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The Idaho bathroom goblin who won America’s heart will write a book about his totally straight adventures once he’s safely retired from the Senate. He told a local news station that the book will probably take a year or so to write and edit. In the meantime, he’s beginning to look into post-Senate job options — and because he’s Larry Craig, he manages to make it all sound incredibly filthy and wrong.

He said he is having a number of “one way conversations” – right now he can’t engage potential jobs due to Senate ethics rules, but can listen to offers.

So Larry Craig is indulging in a series of creepy “one-ways” while America waits for him to MAKE IT STOP, the end, Wonkette is forming a Book Club post haste.

Craig to write book for release next year [KTBV.com]

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  • Ken Layne

    Let us try to comment again. And by “us,” I mean “me.”

  • loquaciousmusic

    Oprah’s Book Club: Anna Karenina, As I Lay Dying, Middlesex.
    Wonkette’s Book Club: Madonna’s SEX, Larry Craig’s memoir, Penthouse Forum

    I’d join!

  • Spence

    A dog ate my avatar.

  • V572625694

    What a great week for literature: Scott McClellan and Larry Craig. It’s like Fitzgerald and Hemingway in 1935, or something.

    Maybe not.

  • Odder

    When I see someone having a one way conversation, I usually cross the street to avoid them.

  • norbziness

    Great Bungholes I Have Known, available for Xmas pre-ordering now on Amazon!

  • Harvey Birdman

    Testes. Testes. One, two…three?

  • Dave J.

    “Senator Craig confirmed reports that 99% of these “one-ways” are located at the “Big Steer rest-stop” outside of Boise, and involve a large bearded gentleman named Earl.”

  • My old Gawker login was byproxy

    Will it be a how-to manual, then?

  • NotAnEvilLobbyist

    The conversations are typically one way because Larry’s mouth is always full with another man’s penis.

  • Botswana Meat Commission FC
  • PeteJayhawk v2.0

    Great, I already screwed up my first attempt to create an account.

    I can’t wait for the mouthbreathing weirdos (I mean, ever weirder weirdos than us’ns) to figure out that any old schizophenic can comment now. That’s going to be fun.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …in the time honored way of passing information onto one another the entire book will be written on the wall of a bathroom stall! Right next to the “To get your dikk sucked call…” writing.

  • Rev. Peter Lemonjello

    Is it too much to hope for a pop-up book?

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …an instructional guide to tap dancing maybe?

    or

    …”How to pick-up men in public restrooms for DUMMIES”

  • Ken Layne

    Hooray … I see a bunch of you have already made it through the WormHole.

  • Pop Socket

    @PeteJayhawk v2.0: I’m in but while trying to register all my sock puppets and dopplegangers I kept getting the Painting Perez error screen which makes me a little worried about just what dingy crack-pipe infested neighborhood we’ve moved to just because Daddy and Mommy got a divorce and Mom can’t afford a decent apartment because that cheating bastard won’t pay his child support on time so we can get nice things like a preview button and user profiles.

  • sweetladyirony

    Tap shoes hanging from the hook of a restroom stall as the cover image. That shit will be FLYING off the Barnes & Noble bargain table.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    HOW THE HELL DO YOU LEAVE A REPLY DAMNIT!

  • SocialList

    “See Dick.”

    “The End.”

  • murality

    The Power Bottom and the Glory Hole: No, I am not a homo, by L. Craig

  • Pop Socket

    @AngryBlakGuy: You have to roll your own. My years spent acquiring basic familiarity with the <a href=’ tag are finally paying off. I knew those skilz I got blogwhoring on Haloscan comment systems would come in handy someday.

  • RonaldReagansHair

    Well crap. I had gotten used to my old identity, but that doesn’t seem to work anymore. I guess as long as we have all lost all our peeps, I might as well start over.

  • weirdiowasculpture

    When does Mark Foley’s book come out?

  • Godless Liberal *

    I already received an advance copy. Unfortunately, I cannot provide a review since all the pages are stuck together.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Does he have a title yet? I’m thinking “The Stall and the Fury.”
    @AngryBlakGuy: You fake it. Get the url from the line beneath the sig you want to reply to (the one that has the date & time of the post) and add this (use HTML brackets instead of [ and ]:
    @[a href=”http://wonkette.com/400023/larry-craig-pens-tell-all-restroom-sex-scandal-memoir#comment-163″]DisgruntledAfro-American[/a].

  • Preppy Bastard

    Will it be in regular fiction, or the Gay & Lesbian section?

  • V572625694

    Godless Liberal–did you award yourself a star? Nicely done! I know I’ll never be worthy.

  • Harvey Birdman

    Work, goddamnit!

    Sorry, was talking to the knob gobbler.

  • Gopherit v2.0

    Jesus, please let it have worked this time.

  • Godless Liberal *

    @V572625694: Yep, and I want a nickel from everybody else who gives themselves a star in a similar fashion.

    I figure whatever I did to earn the first one, I’ll never be able to do again so it’s time I hooked myself up.

  • AngryBlakGuy

    …lets see if this works, if it does I apologize for the visual

  • SayItWithWookies

    My entry in the title-the-book contest: “The Stall and the Fury.”

  • somanyjackets

    Shorts did not make it through the wormhole. Hi everybody! I now have somanyjackets!

  • V572625694

    Godless Liberal: great idea. I tried it with the double-dagger and the Spanish upsdie-down exclamation mark in my screen-name, but it blows the whole site up in an interesting way.

  • Whiskeybaby

    I love that one of the security question options is “First Kiss”. Um, what are you supposed to put there?
    Yes, I promise I have had one?
    Wet?
    Strangely unsatisfying?
    With my brother? (Ha! I can only bear to say that because I don’t have a brother.)

    Anyway…the new Wonkette scares me, but only because I fear change.

  • Fferret

    Woohoo! Commenting enabled and verified! Larry needs a new pair of tap shoes, apparently.

  • friendlynerd

    Heh heh. Goblin. We all know what he likes to gobble.

  • Whiskeybaby

    Also, couldn’t find my old avatar anywhere so now I’ve got this stupid one. Perhaps I should consider branching out into something other than dumb cat pictures.
    On second thoughts, nah.

  • SayItWithWookies

    @WhiskeyBaby: Don’t fear change. After Dubya fixes the economy, it might be all we have left.

  • StupidGeek

    I’m scared, too. Where are the stars? How am I supposed to know who is funny?

  • El Bombastico

    I do not care who is making out with John Mayer!! I do not care about the new pop album from Heidi Montag! Stop tormenting me, Perez Hilton!

    Oh wait.. did this work?

  • metropolitan

    that book will make great bathroom reading.

  • Whiskeybaby

    Wookies, you make a good point. How do you reply on this motherflipping thing?

  • blogfather

    @metropolitan: Win!

  • Flounder

    Rickushay here: I decided to recreate myself from a hiphop spelling of ricochet to an old college fraternity nickname. I think of it as a promotion.

    I dont fear change. I do, however, fear the reaper despite BOC’s suggestion not to.

  • Pingback: theonlinedish.com | Larry Craig Pens Tell-All Restroom Sex Scandal Memoir!()

  • 2goats

    I like the self awarded stars concept. Think how many Hilz would give herself, because, you know, she’s owed.

  • dougbob

    wow. i made it! and larry craig can go peddle his book to all the sheeples in idaho, cause that’s who’ll be reading it.

  • SayItWithWookies

    @WhiskeyBaby: It’s a DIY reply system. Grab the URL of the datestamp of the comment you want to reply to (the line under the commenter’s name). Then type in the html using the “” in place of (open) and (close) like so:
    (open)a href=”(URL here)”(close)CommentersName(open)/a(close).

  • blogfather

    @sayitwithwookies: I just went on a gawker site, clicked the reply button and copy that so I can now paste it here and replace the commenters name.

  • My old Gawker login was byproxy

    @blogfatherHopefully not io9 or you’ll get geek all over us!

  • Manofsteel

    I hear the Braille edition is going to be particularly scintillating.

  • mrtrailsafety

    And here I thought it said “Larry Craig’s Penis: Tell-All Restroom Sex Scandal Memoir!”

    I’ll get my eyes checked after I shave my palms.

  • Flounder &lt

    I’ve awarded myself a 3 diamond whore rating. Either that, or I’m in the HOV lane.

    *shrug*

  • blogfather

    @My old gawker login was byproxy: Hell no, fleshbot of course!

  • StuckBetweenStations

    “Suddenly Last Cummer” by Larry Craig coming soon to an erotic book store near you!

  • FunkyPalmettoBug

    “Naked picture of Famous Senators: from Strom to Byrd” by Larry Craig

  • DanaPerinosBabyDaddy

    Was it written on toilet paper? The 2-ply version has double the literary merit of 1-ply.

  • Smartindc

    Confessions of a Wide Stance by Ben Dover.

  • Mabalz Eshari

    He’s a busy, busy boy. He’s also penning a children’s book called “If You Sprinkle When You Tinkle”, along with an agricultural textbook entitled “The History of Tuberous Root Vegetables in Idaho”.

  • DanaPerinosBabyDaddy

    Here’s the cover art:

  • Gopherit v2.0

    This sounds like it’s gonna be the Frommer’s Guide to Stalltrawling.

  • DanaPerinosBabyDaddy

    Dammit.

    <img src=”http://truthpluslies.com/wp-content/uploads/simplothillwithflair.jpg”

  • bitchincamaro

    “A lot of opportunities are beginning to appear.” Uh, ballbreath, those are anal lesions.

  • Accordion-o-rama

    The penis mightier than the sword.

  • Humpin’toPlease

    The new book title is “Senate Seat or Toilet Seat” and here’s his theme song:

    (Special thanks to the Village People “In the Navy”)

    Where can you go Horatio

    To give a cop felatio

    Search the world for blowjobs

    Behind every bathroom stall

    Where can you begin to make your dreams all come true

    In the can or on the sea

    Where can you learn to lie

    Play some footsie and jive

    Study choosing toilet seats

    Sign up for the Senate

    Or sit in the grandstand

    You’re not gay to tap your feet…

    (Chorus)
    IN THE SENATE
    WE CAN DO WHAT WE PLEASE
    IN THE SENATE
    WE GET DOWN ON OUR KNEES
    IN THE SENATE
    IF YOUR PLANE’S RUNNING LATE
    IN THE SENATE
    FIND SOMEONE TO FELATE
    IN THE SENATE
    AND STILL GET TO THE GATE
    IN THE SENATE
    IN BETWEEN QUORUM CALLS
    IN THE SENATE
    WE GET BLOWN IN THE STALLS
    IN THE SENATE
    YOU CAN MAKE A QUICK CONNECTION
    WITH AN OFFICER’S ERECTION
    AND STILL HAVE TIME TO MAKE IT TO YOUR PLANE
    IN THE SENATE
    YOU CAN SIT IN THE CAN
    IN THE SENATE
    WHERE YOU CAN JOIN YOUR FELLOW MAN
    IN THE SENATE
    WHEN WE’RE DONE WITH DEBATE
    IN THE SENATE
    FIND SOMEONE TO FELATE
    IN THE SENATE
    SAY YOU’RE STRAIGHT WHEN YOU’RE NOT
    IN THE SENATE
    JUST TRY NOT TO GET CAUGHT
    IN THE SENATE
    WHERE’S A STRAIGHT MAN TO GO
    FOR A BLOW – BLOW – BLOW -BLOW!!!

  • shortsshortsshorts

    @Huffin:

    If I could still post whore diamonds, I would give you many, many whore diamonds. I would also care to ask whether you just spent like, your entire night doing that, or you pulled it out from someone’s ass. Either way: BRILLIANCE, ILLUMINATION and ECSTACY.

  • Humpin’toPlease

    Thnx Shorts, here is this hilarious Larry Craig memorabilia source (with video)

    http://tootruthy.blogspot.com/2008/05/larry-craigs-new-book-senate-seat-or.html

  • Low overhang

    Will there be be book signings at the Minneapolis airport stall

  • the schmada

    Might be a book of Tap Tap jokes.

  • oracle

    To the liberal hypocrites:
    If he was a Democrat, would you care, or would you shove this under the rug, like you did with Barney Frank and his underage prostitution ring?
    “Move on, move on.”
    If Craig is gay, how is his behavior creepy, filthy and wrong, when you support gays who fit your political ilk when they engage in the same or similar behavior in public areas?

    Your hate will kill you.

  • Humpin’toPlease

    O,

    The “h” word you’re looking for is “hypocrisy.” kay?

    “Our gay guys aren’t like your gay guys.” -Al Franken

  • 1ofUS

    The book contract was designed,
    Despite what all the notaries think,
    To be by only one penis signed,
    And that is thine, and full of ink.

    – Mr. Enderby

  • 1ofUS

    The book contract was designed,
    Despite what all the notaries think,
    To be by but one penis signed,
    And that filled with gay, senatorial ink.

  • 1ofUS

    Oh dear, I feel a doppleganger’s in the pipe.

  • Ultraspanked

    Oracle, you took a wrong turn on the way to the men’s stall.
    Backup before its too late.

  • greatwhitebear

    I hope to Sweet Jeebus that he doesn’t think I’m doing the movie adaptation with him.

    1. I ain’t shaving…. unless he can score me a threesome with Steve Kmetko and Greg Lubedanus.

    2. I’m not going back to a 40-inch waist and giving up inches off my biceps, chest, and quads.

    3. Larry was kinda cute in a creepy, self-loathing neocon way back in the day; but now he’s just gross in a creepy, self-loathing neocon way.

    4. It’ll be hard to re-create a sex club in the middle of Nationals Park.

  • BeachLover420

    Wide Stancer’s Book Title………….”A How To On How To Achieve A Deeply Closeted Wide Stance”

  • NedPepper

    Hummmmmmmmm, oh my Senator, thats one big Idaho spud you’ve got there!

  • tocute2btrue

    We will have to give Larry a break, he has an enlarged Prostate and needs it massaged occasionally.

  • bmannes

    Hot.

  • crankypants

    They had a lot of “one-ways” back at the Ramrod on Cocky Doody nights. Is that what Lawrence is talking about?

  • zhubajie

    I suggest he look for work at at agay whorehouse in Bankok or Shanghai!
    I’m sure there are lots of tasteless Asian gays who’d like to say they
    did it with a US senator! This could be a post-presidential job for
    GWB as well!

  • zhubajie

    It’s rather hard to write naturally about sex, although Casanova managed
    it. I fear that this thing, even if true, will be as boring as _My
    Secret Life_.

    Zhu Bajie

  • Sabre_Justice

    [re=143]norbziness[/re]: Can’t be any worse than ‘A Conga Line of Suckholes’.

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