DRUGS  9:51 am May 30, 2008

Shocking Activities At Florida Spelling Bee

by Sara K. Smith

We would like some crack!Wonkette Operative “Cheryl” sends us this amazing report about one teen’s secret to awesome spelling. [Orlando Sentinel]

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Hola wonkerados.

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Darehead May 30, 2008 at 9:56 am

I’ll try to be the first one to say she ain’t no Paultard, but Shorts might beat me to it.

ForTheTurnstiles May 30, 2008 at 9:57 am

When I saw “home schooled,” I imagined a kid of more Huckabee-esque proportions. This one could probably get out of Taco Bell for under fifteen bucks, which ain’t bad.

ManchuCandidate May 30, 2008 at 9:57 am

Give the young’n a break. So what if she likes plumbers crack.

blogfather May 30, 2008 at 10:02 am

Peanut-butter and crack sandwich. MmmmmMmm

blogfather May 30, 2008 at 10:06 am

I love sensationalist headlines. As if the paper couldn’t spare one more letter in the headline to say “teen has ‘a’ crack at…”. I was sorta dissapointed to find out the kid wasn’t on crack. That’s when you know the headline is good.

elburrito May 30, 2008 at 10:10 am

I’m back, baby.
But there’s no way I’m giving you guys my mother’s maiden name. Nice try!

Kingbee May 30, 2008 at 10:11 am

No doubt she keeps those pieces of paper in her own crack, for instant retrieval at the spelling bee.

ForTheTurnstiles May 30, 2008 at 10:18 am

@Kingbee: A young Carolee Schneemann? This stuff was genius in the mid-70′s.


queeraselvis v 2.0 May 30, 2008 at 10:19 am

Girlfriend gets one whore diamond just for spelling “Loquacity” correctly.

Darehead May 30, 2008 at 10:28 am

@elburrito–yeah, for Wonkette, after all, I thought there would be more snarky original questions too. Maybe we can think of some new ones for version 2.0!

And how many politicians in our planet’s history are worthy of being favorite?

It was also confusing to have only two choices of gender. Hmmmmm…..

Patty Dumpling May 30, 2008 at 10:43 am

“Student gets ‘AIDS’ to win National Acronym Bee”

TGY May 30, 2008 at 10:56 am

Trying…hard…to care…failing…

ronaldpagan May 30, 2008 at 10:58 am

She’s no dope.

Serolf Divad May 30, 2008 at 11:11 am

That’s funny, when I get high on crack mai speeling awl gos too shet…

Diadhuit May 30, 2008 at 11:18 am

Ugh, i used to do the Spelling Bee/ Geography Bee circuit, trust me- you’ll need more than crack to stay awake.

Crow T. Robot May 30, 2008 at 11:57 am

This children is learning.

villageatrois May 30, 2008 at 12:10 pm

“Spelling-bee”? Oh… there it is, right between “Ay” and “Cee”.

shortsshortsshorts May 30, 2008 at 12:10 pm

@Darehead: You have the east coast advantage dammit!

Maybe she can spell her way into a meth addition. Floridians would surely be proud of this, right?

V572625694 May 30, 2008 at 12:14 pm

Anyone ever consider how utterly stupid the whole idea of competitive spelling is? It was really stupid when you had to look up words in the dictionary, but now that you can access dictionary.com on a handheld, what is the point of filling your head with words like loquacity without knowing what they mean?

That said, many props to that little girl, who will in three years will be quite hittable.

DizzyLizzy May 30, 2008 at 12:30 pm

the shelf should read: judges too drunk to dock points/see

blogfather May 30, 2008 at 12:39 pm

@V572625694- win!

TGY May 30, 2008 at 12:50 pm

@V572625694: Spelling is only a valid contest in English. Other languages have the..uh..sense..to make more sense. Or cents, or since, or scents.

shortsshortsshorts May 30, 2008 at 1:01 pm


Definitely “cents,”
can she spell r-e-c-e-s-s-i-o-n?

NotUrEvryDayWEzl May 30, 2008 at 1:30 pm

What’s the prize for winning a spelling bee? A makeover by the Fab5? If anyone needs it, it’s these pour soles.

Lionel Hutz Esq. May 30, 2008 at 1:48 pm

Have you ever been to a spelling bee? They should be required to give out crack to keep everyone awake.

donner_froh May 30, 2008 at 1:57 pm

Red tape holds up bridge.

Squad helps dog bite victim.

1ofUS May 30, 2008 at 3:50 pm

Xerxes says, all my xeroxes are xerarchs.

villageatrois May 31, 2008 at 12:08 am

Did anyone notice that the winner was a thirteen year old from Indiana? Wasn’t that the home of Reagan’s human shield, Dan Quayle? Sameer is lucky they didn’t ask him to spell “potatoe”.

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