Wonkette

Aha. This explains why the Repubs voted down the Mother's Day bill.

Everything I'm wanting to say right now would make me look like a misogynist jackass, so I'll keep mum.

Say It With Truck Nutz

@MaineGay: Yeah, mum's the word.

"I'm an egghead and a black. Which means my Mother is also not a Mother who counts. But hope you have a good one."

Give it up girl!

bigdog@hotmail.com

@MadMangosteen: Leave my cousin out of this.

it surely makes me a bad, immature, stupid person, but I laugh out loud every time I see the words "Truck Nutz". Or say them, for that matter.

Please oh please just go away...signed your ignorant, uneducated- but hardworking- white, illegitimate son. I miss you, Mom...even though you won't admit I'm your long, lost Woodstock love child...sniff, sniff :(

Is Mother's Day a feminist expression of women's unpaid labor? Or a cynical and misogynist attempt to keep women at home with the kids by rewarding them once a year with a fake holiday. I just want to say the right thing.

Also: "Several Caucasians have keen senses of rhythm."
HA!

Taryn Hymen
Jack Hoff
Hugh Jass Bonnner
Johnny Stroker
Long Wang
Hang Lo
Ivana Orgasmo
Ivana Cox
Harry Ballsonya and
Eileen Dover

all wish you the happiest of mother's day..

Hillary's just jealous of all the father's day cards Bill gets from around the country.

The kicker is you have to enter your credit card number in order to send it...

Best three-testicled mom EVER!

i'll send hills a mother day's card and i'll send bill a motherfucker day's card and i'll send chelsea a mami chula day's card.

Poor Chelsea! She looked like a midget Carol Burnett impersonator growing up.

That postcard is an ode to redneck misogyny.

Your candle burned out long ago

Your campaign will never end...

Don't forget Hugh Jankles and Eileen's brother Ben Dover.

Of course the card is brown.

@audicityofhope: I'm ashamed to say "Hugh Jankles" made me do a spit take.

Who the fuck sends Mother's Day e-cards to someone else's mom?

Hillary wants you to loooooove her.

That's just encouraging more misogynist jackassery, Jim (and I think it's hilarious)

"Dear Hillary,

Have fun with all those hardworking white people that have no educations!"

you are brilliant for posting this. THANKS! I kept it simple from "go away" at email 'go away' saying go away. No need to be rude, after all.

Old Wonkette: Hillary is an unwavering cunt from hell sent to destroy us. I hate you Hillary. I hate you for thinking you we're human at all, much less female enough to receive an ode for having a fucking bun in the oven. Besides, Chelsea's probably not even Bill's kid. He only spikes it in the ass.

New Wonkette: Happy Matriarchal Day, Mrs. Clinton. I do hope that you enjoy it and that you are very happy. I also wish that I could see you to shake your hand. You have done very well to prove yourself as a woman, and I respect you for that.

This place just isn't the same without Heidi.

BTW, that's my explanation for why Hillary gets the white blue collars excited. They are literally in love with her.

@Gopherit: lol. me too.

Maybe Obama will send her a card from Hallmark's Mahogany line?

I sent a message as Oliver Clothesoff.

See you all in Gitmo when Hillary becomes President.

Can I send Michelle Obama a Mother's Day Card? And by "Mother's Day Card" I mean "Sexual Proposition"?

I sent Bill a card for his heart surgery. But then again, I always loved Dad more than Mom.

what better mother's day present than getting more time to spend with your daughter and husband?

I swear I've seen truck-vaginas also.

When you go to Hillary Clinton's website -- I know, you don't want to, because you might be labeled racist or misogynistic by the people in your office -- and you click on "Send Hillary a Mother's Day card," you're attacked by this horrible video narrated by Chelsea.

"I'd like to tell you about my mom. Yeah, she's running for President, but she's always done a lot of running. She'd run straight home from work to ensure we had dinner together every night and to help me with my homework. She'd run to school if I were sick and needed to be home with my mom taking care of me. She'd run from one softball game to one soccer game to every piano recital and every ballet recital. She's always been, and continues to be, my biggest fan.

Like so many loving and devoted mothers I've met across this country, my mom raised me to believe in the value that are most important in life: self confidence, kindness, compassion, and most of all the golden rule. The values I know my grandmother passed on to her and that I hope to be able to pass on to my children.

So as we celebrate Mother's Day this Sunday, I invite everyone to sign this very special card I have for her. Please write and let her know what you wish for this Mother's Day. I know it's my mom's greatest wish that, as President, she can help all our children to feel safe, secure, and loved and give every boy and girl the opportunity to fulfill their dreams as I'm hoping to fulfill mine.

I want to wish every mother out there a Happy Mother's Day, and remember: your little girls can be anything they want to be in America when they grow up-even it it's to be the second woman President.

Seriously. It's vomit-inducing, and I had to watch it about six times because there was no "pause" button and I can't type 300 words a goddamned minute.

This is how much I love you racist, sexist fuckwads.

@Gopherit: It's your own fault. Don't drink while reading this, your lucky it didn't come out your nose!

your little girls can be anything they want to be in America when they grow up-even if it's to be the second woman President.

BWAHAHAHAHA. This is priceless. Thanks @loquaciousmusic:

@FlakJack: I tried that. Pled "no contest".

Wait a minute. Are you saying Hillary is now claiming to be my mother?...she can no longer surprise me.

Looks like she's gonna be spending a lot more time with Chelsea...

"Dear Hillary,

Okay, you can have your redneck mother's day, but then leave us alone. Enjoy!

xoxox,
Hardworkin' Honky"

My brother's wife left him, so his kids don't have a mom anymore. My brother LOVES Hillary, and has trained his kids to love her, too. Thus, Hillary is their new mom. If she drops out, they'll have to go back to not having a mom.

@loquaciousmusic: @jagorev: Jimmy Carter ws our first woman president.

@san antone rose: Electra...

Chelsea won't be feeling so much fondness for her Mom when she tells the good folks of West Virginia that Chelsea's frizzy hair comes from their Melungeon roots and that her sixth fingers and toes were amputated when she was a baby.

LIsten, you haters. Just watch this video. Then there will be no more racism, sexism, homophobia, misogyny, or ageism on Wonkette.

Or on Earth.

+ Watch video

I wonder if it's bad form to wish someone 'happy mother's day' while wanting to boff her daughter.

Need online ethicist.

You think you're Our Mother Teresa
And this time I don't wanna taze ya
So go burn some cookies
And pay off your bookies
Go back to your life in Fantasia.

I sent her the cartoon I made about the alternate universe where she broke up with Bill after one date and, instead of growing up to run for president, she ends up just being a racist, narcissistic, power-hungry jackass.

+ Watch video

@loquaciousmusic: You are truly the Christ of today, suffering for our laziness/girl hate/simple lack of speakers at work.

@TGY: You should ask Hills that in her online card!

@WadISay: Eleanor Roosevelt was our first lesbian president!

@loquaciousmusic: "She'd run straight home from work to ensure we had dinner together every night and to help me with my homework. She'd run to school if I were sick and needed to be home with my mom taking care of me."

Chelsea really said that? Wow, what a liar. Clearly it runs in the family.

@IrasGlasses: No kidding.....was that before or after she got rejected from enlisting in the Marines?

@IrasGlasses: I hope she wasn't helping her with her MATH homework.

@PentagonBookkeeper: You're awesome.

@RaptorAvatar: Dude, I'm now hlillzophant, but I hate that video with a passion that could ignite 1000 suns.

...my mom raised me to believe in the value that are most important in life: self confidence, kindness, compassion, and most of all the golden rule. The values I know my grandmother passed on to her and that I hope to be able to pass on to my children.

The jokes just write themselves, don't they? Kindness? Compassion? The golden friggin' rule?

Okay, then.

@Gopherit: Um, no, not "Now". Moron.

@tunamelt:
Of course the golden rule:

She who has the gold, makes the rules.

@ManchuCandidate: Does that mean Paultard will soon take the throne?

@ManchuCandidate: My former Sunday School teacher takes issue with that.

@ManchuCandidate: My Sunday School teacher takes serious issue with that.

Oh, by the way, I just banked another tax refund with Bill amd Hill's name all
over it.

The pair of them have putting cash in my pocket since the first got elected

@loquaciousmusic: Wow--talk about jumping on a grenade. We are all indebted to you for your sacrifice. That shit was horrible, and horribly priceless.

By the way, I'd wager that Chelsea's crack about little girls growing up to be the 2nd woman president was built on the assumption that it would be SHE, not her mom, who gets there first. A little Elektra-friction in the Hamrod household, maybe?

@ManchuCandidate: I thought it was "Do unto others before they can do unto you." And Hillary has that to a science.

@shortsshortsshorts:
Didn't say gold standard. Besides I'm guessing the Golden Rule has a no Gold Paulbucks clause in it.

@tunamelt:
Heh. Same double post problem I had. And yes, my Sunday School Teacher would have an issue with that too. Of course, I'm judging solely on Hilsbot's actions here (as in the cynical version.)

Get out the race fool, you're weakening the nominees campaign. Happy Mother's Day!

@Gopherit: You made it through the whole thing?Fair enough. It is definiteley miles from being well made or well acted.

@RaptorAvatar: No...I couldn't make it past the intro of "Barry Abrams." There was something about the jaw animation.....and my intense dislike for Hillary as a human being. There wasn't enough schadenfreude.

What do you get a mother who pimps her daughter out?

BTW did anyone notice at the celebration of Hilz' IN win, that Chelsea looked a lot like the "Julie Christi" stage girls in the movie
The Birdcage?

I mean her make up was a little "showtime"

In an effort to win over voters in West Virginia, Senator Clinton will spend Mother's Day having sexual intercourse with her daughter, Chelsea.

@MohairSam: Misogynist pig.

@jasonarewhy: Repulsive misogynist pig.

Seriously, Jim -- jasonarewhy and MohairSam should be banned from this blog. Their "humor" is repulsive and degrading to women.

I think jason and Laura should be banned,.....but hey.....I'm good to go

@jasonarewhy: ...THE ARISTOCRATS.

btw Laura, you take back that pig thing about Hilz.

@Laura Ingalls Wildest: Girl, you may have one of the best user names EVER, but what were you expecting from a Hillary mother's day thread on Wonkette?