Wonkette
Hillary Clinton is whoopin’ presumptive Democratic nominee Barack Obama’s ass in Puerto Rico, in almost every demographic. Congrats, Hillz, because this will be the last win you ever see in presidential politics. [CNN]
HILLARY CLINTON
That picture is BEGGING to be photoshopped.
Game over, Obama!
Yay new liveblog! Boo another win for la puta con los cojones!
Ha! Low turnout in PR is going to make Clinton’s “popular vote” argument even more nebulous.
How will Hillarymath combat this unfortunate reality? Will each PR vote count twice? Will all black votes be returned to 3/5 status? Will cats be involved somehow? The mind boggles.
I like Puerto Rico, and its people. In fact it is one of my favorite places to visit. I’ve never really understood them not wanting either statehood, or independence, but this is just so crazy. Is someone making this result up? Maybe they don’t know it’s over? I mean, what else would explain it?
I like to be in America
Freedom ain’t free in America
We <3 Hagee in America
They killed Kennedy in America
Anybody else see Ickes on “Meet the Press” this AM? What a charming combination of bitterness and arrogance? Yuck. Or ick. Was he always like this?
I was on assignment up in the moumtains of Puerto Rico for a coupla months back in the late ’90’s. I tell yopu those people on that island got a lot of heart…apparently not much brains…but a heckuva lotta heart.
I was really hoping you guys were purposefully not posting anything about Puerto Rico because you were ignoring Hillary now.
@Q: Mountains. You. Damn!
Michelle Bernard, you delicious minx you. You keep predicting that Hilz will take a gracious tone, and you keep being disappointed. Aren’t you ready to join us on the dark cynical side yet?
Hillary should declare herself the nominee and pick Ricky Martin as her VP. They can start selling tickets for their Las Vegas rallies at Caesars Palace. Celine will stop by on special occasions and sing a duet with Hillz and then Simon will critique their performance with a simple “That was dreadful” comment.
¡Viva la presidente de Puerto Rico! Espero que ella sera la presidente de esa isla siempre y nunca volvera a EEU no mas!
Actually, Jim, Hillary Clinton is going to win the Democratic nomination.
Then she is going on to win the Presidency.
Don’t you read Redbook?
I didn’t realize Puerto Rico had so many hardworking white Americans.
@Godless Liberal: Why would we want to ignore such a fabulous train wreck? I’m looking forward to Hilz crying and rusting her jaw shut.
Naw, not really. Maybe we just like torturing ourselves?
@Cicada: She is one naughty little minx. What is it with foxy black women named Michelle? I’m going to marry me the blackest man I can find, bear his child, and then name her Michelle. There’s no way she can fail in life.
Anything goes in America
Wonkette is slow in America
Christians fuck hos in America
Puerto Rico’s in America
¡Aurelio! Muchas gracias for allowing me to copy and paste the upside-down exclamation point, which adds some spice to any liveblog.
Y yo tambien espero. Bill would love the pretty ladies, Chelsea would get along with the nuns, and Hillary would enjoy living in an alternate reality where people could stand her.
This must be the first time in a very long while that anyone has cared about anything that happened in Puerto Rico.
You really have to appreciate this election for its ability to force you to care about things no sane human being has ever cared about, like rules and bylaws committees and political opinion in quasi-independent U.S. territories.
@Cicada: Because like many STDs, the best way to get rid of her to to ignore her. It is entirely possible that, without attention being heaped on her every single day by a still-adoring media, she would *POOF* out of existence.
THIS JUST IN: Hillary called my state’s governor, undeclared superdelegate Phil Bredesen, and asked him to “keep an open mind until the convention”. Oh no she din’t!!
Pat Buchanan is totally eyeing Norah’s milk jugs.
@ AudicityOfHope: Please keep an open mind about voting against the mulatto.
@ AudicityofHope:
Done.
http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd190/shanb21/Hillz_PRcopy.jpg
DONNA BRAZILE SUPER-UPDATE: Donna Brazile, SuperD and DNC member, noted to George Stephanapoulos that the Obama campaign could have won on a 50-50 split for the Michigan delegation at yesterday’s RBC meeting. Instead rather, “the Clinton campaign never took the olive branch.” Then, before she could continue, he rudely, abruptly cut her off and changed the subject.
This is just another of the many examples of Barry’s class and character being exhibited here. He tried to throw her a bone and not totally screw her at the RBC yesterday, and they’re throwing it in his face.
I don’t know about all of you, but I’ll sleep better and probably have much lower blood pressure when all of this ends on tuesday.
LINK! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/01/dncs-brazile-says-clinton_n_104553.html
Er, Sorry for the double post. It seemed like people moved over here from the RBC thread.
@itgetter: Great job. Damn, I wish we could embed photos!
Russert is slaying Clinton’s campaign on MSNBC right now. Fantastic.
@publius: I can’t help but think of “Red Blood Count” every time I see the abbreviation for the Rules and Bylaws Committee. Actually, I think that’s the kind of count Hillary would approve of.
Cue the gloating.
@ronald pagan: You’re on a roll! Laurents & Bernstein have nothing on you. Don’t stop!
@AudacityofHope: I’m pretty sure you’re right on the money there. Hillz wants to count all of the individual Red Blood Cells she’s spilled over the course of this Primary Clusterfuck. Any more and we’ll have to move Barry’s campaign over to triage! Maybe he can get a bed next to WALNUTS! and they can share stories about Cruel and Unusual Punishment: WALNUTS! in POW camp, and Barry debating Hillz l47 times!
@publius: I think Barry actually tried to throw her a bone, not just because he is a nice classy guy (which he certainly is), but because Clinton has actually convinced tons of people that not counting Michigan and Florida at all would be some huge miscarriage of justice and democracy.
(PS: Can Florida secede please? I am sick of them ruining every election.)
Two side notes:
Everyone, it’s AUDICITY Of Hope. Like John McCain said in the ABC debate.
I also hate these tiny icons because they are making Knut look ugly, and nothing is further from the truth.
I can’t wait for Obama to turn Puerto Rico loose upon election. You just shot yourselves in the foot, Boriquas!
I think Hillary is past being fashionably late to her victory rally. I’d really love to whack a pinata of Hillary’s face right now.
Also Rachel Maddow just did a hostile impression of Pat Buchanan and it was kinda funny but more just awkward & uncomfortable-silence-inducing.
@itgetter: Hillary-ous! I expected some of the fingers to be removed though!
Hillary’s clap: ONE (two) THREE (four)
Limp-wristed pansy Puerto Ricans for Hillary!
Fuck those latinos. They just booed Obama.
@GenghisConvict: Careful, you’ll get half of New York on your ass!
I, on the other hand, am safely in LALA land by Mexico, so I’m not overly concerned about them.
The crowd behind Hillary looks like your standard crowd at a Cher Concert.
@AudacityofHope: When Obama politely mentions Hillary in his speeches, his supporters politely clap. When Hillary politely mentions Obama, her supporters boo. What does that tell you about their respective campaigns and how they’ve chosen to energize their supporters?
Also, I love how the Hilltards can’t decide which Obama-rip-off slogan they’re supposed to be chanting, “yes she can” or “yes she will.”
HillaryClinton.com plugs: 1 (and counting)
Look at those dumb-asses with stickers on their foreheads.
Welp, she just took credit for “winning” Michigan. I wonder what the weather is like in her dimension.
she’s going to make Puerto Rico a state!
unbelievable. she’s smiling and swallowing like she just blew a three-inch line.
Thinking back, I have only really known five or six Puerto Ricans in my life. I disliked them all and wished they would be hit by buses. So far, I can add 175,715 more to that list. Overall, I remain unimpressed with Puerto Rico as a whole.
“It’s not about Senator Obama, or me. It’s about you.” Humm…that sounds familiar. Only, I think she meant to say, “IT’S ALL ABOUT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”
I really don’t think I want Puerto Rico becoming a state. It’ll fuck up our flag.
…you are now entering the Twilight Zone…
i’ll give this: she’s built a coalition of hispanics and the hard working whites who disdain them. way to be.
I know one Puerto Rican and she voted for Obama. Si se puede!
@UnreliableNarrator: I’m guessing the winds are rather cold in the deep dark recesses where her soul used to be.
“I’ll pander to you
I’ll pander to you
I’ll eventually desert you”
That little girl in the pink skirt has an abnormally long (and fat) torso.
Patty Pukeanan: “It was a gracious speech.”
yes yes yes this is all very well and good but WHAT ABOUT THE KING KONG RIDE AT UNIVERSAL???
priorities people!
@ Darehead:
Ah! So right. Here ya go:
http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd190/shanb21/Hillz_PR2.jpg
@ladymacbeth: I’m actually quite broken up about Hill Valley’s clocktower going up in flames
nora o’donnell’s cackle is not enough to dissuade me from wanting to secks her.
@ itgetter:
Well done!
@AudicityofHope: Re being “gracious,” while it definitely was not gracious in human terms, for a Hillary speech it was notably, significantly low on attacks. As far as I could tell her only full-on attack on Obama was a vague reference to her health care plan taking everybody. The pundits seem to think she’s bracing for a long-term battle, and I think that’s true, but I also think she’s de-emphasizing her anti-Obama attacks in anticipation of her inevitable loss.
Of course, her surrogates are going to continue calling him an elitist terrorist secret Muslim for the rest of June and probably forever.
@ Unreliable Narrator: Hillary gets booed all the time during Obama speeches. But Obama cuts off the booers, whereas Hillary is probably more like, “I know, right?”
I missed the speech. Did she resign yet?
This entire election was/is Bitter-Gate.
@obfuscator: Chris Matthews’ cackle is not enough to persuade me to secks him.
@ronaldpagan: My bad. I probably don’t notice because I’m too hypnotized by His Hopiness.
@obfuscator:
NOTHING could dissuade me.
¡Viva la presidenta de Puerto Rico! Espero que ella sea la presidenta de esa isla siempre y jamas se vuelva a EEUU!
Redactada.
Con expresiones no definitivas y/o que expresan un sentimiento de esperanza, siempre se use el subjuntivo.
& yes, the alternate for ‘never’ in Spanish is pronounced the same as Barack Obama’s friends in the Palestinian Territories: Hamas!
@ronaldpagan: She’s still in it to win it, although, at this point, I’m not sure what “it” is. Why won’t she just say “let them eat cake” so that we can then say “Off with her head!”? I’m afraid that’s the only way to resolve this situation. However, there’s the possibility that it will grow back.
PS whoever at MSNBC decided to put “Livin La Vida Loca” underneath the Hillrod speech replay is my personal fucking hero.
Sorry for posting so much.
@itgetter: Gracias!!! Te quiero!!!!
@ AudicityofHope
It probably would go back, a thousand times stronger and more fearsome than before. McCain should really make her his chief strategist.
I don’t mean to veer off-topic, but I’m watching Neil Moritz’s slasher classic Urban Legend right now. Anyway, in the first scene, where the girl is stopped at the gas station and is about to get killed by the scary freakshow? The gas is $1.14 a gallon.
Can Hillary Clinton bring us back to the days of $1.14 per gallon gasoline? And horrible slasher movies with Joshua Jackson and Alicia Witt? Because if she can’t, she ain’t gettin’ my vote.
Get ready for the defeat-is-really-victory reframing (the anger of a Hillbot scorned). The Hilbottenvolken will do a maniacal ritual dance of “we won, we won, we won.” Barry will be found patiently, yet grudgingly smoking a cig, coolly waiting till the Reign Dance ends.
@ Unreliable Narrator: That sounds funny. Is there a link somewhere? But let’s be honest; it was probably Pat Buchanan’s idea.
When will this long national nightmare be OVER???!!!!
“I will have the lead in the popular vote, he will have a slight lead in the delegates.”
Thanks Hillary. If you wanna call his 5% lead in delegates “slight”, you might wanna call your .7% majority in the popular vote (while excluding the dozen caucus states) “slighter”.
@AudicityofHope: Two would grow back.
@AudicityofHope:
i walked across the old state capitol plaza with chris matthews in springfield when barry announced. i know he had just been on tv, but dude had approximately 4 shit-tons of pancake makeup on.
Barack should ask his donor base for a buck each, buy Puerto Rico, and install Clinton there as Queen.
@ “Godless Liberal *”: And the second would be called “Bill.”
Maybe we can just let Hillary be El Presidente of Puerto Rico. She would make a good dictator, and Bill would find plenty on the beaches to keep him occupied (I’m sort of picturing him looking and acting like Fredo in Cuba in Godfather II).
Hey, Hills, there’s more votes to be had in Costa Rica, Argentina, Uruguay.
I’m sure they prefer you over Barry in those countries as well.
@loquaciousmusic: Haven’t we been living in that horror movie for the past year? Is not Hillary’s bug-eyed face what is cloaked beneath the darkness of that fur-trimmed hood?
I’m not surprised. “Obama” is Spanish for “heathen buttmunch”.
@AxmxZ:
where she could reign until she and bill are forced out. then she’d become the imelda marcos of pantsuits. a walk-in closet the size of a super wal-mart, filled with pantsuits, pantsuits, glorious pantsuits.
@obfuscator: Are you Keith Olbermann? If so, will you marry me?
Quiero ser el primer para dar la bienvenida a nuestro nuevo overloard del chicana.
@AxmxZ: They’d have to teach her the language– what did she say to start her speech, “Yo quiero Puerto Rico” or something like that?
@AudicityofHope :
i’m actually nbc news political director charles “chuck” todd. i’m a little wonky for tv, but i am able to exude a friendly and easygoing vibe. sitting next to pat buchanan makes this job easier. also, some think my choice of facial hair is a little fussy, but it serves to hide my slight double chin.
Hillary’s pastor read this scripture in church this morning:
To everything there is a primary season, and a time for every piousness under the heaven:
A time to phone at 3 a.m., and a time to genderfy; a time to rant, and a time to fuck up that which is ranted;
A time to kill, and a time to steal; a time to break down, and a time to mess up;
A time to weep, and a time to cackle; a time to scorn, and a time to get wasted;
A time to cast crones under the bus, and a time to gather crones together;;
A time play the race horses, and a time to refrain from horse racing;
A time to show camel toe, and a time to re-pantsuit; a time to be cheap, and a time to face snipers;
A time to fake, and a time to lie; a time to play victim, and a time to misspeak;
A time to love the cheating heart hubbie and a time to pander to the masses;
A time to wage war, and a time to punch frogs, whatever the heck that means.
–Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Another elephant in the room: From M.Grunwald today. She warned of the sentiment voiced by some Hillary supporters at the outset of yesterday’s meeting: “If a female candidate, the first successful one in history, goes into the convention leading in the popular vote and it’s taken away from her, how do you think women are going to feel, heading into the November election?”
Answer: They are going to feel sad, because they will be believing a lie. Maybe think of buying more pantsuits?
@Darehead: I believe it was ‘A time to weep, and a time to cankle‘
@darehead: Brilliant.
@AudicityofHope: Right now, the killer’s trying to cut through the landau top of an ‘83 Olds Cutlass with an axe. If the Democratic nominating process were an ‘83 Olds Cutlass with a landau top, Hillary Clinton would be SO trying to cut through it with an axe. And then she would kill all the attractive young people in sight because young people don’t vote for her!
@DoctorCulturae: They will think, “C’mon girls! Let’s just skip this and go to T.J. Maxx!”
@obfuscator: Even better! I think ronaldpagan will back me up when I say that many of us lady Wonketteers have the hots for you, Chuck.
@DoctorCulturae: I imagine they’re mostly going to go “Oh, well, she sucked anyway. So how about that Hopes McGee?”
@Darehead: That was supposed to be ‘cankle’ not cank-lay
What the hell is up with quotes in this newfangled comment app? As in, two posts ago, my name didn’t have quotes but now it does?
@Darehead:
“The fat lady sings (burn, burn, burn)
There is a reason (burn, burn, burn)
And a time for every purpose, under Barry.”
@Publius:
Wow. Thanks for that bit of news. George S. is terrible. Donna Brazile should have her own show, although she’s probably too busy.
@loquaciousmusic: Damn straight, we don’t for her! We attractive ladies vote for the handsome black man.
@AudicityofHope:
Thanks. When I decided to become an authority on proportional representation, the elitist caucus system, delegate math, and the electoral college, I just KNEW that it would make the ladies swoon.
Is anyone else watching Harold Icke on the re-broadcast of Meet the Press? Jesus, what a baldheaded little weiner he is. He followed Scott McClellan.
In what universe do I find myself favoring Scott McClellan over anyone? Jeeesus.
@Darehead: Superb!
@DoctorCulturae: Answer: They’ll head straight to their local Costco or Sam’s Club and stock up on store brand bulk tissue and tubs (Jones) of vanilla ice cream.
@obfuscator: You can talk delegate math to me all night long.
@obfuscator: I tried watching that. I gave it my best. I paid too much for this TV to put my foot through it while Ickes was on. I made it about ten minutes and I could not fucking take it anymore. This whole campaign has shown me new depths to my loathing.
@AudicityofHope:
Possibly after that, a ‘fancy dinner’ at Chili’s or the Olive Garden.