Oh no! Condi’s stuck on repeat! Or maybe shuffle! She went places, she met people… but it all seems so familiar, like she’s just coasting for the next eight months or something. I don’t know about you, but there are some Condi reruns I’d much rather see, so let’s use the magical, revelatory power of Photoshop to pump up the Condiweek that was… after the jump, natch!
See if this sounds at all familiar to you: “Rice left the region Monday without a clear accomplishment. She plans to return in less than two weeks.” That’s the Associated Press neatly summing up the state of the Condiverse last Monday, and very likely a sentence we can use to start off every other Condi Roundup for the rest of the Bush Administration. Handy! The Bushies, after all, love consistency, and Madame Secretary’s got that by the bucketful. Honestly, wouldn’t this be a whole lot better:
Does that fill your head with visions of Dr. Ferragamo stationed at a conveyor belt, frantically stuffing chocolates in her face? Mission Accomplished, as they say!
But what about Azerbaijan? I’m so glad you asked! “She seems to have no idea of the region,” one of the local eggheads said. “[S]he either has no idea of the situation, or makes a purposed mistake. Condoleezza Rice seems willing to see Azerbaijan as a US subworker.” That’s our gal! The Condibot, like every good mechanical Bushbot, knows that “progress” is just a stepping stone to having to do something else, which is hard work! Ew! Also, that gives me an idea for another knockout Condi sitcom:
Remember that crazy preacher hanging around the presidential candidate? No, not Wright, the other one! Anyway, noteworthy Catholic-basher John Hagee had some harsh words for America’s Princess Diplomat on Wednesday, calling her two-state “solution” to the Israeli/Palestinian prob “a cheap political ploy” aimed at “making Condoleezza Rice a vice presidential candidate and building a midnight legacy for George Bush.” Ooooh! Well, at least he didn’t call her the great whore. Or Morticia Addams:
For the most hilariously mean/accurate Condi analysis of the past week, let’s turn to Middle East Online, whose wonderfully titled essay, The Tragic Futility of Condoleezza Rice, is full of humorous denunciations: “Whenever she moans, as she has done on her previous visits, about Israel’s expanding settlements, Prime Minister Ehud Olmert promptly authorizes the construction of more housing units — hardly waiting for her to take off from Ben Gurion airport. It is nothing less than a smack in the face, but she has always come back for more.” Maybe she just needs to work on her communication skills:
And what about this Myanmar mess? “It should be a simple matter,” Condi revealed. “This is not a matter of politics.” Or, presumably, a time for Myanmar’s leaders to go shoe shopping during a natural disaster. Hey, Condi learned that lesson so they don’t have to! Perhaps Burma just needs Condi to provide some refreshing beverages:
Exciting and New, indeed! Set a course for adventure, Condi!
Veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) explores the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™ each week at Wonkette!
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