John McCain Gets No Love From Hollywood

John McCain is doing his best to romance The Hollywoods, but he has found few wealthy gay liberals willing to listen to his uplifting message of war without end. As a result, he has only been able to raise a few paltry dollars from the D list's D list -- Ben Stein, Dick Van Patten, and an assortment of other balding losers who were on a TV show once. Why is Hollywood so ageist against physically and mentally deteriorating old warmongers?

McCain is hoping that he'll be able to snare support from disaffected southern California Clintards once Hillary drops out of the race. Of course, they'll have to overlook the fact that he hates abortion, healthcare, peace, and other things that your mom cares about. Will McCain's crazy plan work? Probably not, which is why he'll waste millions of dollars and months pursuing the Hollywood vote -- there's nothing he loves more than a losing cause.

Here's what sad old Dick Van Patten (who to his credit makes some top-notch dog food) has to say about being a McCain supporter in Hollywood: "I'm all alone ... I feel isolated. Nobody agrees with me."

 Straight Talk Express stalls in Hollywood [Politico]