Bizarre psychopath Condoleezza Rice went to Stockholm, Sweden yesterday to discuss the future of Iraq with god knows who else. At the same time in Sweden, the rock band Kiss was having a concert, even though they were supposed to have all retired years ago. The band members asked Condi to stop by their hotel after she was finished solving Iraq and… she did! Rice, you see, is such a big fan of Kiss that her favorite song of theirs is "Rock And Roll All Nite," an obscure b-side that only two or three other Americans have ever heard. Elitist. [AP ]
CONDOLEEZZA RICE
May 30, 2008
Condi Joins Kiss Army, Fails Her Country
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{ 36 comments }
did you make this up? I mean, it is surreal.
Damn. You know Kiss is getting old if that’s what passes for groupies these days.
Detroit Barack City!
I would have guess “Strutter”. I imagine she has the shoes.
I give it 2 weeks before the sex tape breaks.
Two words I never thought I’d see associated with Condi in a news item: “Kiss” and “Army”.
@Doglessliberal
It’s 10:00 AM, so presumably this is not a an alcohol-induced delusion. How delicious.
I feel like I’m living in a world The Onion made up.
George:
Laura I hear you calling
But I can’t come home right now
Me and the boys are plotting
And we just haven’t bombed enough browns
Just a few more months now and I’ll be right home to you
I can hear you howling, but Laura what can I do?
Condi:
George I know you’re empty
and you just don’t have a soul
Your brain is full of pudding
And your heart is made of coal
Just keep Laura busy with muppets and drugs and fright
‘Cause you and me will be playing…all night
@MARCcMan:
Chilling. Utterly horrific. Truly a violation of innocents.
Bush, I hear you callin’
But I can’t come home right now…
…in later news: George Bush has just declared Sweden the NEW front for the War on Terror, and has put all members of the band “Kiss” on the terror watch list.
Does this mean that Condi’s going to make a cameo on Gene Simmons’ clinging desperately to the remains of his fame reality show?
Condi’s just trying to get some military experience so she can campaign as McAncient’s Veep.
‘Cuz I think I’m goin’ blind…
And I know how it should be… yeah…
…she probably heard someone refer to the “Kiss Army” and was trying to see if they would be willing to send forces to Iraq!
She probably just likes their taste in shoes.
Bet it has something to do with that tongue . . .
One news item and one comment:
Upon hearing this news, Terri Gross has just died so she can roll over in her grave.
How hard-up for a man does a woman need to be to find it a thrill to meet Gene Simmons?
Do they still wear the makeup and shit? That would be pretty funny. Touring in Sweden? WTF? Is that the U.S.’s payback for Abba?
Condi’s fav member is Peter Chriss
She admired Gene Simmons: Family Jewels as a dynamic new form of torture, and wanted to get the recipe.
Soon, we may get Condi: It’s Complicated.
@AngryBlakGuy:
Coalition of Swilling?
I wasn’t aware that alien-robot-monster-princesses could hear, let alone enjoy, the range of tones KISS employs.
I assumed her auditory capacity was limited to monotonic grunts and hisses…which is why she generally uses threatening gestures and stylish shoes to communicate her simple message of world domination.
I also heard a rumor that Condi only went there to take plaster casts of their penises.
Only to torture them later.
@AngryBlakGuy:…at this point the Bush administration would meet with anyone with an army!
Next on the list:
-Salvation Army
-Army of the dead
-Chinese Terracotta Army
I would pay money to see Condi dancing or “grooving” to Kiss. I’m sure it would entail a little “bum wiggling” and and “twisting” and clenched fists. Maybe Phuestis can photoshop something together for Monday.
@tunamelt, yeah I have had a “you cannot do satire anymore” moment almost every day recently.
I was made for lovin you Condi
You were made for lovin me…
If I were quicker with my ‘shop skills, I would totally create a graphic with Condi’s name in KISS font.
@ AngryBlakGuy = Army Ants, Sauron’s Army, Dick Armey…
From the Kissonline web site:
Realllllllly. I would love to hear Gene Simmons take on the problems in the Middle East. Or maybe they talked about the cost of gasoline for their tour bus?
@AngryBlakGuy; @Dramatist: ooo, don’t forget the sailors!
McHale’s Navy, In the Navy, Old Navy…
@SanAntoneRose: To be fair to Gene Simmons (there’s a phrase I never thought I’d see myself typing — but I digress), Condi’s standards of “well-informed on current events” are pretty low. Considering who she hangs out with on a daily basis, she was probably impressed that he didn’t think Scandinavia was a fleet of ships.
@SayItWithWookies: Well, Gene Simmons is Jewish and Israeli born. Perhaps he should be given the benefit of the doubt on Middle East affairs. Interesting trivia about his longtime partner: her father was a mink farmer.
@sanantonerose: I’ve heard the same “mink farmer” rumors about Condi, but I refuse to believe them.
I hate Kiss. I always have. Now I know why.
yeah, KISS is getting old but they do have lots of memories and good music. Face it guys! They have good music, right?
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