Wonkette

I bet some republican strategists have been thinking about Barry's ass for longer than that.

So if those 25% of Republicans cast their votes against McCain, will that offset the fucking crybaby Hillary supporters who swear they will never vote for Obama?

All Barry has to do is dance around on McCain's lawn and point at the crabby old bastard on the porch in his Depends,shaking his fist.

They'll unite behind him for the general, because he's running against a Muslim terrorist gayball who can't bowl and I think raped a woman back in 1988 when Michael Dukakis let him out of jail for a weekend. This is just Republican voters whining that they can't feasibly reanimate the corpse of Ronald Reagan to run, using their votes instead of using crying to get their point across.

All previous attempts to reanimate the Gipper, by the way, resulted in creating a bloodthirsty zombie who eats human flesh, which precluded him from running; that would tarnish his image on Bill Clinton levels (see: Democratic Primary - 2008; Jackson, Jesse; "race card"; or "whiny white people").

"Republican Party Throws John McCain Under Bus"

Also, "John McCain Tells Republican Party to Get Off Lawn"

Well, that 25% feel like they could have beers with all of those people. Especially the "Undecided" Guy.

@SlipperyIsMyLawn:
Ehhh...maybe...he would probably get lost in the maze of Lawn Jockeys that most certainly bless the Bud funded mansion.

So how is Sprout McCain going to kick the Black Giant Obama's ass without a crane?

BTW, can McCain's campaign even afford to rent a crane?

This is precisely why I don't get some of the more nervous nelly posts here.

McCain isn't the overwhelming first choice among Republicans. He's just the guy who won it by default, having been the best of a bad lot in this cycle, and besides.... "we kinda owe it to him if there's nobody better..."

He gets to run on the failed legacy of the worst President in history, is incapable of thinking on his feet, his every move reminds people just how prehistoric he is, and once they start finding Vicki Iseman's body parts, he's in some deep doo-doo. Not to mention the Repubs will be swift-boating their own candydate. You think not? Just watch...

The O-man still has a steep uphill climb ahead of him. He'll be playing down the "bitter" comment and Rev. Wright. And will begin actually introducing himself to people who haven't paid any attention to him because they've been in the thrall of Clinton-mania [yeah like the Bay City Rollers-mania, strong but shortlived] or distracted by shiny things.

Once it's really down to two candydates, odd things will happen... mark my words. So, take a deep breath and relax. [But keep an eye open for lone gunmen...]

@Canuckledragger: Don't disparage the Bay City Rollers. Remember how they came back in the end to win the Democratic nomination, AND recorded a hit record in the same month?

You watch - Hillary's in the studio right now recording a folk rock dance pop hit, produced by Mark Penn and Hannah Montana.

@Canuckledragger:

I kinda agree, but...Rove proved that if all you care about is winning an election one can get a chia pet elected.

@AfghanVet: I am highly offended. Your post disparages Chia pets. What do you have against Chia pets?

If I were a Republican (shudder), I would be so pissed at my fellow primary voters right. McCain is Dole Redux. A born fucking loser.

At least someone like Romney would make things interesting and completely infuriate Democrats every day. Haha, jackasses...

lol How funny was that classic Barry/Grandpa Simpsonesque exchange yesterday, though?

McCain: Hamas supports Barry.

Obama: I think McCain has lost his bearings.

McCain: HOW DARE YOU CALL ME OLD!!!

Obama: Huh?

@FMIKEA:

I humbly apologize for my gross mischaracterization. I meant only to make a point. However, I will say that I would vote for a Chia Pet before Bush or McCain.

God, I actually agree with Republicans about something!

@Dramatist: Can't feasibly reanimate Reagan's corpse?

I don't see why not...they reanimated Dick Cheney's corpse to serve as VP, and he's been quite lively!

Plus, Strom Thurmond was dead for his last 5 years in Congress. Trust me, they are good at this kind of thing.

@AfghanVet: Well, yeah, that goes without saying. Chia Head '08!

Alan Keyes is on a ballot someplace?

Well...doing a quick Google check I see he got 13,500 votes in North Carolina, so I guess it's true.

Said check also reveals that members of the American Independent Party (which was launched as the vehicle for George Wallace's run in '68) are looking into the prospect of Keyes running on their ticket come November.

See, Rev. Wright - there has been progress in the last 40 years.

@Canuckledragger:you've just dated yourself, Canuck, what with your "Bay City Rollers" reference. A short ride, yes, but what a sweet ride it was.

@georgia_peach: How did they solve the zombification and the flesh eating in Strom Thurmond? I mean, I know Cheney still eats human babies as snacks, but Strom Thurmond was just a racist, not a zombie.

I too spend a lot of time thinking about Obama's ass.

In pretty much any primary election series of recent vintage, once the winner clinches, he still only gets about 70-80% of the vote. Happened in 1996 to Clinton against LaRouche and to the guys from both parties in 2000.

A good example:
KENTUCKY

Primary Election: May 28, 1996

Clinton, Bill D 211,667 76.68
"Uncommitted" D 44,028 15.95
LaRouche, Lyndon H., Jr. D 20,324 7.36
Total Party Votes: 276,019

NORTH CAROLINA

Primary Election: May 7, 1996

Clinton, Bill D 461,434 80.65
No Preference D 69,790 12.20
LaRouche, Lyndon D 40,936 7.15
Total Party Votes: 572,160

We can assume that LaRouche wasn't that strong -- more that some people would vote for anyone before voting for their party's standard bearer, for whatever reason....

And the same 25% still support Chimpy McFuzzknuckles despite the towering achievement of producing the worst presidency since Warren Harding. Good luck with your base, Gramps!

@georgia_peach: But there's just not enough supply of babies to feed them all. As long as Cheney is alive...and that is forever...he has first dibs.

...now if only the Democratice candidate *COUGH* "BARACK OBAMA" *COUGH* "BARACK OBAMA" could focus on taking advantage of this!

@Canuckledragger: Agreed, one of my friends is a diehard Republican who watches Faux News every night who'll never vote for Clinton or McCain. The right wing has done such a great job demonizng McCain throughout the years that he turned my friend into an Obamacan. So it's ironic that the same blowhards are now trying to get their followers to vote for McCain.

John McCain will prove to be the most pathetic and complete loser in the history of GOP presidential politics. He is the walking dead. All the repubs standing for re-election are also the walking dead. November will resemble an insecticide spill in a nest of cockroaches. And, I'm really gonna let my vengeful yearnings revel in the spectacle.

@freakishlystrong:I know! It's fun to agree with Republicans sometimes. Last week I took my 3 year old to a barber shop for a haircut. They had Fox news on, of course, and were talking about Hillary. I told Chet (yes that's his name) that I really can't stand her and we totally comisserated over that. Now things might not have gone so well if I had mentioned that I voted for the secret Muslim terrorist (the man was holding scissors close to the kid's ears, after all), but still. Next time I'll try talking smack about Old Man, see how that goes.

@NoWireHangers: Especially his ass in jeans.

@AngryBlakGuy: he is! The Blitzer interview was a nice little kick-start.

Its all his cunt-elitist wife's fault
THAT MAKEUP PASTING CUNT TROLLOP !!

The Sound of Ageism

Hillary
I am sixty going on seventy

Barry, it's time to think

You're bitter and square, elitist and doubtful

Barry, you're on the brink

Barry
You are sixty going on seventy

Choking on all your phlegm

Eager old lads, rogues, terr'rists and cads

Will wake you at three a.m.

Totally unenthused are you

For the Obama presidency
Cackly and dry and scared are you

Of things beyond cookies

You need someone younger and wiser

Telling you what to do

I am forty going on fifty

I'll take over for you.

McCain
I am seventy, going on eighty
I wear my diapers in stealth
But I've been to war, I know how to score
And I'm wed to the Goddess of Wealth.

You need someone invested in Pfizer
Telling you where to bomb
I am seventy, going on eighty,
Plus, I've still got my mom.

(...Did I mention, I've still got my mom......?)

Poor Mike Huckabee. He lost all that weight and he's still treated like a fatty.

@san antone rose: And Mike Huckabee stayed fat.

Walnuts just gives the Republicans a thin veneer of plausible electability behind which they can hide their REAL candidate, masquerading as Walnuts' VP. At worst, this as-yet-unnamed minion of eeeevil will reprise the role of puppetmaster from the bowels of Cheney's bunker. At best, McReallyold strokes out five months into his term and our new dark overlord steps forward from the shadows.

As I've been saying since February. It's over. Hopey (barring undodged sniper fire) is our new prez.

Every single throw-the-bums out indicator is at the top of the chart for the Republicans. You could dig up the ghost of Lee Atwater and combine his DNA with Rove's, and they'd lose by 10 points.

AND, they're going to be down at least two seats in the Senate and prolly 20 in the House.

@Lazy Media: Are you counting Joe Lieberman?

@trigley: Didn't people say the same thing in 2004?

I'm pretty sure Hitler was also disliked by 25% of his party as well...

@kavits001:
It's sort of like Opposite Day for these people, all the time now, right?

@Canuckledragger:
Canadian air is so much clearer. You got it exactement! Barry should not adopt Spitzer's *I'm a Fucking Steamroller, Baby* motto, however.

Yet, strangely, this endears WALNUTS to me. A little, anyway.

Since the Democratic primary race is finished, it's time to test out my new slash-circle: []

Eh.

@Eac_o_System: It kind of looks like you're trying to ban John Larroquette, but given the context of these threads I think everyone will catch your drift.

@Cape Clod: Don't you know smoking' Joe is really Eyore? A sad jackass who adores Heffalumps. I hope he runs with McCain, discredit the whole gang of woozels.

@Dramatist: Actually, he just works in a toy store now.