DoctorCulturae: I imagine they’re mostly going to go “Oh, well, she sucked anyway. So how about that Hopes McGee?”
@Darehead: That was supposed to be ‘cankle’ not cank-lay
What the hell is up with quotes in this newfangled comment app? As in, two posts ago, my name didn’t have quotes but now it does?
@Darehead:
“The fat lady sings (burn, burn, burn)
There is a reason (burn, burn, burn)
And a time for every purpose, under Barry.”
@Publius:
Wow. Thanks for that bit of news. George S. is terrible. Donna Brazile should have her own show, although she’s probably too busy.
@loquaciousmusic: Damn straight, we don’t for her! We attractive ladies vote for the handsome black man.
@AudicityofHope:
Thanks. When I decided to become an authority on proportional representation, the elitist caucus system, delegate math, and the electoral college, I just KNEW that it would make the ladies swoon.
Is anyone else watching Harold Icke on the re-broadcast of Meet the Press? Jesus, what a baldheaded little weiner he is. He followed Scott McClellan.
In what universe do I find myself favoring Scott McClellan over anyone? Jeeesus.
@Darehead: Superb!
@DoctorCulturae: Answer: They’ll head straight to their local Costco or Sam’s Club and stock up on store brand bulk tissue and tubs (Jones) of vanilla ice cream.
@obfuscator: You can talk delegate math to me all night long.
@obfuscator: I tried watching that. I gave it my best. I paid too much for this TV to put my foot through it while Ickes was on. I made it about ten minutes and I could not fucking take it anymore. This whole campaign has shown me new depths to my loathing.
@AudicityofHope:
Possibly after that, a ‘fancy dinner’ at Chili’s or the Olive Garden.
“Yves Saint Laurent died today. He was known for his elegant pantsuits.” - Rick Sanchez
@Godless Liberal:
When Tim asked Icke about Hillary saying in November that Michigan “won’t count”, he completely dismissed the question. Unbelievable.
When Tim asked Icke if Hillary’s going to take it to Denver, Icke said that he hadn’t talked at any length with her about that possibility. What the fuck. Get the fuck out of my tv, you douche.
¡Puerto Rico ha tenido basta ya de Hussein!
@obfuscator: I’m partial to Applebee’s myself.
Sweet Jeebus, a “duplicate comment” detector? J’aime Wonkette 2.0.
fires at universal, pantsuits in peurto rico and now yves saint laurent dies??? what kind of day is this??
@obfuscator: My final straw was this exchange:
“If Barack Obama receives enough pledged and superdelegates on Tuesday to reach 2,118 and clinch the nomination, will Senator Clinton offer her congratulations then?”
“We’re going to win the nomination.”
“That wasn’t the question.”
“We’re going to win the nomination.”
So I changed channels and I am now learning how zambonis are made, because my brain exploded from angry when he said that.
@AudicityofHope:
“Come join me, Chuck Todd, NBC News political director. Sit on my couch. We’ll discuss David Plouffe’s brilliant strategy, and how he recognized early on that the primary campaign would be all about scooping up delegates from every corner of the map. I’ll make drinks.”
@ Darehead: Vanity, vanity, her campaign is vanity. Very nice.
@ Audicity: That’s what I’m here for, baby girl.
@ obfuscator: Hillary has to apologize when she invents snipers, but everyone can just ignore the fact that she and her entire campaign were totally cool with FL and MI not counting until she realized she couldn’t win the presidency otherwise. Very nice.
(PS: Bear-Bear looks better as a tiny icon than Knut does.)
@Godless Liberal
At one point, I swear Ickes actually used the phrase: “I don’t accept the premise of your question”.
I switched over to Guy Fieri on the Food Network. I learned how the most pulled pork sandwich in California is made.
I’ll go ahead and admit my true identity. I’m Donna Brazile, the superest superdelegate alive. Clinton hasn’t got a chance.
Well, she nailed that one. Went out for coffee, come back to see 98% of precincts counted, and voila: PR is the new WV. Holy shit.
Apparently the Navy didn’t bomb that place enough.
OMG do you all see the picture of Hillary on cnn.com? The one with both thumbs up? That is the exact face she makes when she is about to eat a baby. And then if you go here:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/06/01/puerto.rico/index.html
the first picture is some total “I’m ready for my close-up” steez. I think she really is drunk 100% of the time now. Poor lady.
@Godless Liberal*: I like when Russert shows a little Hardball..
uh, yuck. Forget I invoked such a visualization.
How are zambonis made? Is it on DiscoveryHockey?
@Darehead: Vanity, vanity, Hillary’s campaign is vanity.
@Audicity, r.e. Chuck Todd: That’s what I’m here for, baby girl.
@AudacityofHope: WOW. Just, just WOW. Mrs. Brazile, I’m such a huge fan. Oh, Gawd, I’m sorry I’m gushing. It’s just, oh WOW. Could I have an autograph?
@obfuscator:
Oh my, Chuck Todd the numbers God.. Call Me!
@ronaldpagan:
The most infuriating part of the whole thing is seeing the Army of Bitters going on and on about counting all the votes or America dies with no mention of the benefit to their candidate. I know it’s completely obvious, but I wish they’d acknowledge it. I guess they acknowledge it indirectly by saying that they’d vote for McCain over Barry, but come on.
If roles were switched here and Hillary was winning, would these cackling grannies still be up in arms about Florida & Michigan?
@ronaldpagan: My naked Bear-Bear icon doesn’t do the actual-sized* one justice.
(*open for interpretation)
We’ll see how long they’ll cozy up to the face of familiarity when it becomes their Master. They’ll have their fingers shredded slaving in the Clinton cane fields.
From the CNN article:
“Most people in Puerto Rico, I would venture to guess, they are not even aware that there’s a primary going on,” said Luis Pabón-Roca, a local political analyst.
Since we’re all telling the truth, as you may have guessed from my avatar, I am the undead zombie of Madalyn Murray O’Hair.
I want brains, and shows such as Touched By An Angel and any other show that mentions God removed from America’s airwaves. But mostly brains.
I love how Donna actually offered Hillary her super delegate vote in exchange for Hillary shutting the fuck up.
@Audicity of Donna Brazille:
Seriously, how bananas would it be if Chuck Todd and Donna Brazille were the new D.C. power couple?
James and Mary, get the eff out.
@obfuscator: Yesterday, while all of us were “having lunch” before we reconvened to announce our decision about MI and FL, I went outside to where that hideous Hillary-Mobile was and used the magnetic letters to spell “Army of Bitters” on the trunk.
@obfuscator: I like it…the Army of Bitters. More succinct than Hilbots, more accurate in describing the debilitating illness, more clearly notes the collective mania. Entitlement indeed.
@AudicityofHope:
I honestly think that “Army of Bitters” sounds much spiffier than “Hillblazers”.
@Godless Liberal:
<< The way this state fucked up the flag? Actually, the flag was fine until Hawaii got in and made it all wierd.
Um, remind me again why PR residents have a primary vote when they don’t have a general election vote.
@DangerousLiberal: If PR gets added, we need to vote another state out or merge two or something. Fifty is a good, solid number and we really ought to stay there.
I vote to merge the two Dakotas, mostly because I could never tell their capitals apart and this ruined my sterling record in Geography class in third grade.
@DoctorCulturae:
I also considered “Mom Jeans Militia”, but it didn’t have the zazz I was looking for.
@AudacityBrazile: I’m envisioning an Uncle Sam “I Want You for the Army of Bitters” poster, with the screaming Hillz face superimposed on it. If only I had photoshop skillz!
@obfuscator: I could get Teddy Kennedy to change his vote for Hillary if it would mean that she would go away.
BTW, I would just like to say that Wolf Blitzer is a hoot off (and occasionally on) air. Wolf has smoked a few doobies in the “Situation” room and I will be the first to tell ya that he did in fact inhale. His odd cadence isn’t just a result of old age.
fires at universal, old bitter pantsuits in peurto rico and now yves saint laurent dies??? what kind of day is this??
@ Godless Liberal: I can’t say it enough. Adios, Florida!
http://i293.photobucket.com/albums/mm59/wonk_the_heck/hillz.jpg
the above is WAY old news and way off topic but some of you may enjoy it anyway. i wish i could embed pics too. this got lost in the move. thanks for the photobucket idea, itgetter.
PS my icon makes my house look straight, which it definitely is not.
How ’bout Hillerectomies? Wait, that’s sexist. I can’t do that, I’m a girl with uterus intact.
@Godless Liberal*: I vote to merge the two Dakotas, mostly because I could never tell their capitals apart and this ruined my sterling record in Geography class in third grade.
I say give West Virginia back to Virginia. If they’ll take it.
@AudicityofHope:
Ironically, if Hillary would concede and go back to the senate, she could eventually become Ted Kennedy. A respected figure who is strong on issues like education, immigration, healthcare, etc. Ted recognized the fact that he’d never be president and instead chose to become a senate institution who is respected on both sides of the aisle.
Shit, I forgot the snark.
@johnbpt: Just think, ‘German Dakota’ (north) and ‘French Dakota’ (south).. That should help.
@obfuscator: I think that the time for snark has long passed with regard to Hillary and this race. At this point all we can do to really get our points across is to scream blunt but true phrases at her and hope she gets the picture.
@Smoke Filled Roommate:
You just don’t get it. You’ve been suckered by the sexist mainstream media. Your functional uterus has tricked you into voting for… an inadequate black male!!! GODDAMN DEMOCRATS! FUCK IT! WE’LL DO IT LIVE!
They need to have polls calculating each voter’s Bitter Index.
Like:
-Has Barack relentlessly used sexist tactics in his campaign?
-Have you ever clung to a gun?
-When Barack called that girl “sweetie”, did you want to cut his balls off?
-Will you vote for McCain if your preferred Democratic candidate doesn’t win?
-Is your name Geraldine Ferraro?
-Do those damn kids need to get off your lawn?
Then we can move them all to Florida and, in the immortal words of the Sopranos, finish America’s circumcision.
What did I miss? Did they find Hillary passed out on a beach in Puerto Rico with a bottle of rum (with a splash of Angostura Bitters,) her panties full of sand and missing a shoe?
I love inadequate Black Males. They fill me with mmmph inspiration and ooohope.
@Tits: That is, like, my #1 sexual fantasy.
@obfuscator: RE: “WE’LL DO IT LIVE!
I’ve been almost a little tempted to get that shirt at Bustedtees. It’s a pretty good one!
@ronaldpagan:
Also:
-What’s your problem?
-No, seriously, what’s your problem?
I’m trying to come up with a play on words involving Florida’s Jewish population and a bris for democracy. Help me.
@ronaldpagan: -Have you ever clung to a gun?
..or a woman named Hillary that’s not incidentally the name of your gun?
@Smoke Filled Roommate: If I had a penis I would name it Hillary, and then if a girl asked me to pull out before I got her pregnant, I’d be like, “Nope, I’m in it to win it.”
Bitters all thrive in America
Barry talks jive in America
Illegals can’t drive in America
We’ll do it live in America
(Sorry, that song is catchy)
@ronaldpagan:
“Sorry, I plan to take this all the way to the conception. In Denver. I’m not pulling out of this thing until one of us is the winner.”
@obfuscator: It would have to involve some sort of ‘canklecision’ or icky ‘lannylancing’.. Hmm, lannylancing sounds somehow historical like ‘carpetbagger’, but really gay.
Don’t you all love the way I say “John Edwarts”?
Enjoy the resumption of bombing of Vieques under President Barry, PR. You’ve earned it.
@ronaldpagan: Yup, she’s so vain, she probably thinks this campaign is about her.
@wonk_the_heck: Nicely chiseled photo there. I’m so vain I’d probably like to re-snark (since it was lost in the rapture): Never take Hillary for granite.
@ johnbpt: Agreed. The Dakotas were so vain, the reason they merged was to double the number of Republican senators.
@ronaldpagan@obfuscator: Now that’s the Wonkette spirit!
@AudicityofHope: Yeah, Barry spiffy! The pastor was going to do the Byrds version–turn, turn, turn– but Byrd endorsed Obama.
‘lannyleeching’?
‘ickesectomy’?
‘carvilleoscopy’?
@AudicityofHope:
I also enjoy the way you sometimes address people as ‘baby’.
ps- punch Begala in the weiner for me.
@darehead: RE: johnbpt: Don’t you mean that’s why they split up, to have more Repub Senators? If they merged they would only get 2. Hey, that’s not a bad idea…
Hill’s campaign is totally vanity
But it’s looking a lot like insanity
She’s in it to win it
But just wait a minute
And she’ll go the way of the manatee
The way of the manatee = close to extinct, but still popping up from time to time in the Florida area.
@ronaldpagan:
They are alive and well on the license plates down there.
Manatees, not Clintons.
peninsilectomy
@ronaldpagan: Or maybe she will elope with Mr. Hannity?
Hope you’ll MC and DJ the Hillary resignation party.
@obfuscator:
‘carvilleoscopy’ sounds painful due to hot Cajun garbage in there, however, you need to purge it to stay ‘healthy’ ..
Lannylancing I like and I’ll stick to..
Ickes.. it’s all in the name. His family name was probably Ichtenstein, however germs and OCD got in the way of his family name..
Oh, fuck. Now I sound anti-semitic. Nevermind.
@obfuscator: Baby, I’ve done that several times, but to no avail. I actually don’t think he has any bits down there. Speaking of the pronunciations of names, poor Michael Pfleger. As far as I know, it’s pronounced “Flay-ger”, but I have heard “Fay-gee”, “Flagger”, and “Fay-ger”. You think people would stop talking about him just to avoid saying the guy’s name.
(BTW, Hillary doesn’t know what testicular fortitude is. Robert Wexler is one well endowed man and her itty bitty numb-nuts pale in comparison.)
@ronaldpagan:
Hill’s campaign is totally vanity
But it’s looking a lot like insanity
She’s in it to win it
But just wait a minute
And she’ll end up hosting a show with Sean Hannity
OK, so this is yesterday’s off-topic news, but can we talk a little about how Barry quit Trinity? I think that’s stupid. He is probably so black separatist he can’t handle having a white dude speak there. Kidding. He’s just a pussy.
¿Qué el jode? Puerto Rico es ni un lugar. Es todo en sus imaginaciones. ¿Por qué coloca esto aún asunto de todos modos? Yo no puedo esperar Barry para patear su asno en los otros lugares “amargos” (2, JODEN), pero usted sabe, por lo menos él será nuestro próximo presidente de terrorista.
@wonk_the_heck: You can always just Bobbitt.
@publius: For the Senator thing, it apparently backfired a few times and they got McGovern, Daschle and Herseth. But it shore worked with the electoral votes, since Dakotas always go Republican for preznits.
The article currently on the front page of nytimes.com is scathing. Check it before Hillz wrecks it.
@ Darehead: I hope you, Audicity, Smoke Filled Roommate, Tits LaRue, SayItWithWookies, and all the other Wonkette songsters and songstresses will be right there with me.
PS: I have a date to the DNC for real and I am gonna go there and bitch-slap Geraldine Ferraro! How do you think I can pull that off?
@AudicityofHope:
I prefer to pronounce it with some Jerry Lewis flair: “controversial pastor Michael Fl-AYYYYY-ger”.
Begala’s only redeeming quality is that he does a mean Ross Perot imitation. Of course, that quality hasn’t been very relevant since… 1992, I guess.
peninselectomy, sorry about the bad spelling
@loquacious:
Still, Mrs. Clinton’s associates said she seemed to have come to terms over the last week with the near certainty that she would not win the nomination, even as she continued to assert, with what one associate described as subdued resignation, that the Democrats are making a mistake in sending Mr. Obama up against Senator John McCain, the presumptive Republican nominee.
I cannot imagine either “subdued” or “resignation” being a part of Hillary’s vocabulary or attitude.
Her associates said the most likely outcome was that she would end her bid with a speech, probably back home in New York, in which she would endorse Mr. Obama. Mrs. Clinton herself suggested on Friday that the contest would end sometime next week.
OOOOH WHAT DID SHE SUGGEST? (Probably Obama’s assassination.)
We all think that Harold is Icky.
His slime leaves a trail that is sticky.
Hill isn’t gonna win,
But she’ll continue to spin
The news, ’til it’s just her and Ricky.
@ronaldpagan: I don’t know…
Your sister! Your daughter! Your sister! Your daughter! Your son! Your brother! Your Manatee! Your penis!
Whatever, just hope it’s on YouTube!!!!
I burned an effegy of Hillary today, just like they did down south when she was a great proponate of Universal Healthcare. You know, before she was bought out.
Haha! Ricky!
Okay, so, riddle me this: Hillary needs about 200 delegates to get the nomination, right? There are 150 uncommitted superdelegates. There are like 35 delegates in Montana and South Dakota combined. If Hillary gets every single one of those delegates, she still can’t win. Or am I missing something? (Other than the fact that she can technically push delegates to defect to her.)
Also: do you guys think she’ll endorse Obama? Maybe I am just too optimistic, but I think she will drop out and endorse him in the next couple weeks. However, I think her endorsement will be annoyingly backhanded.
Terry McAuliffe is such a huge tool
He talks to us as if we were fools
He makes a huge fuss
He wishes death on Big Russ
But in the end, he’s exposed himself as being an utterly delusional automaton spin machine who is completely untethered from reality.
@ronaldpagen:
Thief of topics! There is no way Barry will win. According to Hellary, he will be surely assassinated.
So the Times says there are about 150 unpledged superdelegates left, and the CNN delegate calculator (my favorite game) says 205. Which is right?
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/02/29/delegate.counter/
@ronaldpagan: Yes, dear, you are being too optimistic. But if by “endorse” you mean “assassinate”, then yes, I can see that happening.
@ obfuscator: Love it!
@ shortsshortsshorts: Have you turned on me, Shorty?
@Ronaldpagan: I’ve come to the conclusion that she has absolutely no intention of letting this thing go. None. At best, I think after a few weeks of dropping numbers, she will suspend, not endorse, and wait like a salivating spider for some men’s room scandal to emerge.
@DoctorCulturae: At this point, I’m ready to bum a cig off of Obama.
Between this and that old, raggedy harpy at the RBC, I’m starting to lose my hope audacity.
@ronaldpagan:
“I am proud to stand on this stage with Senator Obama… gee, I sure hope he’s our next president. He’s so clean and articulate! I sure hope nothing bad happens to him between now and November… I’d be out there campaigning for him, but I have to get on that lecture circuit, as I am totally in debt.”
Puerto Rico has some excellent, grade A quality tai-l, err, voting booths.
@Ronaldpagan: Perhaps the NY Times is analyzing statements and making more educated guesses (i.e., including Brazile, Pelosi, etc. in Obama’s totals despite their pathetic “undeclared” status) and CNN is being all technical about it?
@Whore Diamond in the Rough: You know, I thought that might happen to me too, so I put some of my hope audacity into cold storage, some of it I hid in my mattress, and the rest I put in a high yield savings account. Hopefully by January when Barry’s sworn in under sniper fire I’ll have even more hope than I had to begin with!
@ronaldpagan: Manatee? No. She looks lika Gigantapantsacantasaurus to me.
@Ronaldpagan and Obfuscator: “Yes, he’s a wonderful candidate, perfectly capable of leading our nation for the next four years…as far as I know.”
@chucktodd: I love you, baby. I think we should make it official. We are now the new DC “it” couple. “…Ebony and Ivory…”
Howard Wolfson has bad teeth.
He really should invest in bleach.
His sweaters are garrish,
But he’s not of the parish
Where you can her Pfelger preach.
Good point, other Ronald, about the NY Times and CNN. Maybe you are all right about Hillary but I really hope not because she is like that frenemy we all have who is a total bitch but will say hilarious mean sarcastic things about people you both hate and is always down to get drunk at 3 a.m. on a weeknight, and I want to love/hate her again.
Also, don’t you think there’s a good chance she’ll endorse Obama because she wants to be VP?
And also, Shorts, have you turned against me? I fear your wrath.
“Osama doesn’t always do things I agree with, but I will wholeheartedly support him in this next election. Barring, of course, any unfortunate accidents that may happen to him. Go to hillary.com for a list of possible accidents that could end Osama’s life.”
@Audacity of Hope:
There’s a hole in my bucket
So fuck it
Fin.
And the Ban Hammer shall come again. Public executions are sooo necessary right now.
Back to BBQ! Fuck Hillary btw kthnksbye
Wolfson’s spin simply couldn’t be better
Staying on message down to the letter
He knows all his lines,
But he’s about out of time
Dude’s wearing a fucking COSBY SWEATER
So Barry Obama quit Trinity
To endorse his own hopey divinity
Although he’s a wimp
And a long-legged pimp
I wish he’d taken my virginity.
@ronaldpagan:
“… and if you want to see a bunch of pictures of me campaigning for Senator Hussein, don’t forget to go to hillaryclinton.com, where you will be tricked into paying off my campaign debt!”
You know who I miss? Ira/Zeeb/Bowman.
@ronaldpagan: I’ve got one now, it’s Deep Purple for Hillz:
Nobody gonna take my star
Im gonna race it to the ground
Nobody gonna beat my star
Ain’t gonna concede, I will rebound..
Oooh its a swillin’ machine
Its got everything
Like a conniving power big fat liars
And everything
Am I missing something or Is there no way of following commenters on this brave, new Wonkette?
Plouffe, the magic manager
Lived in DC
And campaigned ’til the autumn mist
For our beloved Barry
Little Barry’s Paper
Loved that rascal Plouffe,
He brought him gum and Dentene Ice
And other elite stuff. Oh!
Plouffe, the magic manager
Lived in DC
And campaigned ’til the autumn mist
For our beloved Barry
Plouffe, the magic manager
Lived in DC
And campaigned ’til the autumn mist
For our beloved Barry
Together they would travel
Fighting words from Bill-O’s trap
Barry kept a lookout perched
As Plouffey watched his back
Noble kings and leaders
Would bow whene’er they came,
Hillary would hush her hags
When Plouffe roared out his name. Oh!
Plouffe, the magic manager
Lived in DC
And campaigned ’til the autumn mist
For our beloved Barry
I went to hillaryclinton.com. It goes
“Thank you Puerto Rico
Keep the momentum coming!”
Um…what momentum? An entire one straight win by the 10% of voters who actually realized there was a primary going on?
It also has a t-shirt contest and they are all soooo good! I wanted to vote for the pantsuit but it asked for my contact information, so fuck that.
http://www.hillaryclinton.com/action/tshirtvoting/
@ronaldpagan: oh GAWD that #4 is one giant run-on sentence! My high school english teachers would NOT approve of that at ALL.
“For everyone who’s ever been counted out but refused to be knocked out and for everyone who works hard and never gives up, this one is for you!”
That’s a mouthful if I ever saw one…
@AudicityofHope: 5 spiffy diamonds!!!
Ronald’s on a roll too but her momentum is so fast, I gotta get a new pair of sneakers….
@ronald pagan: This Bubba’s For You!
http://www.hillaryclinton.com/action/tshirtvoting/img/tshirt_4.jpg
@ronaldpagan: haha
“Thank you, commonwealth of Puerto Rico! The sales of shirts bearing my likeness will eventually boost the economy by ending up in Ohio thrift stores eight years from now!
@ronaldpagan: she is SATAN and all, but sometimes when it’s really late at night, I have to respect the fact that she appears utterly immune to the ridiculous belief of many that a woman needs to conform to some Vogue concept of “woman” to have power. I mean, the pantsuit one and the profile silhouette would horrify any human woman! I think the “oh you guys are all so sexist and mean” whiners that have emerged in other threads on this site don’t seem to get that, whatever you think of this woman (God, I just HATE her), she has transcended aesthetic ideals and absolutely feeds on the shallow, bottom-feeding, low-hanging-fruit grabbers (myself included) that snark about her ass. All that being said, that silhouette could easily be her, or that bizarre she-male creature who’s having a baby.
@”smoke filled roommate”:
“Last night I had the strangest dream
Hills sailed away to China, in a little boat from Florida
And she said she had to get her pantsuits clean
Didn’t want no one to touch her, what does that mean? And she said…
Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride
Nobody gonna slow me down, oh no
I got to keep on moving
Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride
I’m running in a one touch ground, oh no
I got to keep on moving”
@RonaldReagansHair: Hillz has balls.. I respect her for it absolutely. But when those balls turn into Roveballs, that’s it– she’s playing the old game. I cannot respect that.
@smoke filled roommate: Oh, hey, don’t get me wrong — there’s not a damn thing I respect about the woman beyond her ability to stay hugely fat in the face of aesthetic adversity. How much does one have to eat in order to maintain the schedule these people maintain and GAIN weight? I mean, if he loses one more ounce, Barry will take flight and wisp back to the magical wonderland from whence he came.
Hillary dance break, everybody!
@ronaldreaganshair: Feeding on bottom dwellers, yes. But I think the subtext of her campaign has been: we’re mean and bitter and unwilling to discuss anything outside the fulfillment of our desire. Bullying behavior is the norm, period. Retribution the fruit of their endeavors. I pity the women candidates after her who’ll be compared to her:
Victory = Retribution
Stubbornness = Leadership
Does anyone have a prescription for this pathology in the house?
@ Smoke Filled Roommate: Touche. But I do think she looks fantastic for a 60-year old woman. I mean, not when she’s making her desperate Norma Desmond or baby-eating faces, and definitely not in that picture with the visible camel-toe, but in general…I wouldn’t mind looking like that at 60.
@Smoke Filled Roommate:
When I was in Iowa, there was a fair amount of Hillary hate. I was talking with an older lady, and I told her that I had a great amount of respect for Hillary*, but I also felt that she would spend all of her political capital and most of her presidency settling scores and fighting off attacks from the vast universe of people who hate her, whereas I felt that a Barry presidency has at least an outside chance of being productive/progressive, if not groundbreaking.
*That statement was still true in January. I agree about the Roveballs.
@ronaldpagan: I’d rather look like Helen Mirren when I’m 60. Have you seen the tits on that woman?
@AudicityofHope/Ilya, 10 spiffy diamonds, videogenius you, and you also succeeded in making Hillary look somewhat likeable, which I shore hope she will be when this is all over.
@audicity: Glad you reminded us of Hills effort to link herself to images of the chick going after power with the big boys by hanging out drinking with the guys:
See I’m one of them. I can handle them. I can even sleep with them if I want. Get even with my family full of guys, my over-dominating father, and of course my husband. After all, I’ll probably be seen going to a screening of Sex and the City with a gaggle of my powerful gal pals. And you all will just have to deal with it! See I won! I won! I won! Just like Dubya, I define my reality, not any of you elitist pansies who follow a system. How naive you all are! I lived through all this mess and none of it matters! I matter!
@ Audicity: I literally ended up at an ecstasy party last night, against my will, and I was like “You fuckers and your stupid glowsticks are the best argument ever against white people dancing.” How wrong I was.
@ DoctorCulturae: It’s sad how so many feminist icons we used to addmire for being outspoken, ambitious, and aggressive have proved themselves to be Rush Limbaugh’s version of feminism all along: shrill, ball-busting, entitled bitches.
I elect my favorite Governor– (notice I did not say ‘Governess’ or ‘Governyr’)– Janet Napolitano. She’s shown no pathology of the sort, even having to deal w/McCain, Kyl and our wonderful AZ Arpaio police force.. Seriously, if she ever ran (not likely), that’s a woman I would vote for!
@ Audicity: Helen Mirren and Patti LaBelle are both some gorgeous 60-somethings. But sadly I will prob look more like Ferraro by the time I’m 60, because I can’t see myself quitting smoking any time soon.
And I understand why old ladies are voting for Hillary, honestly. My grandma has lived her entire life as a 50’s-style housewife, and it’s heartwarming that she wants to see a woman in the White House during her lifetime. But if she threatened to vote McCain over Obama, I would smother her with a pillow.
My least favorite thing to mock Hilz for is her appearance. Tyson Beckford categorizes people as “model pretty” or “boy/girlfriend pretty”. I categorize people as “politician pretty” or “just pretty”. Hilz isn’t bad for politician pretty, Barry skirts the line, but tends to make it into just pretty most of the time.
Honestly though, Hilz doesn’t look any worse than any average woman “of a certain age”. I prefer to bash her for her baby eating and Roveballs (nice!).
I actually think Hillary’s sporting a set of Calvinballs. Make up the rules as you go along!
@ronaldpagan @audicity @obfucator:
The ‘old game’ meaning old disgusting Repub politics.. Nothing about Hillz age at all.
PS: This site needs a new page every hundred or so comments. It’s getting way out of hand.
Nah, Smokey, I was defending Hillz’ looks because Ronald Reagan’s Hair called her fat.
I’m sorry, but have to disagree with the whole lot of you. I can’t remember the exact moment when I lost all respect for Hillary but I know it was WAY before January. Some of you may attribute Senator Clinton’s behavior to her “huge cojones”, “testicular fortitude”, “tenacity”, or what have you, but I call it wicked ruthlessness. Early on in this process, before Iowa, Hillary thought she had the nomination in the bag and, in her mind, deservedly so. Pastor Pfleger (forgive me for mispelling his name in my last limerick) was right in that fiery sermon he recently gave. Hillary DOES feel like she is entitled to be president and she will do whatever she can to make sure that she is the Vice President if Barack does in fact become the Democratic nominee. I still believe that she is going to take this to the convention, regardless of what some of you may think and what political pundits (such as “Out to lunch” Jeffrey Tubin) may say. Even if our beleved Barack does in fact cross the proverbial delegate finish-line after South Dakota and Montana and reach the new magic number of 2118, do not expect Hillary to concede or even show the slightest sign of defeat. I predict she will suspend her campaign until she and her “machine” can cook something up so sinister as to make Obama completely unelectable in the hearts and minds of the American voters and delegates (both super and possible pledged). Perhaps I’m being too conspiratorial, but I honestly wouldn’t put it past her and Bill. Anyone who is familiar with “The Family” and their beliefs can see why Hillary behaves in the manner she does. From the MotherJones article:
The Fellowship’s ideas are essentially a blend of Calvinism and Norman Vincent Peale, the 1960s preacher of positive thinking. It’s a cheery faith in the “elect” chosen by a single voter—God—and a devotion to Romans 13:1: “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers….The powers that be are ordained of God.” Or, as Coe has put it, “we work with power where we can, build new power where we can’t.”…The Fellowship believes that the elite win power by the will of God, who uses them for his purposes. Its mission is to help the powerful understand their role in God’s plan.
Why the fuck won’t someone report about this? Keith, sweetie? Hillary thinks she has a direct line to God and according to her, He thinks she needs to be president. The woman is suffering from delusions of grandeur and psychosis. Am I the only one who sees that?
Dude, I was scrolling through these comments and there were like 3 things I posted twice because I never saw them show up. Sorry about that.
@Audicity: Wow. Nice rant. I still want so deeply to disagree, but your suggestion wouldn’t be inconsistent with Hill’s behavior. And her little cult is insane. Can you link to that Mother Jones article please? (I started it earlier but was too lazy to finish it.)
@ronaldpagan:
Here you go:
http://www.motherjones.com/news/feature/2007/09/hillarys-prayer.html
@ronald pagan: I was only being “bitter” because I am fat too — and fat people can call other people fat, right? Kind of like women can call other women “bitches” or something like that. I guess in reality, HRC is actually quite small from about mid-ribcage up. I think that’s why there’s so much negative attention given to her hind-quarters, hips, legs, etc. — mainly because of the odd proportions.
@ Ron: It’s okay, I wasn’t super offended. And she is pear-shaped. I still think she looks pret-ty good.
@RonaldReagansHair: Hillary’s body is your classic pear-shape (not like there’s anything wrong with that). The thing that perturbs me about Hillz is the fact that she dresses in the most unflattering clothes imaginable for her body type (well, any body type, for that matter). She should be wearing pants that are long (and by long, I mean long enough to conceal a nice high heal) and flared at the bottom. She has a nice waist, so she should wear tops that accentuate that and draw attention away from her hips and chunky thighs. The woman needs to fire her stylist, watch Trinny and Susanna, and then look at herself in a 360 degree mirror before she steps into a pantsuit ever again. If you’re going to be an evil bitch, you might as well look good as you’re pissing people off.
Do you think she’ll wear a black armband tomorrow for the death of Ives Saint Laurent, King of the Pantsuit?
@ronaldpagan: Great minds think alike and, apparently, simultaneously.
@loquaciousmusic:
I think a more apt comparison would be to the third act of any Friday the 13th film. Jason Rodham Vorhees has been shot, stabbed, run over by a Ford F150 and pushed out of a third floor window. All should be quiet and peace should be restored…THEN HE LEAPS OUT OF THE BUSHES IN A SMART PANTSUIT AND SLAUGHTERS NEARLY ALL OF THE ATTRACTIVE, SEXUALLY ACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE…except for young Barry…who uses himself as bait to lure Mr. Rodham-Vorhees into the puddle that the high tension wire has fallen into.
Unfortunately, during the final credits, we catch a glimpse of said puddle…and the body has disapeared…until 2012 when the inevitable sequel comes out.
I say we take off and nuke the site from space. It’s the only way to be sure.
@Audacity: See, though, that’s the thing. I think she’s doing it on purpose in order to a) appeal to the bitters by looking like one of the “invisible people” she’s always going on about; and b) egg-on folks like me so she can keep collecting that sympathy bouillon she hoards and nurtures with such mama-bear intensity.
@Gopherit: Off topic, but doesn’t that picture of Ives Saint Laurent Drudge has up look exactly like one of those “see-how-bad-Patrick-Swayze-looks-now” pictures?
OMG, that Mother Jones article is scary.
Clinton’s prayer group was part of the Fellowship (or “the Family”), a network of sex-segregated cells of political, business, and military leaders dedicated to “spiritual war” on behalf of Christ, many of them recruited at the Fellowship’s only public event, the annual National Prayer Breakfast. (Aside from the breakfast, the group has “made a fetish of being invisible,” former Republican Senator William Armstrong has said.) The Fellowship believes that the elite win power by the will of God, who uses them for his purposes. Its mission is to help the powerful understand their role in God’s plan.
And this:
The Fellowship’s long-term goal is “a leadership led by God—leaders of all levels of society who direct projects as they are led by the spirit.” According to the Fellowship’s archives, the spirit has in the past led its members in Congress to increase U.S. support for the Duvalier regime in Haiti and the Park dictatorship in South Korea. The Fellowship’s God-led men have also included General Suharto of Indonesia; Honduran general and death squad organizer Gustavo Alvarez Martinez; a Deutsche Bank official disgraced by financial ties to Hitler; and dictator Siad Barre of Somalia, plus a list of other generals and dictators. Clinton, says Schenck, has become a regular visitor to Coe’s Arlington, Virginia, headquarters, a former convent where Coe provides members of Congress with sex-segregated housing and spiritual guidance.
I know Mother Jones is super left-wing but this sounds like some hardcore Illuminati shit. Why hasn’t anyone ever looked into it? And why can’t we ever have an atheist president who admits that he or she doesn’t literally believe that when we die, we either burn for eternity or go up to live in the sky and play harps?
http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/afp/20080601/capt.cps.mpd87.020608002706.photo01.photo.default-392×512.jpg?x=264&y=345&sig=Ht0fDxGou1GCPEQ5PCjDAQ–
Wisdom of Glinda, the Good Witch of the North: Only bad witches are ugly.
That sounds a lot ( A LOT ) like scientology without the alien crap. It’s scientology for politicians!
@ronaldpagan: Yeah, scary. All part of the plan to win the Miss Universe title. And where was Hillary’s testicular fortitude on September 12, 2001? Bitch caved to the big boys. That’s when I gave up on her.
@Ron: That’s what I was thinking too. Are you me?
@Darehead: That’s not gender transcendence!
@Darehead: Yeah. I keep wondering where the fuck she was in 2004 too. What, did she think she couldn’t compete with John Kerry’s charisma?
Oh and guess who else belongs to Hillary’s crazy prayer circle? Joe “Fuckface” Lieberman. YAYYYY, I knew he wasn’t a real Jew!
@RonaldReagansHair: Well, if she thinks she’s the “invisible woman” than she needs to wake up to the reality (something she isn’t familiar with) that WE CAN SEE HER and we don’t like what we see. Also, how is she going to break that glass ceiling if she’s invisible? Trust me, as an Obama woman, my disdain for Hillary would diminish a little if she were to change her wardrobe. My great uncle always used to say “You owe it to those around you to look your best”. Then again he also made it a point to compliment even the homliest of ladies. Anyway, my point is that she might gain some likeability points if she changed her exterior to something a little less stiff and rigid. I don’t see how her starched pantsuits are going to convince anyone that she is just as tough as a man. If you’re going to be fighting as a civil rights leader against the misogynistic black men, Hills, than you need to wear some loose fabric that breathes! Lord knows they’ll be wearing cotton!
OK, last quote from Mother Jones tonight:
But Clinton has also joined the gop on legislation that redefines social justice issues in terms of conservative morality, such as an anti-human-trafficking law that withheld funding from groups working on the sex trade if they didn’t condemn prostitution in the proper terms. With Santorum, Clinton co-sponsored the Workplace Religious Freedom Act; she didn’t back off even after Republican senators such as Pennsylvania’s Arlen Specter pulled their names from the bill citing concerns that the measure would protect those refusing to perform key aspects of their jobs—say, pharmacists who won’t fill birth control prescriptions, or police officers who won’t guard abortion clinics.
OMG I need to post this on Jezebel! Should I do it today or wait for tomorrow’s Crappy Hour?
@ronaldpagan: not unless you spend waaaay too much time letting your eyes go numb on Wonkette and the rest of the internets, endlessly hitting refresh to see the latest comments, while keeping MSNBC going for “wallpaper” 24/7. Wait…
@ronaldpagan: It’s scary shit, right?! I’m tellin’ ya, where the fuck is Olbermann when ya need him to report on this secret soscientolgy cult? And I thought Evangelicals were terrifying.
@RonaldReagansHair: How endearing.
@Audacity: You know, I’m actually less offended by the cut of suits than the colors. I once read some stylist’s comment that all the yellow makes her look like a school bus. And I thought, in this order, 1) “they’d never say that about a man — ever; and 2) my God, she does look exactly like that little bus that picks up the “special” kids a little before the rest of the kids get out.
@Audicity: Right? And they are evangelicals, just with an added cultiness.
@Ron: So you are me, minus comments on Gawker and Jezebel, but plus MSNBC as wallpaper. We are probably fraternal twins separated at birth.
ronaldpagan: you know who i miss? chemical ali. he was like scottie, only more sure.
@RonaldReagansHair: Yes, the color is equally disturbing. I find Hillary in a canary yellow pantsuit just a revolting as a guy wearing a baby pink polo shirt with his collar popped. Both looks are like subliminal cries for help. Or perhaps they’re more like a resounding fanfare beckoning the support of the gehyz.
@ronaldpagan: Sounds like your parents encouraged you to branch out and try new things — like celeb gossip/snark, while my childhood memories are of late nights spent watching election returns, and not being allowed to enjoy any of that “MTV shit all you kids are into.”
@ladymacbeth: Who is Chemical Ali? I’m newish.
@Audicity: I can’t believe so many gays are giving Hills a free ride. Here’s a semi-rhyming chant (gays love those):
If you call yourself a homo
Don’t let her get away with DOMA
“Lady in yellow pantsuit ‘08, clap, clap, point, point.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p_WIqjj0WVA
@ronaldpagan: If you really miss Paultards, try going to their sites with brilliant quotes from _The Revolution: A Manifesto_ by Ron Paul. Then put in quotes from Stalin, Kim Jong Il, Castro etc. It’s good fun! They can’t tell the difference and reply “Go Ron Paul!”
@Darehead: That does sound like an joy…to be fair, though, I just read a Hitler quote about the “Big Lie” that was very apt.
And Zeeb is only a Paultard once every three personalities.
@ronaldpagan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali_Hassan_al-Majid
@Audicity: Oops, I’m an ignoramus. Totally assumed that was some commenter’s name. Every day on this site I learn something new, but only by revealing the depths of my ignorance and losing everyone’s respect.
be young and free my friend. you have no debts to pay.
(and if you want, get a subsciption to the economist. it’ll give you all the edumacation you’ll ever need about the last 150 years — plus econ. plus fab writing. plus, in the middle of some article about french agriculture, blue chip british snark…)
us, we old bitters, we have to cling to our memories. our bitter bitter memories…
oh and yeah, what’s up with the gay hills support??
@ronaldpagan: Don’t beat yourself up about it. “Chemical Ali” could also very well be someone on Wonkette.
but yeah, actually, i DO miss chemical ali.
@ ladymacbeth: so….explain.
i like my lies told by chemical ali rather than karl, george, dick and hillz.
meh.
Pfleger is like a less-funny modern day heir of Psmith: the “p” is silent, but the rest of him, unfortunately, isn’t.
@ladymacbeth: He did have a cool name. I feel your pain and don’t want to get all solution-y on yer, but maybe we could start saying “Chemical George,” “Chemical Condi” etc.
nd of course, it had to be true, you just gotta go right back down to Safe
Muffins and shoplift. I repeat, you’re gonna have to shoplift the HR Steam
Cleaning System from Safe Muffins. The only way you’re gonna be able to do
it successfully is to become invisible. And then when you’re totally
invisible, you’ll just creep right on into Safe Muffins, and there you’ll
see it: The HR Steam Cleaning System. And then you’ll realize that
you’re gonna have to get it up the street to 180 very quickly, so you whisk
your Steam Cleaning System right back up G all the way to 180. You go
right up to the front door and you push the button.
Hillary wins a fake victory by a landslide. Cool.
Comment test