Perino: White House May, Uh, Not Necessarily, Well Maybe I Shouldn’t Say, Could Get In Trouble, Um, Er, Snarf, Destroy Scott McClellan

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Now the thing about Scott McClellan is that he’s terrible, with his book, and he now may have tragically reopened the Valerie Plame “Plamegate” saga anew. John Conyers & Palz on the House Judiciary Committee are open to hearing McClellan’s testimony, meaning the White House will have to somehow stop him from testifying, meaning frozen royal press secretary Dana Perino had to give reporters some inadvertent “legal comedy” today, meaning ha ha, OH GOD.

QUESTION: Could the White House block him from testifying, if he wanted to testify? Or how does that work?

PERINO: Conceivably?


PERINO: Hypothetically, which I’m not supposed to answer a hypothetical, yes, I think so. The law would allow for that. But by saying that, I’m not suggesting that that’s what would happen or not happen.

There is just no denying that Perino and McClellan are having an affair, right now, in the White House Treehouse, with their socks on. We’re jealous of both.

Perino Says White House Can Block McClellan From Testifying To Congress, But Won’t Say Whether It Will [Think Progress]

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About the author

Jim Newell is Wonkette's beloved Capitol Hill Typing Demon. He joined in 2007, left for some other dumb job in 2010, and proudly returned in 2012 as our "Senior Editor at Large." He lives in Washington and also writes for things such as The Guardian, the Manchester paper of liberals.

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Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • loudmouthredhead

    “Snarf, Snarf!”
    “Ms. spokes-pretty, is that English?”

    Anyone else picture Cheney in the back wringing his hands and quacking like the Penguin in the 60’s Batman?

  • RonaldReagansHair

    She’s so cute when she’s being stupid — which is to say, well, she’s just cute.

  • loudmouthredhead

    “Um, yeah, we’ll block him…meaning we could get Karl to latch onto one of his ankles and bite it. And I MAY have to distract him by walking topless in front of him…these are all, of course, hypotheticals.”

  • tunamelt

    Something is starting, right now!
    Dana Perino, Dana Perino
    Dana Perino speaks
    Something is starting, right now!
    Something is starting, oh, wow!
    Dana Perino, Dana Perino,
    Dana Perino speaks
    Dana Perino, Dana Perino,
    Dana Perino speaks
    White House is our very first stop,
    then let’s try the ice cream shop
    Dana Perino, Dana Perino,
    Dana Perino speaks
    Dana Perino, Dana Perino,
    Dana Perino speaks
    Starlight, Sweetheart, Melody, Brighteyes, Patch
    and Clover
    Bonbon’s baking cookies, girls
    Hurry up on over!
    Dana Perino, Dana Perino,
    Dana Perino speaks
    Dana Perino, Dana Perino,
    Dana Perino speaks, Dana Perino speaks

  • tunamelt

    Seriously, this is just like the time the blonde lawyer in Legally Blonde explained habeas corpus.

  • scott_dog

    For some reason, the most idiotic things sound a little more reasonable when it comes from a pretty face. Only a little bit though . . .

  • loudmouthredhead

    I still can’t believe this woman is a GRANDMOTHER. What pit entity do GOP women worship to stop the aging process? Or is it just that they don’t teach their kids about prophylactics?

  • polar_bear

    Dana Perino makes me think of Dan Marino.

    Specifically, I think of him lurking in the back of a press conference, and drilling her in the face with a football every time she says something ridiculous.

  • weirdiowasculpture

    Did they just move the White House press room into a closet or something? They only had room for three reporters, one Dana Perino, and some babe with great legs against the wall, and even they looked cramped. Jeez, they didn’t even have enough room to squeeze in a gay escort guy . . .

  • freakishlystrong

    Dear Dana,
    Umm… Hypothetically, in ENGLISH please? WTF are you talking about?


  • still eggplantparm

    please, please, let lil Scottie McClellen be the one to put MC Rove, Darth and Chimpy in chains.

  • weirdiowasculpture


    The anal sex keeps ’em young.

  • Rodney Badger

    I volunteer to be one of Scooter’s new librul friends. He can even move into my place if he needs someplace to crash. My roommate just moved out and I don’t want to put his room on the market anyway. And my wife wants me to make more gay friends, so it would be a win-win-win.

  • RonaldReagansHair

    @loudmouthredhead: STEP grandmother. She’s still in her 30s.

  • still eggplantparm

    Holy crap, that was funny. Comment of the day.

  • edgydrifter

    @loudmouthredhead: They pool their aging on an gal who volunteers to jump on the age-bomb for the team. This is why Granny Perino looks like a Georgetown co-ed, and Barbara Bush looks 17,000 years old. Who would ever guess they were the same age?

  • loudmouthredhead

    Oh ok, so she did another frequent GOP-female action: marrying someone old enough to remember when the Jesus Horses roamed the lands?

  • johnbpt

    Stupid is as stupid does. Christ, the Bush criminals have reduced me to quoting Forrest Gump.

  • ronaldpagan

    Why did it take the GOP so many press secretaries to recognize that evil and lies are so much more tolerable when a pretty lady says them?

  • lovethebomb

    The only way this works for me is if Dana is a secret tranny w/ a 9″ dick and every time she says something inane about Mcllellan I have to suck hard and stroke her balls. Then later she rapes me.

  • Lionel Hutz Esq.

    Republican press spokesmen are great when it comes to lying. Take these golden oldies from Ron Ziegler, the mold from which all the rest are cast:

    “The president is aware of what is going on. That is not to say that there is anything going on.” –1972, referring to the investigation of the Watergate scandal.

    “If my answers sound confusing, I think they are confusing because the questions are confusing and the situation is confusing.”

  • nowukkers

    Dana’s hands intrigue me. She always seems to be doing some variation of “one in the pink …”

  • loudmouthredhead

    ONE in the pink? Man, no wonder Republicans hate sex so much? How sad. :(

  • Eclectablog

    Does anyone know if Jeff Gannon “knows” Dana Perino better than any other White House correspondent or Washington reporter???

  • loudmouthredhead

    @Eclectablog: If she does “know” (*cough* *cough*, *wink wink*) him, that would explain nowukkers observation that the “stink” is getting the most attention.

  • Lazy Media

    I’m going to be working in DC soon, and probably will wind up talking to her. So, should I attempt the adulterous hate fuck or not? She’s pretty hot, but stupid really turns me off.

  • KevoTron

    Regarding the whole gramma Dana thing. She’s a STEP-grandma to her English husbands two adult children. He’s 18 years older than her. huzzah! WTF is that like for those two kids? Dad ditches mom for some uptight Republican pussy who has never even heard of the Cuban missile crisis. Therapy all around.

  • edgydrifter

    @KevoTron: So Dana is really Bill S. Preston’s stepmom? San Dimas High School Football Rules!

  • Not_So_Much

    I don’t know that she’s doing “pink/stink” hand gestures. That looks more like a Vulcan mind-meld attempt to me. Which, when you think about it, is probably the only way anyone can ever believe any of the shit that comes out of her mouth.

  • shortsshortsshorts

    *head exploding.* It might be all the fun on Country Above Craig

  • Shypixel

    Question: If I think Dana is a GILF, does that make me a necrophiliac?

  • Joey Ratz

    @Shypixel. Not unless braindead counts.

  • MoodProcessor

    @Not_So_Much: I don’t get Vulcan mind meld from her. A member of my family is autistic….and makes plenty of finger gestures….Just like Dana’s.

  • kudzu

    The Dana looks very doable in that picture. I definitely would… I would even overlook the fact that she’s a Repug–of course I’d have to give myself a good scrub with Lava Soap afterwards but, what the heck, I’ve done worse in the past.

  • Novaload

    @polar_bear Hilarious. Do I know you?

    @ronaldpagan Because pretty Republican women don’t work. Because Republicans think women should be seen and not heard. Because women aren’t as good as men at anything.

  • TheMac

    Perino: I am the Press Secretary. I created the Voice. I’ve been waiting for you. You have many questions and though the process has altered your consciousness, you remain irrevocably human. Ergo, some of my answers you will understand, some you will not. Concurrently, though your first question may be the most pertinent, you may or may not realize, it is also the most irrelevant.

    Reporter: Whatever. Can you stop McClellan from testifying?

    Perino: Scott’s life is the sum of a remainder of an unbalanced equation inherent to the programming of the Presidency. He is the eventuality of an anomaly, which despite our sincerest efforts we have been unable to eliminate from what is otherwise a harmony of mathematical precision. While it remains a burden so assiduously avoided, it is not unexpected, and thus not beyond a measure of control, which has led him, inexorably, here.

    Reporter: You haven’t answered my question.

    Perino: Quite right. [Pauses] Interesting, that was quicker than the others.

  • masterdebater

    Well, she certainly cleared that up. I’m still not sure what’s up with that secret hand sign. Some sort of two and a tickler thing? Is she a Trekie? Does that mean “Yes, I’m lying”? I just don’t get it.

  • Paradise

    @masterdebater: she’s actually giving a modified hitler salute that signals the rednecks to “wipe out all the A-rabs.” Dubyah came up with it all by himself!

  • RuperttheBear

    We’ve been over the “shocker,” “two in the pink,” etc. This, mein freunds, is the Vulcan Shocker. It gets up in your businesses and READS YOUR MIND.

  • Servo


    Laces out, Dan!

  • Chickenmumbo

    Those Republican women like their men old and stupid. Ask Cindy Mcain.

  • louisev

    Dont tell the director I said so
    But are you safe Miss Perino?
    We were at a policy meeting
    They were planning new ways of cheating
    I didnt want to rock your boat
    But you sent this dangerous note

  • ServiceJervixJuice

    Ahh…Enron likely focus in oil probe, McClellan would testify if asked, and a man shows video proof of aliens.

    If tomorrow’s headlines include the mysterious disappearances of Glenn Beck, Dick Cheney, Bill O’Reilly, Grover Norquist, and David Addington, then consarn it, I’ll start believing in SOMETHING…

  • johnnyactionpants

    Frankly, what should be considered here is: Who will be the next one to jump ship?

    Clearly McClennan knew exactly the kind of shitstorm he was walking into with his book (albeit, filled with revelations, already known). Though he may not have known its duration, he certainly knew the storm’s magnitude. He walked into it anyway.

    Perhaps McClennan will be a trailblazer. He’s the portly fella whose conscience got to him, so he had to let it out. Good for him. It is actually refreshing that to know that someone who served in a cabinet position actually posesses a conscience. Surely, he is not the only one.

    Does Perino have one… I think she might. She probably won’t be the next insider to come clean, but eventually she will confess. Scotty was the tip of the iceberg. His trickle will become a torrent, and Perino will be in its midst.

  • WhatTheHeck

    I think the sign behind Dana (partially hidden) reads: The Whore House.
    This might explain a lot about her ‘Beat around the Bush’ non-answers.

  • 102415

    Johnnyaction, McClennan is doing what he needs to do to survive. Check out the rest of his family of overachievers. Dana is a blond idiot who can go be a “traditional” wife like the other lady republicans who go in and out of favor. Really she will be just as happy screaming at the maid in a drunken rage at home this time next year.

  • 1ofUS

    Dana Perino is anagrammatic with “prone naiad”

    This means she’s one of the nymphs who live in and give life and perpetuity to lakes, rivers, springs, and fountains and she’s lying in one of these spread eagled and waiting for fer man.

  • Jewdishoowary Square

    The craziest things I ever heard
    Perino…Perino, Perino, Perino
    All come from the mouth of this pretty bird
    Perino…Perino, Perino, Perino…Perino, Perino

    She works at the White House, Perino
    And carefully she says
    Whatever Mister Prez should need

    The briefings are held by Perino
    And suddenly her lies
    Have got me hypnotized indeed

    Hypotheticals can’t be spoken
    ‘Till the kneecaps of Scott have been broken
    She’ll never stop lying, Perino