Who’s that to our left? Why, it’s famous West Virginian Don Knotts, pictured here outside a typical hometown polling place. Don Knotts would be rolling in his grave, and drinking shots with Terry McAuliffe’s dad in Heaven, if he knew about all the Divisions and Distractions in the Democratic Party these days. Drink a shot with Wonkette in CNN Hell as we watch Wolf Blitzer and company talking about very little until the polls close!
6:51 PM — Alex Castellanos just made the same food tester joke that Gergen made a week ago.
6:55 PM — Exit polls with Bill Schneider. Does Obama share the views of Reverend Jeremiah Wright? Half say yes, half say no. Clinton will win in a landslide! Except 59% believe Clinton attacked Obama unfairly. But maybe they like scrappy scrappers in West Virginia.
6:58 PM — John King shows how pathetically the WV vote totals will move the delegate bar for either candidate. This is because West Virginia is just not that populous. But it is a vital swing state, so there’s that. Also, Obama has “a problem” with rural voters in Kentucky and other places too, which he will have to “deal with” (i.e. nuke) before the fall.
7:03 PM — What are people looking for? Leslie Simmons is looking for Baptists, or “poignant” moments. Simmons: delegates. Castellanos: a place to put his mustache. Martin: issues. (Snooze.) A mystery: why do WV Democrats keep voting for Republicans in the national elections?
7:07 PM — King: How much do white working class voters and people over 65 hate Barack Obama? That is the question to be answered tonight. He pulls up a frightening map of county-by-county results from the 2000 and 2004 election cycles showing Republicans ruling pretty much every rural county in America, while sad Democrats cling to their coasts and their college towns.
7:13 PM — Let’s see what’s going on with our friends at Fox. Juan Williams: The elite has made a call, and the call if for Obama. Brit Hume is aghast. He cannot believe his beloved Hillary Clinton will not get the nomination. Even the Republican lady says, “Sorry dude.” She says being able to deliver a demographic (like white working class voters) is a vice presidential argument, not a presidential one. This woman’s name is Nina Easton. Wasn’t she a drummer, for Prince? She’s changed.
7:19 PM — Over to MSNBC. Bill Richardson still has that beard. Has he lost weight? Keith Olbermann asks the longest questions ever. Richardson runs down a laundry list of states and things Obama has won. He also says Oregahn, which Oregonians hate.
7:21 PM — Norah O’Donnell: PA – rich people = WV.
7:22 PM — David Gregory speaks from deep within a tin can. Oh God he is talking with Pat Buchanan. What crazy shit will Pat spew tonight?
7:24 PM — Eugene Robinson says Obama shouldn’t waste his time in WV if Florida is in play. Rachel Maddow: Oh go ahead, humor those nutty old whites if you’ve got the money/time.
7:25 PM — Hagee surfaces! Could McCain’s batty preacher pal finally be getting more air time? Chris Matthews hopes so. Keith Olbermann makes a joke about the complete lack of suspense in tonight’s race. You know how unsuspenseful this is? We have yet to pour ourselves a single drink. That’s how unsuspenseful.
7:29 PM — Over to CNN. Blitzer vamping until the polls close. Maybe he will do some soft shoe…and 54321, CNN projects Hillary Clinton will win the state by a “wide margin.”
7:31 PM — Resident Wonkette West Virginia Expert Jim Newell has started a liveblog of these very exciting results. Check it out RIGHT HERE!!!