Liveblogging Hillary Clinton's Best Victory Speech Of The Year

Mary Lou Retton also hails from the fair state of West Virginia. And if Hillary Clinton were an athlete, she would be Mary Lou Retton in a fetching flag-themed leotard. What does Mary Lou Clinton have to say to the voters of West Virginia? Click the clicky and find out!

8: 23 PM -- Suzanne Malveaux says Obama called Clinton to congratulate her and got VOICE MAIL, which is Stone Cold.

8: 26 PM -- On MSNBC, Chris Matthews has a hearty chuckle at the poky Mayor of New Orleans just now getting around to endorsing Obama. You see, the mayor was too busy with his jazz and his hurricane recoveries to care about endorsements.

8: 30 PM -- Olbermann asks Sen. James Clyburn, basically, "Are West Virginian voters just terrible racists?" and Clyburn says, "No, they just love the Clintons a lot." Plus Obama needed to talk more about how he is a half-white Christian if he didn't want to scare people off.

8: 35 PM -- Russert speaks German, like JFK! Fundraising -- Hillary will either have to get out soon so that she can recoup her $20 million campaign investment, or she will have to suck it up and just sell her next book for that amount. A hint that payroll and vendor payments are suffering. The Clintons may have to sell a plane or two, maybe a few Pennsylvanian oldsters, to finance the campaign's continuation.

8: 43 PM -- Pat Buchanan: "West Virginia voters saying she's the queen of West Virginia... " Oh gooodness. Everything Pat Buchanan says sounds sofrustrated, like he has said this a thousand times, which to ihs credit he has. Who is that person laughing in the background? On the sound stage? Weird. EVERYBODY is mocking Terry McAuliffe's promise that this will be the best speech ever.

8: 48 PM -- Oh Jesus, 9:05? We are taking a break.

9: 03 PM -- Olbermann says Clinton is running a Ponzi scheme.

9: 06 PM -- OMG here she is!!! They found the one young black male in West Virginia who voted for Hillary, and they put him in a yellow shirt and seated him directly behind her.

9: 08 PM -- Hillary commends Senator Obama...it is very difficult for your editor to type because she has a massive dog asleep in her lap. Hillary's jacket matches the carpet she's standing on.

9: 09 PM -- Wild cheers at the mention of HillaryClinton.com. "There were those who wanted to declare the nominee before the ballots were counted, or even cast." Yes, that would be the Clintons, in 2007.

9: 10 PM -- Plug for Florida and Michigan. This feels a little rote. She reviews the delegate math and comes up with 2209.

9: 11 PM -- She is in this race because she believes she is the strongest candidate. Mountaineers 4 Hillary go nuts. She just listed a bunch of states. She sounds like she's about to fall asleep. "The White House is won in the swing states, and I am a swinger." Why is the camera that pans away smeared with Vaseline? How many buckets of Vasoline will MSNBC need in order to render these bitter hairfaced voters in a less menacing light to the rest of America?

9: 15 PM -- Is this the segue into the anecdotal section of the evening? Yes! The nurse, the worker, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker! But not you, Arugula Elites, you don't need Hillary. Non-quitting America needs her though.

9: 19 PM -- Cheering crowd as she runs down the list of issues: healthcare, economy, etc. She reminds everyone that the campaign has been good for the country... another misty pan to dudes holding signs. This campaign is about the common threads that tie us together, which is why you should vote for the gal who appeals to white working-class voters over 65 living in Appalachia.

9: 21 PM -- "This is not an abstract exercise. This is for a solemn, crucial purpose." Such as recouping $20 million in campaign debt. She talked with Senator Byrd today, and offered him the vice presidency. He said, "I am too old, sorry." The governor of WV is called Mansion? Who knew?

9: 23 PM -- Another list... thank yous to supporters... "We've had the best time" in WV, because Bill has been trailed by adoring crowds of fat girls wherever he goes.

9: 26 PM -- Anecdote about old Florence and young Dalton, two very different demographics who both wanted Hillary to win. Too bad Florence died before Hillary got a chance to officially lose.

9: 26 PM -- Olbermann gets in ANOTHER dig at the quality of Hillary's speech. The end, good night, tomorrow is another day, etc etc.