Your Guide To Jenna Bush’s Trashy Texas Wedding

 

Yeah I'll take seventeen Jenna & Henry mousepads.Finally, George and Laura have almost married off one of the First Twins! It only took eight years, but Jenna found a “taker” and she’s getting hitched tomorrow at her parents’ fake “ranch” in Crawford, which sounds only a little better than “Waco,” and it’s time to celebrate the occasion with a bunch of bullshit trivia, after the jump.

Jenna is really getting married to that one guy, Henry! They will live in Baltimore! But to really make “living in Baltimore” seem romantic, they will exchange vows next to the cattle pond on the property George W. Bush was forced to buy in 1999 when he was running for president so he could “be a cowboy” and all the gullible liberals could say, in disdain, “oh he is a cowboy” when there is nothing cowboy at all about the rich yankee Yale boy who was born in New Haven, Connecticut.

Anyway …

The gown? Oscar de la Renta.

The bride’s earrings? Austin jewelers Anthony Nak.

The bridesmaids’ hot little aqua-blue-or-yellow-whatever cocktail dresses of varying styles? Dallas native Lela Rose.

The shocking father-bride dance? Nobody knows what to expect, according to Access Hollywood, but that George W. Bush sure loves to do ethnic dances!

[AP Photo]

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About the author

A writer and editor of this website from 2006 to early 2012, Ken Layne is occassionally seen on Twitter and writes small books and is already haunting you from beyond (your) grave.

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